Ethan leant back on a brick wall halfway to the ED- trying to slow his breathing down. Was it really a good idea to go back? He couldn't bear the thought of seeing Dixie. He effectively killed her husband, what must she think of him now? Would she hate him forever? Would she blank him? After a few minutes of deep thought, he decided to go back anyway. He needed to make it seem as if nothing was wrong. He continued to lean on the wall, thinking of all he had to do to seem okay. 10 minutes later, he really was going to be late, so ran the rest of the way there.
He rushed into the ED, to various smiles and waves. He ignored them all.
"Dr. Hardy, you're late." Connie's voice became an echo inside his head. He didn't respond. He just strode, into the staff room, and got ready. Determined not to let anything get to him. Not today. He needed to be normal.
"I thought you said you weren't going to be late?" Cal questioned, laughing.
"Leave it, Caleb." Ethan remarked, leaving his brother taken aback as Ethan pushed past him. He walked into the area by cubicles to pick up some patient notes. He just wanted to work. To get back to normal. To forget about Jeff.
"Hey, stranger!" He heard a voice from behind him. It was Zoe. Ethan smiled back- a fake smile. He didn't want to talk. They all must be thinking horrible things about him. About the crash. "Good to see you!" She added.
Did she really think it was good to see me? I killed Jeff! He brushed off this thought, and put it down to kindness.
"You too, Zoe." Ethan smiled again, hoping Zoe wouldn't realise it was fake, but she did- much to Ethan's annoyance.
"Everything okay?" She asked, worried for the young doctor.
"Fine. I really have to work, though." Zoe received the message, and walked off, leaving Ethan to gain strange looks from Rita and Robyn, who were standing mere meters away.
"What!" Ethan nearly shouted at the two nurses before walking past them to a patient waiting in cubicles. He just wanted to go back home. To drown his sorrows in a pint of alcohol- maybe more. He didn't care.
It really wasn't a good idea to be back. He pondered.
"What's up with him?" Rita whispered to Robyn.
"No idea." Robyn replied. Genuinely, she was slightly worried about the doctor. It was his first day back, and he seemed different. She passed it off as the crash having a bad effect on him- as did Rita. Technically, they were right. The crash did have a bad effect on him, but not in the way they thought.
Ethan finished with his patient, and sent her home. He threw the patient notes down on the desk and put his head in his hands, trying to slow down his breathing. It was getting faster and faster, matching his raising heartrate.
"Ethan, you okay?" Lofty asked, scared.
Ethan wasn't expecting this, and nearly jumped out of his skin. "Get lost." Ethan retorted, before striding off to a bench outside the ED. He felt faint, he felt like death. He was shaking, visibly shaking, he couldn't breathe. His mind went blank, his heart was racing. Sounds became muffled around him. Then he saw it. The image of the crash. Screeching brakes, glass smashing around him. Screams, many screams. Dizziness. Darkness.
"Eth?" Lofty had sat beside him. "Ethan, breathe!" Ethan was hyperventilating; he didn't know Lofty was sitting beside him. "Ethan!?" Lofty shouted, snapping Ethan out of his thoughts. His shaking became visibly worse, and Lofty was scared for him. It looked like cool, calm Ethan was having a panic attack. "Ethan, you need to try and steady your breathing, okay? In 1, 2, 3, out 1, 2, 3…" Lofty repeated this until Ethan was getting calmer, and thank god for that. "You okay?" Lofty asked, again. Ethan knew there was no logical answer after what Lofty just saw, but he went back to the old way of answering tough questions like that.
"Fine, just leave me alone." Ethan walked back into the ED, and continued with his work, eager to get back home and have a drink. Why couldn't people just leave him alone?
Lofty wasn't convinced by the answer Ethan gave, so decided to find Cal. He thought Cal would know what was up with Ethan, after all, they are brothers.
"Cal?" Lofty called.
"What is it?" Cal turned around to see a terrified Lofty stood before him.
"Can I have a word?" Lofty sounded worried, and Cal saw this worry, and nodded, scared. "Well, er… Ethan looked like he just had a panic attack." He came straight out with it, deciding not to add sugar to the pill- how could he?
"Ethan?" Cal knew this wasn't like Ethan. "Are you sure it was a panic attack? Ethan doesn't get them."
Lofty nodded, obviously concerned. "It was. Can you have a word with him? He doesn't seem himself."
"Yep, in fact, why not now." Cal saw Ethan walk up, opposite the desk, in the main area by cubicles. Hoe was he going to approach his struggling brother?
How will Ethan react if Cal confronts him? Find out soon… and, as ever, please review and tell me what you think!