Ch 2. Icosahedron (Spencer's Water)

Ugh. Sunday morning. If there is one thing I hate more than Sunday morning it's Monday morning. I stretch out. It feels so good. Arms spread like an eagle ready to fly. If only these tridents weren't buried in my sides. Maybe I could fly. Six long months and I'm still caught in the waves.

I should get up. I should go out. I should walk in the park. I want to go for a swim, but the October chill makes it impossible.

I walk to the washroom to relieve myself. I turn on the faucet. Wash my hands. Again and again. I turn it off. I see myself in the mirror. I see this face. The one I wear today.

I turn the water on again. Wash my hands. Again and again. I see myself in the mirror. I don't like it.

I splash my face. It's the same.

"She would hate this hair cut." I say aloud. My voice fills the empty vacuum of this lonely apartment. Six months, no fresh air.

I look down. See the water swirling still. I wash my hands. Again and again. I turn the handle to the left. The flood becomes a spray, and then nothingness.

I look in the mirror. My hair, so short. Fluffy, all over the place. Like a child who's big brother ruffled it out of love or hate. Love and hate. Hate or love?

I turn the water on. I wash my hands. Again and again.

I lose my breath as my bare foot hit the kitchen floor. The marble is not as forgiving as the carpet. I grab the kettle. I feed my addiction. A healthy brew. Tea. My new healing ritual.

"Hello Pegaea," I say to my feisty little fish. "I'm sure you're hungry." I open the lid to her food. I give a few drops. Again and again. The light dances across her midnight blue and black body. I give her a few drops. Again and again. She swims up to eat. I give her a few drops. Again and again.

I bend down to watch her. I see myself in her tank. A new face. Two reflections? I look behind me. Ashley is not standing there. I look in the tank again.

The tanks tide catches me. Pulls me to another place.

"Hun, are you sure you want this one? It's ugly." She says with disdain in her voice.

"No its not Ash, its adorable."

"But Spence this one's pretty pink with yellow stripes. And this one is has a royal blue gradient to it."

"I like this one."

"Why?"

"You don't remember?" I smile as I remember her shaking her head in confusion. I giggle to myself, as I remember giggling at the memory. I like this face. The face in this memory.

"What?" she asks.

"Nothing." I smirk again, just like the smirk I gave her that day. I move in remembrance of the playful nudge she gave me.

"Spill."

"Its just. It's the same as the one-" She didn't let me finish. Her face changed to embarrassment, I tried to suppress my laugh.

"Hey, that little fish was mean." She'd said in defense. Mock fear on her face.

"Ash," I could barely stop laughing. "it wasn't any bigger than your fist."

"Why are you torchering me?"

"Cause you're letting me." I grinned. "Its not everyday you watch your girlfriend be chased by a Siamese Fighting fish."

"It didn't chase me. It scared me." She gently pushed me.

"You swam so fast," I was laughing heartily. I was happy.

"You weren't exactly a calm duck yourself, there love."

"You hurt me."

"I didn't mean to it scared me." She protested with apology, "Now you want to take one of them home."

I didn't let her fraudulent tone daunt me. "I'd rather think of her as a memory of the heat that made her chase you."

Her face changed from a flesh tone to a bright red. "Can I help it if I cant get enough of you?" The momentary shyness in her face was replaced with a mischievous look of Silenus.

The next thing I knew my bare back was up against the cold glass in the corner of the pet shoppe. The fighting fish were stored in a room to themselves, at the back, so I never worried about getting caught.

Ashley kissed me deeply. Her hands found there way up my back, unclasping the strap that held me up. Her release set free my femininity. My blood pumped like the ocean surf as she drank deeply of my breasts. I was so cold and so hot at the same time. She kissed her way back up to my neck. And stopped. She pulled away.

"Hun don't stop." I begged.

"It's looking at me." She said warily. I turned to see her reflection next to mine. The little fighter between us.

"Woah," she cried.

"She cant see you down here." I pulled Ashley on top of me. And she regained her passion. She flooded me with her saliva. Tongue drawing circles, waves, bolts down my abdomen. She tore my jeans off me as though Dionysus himself were urging her on.

I scarcely think he had to. My moans of delight had that covered.

She gently ran her fingers up my inner thigh.

I could feel my fluids backing up within in me. The cold marble floor sent shivers through my body. Her's on top of me, inside of me coursed heat. My body was an oxymoron on the verge of explosion. Her fingers thrust deep with in me. Tongue trilling against my core creating sweet melodies like Pan.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it any more the river with in me bust through. And I let out a cry. She raced to fill my scream with her tongue.

I could taste our love.

It seemed so right. I panted for a few moments. Elation flooding my soul. When I found my voice I said, "Oh, we so have to get that fish now." She subscribed speedily.

A high pitch mist pulled me from my memory. I looked to the kitchen. Tea.

"Oh, Pagaea, we are diseased with out them aren't we?"

Again, the cold marble took my breath away.

I took out a glass. Replaced it. Took it out. Replaced it. Took it out. Filled it. Slowly I poured. Then a bit more. And a third time and a fourth and finished.

The sunlight drenched the blue tile on the the breakfast table. It's her favorite time of day. Memories of mornings on that table flood me. I stumble.

"What the?" I look down. No. I've made a mess. No no. I place the up on the table and return to fix the disaster on the floor.
There she is. Six months and she is still here. But she's not. She will never be gone but she is. I've been trying to throw this box away for months. But I cant.

So many memories. So many faces. So many versions of us. I flip through the pictures in the box. If the tide could sweep me away I would let it. And it would wash me up to this memory. To this face. To this girl. I would be that girl again.

Before the tear escapes my ducts I put the pictures away. I collect the things that scattered. I reach over to put it all back and my had hits the pink ball and it rolls away.

I stand to fetch it. I smirk a little as I pick up Ashley's pink Magic D8 Ball. Only Ashley would put faith in a Tyco toy. Trusting the face of a little die swimming in blue liquid.

I shake my head. How did I ever love her? And why am I lying to myself now? I still lover her. Six months and I am doggy paddling with out her.

"Magic eight ball," I say shaking it gently. "Will it ever be right?"

Reply hazy, try again.

"Magic eight ball, can I forgive her?"

Concentrate and ask again.

I breath in deep, "Magic eight ball, can I forgive her?"

Cannot predict now.

"Magic eight ball, will she come back?"

Better not tell you now.

"Magic eight ball," I say after several seconds. "Can we be fixed?"

My sources say no!

"Stupidly bloody toy," I say throwing it across the room. It smashes into the wall. I take a deep breath, and go to clean it.

There is a knock at the door.

I glace over. The knock is louder. I look through the hole. I cant believe what I see. I reach for the knob, but I cant turn it.

A louder knock, and I try to turn the knob. I cannot.

A louder knock, and "Spencer, its me, will you please open the door." The sound of her voice swells tears in my eyes.

I reach for the knob a third time.