It was around 4 am when Eric got home. He knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep, so he made himself some coffee and went to sit on his porch.

The truth was he didn't really want to think about Wendy, not anymore. It was easier to think about her when he didn't know that she felt something back, when he didn't know that he had a chance with her. She had fucked him over big time with her confession. Eric liked her; He cared for her; he lusted over her like crazy, but he would never let himself love her, and he knew it. He liked the platonic idea of her; he liked to think about her when he was fucking Annie or some other random girl, but most of all, he loved to make her feel like he hated her. When he kissed her, his intentions were never to confuse her, in truth, when he kissed her that one time, he wasn't thinking at all. He was just glad that in the next day thing seemed to be normal between them.

Eric was remembering ninth grade. Mr. Fredrick paired them together on a project that lasted a whole month. They were supposed to prepare a long, well-researched speech to present at the end of the month about a new law project. At first, they were both very apprehensive and angry; they didn't know how that was supposed to work. They figured that they should meet up after school, get the job done and over with as soon as possible.

Wendy would come over after school to his house for a month. In the beginning, it was one hour researching and then she would walk home, but after some time, the tension seemed to smoothen and she would stay longer, an hour doing research, another hour talking, eating, watching Terrance and Phillip.. And then he would (illegally) drive her home safely. They would talk about a lot of things, but one of their favorite topics of conversations was music. They were both into rock n roll; Eric was a metal head while Wendy was more of an alternative rock type of girl. Surprisingly, Eric found himself loving some of the band Wendy would show him. It was an unusual friendship that, for some reason, the both of them were trying really hard to keep a secret. They wouldn't talk about it to anyone else, and whenever their friends asked about the time they were spending together, they would describe it as a nightmare, especially to Stan, who was, at that time, still Wendy's boyfriend. However, it was far from being a nightmare…. She started to spend more and more time with him. They started to find more and more things in common. It was around the end of their first week together that they started to talk about other things aside from school. The conversation would sometimes come across sex since they were two teens full of hormones. At that time, Eric was no longer a virgin, which secretly caught Wendy's interests. Needless to say that the sexual tension was already building up between them. Eric was still a little chubby at that time, but he was becoming a very handsome young man. Wendy was already flowering into a beautiful teenager, and that wasn't left unnoticed by Eric.

It was two weeks completely out of the ordinary. He was finding herself becoming friends with her, laughing with her... There were days when they would just sit next to each other and not say a word, but it wouldn't feel awkward. There were days when they would argue about something stupid, and she would go home early, and it wouldn't feel right… Eric could recall one event, one night when they were alone in Eric's house, and Wendy had to stay late because of a blizzard. It seemed like a normal day on that unusual month where they would just fool around, eating quadruple stuffed Oreos and talk about nothing in particular, but then his mother got home… it was 8 pm in a Thursday, and she was completely drunk and possibly high on meth. When Liane stumbled through the door, Eric and Wendy could see that she was accompanied by some dude, and the both of them headed to her room. The two fourteen-year-olds sit in the living room when the couple upstairs soon started to have very loud and dirty sex. Eric was embarrassed out of his mind, and he didn't really know what to do. He felt awful. At this point, his mom was moaning so loud he couldn't even look at Wendy. Eric put his head on his hands and just looked down at the floor. As his eyes were starting to water, Wendy pulled out some headphones out of her bag pack and casually said, "hey, remember that band I was telling you about? Tell me what you think." He stared at her with vulnerable teary eyes, flushed chicks, a sad expression on his face, and soon he understood what she was trying to do. As soon as his mother's moans were overtaken by the smiths, he started to feel better. It amazes him until this day how she never left his side that night, how she tried to take his head away from that moment, how she handled the situation… They never talked about that night again, she never brought that up, but one thing was certain.: she was the first person ever to see him in an almost vulnerable state, to see his everyday struggles. And he trusted her with that…

The month soon came to an end, and the big day had arrived. They did very well on their speech, their side won and they got an A+ on their project. They felt the urge to celebrate and hug, but they couldn't, not in front of all those people…so they just nodded each other with a small smile. Neither one of them knew how to act after that. Wendy found herself heading to his house out of habit many times, but never got the courage to come back without an excuse. The sad truth is that they never got the chance neither the courage to talk to each other alone after that for a couple of months, and by that time, the bad and harmful relationship between them had been restored. Within a month, they were back with the insults. Wendy was never sure if he was just acting in front of his friends when he would call her a worthless dirty hippie, but it hurt anyway. If he was acting, he could always text her afterwards to explain himself, but he never did. With the beginning of high school, being around each other was becoming increasingly difficult and Wendy seemed more and more annoying to Eric by the day, she was always bitching about something. It seemed like she became a bitter person that couldn't even take the slightest of a joke, a rock was more fun to hang around than her in Eric's view… But somehow he still cared for her; maybe he just missed his friend.

So it's fair to say they were back on being enemies and that month they spent together should be forgotten… but it never was…

It was now almost 5 am and Eric was still on his porch, not feeling sleepy at all. He was now regretting sending that message to her, he didn't want to talk to her for he didn't know what to say… all he truly wanted was to finish high school with no drama, move out of this god-forsaken town and begin a new life. He didn't want to have to care about her and anyone else, besides, he didn't own her anything. They were friends for a month and kissed once, so what? No one had to know how he felt about her then and how he still feels about her now. It was so well hidden and repressed that he wouldn't even admit it to himself. He'd rather just not deal with it at all. Given the intensity of his personality, once his emotions had been unleashed there would be no going back.

It was around 10h30 when Wendy woke up, she had an unbelievable headache that was slowly taken aback by an upcoming sense of shame when she slowly started to rewind the events of the previous night. If there was one thing that she could clearly remember was his expression, his emotionless, dead eyes. Eric had the power of staring, he could stare at you for what it would seem like hours without blinking once, and it was awfully intimidating. It made her feel small and powerless around him, something that she didn't like at all.

When she finally snapped out of the memory of Eric's hazel eyes, she suddenly remembered the message he sent her the previous night. If it was any other day, she would have contemplated her moves better, but today, she was hungry for answers, it was all she wanted, to understand, to be free from all that confusion that was killing her. She rolled to her side to get her phone:

"I'm up…- W.T."

Every minute she waited for him to answer the message felt like hours. She looked at her phone every thirty seconds or so, but she had absolute no reply from him until 2 pm in the afternoon. "Can you come over? E. Cartman"

"I'll be there in 20 minutes – W.T."

She was trying not to think too much as she made her way to his house. Her heart was pounding, and she was so nervous she knew that if she stopped walking she wouldn't be able to move out of her place for a long time. The way to his house was way too familiar. It's been years since she last walked through this path, and memories were starting to come back. Memories of that unforgettable month she spent with him, a month which she was, until this day, hoping it would somehow come back. Every day she would wake up expecting she could just come back to his place, and feel happy again. Ever since the last time she's been there she was left with a feeling of unfinished business, and it got worst after that kiss, a lot worst, and now she was just hoping this talk could make thing better, if that was possible.

Soon she found herself at his doorstep, and now she could feel how nervous and uncomfortable she was. After a few deep breaths, she rang the bell. It didn't take him to long to open the door for her.

The both of them just stood in silence at his doorstep for a few seconds that felt like minutes.

"Come inside…." Eric said with a low tone.

They both set on the couch, side by side. Wendy was looking at him, Eric, however, was not looking at her; he stared blankly into the wall avoiding her desperate gaze.

After a few moments, Eric took a deep breath and started to talk:

"I was remembering ninth grade you know…. How we were friends somehow..." – He made a long pause to light up a cigarette "Wendy, I… I don't really know what to say about that kiss, but if it hurt you so much, I am sorry. I really am...I never meant to cause you pain, that was never my intention..." Eric knew how out of character it was for him to say those words, being appropriate was never something he cared to do. ".. but about the insults and you know, how we act around each other every day, that just how we row isn't it?" After saying that, Eric turned to finally look at Wendy, she still had the same pleading, hopeful eyes

"…I guess... But why?"

"That's just how it is, and how it's supposed to be. Look, I called you here because I wanted to tell you personally to let go of that night, It was a stupid mistake that we made, and I'm sorry for that, but it didn't mean anything Wendy… That month we spent together in ninth grade was honestly one of the best months of my life but let's be real here, we've both changed a lot since then, and we should just... Forget about it. Soon we'll be out of this town, in our separate ways, never to see each other again and I think it's for the best.."

He was now wearing that same emotionless, cold, dead expression. His words came out of his mouth like a bullet right into Wendy's chest. She was so unbelievably hurt that she just couldn't react to what he said. Suddenly, all emotion was drained out of her eyes, her sweet and naïve expression was slowly being replaced by darkness on her face. However, she still said nothing, nor did she move.

"Anyway, you know your way out right?" Eric then stood up put his jacket on and headed out the door.

Wendy soon heard the engine of his truck starting and him pulling out of his driveway. Only then she found her breath and the first tear fell, a tear which was followed by many, many more, and she still stood alone in his badly illuminated living room. The scent of his cologne and cigarette still there with her. Still not finding the strength to move, she lay down on his couch and cried alone. She was feeling completely helpless as she started to sob loudly. Her head was full of unwanted thoughts; she hated herself more than ever and didn't know why. She was embarrassed and ashamed, feeling hopeless and disoriented. She loved him more than she could stand. After fifteen minutes with nonstop crying, she felt it was best if she just went home, soon he was going to come back, and she did not want to see him under any circumstances. She grabbed her coat and headed back to her house.

"Yeah dude, it's just not as funny anymore you know. I think I'm growing out of fart jokes..."

"Wow Stan, it took you ten years to grow out of fart jokes? Dear Moses, it was about time don't you think?"

"Whatever Kyle, I bet you still fap to it haha"

"Holy shit, IT WAS JUST ONE TIME and it was because of Celine Dion, shut up about it Stan!"

"Never! It's the price you pay for not locking your door and-" The boys conversation was suddenly interrupted by the sound of a speeding black truck in the highway

"….was that cartman's truck?" Kyle said

"I think so.. fatass was speeding more than usual".

"Where the hell's he going? Is he heading out of town?"

"Think so…last time he did that he was punching lockers for a week, it's probably some mental breakdown"

"Should we.. do something?"

"..Nah, we better stay out of it, it's not like we really care anyway..."

Eric's car was soon out of the boy's sight.

Whenever Eric felt like he was about to lose the control he would run. Eric was no longer the type of guy who would run from his responsibilities, but when it came to relationships and emotions, he was unable to deal. He was not expecting that saying those cold words to Wendy would be so hard on him, but it was. He knew it had to be done... He didn't want to see her hurt, he didn't want to leave her alone, but he left, he left her all alone because that was the right thing to do. And for once he wanted to do the right thing, even if it didn't look that way at all.

Eric was now parked at the outside of the town, sitting in the hood of his car, trying really hard to fight back his tears. He was trying not to think about what just happened, but he couldn't. The memory of her so close to him was so vivid he swore he could still smell her perfume, and the sore feeling was getting intense. Sadness was becoming anger by the minute as he realized maybe he just lost her forever. He was waiting for that feeling of indifference to cross his heart, but it just didn't come, instead, the feeling of incapacity was becoming so intense it was painful, he was shaking. A moment of overbearing rage came as his fist slammed against the hood of his truck over and over again, and he only stopped when he saw blood on his hands… At that moment, he broke down, the tears fell and he screamed…. Eric Cartman had cracked.. for the first time in his life.

***********PLEASE REVIEW 3 Thanks for reading, let me know if you're liking the story so far so I can post more :) I'm open to suggestions! ps.: sorry for any possible grammar mistakes *************