After an annoyed Sebastian storms out of Home Ec and leaves Kurt with their 'bag of flour baby', Kurt runs after him to find out what's wrong. Things come to a head, and they have to decide if they're going to continue this relationship…or end it.
This is uploaded as the second part to 'And Baby Makes…Muffins' since it happens right after. Part of a series that is now called "He Was My Almost", about Sebastian living next door to Skank!Kurt at Dalton.
Bad Dreams
A Compromised Position
The Bedroom Arrangement
Mutually Amenable
Jack Daniels and Heartaches
Text Messages and Failing Calculus
And Baby Makes…Muffins
"Sebastian! Hey, Sebastian! Hold up!"
Sebastian hears Kurt, but he doesn't wait for him. He needs some distance. He needs some time to think. He got a five minute head start out of class, leaving Kurt in the dust, though he's barely doing more than walking at a brisk pace.
"Sebastian!" Kurt calls. "Come on! I want to talk to you."
Sebastian holds his head higher, makes his strides longer. He wants to stop, he wants to hear what Kurt has to say, and for that reason, he forces himself to keep going.
They can't have this conversation here – not in the crowded hallway.
A few seconds after Sebastian left Home Ec, Kurt decided to go after him, rather than let him storm grumpily out of class. But Mr. Heckler caught Kurt at the door and asked him for the day's assignment, telling him he couldn't leave class until he handed it in. As it turns out, Mr. Heckler actually does have a vague notion that Kurt's in his class. Kurt, having caught only the last fifteen minutes of the lecture (and even then, not paying a lick of attention), had to return to his seat to finish the assignment.
Thank heavens for Nick.
Determined to 'help love along', as he put it, he let Kurt copy off his paper so that he could catch up with Sebastian. Nick has the neat, bubble-lettered handwriting of a stereotypical sixteen-year-old girl, so it was easy for Kurt to knock the assignment out in under a minute.
"Thanks a bunch, Nick," Kurt said after he turned in his assignment sheet and went back for his books. "That's good looking out."
It wasn't one of Kurt's more heartfelt thank yous. In fact, it sounded, to his own ears, like something Puck would say. But it was well received, with Nick nodding and grinning exuberantly, as if Kurt had just told him that he had saved his life. Kurt would have found a way to act more grateful if only Nick hadn't stared at him like a moony-eyed anime character the entire time.
Kurt raced out of the classroom and caught sight of Sebastian around the bend that leads to the dorms. He was sure Sebastian would wait up for him when he heard him calling his name. He always does. But so far it seems like he's speeding up.
Kurt hurries down the main corridor, deftly avoiding a sophomore who drops his books in Kurt's path when the boy trips on his untied shoelace.
"Hey, Smythe! That was uncool leaving me in Home Ec with our unbaked child," Kurt continues, unfazed by the looks he's getting from other boys he passes in the hall. Kurt doesn't care about any of them.
There's really only one other person at Dalton whose opinion matters to him at all beside his own, and that person won't stop walking.
Kurt thought his remark would get a laugh from Sebastian. If not, then a flash of Sebastian's unamused eyes, but Sebastian doesn't look back, and he doesn't slow down. Walking several feet apart, they make it to Sebastian's room without Sebastian saying a single word, which is atypical enough, but his rigid shoulders and back, his tense neck, his clenched jaw - they tell Kurt something is wrong, and Kurt wonders for a second if it has something to do with Kurt mentioning the phone call from his dad. Maybe Sebastian's dad texted him? The man rarely calls. He's found it's more efficient to be a horrible father via text message than it does when he wastes the time to phone. "What's your deal, Smythe? Why are you acting so weird?"
Sebastian has a comeback queued up for that question, but as he approaches his door and opens his mouth, he realizes he's too tired and fed up to quip with Kurt about this.
"I'm not acting weird," Sebastian says.
"Okay," Kurt says, "if you want to play the semantics game, why are you being a jerk?"
Sebastian starts fighting with his key in the lock, jamming it in where it doesn't fit comfortably anymore.
"Maybe…urgh…because I don't…mmph…want to do this anymore," Sebastian grumbles, fumbling with his lock, which has become sticky over time from the use of Kurt's questionable counterfeit key. If Kurt had just let Sebastian make him a legit copy when he offered, then maybe he could get into his room on the first try.
"What do you mean," Kurt says, slamming a hand against the door and pressing it there, keeping the door flush to the frame so Sebastian can get his lock to function, "you don't want to do thisanymore?"
Sebastian doesn't answer, occupied with his locked door, but in Kurt's mind, he already has.
"You mean, me, right?" Kurt concludes. "You don't want to do me anymore, is that it? You want this…this whatever the fuck we've been doing to be over?"
Sebastian sighs, finally turning his key, the worn piece of metal nearly bending in half and the lock clicking over with an unpleasant chunking sound. He knows he should have had the lock replaced a while ago. But if he did, Kurt's key wouldn't work…and what if Kurt didn't want a key to the new lock?
"You're such a frickin' idiot, do you know that, Hummel?" Sebastian says, shoving the door open. "Did you come to that conclusion all by yourself? Or did your little friend Puck help you out?"
"Well, what the hell else do you mean?" Kurt asks, ignoring the derogatory inclusion of his friend into the conversation, knowing Sebastian's only mentioning Puck to lead the conversation a different way.
Dodge, evasion, and redirection. That's the Sebastian Smythe playbook for these types of conversations - ones that might be important, that might prove there's something between them more than snarky remarks, getting high, and fucking.
"I don't know," Sebastian says, walking into his room and chucking his book bag to the floor, "but you seem to have it all worked out, so no need for me to explain it to you."
Kurt shakes his head. He's not flustered by Sebastian's attitude. It's true to who he is. Kurt's livid that he let himself get drawn in this way. Puck has nothing to do with Kurt's doubts. Kurt had heard rumors about Sebastian from the day he moved in, about him being a player, about his pranks and his schemes, all of which had been conveniently overlooked by the administration because of his father's clout, but Kurt chose to ignore them. Kurt had been hoping for a playmate, but he was picky. He wasn't just looking for a willing piece of ass. He wanted someone who could keep up with him, physically and intellectually, but who he would be in no danger of falling for. Sebastian was perfect in that capacity – front runner for valedictorian and probably the hottest guy on campus. With his tremendous ego and tragic taste in hairstyles, Kurt didn't think he could see himself ever liking Sebastian in a romantic way. Kurt was no lover's fool.
Look where that got him.
"Always with the smart ass remarks," Kurt snaps back. "I should have known better. I should have kicked you out of my room that first night. I should have stopped this all before I started sneaking around with you."
"You're finally getting it," Sebastian says with a sarcastic laugh that creeps up Kurt's back and claws his skin.
Puck did warn Kurt about the dangers of mixing – religions, races, yearly incomes. He said it was a cruel fact of life that some things just don't match up, no matter how hard you want them to. Of course, that was after his own break up with his girlfriend, Quinn, who happens to be Christian when Puck is Jewish, and also happens to be from a wealthy family while Puck is the eldest son of divorced parents, himself holding down a job to make ends meet. Kurt knows Puck is jaded, so he wasn't dumb enough to take his crap to heart.
But he probably should have a little.
"Am I?" Kurt asks, backing away toward the door, unsure if what he's feeling in his stomach is a need to scream or hurl. "I see. So, I was never good enough for you to date in public, but now I'm not even good enough to fuck behind closed doors anymore, is that it?"
Sebastian sighs. He doesn't hear everything Kurt says, struggling to find words that meld with the thoughts that he wants to express – thoughts he should have expressed before.
"You're right," Sebastian admits with a resolute nod. "You're absolutely right."
Kurt's parrying remark stops on the way to his lips. He knows Sebastian can be cruel, but Kurt never expected him to say it outright like that, not to his face. He thought Sebastian might bullshit him, keep the burnt bridge between them intact enough to cross so he can keep their fuck buddy arrangement going. But no. Not Sebastian Smythe. Even with his reputation for being a conniving asshole, he can still get all the ass he wants. Which makes Kurt no different from any one else at this school, regardless of what he thought was going on behind their locked bedroom doors.
He should have known.
"Yeah, well, fuck you!" Kurt says, turning for the door. "Fuck you to hell!"
"Kurt!" Sebastian grabs Kurt's right wrist, then his left as his fist comes flying towards Sebastian's face.
"Fuck you, Sebastian!" Kurt growls, tugging to get his wrists free. "Get off me, you fucking son-of-a…"
"You still don't get it!" Sebastian says, raising his voice and shaking Kurt to get his attention. When Kurt doesn't calm down, when he refuses to listen, Sebastian changes tactics. He draws Kurt in, fighting like mad, and holds his hands to his chest. "Maybe I don't want to hide, Kurt," he says, pressing his forehead to Kurt's as best he can without getting butted in the nose. "Maybe…maybe I don't want this to be a secret. Maybe it would be nice if people knew about us."
"What about us, exactly?" Kurt asks, eyelids narrowing, wondering if this is one of Sebastian's schemes. He doesn't pull them on Kurt anymore, but he does to other people from time to time. He seems to have a scheme specially planned for every student on campus, and some of the teachers, too, devised to get exactly what he wants. It wouldn't be too big a stretch to pull one over on Kurt. Or are they truly past that now?
"That I like you," Sebastian says softly. "That I want to be with you. That I want people to know, like that Puck friend of yours, that you belong with me."
Kurt looks at Sebastian, still angry, but stunned.
"Well, maybe I want that, too," Kurt says, fighting to get Sebastian to let him go, but Sebastian doesn't.
He has no intention of letting him go again.
"You never told me that," Sebastian says, calmly wrapping an arm around Kurt's waist.
Kurt relaxes into Sebastian's hold on him, because no matter how angry Kurt is, this is where he wants to be – in Sebastian's arms.
"You didn't ask."
Sebastian laughs. "When's the last time I had to ask before you told me what you wanted?"
"I…I wasn't going to tell you," Kurt admits, "because…" Kurt doesn't want to get emotional, but he'd only recently admitted this to himself, and even then, he didn't write it down or say it out loud. That way, it didn't actually exist. It couldn't exist if the only evidence of it was inside his own head and heart. He didn't think he'd have to admit it to Sebastian so soon, if ever.
"Because?" Sebastian asks when Kurt's explanation stalls.
Kurt stares at Sebastian. He shakes his head, lips parted, trying to decide whether or not he wants to let the words out, because once they're out, he can't take them back.
"You're the only thing I want that I was afraid I wouldn't be able to have," Kurt says, no longer fighting to be free. "Because I can't just have you. You have to want me, too."
"I do want you," Sebastian whispers. I…" He starts to say something else, but doesn't finish, his mouth finding Kurt's and kissing him as if Kurt might still consider leaving if he doesn't.
They don't kiss often, don't make it a requisite precursor to sex, and when they do, it's usually raw and dirty – remarkable but otherwise unnecessary. So this - this tenderness that Sebastian's showing Kurt - is so foreign, it feels like they're kissing for the first time. When Sebastian starts to pull away, Kurt doesn't want him to go, and not because his entire body is on fire, aching to be touched, not because his pants have gotten tighter along with his chest, that's caging a heart beating so fast it's about to break loose any second. He doesn't want Sebastian to go because that kiss was the summation of everything that tadpole gay Kurt Hummel forgot he someday wanted, and apparently someday is today.
"Are you serious?" Kurt asks.
Sebastian nods, the strands of Kurt's lime green bangs tickling his face as he runs the tip of his nose over Kurt's.
"Yes," Sebastian says. "I don't think I've been more serious about anything in a while."
Kurt whispers, "Okay," and kisses Sebastian again. It's just a brush, just to make certain that Sebastian means what he's saying, because those few words have the potential to change everything between them, and Kurt wants that. He needs this not to be a joke.
"So, what do we do now?" Kurt asks.
Sebastian smiles in an instant. "Have sex with me?" he offers.
"You mean, we haven't been having sex this whole time?" Kurt jokes. "Then what were all the blow jobs and the handies and the…"
"You know what I mean," Sebastian says, squeezing Kurt tight. "It's not the same as being inside you, or having you inside me."
"I know," Kurt says with a small smile, a touch bashful for the first time that Sebastian's ever seen. "And I want you like that. I want you so bad," Kurt groans, throwing his head back dramatically, "you have no idea."
"I know," Sebastian laughs, pulling at the shoulder of Kurt's blazer. "So, let's go. What's the hold up?"
"Well" – Kurt grabs Sebastian's hand to stop him from removing his clothes – "It's just…" Kurt nibbles his lower lip, wondering - if it's a choice between having sex with Sebastian and this other thing he wants - if he's picking the wrong thing.
"Just what?"
"There's something else I want more."
"Name it," Sebastian says.
Kurt decides to tell him. He's already made his hardest confession. What does he have to lose? It can't be wrong if it's what he really wants.
Besides, Sebastian said he wants people to know.
Kurt moves out of Sebastian's embrace, whining as he forces himself out of his arms. He takes Sebastian's hand and pulls him toward the door. Kurt might very well be moving this party to his room, but the look in his eyes says different, and Sebastian understands.
"Will you do this with me?" Kurt asks.
"Is that what you want?"
"Yes," Kurt says, reaching behind him for the doorknob. "This is what I want."
"Then let's go, Hummel," Sebastian says, following him to the door. "Let's go make spectacles of ourselves."
On the outskirts of the lacrosse field, a group of underclassmen on the JV team, doing warm-ups, spot Kurt and Sebastian strolling by. The sophomores and juniors stop mid-sprint, judgmental twists forming on their lips as they watch their Varsity co-captain walk hand-in-hand with the boy that same co-captain used to call the 'green-haired miscreant from a low-class public school'. They whisper and giggle, and Kurt glares them down. Sebastian, knowing he's mostly the cause of the fuss, raises Kurt's hand to his mouth and kisses it, making sure everyone looking their way can see.
"So, shall we take another lap around campus?" Sebastian asks, his lips moving up Kurt's arm. "Or do you think enough people have seen us?"
"I think" - Kurt softens his glare at the boys to look at his boyfriend (?) Kurt doesn't know if they're going to go so far as to put a label on this, though it doesn't matter if they ever do – "we should go back to your room, because if I remember correctly, there was talk about having sex on the table."
"Oh, there was definitely talk about having sex on the table," Sebastian says, pulling Kurt's arm and bringing him closer until they're walking with no space between them, "but I think the bed might be more comfortable."
Kurt laughs and slugs Sebastian lightly on the shoulder. Sebastian doesn't move an inch away to dodge the hit.
"Oh, just take me back to your room and fuck me, Bas," Kurt says, not necessarily for other ears to hear, but a few heads snap their way.
"Your wish is my command," Sebastian says, laughing at the dropped jaws that follow their departure. "So, what should I call you now that we're together? Snookums? Sweet cheeks? Love muffin?"
Kurt doesn't look at the obnoxious boy he's leading in his rush to get back to Sebastian's room.
"Only if you want to lose a testicle, Smythe."
Sebastian snickers. "Alright…Pookie Bear," he prods with a confident smile on his face. Kurt can come after his testicles all he wants. That doesn't mean he's going to get one.
Besides, if he tries, it might put Kurt right where Sebastian wants him.
"Right or left, Sebastian," Kurt says, just as confidently and picking up the pace, "you get to decide."