Cas's Logical Suggestion, Chapter 2
By CastielLovesDean
Warning: part of this chapter may be offensive to religious people, particularly Christians.
Sometime past midnight, Dean walked up to Bobby's front door. He had been attempting to clear his head at a local sports bar during a football game when one thing led to another and... well, it doesn't matter is it's God or fate or bad luck, but he always manages to get covered in blood, dirt, and other miscellaneous filth. Dean wiped his hands on his jeans and opened the door, hoping (not praying – never praying) that everyone would be asleep and Cas would be elsewhere. Of course, Dean's luck isn't that good.
Sam, Bobby, and Castiel were hanging out in the living room having what must have been quite the conversation when Dean entered the house. He truly believed he'd be able to skulk upstairs without anyone noticing his presence, but he was wrong. Before he even shut the door, the conversation stopped, and Sam could be heard asking, "What's the matter, Cas?"
"Dean's back," he stated.
Dean groaned to himself in exasperation, but shut the door and trudged forward, determined to get upstairs and shower without incident. Once again, he was wrong.
"Dean?" Sam exclaimed, sounding concerned at Dean's appearance.
"What the Hell happened to you?" Bobby demanded.
"Oh, you know," Dean responded casually, "sports bar, hot waitresses, dead football fans pissed that the Cowboys won; the usual."
"Of course," Sam mocked.
"Just another Sunday," Bobby chimed in.
"I'm gonna go upstairs and wash the ectoplasm out of my hair."
"Ya know," Bobby offered, "shampoo doesn't work on ectoplasm; get some Dawn from under the kitchen sink. Cuts right through that shit."
"Thanks," Dean said, dreading the detour to the kitchen, but opting to take the risk anyway.
Halfway through the living room, Cas stepped in front of him. "You never answered my question."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Dean lied, attempting to sidestep the Angel.
"You insist on someone taking my virginity, yet you refuse to claim it for yourself. I don't understand. Of all the one-night-stands with drunken barmaids and disease-ridden whores you've had in your life, why am I not good enough for you?"
"What?" Dean looked into Castiel's round, teary eyes, feeling less embarrassed and more guilty. He hadn't meant to make Cas doubt himself. "That's not-"
"Is my vessel unattractive?"
"No..."
"Have you recently become impotent?"
"No!" His face flushed at the snickers he could hear from Sam and Bobby.
"Then, what is it?"
"Well... you know..." Dean hinted.
Cas blinked in confusion, pouting patiently.
"I'm a man... you're a man..." Sort of...
Cas continued to stare at him as if that wasn't explanation enough.
"I'm not gay!" he declared, louder than he'd intended.
"I'm perfectly well aware of what you are and are not," Cas insisted.
"Then why are you confused?" Dean asked, irritated. Anyone who knows him knows he only does chicks, and Cas knows him as well as anyone. Possibly better.
"Sexuality is fluid, Dean. What confuses me is why you humans insist on breaking it down into two categories and forcing people to choose. It's not what my Father intended, and it's not natural," he finished in a huff.
"That's not what the Bible says."
"I told you before: your Bible gets many things wrong. And I happen to know from a reliable source that Leviticus was even worse than Luke."
"So, what, did God tell you that I'm gay?"
"I tried to explain to you before: there is no gay and straight. I believe your people use the metaphor, 'shades of gay.'"
"It's 'shades of gray,'" Dean corrected with a roll of his eyes, "and it doesn't matter, because there's an exception to every rule, and I'm the exception to this rule. I'm straight."
"Sam and Bobby are both straighter."
"What?"
"You overcompensate because of your insecurities regarding your sexuality."
Dean's jaw dropped. He couldn't believe Cas had just said that – and in front of Sam and Bobby, no less. "I am not having this conversation!" He stomped past the Angel, pretending that it didn't hurt when his shoulder smashed into Cas's. As quickly as he could, he grabbed the bottle of Dawn from Bobby's sink and took the back way to the stairs rather than risk running into Castiel again. Even though he ran up the stairs with his head ducked in mild embarrassment, he could tell that Sam and Bobby were even more amused now than they had been earlier when this whole mess had started.
His day had gone from bad to awful to terrible, and it was definitely all Cas's fault.
A/N: LOL, shades of gay. I really believe that, actually. I think it's silly to label ourselves and illogical to restrict our options by eliminating an entire gender from our personal mating pools. But maybe that's just me.
Little does Dean know that he'll be "taking the back way" later this morning, lol.
Reviews are love! (And inspiration; the more I get, the more I want to write, and the quicker I pump out chapters.)
Also, anyone who's seen or used to watch Captain Planet as a kid should read my story, Four Rings of the Apocalypse.