The Avengers Battle HYDRA at the Playground with Startling Regularity
By: Kim Hoppy
Disclaimer: Avengers, Iron Man, The Hulk, Iron Man 2, Thor, Captain America, etc. and all adjoining characters are the property of Marvel and those associated with their creation and are used without permission or disrespect.
Summary: If asked, of course Tony is going to proclaim that he's reason they're all Avengers, he's the one who started it all. But the truth is, it was all Phil's fault. Most days, he doesn't regret it.
Or ... a story not so much about Avengers, but about two brothers who both like the Avengers film and experience the movies, in their own way.
Everything Started With Iron Man
Phil wasn't a geek. Well, not a big one, no more than the average teenager. He might have a few couple dozen binders of trading cards (baseball, Pokémon, he wasn't very picky, but he was very organized and obsessive about getting as many as he could when he was younger) and there's maybe a two or three or a half a dozen D&D books lying around, and a couple collections of comics from various companies, and a few signed pictures from various conventions he begged random related adults to take him to but he'd deny going to if one of his friends asked, and a few more toys that were marketed to his little brother's age group and Phil bought claiming he was buying for Tony but Tony's not allowed to touch them ever, and there were a few discussion boards and Tumblr sites he had bookmarked and checked daily, and what was average anyway?
So, he wasn't a geek, he just … happened to like things that got people labeled as a geek. And besides, being excited for the new Avengers movie coming out wasn't geeky, because everyone was. It was like being excited when the X-Men movies came out, or the Transformers ones, or the Matrix, or Star Trek, or the LOTR, or the next Batman, or, hell, even the next Pixar film. (Whether or not disappointment followed those releases didn't matter.) Phil really was just swept up in public hysteria.
Therefore, Phil felt no embarrassment being excited for the new film coming out at the start of May. Everyone was talking about it at school. His entire lunch table was making plans to go to the midnight showing together, and it needed timing, because there were going to be lines and crowds and the possibility of everything being sold out.
And Phil had plans to prepare for seeing the Avengers on the Big Screen. (The 3D decision was pending, because was it really necessary? He saw Avatar in 3D, and for him, it had been the only redeeming feature. Phil had thought Jake was a complete idiot, because, hello, even Phil knew how to take down a helicopter and deal with people who couldn't breathe the air of the planet without dying, and how not to attack someone with gun when you just had bows and arrows, especially not in a frontal attack when it wasn't even a diversion you were just being completely stupid. [He said it was the best movie ever all three times he saw it with his friends, but that's not the point. He did write some very scathing and pointed reviews online.])
His plans included watching the five prequel films in preparation in a huge-ass marathon the weekend before. Because he was boss at preparation.
Unfortunately, his plans were thwarted, once again, by the Pain in the Ass, aka Tony, aka his little brother.
Tony had been, quite literally, an accident on his parents' part. It was a brotherly trait they had in common, because so had Phil. He'd gotten enough of the story from his various aunts and uncles who didn't realize Little League pitchers really did have big ears to figure out he existed because of a drunken (possible but more likely the one time they forgot the condom) one night stand, and they married because neither of his parents were shotgun-proof. They stayed married because divorce meant going to hell, which was ridiculous because by living together they were already in hell. When Phil was younger, they had tried, but now it was easier to simply avoid each other … except for the one night that resulted in Tony.
When Tony was prophesized to come, the yelling started whenever the two adult had to meet. (There had been something about moving, about lost careers, about figures, about money, about things his ten-year-old mind hadn't understood.) Phil remembered resenting Tony for that, how his cold and quiet family had turned into a cold and loud one, and migrated into a more absent one. More hours at work, more whatevers, until it was common Phil could, if he really wanted (and lately he usually did) to go an entire month without seeing either of his parents more than three times. (Tony saw them at least every day, but Phil had a life and didn't have to sit at home and wait for them to be around.) He sometimes wondered how long it'd take him to realize it if they died, or vice versa.
So he got stuck with watching Tony. It was no big deal, really, except then it was because, he had a life. And he had plans that involved the giant ass TV in the living room. He was not watching Phineas and Ferb or Penguins of Madagascar or Thundercats or whatever because he was watching his movies all weekend, maybe several times so he made sure not to miss anything.
And it was so not fair that his parents picked up their phones when Tony called but not when he did, and it was even more unfair when they took the brat's side.
Sure, Phil could have ignored the terse order from the phone, because, hell, they weren't here, and the smug little brat needed that smug smile off his face. Which did come off when he caught Phil's expression as the phone snapped shut, because Tony took off screaming with Phil hot on his heels, and the older brother caught him at the stairs.
"Mommy said! You gotta! Let me go, let me go!" Tony screeched, twisting in his arms as he was lifted off the ground.
"You whiny little tattle-tail," Phil seethed. "I'm going to drop you off the side of the house!"
"I'll tell!"
Phil rolled his eyes. "Thank you for proving my point." He dropped him, ignoring the whine, and rubbed his face. It was pointless to get angry with Tony, because he got and did whatever the hell he wanted anyway, and if Phil got parental contact, he preferred it when it actually mattered. "Fine, go watch your stupid cartoons. I'll be in my room." He'd just have to watch the DVDs on his laptop and – a glance at Tony – the headphones on.
"But we always watch cartoons together," Tony said as Phil stepped over him to get upstairs, and followed. "Phil!"
"Go away, I'm busy."
"No, you're not," Tony said as he crawled up onto Phil's made bed.
"Get out of my room." The words were more habit than actual order, though the following "Don't TOUCH that!" and subsequent removal of said object from Tony's hands was much more vehement. "How many times do I have to tell you, don't touch my cards!"
"I didn't touch them! I just want to look. They're shiny and they change and stuff." Tony tried to get the binder, but Phil held it higher and then put it on a shelf.
"Just shut up, go down stairs, and watch TV," he ordered as he turned on his laptop.
Tony bounced down to sit on the bed. "Are you going to watch porn?"
Phil still had no idea where Tony learned that word, nor why he always asked if that was what Phil was going to do. (The first time he had asked, Phil had sputtered and turned bright red and Tony had collapsed onto the couch in a fit of giggles. Never mind if that was what Phil had been going to do or not.) "Yes, I am. Now go away."
"I want to watch too!"
Yes, and then go to school and tell all your teachers your big brother let you watch porn this weekend, that'll go over well. "You wanted to watch cartoons, so tough."
"Phil!"
He ended up having to brat-handle Tony out into the hallway and getting the door closed before the little monster could turn, and then blocking the door closed with the little wedge he used for just these times.
Unfortunately, it was possible for Tony to be louder than headphones set on maximum.
"Do you want me to kill you?" Phil snapped, opening the door to look at the monster who had been kicking and screaming at his door for the past fifteen minutes.
Tony sniffed. "We always watch cartoons together."
"You're just not going to shut up, are you?" he hissed.
"Nope!" And now the little bastard was grinning. "Please, Phil. Cartoons!"
"I hate you."
So Phil's plan was thwarted, and he spent Saturday morning glaring at the giant-ass screen downstairs watching what was not on the plan while Tony pushed remote buttons because only he knew what he wanted to watch and could watch it whenever he wanted wherever he wanted to.
Life was so not fair.
Okay, to be fair, Phil did like that Green Lantern cartoon and the Young Justice episode, but he still was pretty pissed off.
Tony caught it, though he only spoke it after their traditional cartoon run was over. He turned the remote over in his hands and kneeled on the couch. "… We can watch your porn now, if you want."
"It's not porn, and you have to stop telling people I watch porn, Tony."
"But everyone looks so funny!"
This from the boy who thought the penis game was hilarious (and won every single time) – thank you, Mark, for teaching him that, no, seriously, this was why Phil couldn't go to the mall without Tony starting the game even if it was by himself – though, ever since Phil had had to (embarrassingly) explain the difference between girls and boys, Tony sometimes yelled out "vagina" just be more obnoxious.
Phil remained slouching and didn't respond, still a little miffed and willing to remain so for at least a few more hours before ultimately forgiving the brat, despite the eyes and the look. Tony crawled off the couch and ran off, and Phil took the time to get up and start lunch. He made grilled cheese with tuna, and cut them into triangles and then the crust off of Tony's.
Tony came slinking and ate his sandwich while he watched Phil cut a few apples into eighths. Phil threatened to remove his fingers if he kept trying to grab a piece.
When lunch was finished, Tony was off like a shot and yelled at him to come back to the living room, and he took his time cleaning up the mess.
"Phil!"
The last dish put away, Phil went back to the living room, prepared for whatever game Tony would demand. He couldn't wait until he was in college and his life could be his own.
He was caught by surprise to see the Iron Man DVD menu on the screen. "See, we can watch this now. I didn't know Iron Man was porn," Tony said, standing on the couch.
"You know who Iron Man is?"
Tony made a face. "Duh! Everyone knows who Iron Man is. Him! I wanna watch, too! I like Iron Man."
Phil was trying to remember if Iron Man was appropriate for his bratty-but-sometimes-okay little brother, but, since he wanted to watch it too, he didn't try to grade it very hard. "Fine. Since you want to." He dropped down onto the couch and waved a hand at the screen, and Tony pushed the button and scrabbled up to sit next to him.
It didn't take Tony long to notice a similarity. "His name's Tony too!"
"Yes. Tony Stark. Be quiet."
"Is he Iron Man?"
"I thought you knew who Iron Man was."
"I do! I just didn't know he was Iron Man. Why isn't he wearing the red and yellow costume? I thought he could fly!"
Phil prayed for patience and tried to answer Tony's questions, and then waylay fears and worries for the character. He had to hide his smile at the way Tony got into the film, because, of course, even though it had been out for, what, five years or something, this was really the first time Tony was seeing it.
"That was totally cool!" Tony yelled, jumping up on the couch.
"Very."
"Phil, I can be Iron Man, can't I?"
"Yeah, sure." He barely caught the idiot. "No flying in the house."
"You're no fun." He shook off the hand. "I'm Tony Stark."
"Now there's someone to aspire to."
Tony grinned, oblivious to the sarcasm.
They watched The Hulk next, the Edward Norton one, because the other one didn't count. Tony fell asleep midway through it.
It was around the end of the movie, removing the drooling barnacle that was his brother, that Phil realized a slight … not flaw, per se, but complication. Five movies … that was almost ten hours. Watching movies always made him tired, because for some reason just vegging was exhausting.
Well, he didn't have to watch them all today. The brat already ruined that anyway.
So … he'd just watch the other three tomorrow. Or something. The important thing was to watch them all before Thursday, especially if he was going to the midnight showing.
Tony woke up from his not-nap and wanted to go outside, so they went to the park and Tony almost killed himself pretending to be Iron Man, and Phil had to carry him home when Iron Man skinned his knee and banged his head failing to jump over a bench and absolutely could not walk.
The brat was remarkably mobile when Phil said he smelled like he needed a bath. He mobiled himself into jumping into the pool, clothes and all, and stayed in there until Phil dragged him out to get cleaned up for supper. Then it was food and bedtime, and Phil smirked as Tony begged for an Iron Man story. He hemmed and hawed a bit before recounting a story from one of the comics he had.
Sunday morning had Phil up early for his paper route, because he needed a job, but he needed one that didn't involve after school hours because of his brother. Allegedly, his parents were there to watch Tony in the morning, but he'd never rely on them after that, and Tony, quite frankly, had terrified most of the local babysitters. It wasn't that big of a deal, Phil's friends just came over to his house. And if there was something he had to do that he couldn't take Tony along with, their neighbor Mrs. Valient would watch him if their parents couldn't. (It was easier to just ask Mrs. Valient.) She thought Tony was a scamp, and still liked to bring up the numerous times Phil ran down the street in his birthday suit. (It was just a phase.) Phil was convinced Tony only liked her because she told him those kinds of stories that made Phil's ears turn red.
He caught his father leaving on the way back, and they traded nods like a baton in a footrace. (He had seen his mother off to join her church choir before he left to deliver the papers.) (They stopped going to church as a family long before Tony, and only went on the days everyone else went, like Easter and Christmas.) Inside, Tony was still in his pajamas, eating cereal, and Phil ruffled his hair to the younger's scowl.
"You wanna watch Iron Man 2 today?"
Tony's face brightened. "Yeah! Can we watch it now?"
"Finish your cereal."
They managed to get through the last three, for a given value of Captain America for Tony, and Phil was amused by how much Tony liked Thor. Tony insisted Iron Man was better, but Thor was okay too.
After a nap, they went to the park again, and two of Phil's friends were there. Tony screeched off to the monkey bars and Phil, Vivian, and Walter talked about the upcoming physics test tomorrow before tossing a baseball back and forth until it was time to collect Tony.
"I'm Iron Man, you know," he said conversationally, hanging off Phil's hand bonelessly.
"You're made of iron," Phil grunted.
"Bet you can't wait for Friday, then," Vivian said.
"Why?"
"Ah, duh, the new Avengers film. Jeez, Phil, you keep him under a rock?" Walter grinned.
"I try. See you tomorrow, guys."
After waving good-bye, Tony started tugging on his arm. "Phil, Phil, Phil, I wanna see the movie. The Avengers, that's Iron Man."
"Wow, nothing gets by you."
"Yep. Will you take me? Pleeeeease!"
"Maybe Saturday." He'd have to vet the movie to see if it was okay, (oh, darn, he was going to have to see the movie twice,) but considering Tony made it through the other five without any big problems, Phil figured the only one who'd have a problem would be anyone who sat next to them.
"Promise?"
"Like I can keep Iron Man from seeing his own movie."
Tony nodded his agreement.
The week passed with a building excitement for Friday. Phil remained quite calm and cool among his friends, but he had a countdown on his laptop and avidly avoided spoilers. (Except, obviously, when he didn't. Phil didn't intentionally hunt out spoilers, but, well, if he happened upon a link warning of them, he clicked because he liked to be prepared.)
He didn't go to the midnight showing – damn school, damn paper route – but he ditched with a bunch of his friends after lunch and made the twelve-forty showing.
And. It. Was. Totally. Worth. It.
Totally.
Yeah, he was taking Tony to this tomorrow.
And they went, establishing a very long list of rules – no talking in the theatre, no throwing popcorn, no running around up the aisles, etc. – and got their seats early. Phil took Tony to the bathroom about three times so there wouldn't be any inopportune breaks.
Of course Tony talked, but at least he tried to whisper. He pointed at the screen to inform Phil whenever a character appeared, asked a bunch of questions, leaned forward in his seat, and basically was a pest for everyone, especially the serious movie-goers who should have known better to come to the earliest showing when everyone brought kids. Eventually Phil put him in his lap.
The only problem Tony really had was Loki being, well, evil. And then him killing Agent Coulson. While Phil was pretty damn sure Tony hadn't noticed Agent Coulson in the other movies, he had really liked Loki. (It was the magic.) Building up Agent Coulson into an actual main character and then killing him – well, that's Whedon for you, the brilliant bastard – really bothered his brother.
"Agent Coulson's not really dead, is he?" Tony asked anxiously as they left the theatre. (His brother should come with a spoiler-alert, and Phil avoided meeting glares of those in line.)
"I don't think so." (Actually, he did think so [except a really tiny part that scoffed and went nobody died in comics permanently, except Uncle Ben; even Bucky and Jason came back].) "Fury just lied so everyone would work together."
"Yeah, I think that too," Tony said firmly, and crawled into the back of Phil's car and into his booster seat. (Phil had long learned to stop being embarrassed at his car being the only one with a booster seat in the school parking lot and never bothered hiding it in the trunk anymore.) "And Loki wasn't really evil, was he?"
"Buckle up."
"I bet it was just a big trick, like he only pretended to kill Agent Coulson. It was funny when Agent Coulson shot him, though. And when Hulk beat him up!"
"Puny God," Phil grinned.
"And Hulk hit Thor, too! Bam! It was funny! And Iron Man saved everybody, did you see? And Agent Coulson's first name was Phil, too, did you know."
"I noticed."
"So since I'm Iron Man, you're Agent Coulson, and you're not dead, so it's all okay, right, Phil."
"I could be a Zombie-Agent and eat your brains."
They kept up the chatter until they got home, both proclaiming it the best in the world.