((A/N= Sorry for late updating! Thanks to all my viewers and for your kind reviews:)))
Lily had tried to stay away from Alice and Sophia during the feast, even though she knew it was no use. She would have to face them sooner or later. But she didn't feel ready to talk to anyone. Lily had been locked in an old lady's house for two whole weeks, doing nothing but stare out of the window with empty eyes. The kind lady's name was and she had gladly accepted Lily in her house since she had nowhere else to go. Petunia could have easily tell her to come and stay with her and her fiancé, Vernon Dursley but her sister didn't even want to see her face anymore. had been really kind to Lily and even though she had tried hard to cheer her up, Lily wasn't responding to anything, not kind words, not food, not sleep. Everything reminded her of her parents. She had stayed closed to herself, closed in her safe shell and the only one who could make her turn her cold eyes away from the window was her cat, Buttercup. She had locked all the pain inside her heart, trying to hide it and pretend that she was moving on, but it was killing her, it was killing her slowly and painfully like poison. The pain and sorrow was eating her heart piece by piece trying to escape, break away, and let it go. Something that Lily was refusing to do.
But Lily had gotten so used to the pain that she would be surprised if it would ever disappear. She just knew that it would always be there, reminding her that the two people that cared about her and loved her the most were gone somewhere that Lily couldn't reach them.
The girl looked at the chicken leg and salad in her plate reluctantly, in fact the sight of the food made her want to throw up, even if her stomach was empty. She pushed it away from her and rested her elbows on the table.
"For how long were you planning to ignore us?"
Lily turned her head around to see an irritated Alice whose blonde hair was falling on one shoulder and a sulky Sophia.
"We were worried about you!" Alice scolded Lily.
"We thought you were deadly injured and locked away in a hospital all by yourself! Even if you were selfish enough not to contact us, you should at least let us know that you were alright" Sophia added angrily, her large blue eyes slightly narrowing as she brushed away a strand of black hair.
Lily couldn't help but smile at her friend's reactions. She was emotionally touched. She didn't deserve them. She didn't deserve such good friends, especially after she had ignored them for two whole weeks.
"I love you, too guys" Lily replied calmly.
Alice's and Sophia's reactions didn't surprise her at the least. Alice took the seat right next to Lily while Sophia slipped some more chicken into Lily's plate, muttering something about Lily needing meet. Their faces, unlike of all of those strangers' that had come to Lily, were not showing any pity, but comfort and understanding.
"You look as pale as a ghost, Lils" said Alice, frowning. Though the fact that she didn't choose to say how sorry she felt for Lily made her see what a great friend Alice was.
"Thank you Alice, you look great, too" beamed Lily and her blonde friend smiled.
Everything was starting to get smoother after Alice and Sophia had joined Lily. At least now, Lily wasn't counting the seconds until she could go and get locked in her dormitory that as with much displeasure realized, she was going to share with Potter. Lily had even managed, unconsciously, putting some food in her empty stomach as the conversation between the three friends started heating up after Lily had told them who the Head Boy was.
"Merlin's beard! I think the age has finally hit Dumbledore straight to his head, otherwise why would he make Potter Head Boy?" asked Alice mockingly.
Lily didn't even bother to tell her to mind her words. Alice always had had a sharp tongue and would speak her mind, no matter what was in it. She was reckless and fiercely loyal. Sophia was more of a quite character, quiet and shy. While Alice would do anything to stand up for her principles and beliefs, Sophia didn't mind people doubting her as long she was doing what she knew was right. Their opposite personalities would usually collapse and lead them to some really nasty arguments. One of their many arguments was James Potter. Sophia believed that he deserved a chance while Alice believed that he deserved a punch. Lily mostly agreed with Alice on James Potter subjects. Besides, what chance did James deserve? He had finally come to terms with Lily. He was ignoring her as long she was ignoring him. It was the only thing James and Lily had ever agreed on.
"I actually think that James has proven himself" Sophia broke in with a stiff tone of voice, going for once again against Alice. "First of all, he is a talented student and he is also the reason that Gryffindor took the Quidditch cup last year and we will also take it this year since he was also chosen as the Quidditch Captain".
"I must remind you that Hogwarts is not all about quidditch, Sophia" replied Alice coldly.
"I know that it's not. I am just saying, this is one of the many things James is good at" Alice gasped at Sophia's respond furiously, her usual hot temper self would not let her lose this argument.
"Are you in love with him or something?"
"Of course, not!" said Sophia rapidly, blushing madly. "I am just being logical and not seeing everything as black and white as you do. Just because we don't like James Potter that doesn't mean that the rest of the school doesn't"
"You are not been logical! You are being mad!"Spat Alice angrily at Sophia.
Fortunately, Lily didn't have to break in to prevent any further fights; Dumbledore had taken care of that as with a clap of his hands the dessert that had replaced the food disappeared from the table. The students turned their attention to the Headmaster; the kind smile that always carried with him was directed to all of the students. His arms open wide, like he was ready to hug the whole Great Hall.
"Welcome old and new students! We are glad to have you all for another year at Hogwarts. Now that the summer has come to an end, I hope you are all ready to fill your heads with knowledge" said Dumbledore, his penetrating blue eyes glimmering behind his half moon spectacles.
"To all of you newcomers, I would like to point out that the entrance to the Forbidden Forest is forbidden and it's time for the old students to learn that as well" Lily heard someone snickering a few seats from her, she turned around to see James with his friends, Sirius, Remus and Peter looking at each other like they were sharing the same joke as they were trying hard not to burst out laughing. Lily shook her head in disapprove before turning her attention back to Dumbledore to hear the rest of his speech and good thing she did, because Dumbledore's merry face had been replaced by a serious mask that the Headmaster used only when there was a serious situation ready to be told.
"The Ministry wishes me to keep you in ignorance about the events that are happening or are about to happen. You see, they wish to keep you in ignorance to prevent panic. But I don't only see you as kids; I think that you deserve to know what really is going on outside the walls of Hogwarts. Voldemort is building an army" Students were turning their heads towards the ones who were sitting next to them and started whispering to each other like bees buzzing over a flower. Dumbledore waited for the buzzing to ease before carrying on with his speech.
"I am not telling this to frighten you or panic you. But there are some things that we all must be conscious about. Due to the hard times that are ahead of us all I respect you all enough to let you know that dark is approaching. During dark times though is when all of our most hidden selves are revealed and remember, no matter how dark it gets, happiness can still be found if only one remembers to turn on the lights"
Silence had fallen in the Great Hall; every head was turned towards the elder man with the silver beard. "I need you all to know, that Hogwarts is home to all of you who seek for one and nobody behind its wall and as far as it's in my hand will be harmed. I think I've kept you long enough, though. Your warm beds are waiting for you in your dormitories, let's get them filled"
"What was that all about?" asked Sophia quietly as she stood up from her seat followed by Lily and Alice.
"I think Dumbledore's right" muttered Lily solemnly. Every summer Lily would return back to her home, to the muggle world that seemed so untouched and far away from magic that Lily was almost forgetting what she truly was, only to be reminded after she would hear her sister muttering the word 'freak' through clenched teeth every time Lily was near. It seemed like there was a great wall that separated Lily's worlds. The wall separated the magic world Lily was a part of and the muggle world that Lily had been living into. The wall was broken the same night when deatheaters broke into her home uninvited, when her home's door was kicked open and five hooded figures appeared with wands in their hands.
That night her parents were in the living room watching television, late. Lily could still remember that when she had left them her father's and mother's fingers were entwined. When Lily heard the curses and screams from their living room she rushed down to the hall, or at least what it was left of it. The chandelier on the ceiling was broken and half of it had fallen on the beautiful red carpet her mother was so fond of. Most of the furniture was just a bunch of sticks. But the worst sight of all was the sight of her parents with their fingers still entwined, their eyes wide open, the horror pictured in them. Their dead bodies were on the floor, the one of her father's over her mother's like he had tried to protect his wife.
The deatheaters had no reason of doing this. Her parents were two normal, quite people that hadn't harmed anyone in their whole life, yet they were so brutally murdered. They had died because a bunch of deatheaters wanted to have fun.
"Things are indeed getting out of control" Lily completed her phrase, looking so pale and moody that Alice had asked her if she wanted to throw up. But truth to be said, Lily did feel like throwing up, maybe by emptying the little food that was in her stomach some of the pain would be erased, too, even temporally.
Fortunately for Lily, the Gryffindor prefects had taken care of leading the first years to the third floor where the portrait of the Fat Lady was waiting for them.
"Password?" asked the Fat lady.
"Dragon's blood" said Katy, Gryffindor's prefect in a clear voice.
The Fat Lady opened her portrait, revealing the Gryffindor Common with all its red and gold's. Time didn't seem to pass in Hogwarts. Everything was the same since Lily had stepped foot in its grounds when she was eleven. Though time did pass, Lily was no longer an eleven year old. She was no longer the curios little girl who wanted to touch and try everything in the castle.
"Aren't you coming with us?" asked Alice as she and Sophia headed towards the girls' dormitory and Lily didn't follow.
"The Heads have their own dorm" Lily frowned and Alice gave her an understanding look while Sophia was looking at her two friends highly amused.
Soon enough everyone was up in their dorms and Lily headed towards the stairs. At the left there were the boys' dormitories and at the right there were the girls' ones. There was another stair in front of her, though with just about five steps that led to a door that on it with gold letter was written the word, Heads.
Lily ascended the narrow steps and reached for the door's handle,though when she tried to open it, the door was stubbornly remaining closed.
"Pollyjuice Potion" the voice of James Potter said from behind her.
"Excuse me?" questioned Lily, turning to look at James with an eyebrow raised. The handle that was in her hand, turned around by itself and the door opened, revealing the dorm.
"It's the password" exclaimed James. "McGonagall told me"
Lily frowned as she got in the dormitory, being the golden Gryffindor boy; Captain of the Quidditch team had its benefits. One of them was the teachers' liking and learning the passwords before the other simple mortals did.
The Head's dorm was a miniature of the Common room. There was a beautiful marble fireplace with two armchairs by it. A small coffee table with two chairs was designed at the other side of the small but cosy dorm and at the back, there were two doors the led to the rooms and one that led to the bathroom.
Lily without saying goodnight to James picked the door that the word 'Head Girl' was written on and slammed it behind her. The small room contained a four-poster bed, a bed-side table and a large window. Lily's trunk was already placed in front of her bed.
The girl rapidly put on her nightdress before throwing herself on the bed. Her red hair, spread around the sheets and her eyes staring up at the ceiling. Slowly she curled herself on the bed in a fatal position. Half of her face was sunk in the soft, puffy pillow.
The thought that she would not get any owls this year from her parents, asking her if she was alright, that she wouldn't be home for Christmas made the tears stream down her face. Her fist was clenched around the soft pillow, now all of her face being sunk into it, the fabric of the pillow was swallowing her sobbing.
The month that had followed was as hard as it could get for Lily. She was emotionally damaged and even if she was doing her best to hide it from Alice and Sophia, her friends were not fooled. They knew that their friend was a mess and the fact that she was hardly eating didn't help either.
"You really must go to madam Pomfrey" said Alice for the tenth time that week when Lily started playing with the food in her plate.
"I am just fine! I don't need to go anywhere!" spat Lily angrily at her. This was the answer Alice was getting every time she was pointing out how Lily had ruined her health.
"Lily, the only one you are fooling is yourself. Look at yourself, look at what you have become!"
"I am perfectly fine, thank you very much!" replied Lily with an irritated tone of voice and the conversation ended there. Though Lily knew what her friends were seeing, she was looking at it, herself every morning in the mirror. She had become a zombie, her round face had become like a skull and her green eyes had lost their shine. Most of her clothes had become too big on her while her red hair was a messy mass around her head since she did not bother to brush it. The thing that had scared her friends the most though was the black circles that were under Lily's eyes and were never leaving. Lily didn't only have trouble when she was awake. The real torture was the nightmares every night.
It was the same nightmare over and over again. The corpses of her parents' bodies, their empty eyes that the horror was still pictured in them and the ruined living room were torturing her every night. Lily's frightened mind and imagination would add a little frightening detail every night as if to complete the nightmare. The menacing laugh of the deatheaters, the green light popping out of the tips of their wands, hitting her parents were those little details that made Lily wake up in the middle of the night with cold sweat running down her face.
But even though Lily had become a walking dead that didn't stop her from her homework, essays and duties. In fact she didn't mind the extra work of the Head Girl. Work, was the only thing that could distract her from the nightmares that haunted her even in the morning light. Lily seemed desperate to keep herself busy and she had literally moved in the Library. After a lot of days, madam Pince, the librarian had stopped frowning over her sight since she had gotten used to the redhead girl that always chose the table in the corner with a handful of books to then hide her face behind.
Lily's life was homework and head duties were she had to spend a few hours with James to patrol the corridors, take points and then give report to professor McGonagall. Fortunately, none of them seemed to want to open a conversation with each other, so they were greeting each other with a nod before turning to their work.
The last weekend before Halloween, Lily had spent it in the library until late at night, reading books about everything that possibly existed in the world of Charms and Potions. Charms were Lily's favorite lesson; it was the only lesson Lily didn't have to study hard to get a good grade.
As she was sitting there with her face buried behind her book, she sensed someone approaching from behind. Lily frowned as she placed her book on the table and turned her head around to come face to face with the boy with the greasy black hair and dark eyes that were fixed on her.
"Severus!" breathed Lily surprised as she jumped off of her seat, facing the boy. Surprise was pictured in her green eyes. Her and her former best friend had not talked to each other for a lot of time. The last time Lily had talked to Severus was when she was out of the Fat Lady's portrait at fifth year. Severus was there, trying to make her forgive him for calling her a 'mudblood'. But Lily's reasons for pushing Severus away were not only due to the fact that the boy insulted her. Severus Snape had changed, Lily had always noticed him being rather fond of dangerous dueling spells and powerful magic, but she would have never imagined him going so much deeper into these things that he would become fond of the Dark Arts and one of the darkest wizards that existed, the wizard whose followers murdered her parents.
"Lily" started Severus, biting his lip softly as if trying to choose the right words to say. "I am sorry about your parents. When I heard about what happened, I run to your home to find you, but you weren't there. For a moment…" Severus closed his eyes for a second as if dealing with things beyond his power. "…for a moment I thought you were dead"
There were a few seconds of silence after Severus' words sunk in. Lily was taken aback by his words. What Severus was saying and worst of all the way he was saying it, was against the picture Lily had worked so hard on to form, after Severus' big and illuminating changes. Lily hated when she had something sure and solid in her mind about something and someone would come uninvited to make her doubt it or ruin it and that's what Severus was doing right now. Lily's temper and bad emotional situation turned all the anger she had stored inside her towards the boy in front of her.
"You're sorry?" she question in a cold voice, worse than yelling. Severus narrowed his eyes but didn't step back at Lily's tone.
"You're sorry. What are you sorry about? Isn't You-Know-Who your new hero? Don't you support his and his followers' actions of slaughtering innocent people?" her voice was raising with each word and madam Pince and some other students that were in the library turned and looked at Lily half annoyed half curios.
"And what is it to you if I die? One less mudblood, nothing special" It was a hard blow; Lily could see it at how stony cold Severus' face had turned. Though she wasn't sure why. Lily had no idea about Severus' motives from doing this and that scared her and angered her at the same time.
"You don't know what you are talking about. You know nothing" muttered Severus, spitting his words at Lily.
That's when Lily lost it. Without thinking it, she grabbed the heaviest book that had fallen in her hands and threw it as hard as she could at Severus who even if he tried to step aside, the book hit him on his right arm.
"That's enough!" yelled madam Pince, hurrying over towards Severus and Lily, her eyes shooting flames at both of them. "That's it! OUT! OUT, BOTH OF YOU! OUT OF MY LIBRARY!"
With a flick of her wand, Madam Pince sent Lily's books chase both, Severus and Lily out of the library. When Lily and Severus were safely out of the library, the books fell on Lily's feet and she bit her lip hard to prevent a cry of pain to escape her mouth.
With her bad temper still turned at full, her cheeks a bright red and her eyes after a month, glimmering, but this time from anger, Lily turned around to face Severus again. The boy looked at her, his eyes unreadable and Lily didn't know what to make out of it. Severus' hand was clenched around his wand in his robes' pocket as if trying to decide whether to hex her or not.
Before Lily could do anything, Severus shot her a glare and turned on his heels, walking rapidly away from her. Lily stood there, staring at the spot Severus had vanished.
The anger that had been boiling inside her had started easing slightly, her emotions and thoughts a mass of ropes that could not be untangled, there were only a few feelings standing out of all this mess. Fury, despair and hidden at the back nostalgia and sadness and a very strong urge to cry.
Lily slowly picked the heavy books from her aching toes and walked away from the library, heading towards the Gryffindor Common Room.
As she entered she looked around for any sight of Sophia and Alice and then she remembered that it was a Hogsmeade weekend. They should probably be at The Three Broomsticks drinking warm butterbeer. Lily felt very guilty and sad over the fact that when she was into her own world of depression where she preferred to stay alone she had been cut away from her friends, the two people that had left for her to care.
Thinking of somehow making up to them later she walked up to her dormitory, speaking loudly the password before getting in.
She entered her room and without removing her jacket she threw herself on the bed and stayed there, getting lost in her own thoughts.
Why had Severus come to find her? He had said what he thought of people like her. Why should he come over and confuse her? Haven't they had come to terms to just stay away from each other?
Lily could hear her watch ticking, it was time for dinner, but Lily's legs didn't seem to cooperate.
Alice and Sophia would already be back at Hogwarts, now. Were they in the Great Hall? Were they looking for her? Or were they ignoring her just like Lily had done to them, just like Lily deserved?
The watch kept ticking and the hours seemed to pass like minutes. It was nearing eleven, but Lily couldn't see it or couldn't hear the ticking since she was already fast asleep.
She was in her home's bedroom. The walls were filled of posters, the shelves filled with her books but even then, they weren't enough since a bunch of books were left on her desk. Lily was sitting on her bed with a book about Charms on her lap, lazily turning its pages, her green eyes were moving from word to word. Suddenly the lights went out and there was silence. The TV had stopped working from the living room. Before Lily could stand up and see what was going on a loud bang was heard and someone had broken into the house. Lily stormed off of her bedroom but as she was running in the corridor she could hear her mother's screams and the sound of one curse that made Lily freeze. A loud explosion made Lily to scream and after that, there was complete silence. With her heart thumbing hard against her chest, Lily descended the stairs to find the living room completely destroyed. Her parents' corpses were lying on the floor with their eyes wide open. Lily started crying as loud as she could, unable to believe the disaster that had happened in so little time. Unable to believe that in a little more than a minute, years of spending with her parents, years that she was yet about to spend with her parents were taken away from her. The girl turned around still sobbing, but before she could move any further a wand was pointed straight at her forehead. "Avada Kedavra!"
Lily sat up on her bed, screaming. Cold sweat was running from her forehead and her heart was hammering against her chest like sticks against drums. The sight of the green light and her dead parents was still fixed on her eyelids as Lily stood up from her bed.
She took several shaky breaths before realizing that she was in her dorm at Hogwarts and not in her destroyed home, that she was not dead but certainly frightened.
Lily slowly wiped the sweat away from her face; she turned and looked out of the window. The bright full-moon was up on the night sky. Her green eyes moved from the window to her watch. It was nearing midnight.
With clumsy movements, Lily managed to lie on her bed again. But her body was stiff against the mattress and she was afraid that if she would close her eyes the nightmare would continue. She stayed in her bed for another five minutes, in a position similar to a mummy's before finally standing up again.
Feeling like she was about to drown in her dark room, she got out and headed towards one of the armchairs near the fireplace. Her green eyes watched as the orange flames danced around the fire. Lily concentrated on them, the hypnotizing, beautiful but at the same time dangerous flames in an attempt to wash the nightmare away from her mind.
As she was sitting there, staring at the flames like hypnotized she heard footsteps. Frowning she turned around but saw nothing, she was about to return back to the fire when she noticed that the door was half opened, like someone had just gotten out.