Pein: Everyone, lets hear your status reports on capturing the tailed beasts. One tails?
Deidara: Yeah, I totally caught one tail's host. It was easy, hmm. He was hanging out in a fast food restaurant.
Pein: A fast food restaurant? Isn't one tail's host gaara? What was he doing there?
Deidara: He was doing a kids party, hmm. When I caught him he kept saying he wasn't gaara.
Pein: Really? Well then, I better check. Bring him in.
Deidara: Gimme a sec . . . . . . Here he is.
Ronald McDonald: I keep telling you, I'm not gaara. I don't know who you naughty boys are but it's not nice to take people away without them agreeing to it.
Deidara: He wouldn't shut up the whole way here! Kept asking if I was apart of an organization called 'KFC' and that some guy called 'The Kernel' wouldn't get away with this.
Pein: Well lets see if he is the one tails host, gaara. Lets see . . . red hair . . . check . . . pale skin . . . check . . . creepy smile . . . check. Yep, he fits the description. Take him to a holding cell.
Deidara: With pleasure, hmm.
Ronald McDonald: Remember to check both ways before crossing . . . !
Pein: Damn, that guy creeped me out. Two tails.
Hidan: I got the fucker.
Pein: Did you now. How did you catch her?
Hidan: I used the cat nip and a ball of yarn I had in my pocket.
Pein: You carry around cat nip and a ball of yarn in your pocket?
Hidan; Of course! Jashin loves it when I kill the little furry fuckers, having nine lives and all. Cats are the best to sacrifice. Why you so fucking surprised that I managed to catch her?
Pein: I just never thought you'd ever get any pussy.
Hidan: OI!
Pein: Three tails.
Deidara: Tobi caught three tails.
Pein: Then why isn't he here?
Deidara: He went off to find a big enough fish bowl.
Pein: Why?
Deidara: That's the question that keeps me awake at night.
Pein: . . . O . . . kay? . . . Four tails?
Kisame: I couldn't find the four tailed monkey's host so I found another powerful monkey we can use.
Pein: Is that him?
Goku: What's going? Where am I?
Pein: He doesn't look very powerful.
Kisame: Gotta shine moon light on him.
Hidan: I'll give him moon light . . . How'd you like that, monkey boy?
Goku: Why are you showing me your butt? I'm sorry, I'm not gay.
Hidan: You little fucker! I'll show you who's gay!
Konan: Why are all guys so up tight about the whole gay thing?
Itachi: Men find their masculinity to be their main source of confidence. So when that is questioned they become more primeval more . . . instinctive.
Hidan: Mo hahaa! Ha haa! Mo oh ooh ooh! Aaah! Mo haah! Haaah! Haaaaah! Haaaaaaaaaah!
Pein: Looks like Kisame didn't have to go that far to get a monkey . . . He could have just called hidan gay and then bagged him.
Kisame: Now you tell me . . . Come on weird haired guy who can't seem to go through a fight with out ripping his shirt off.
Goku: Anything to get away from that crazy guy! Just don't moon me again.
Hidan: Mo hahaa!
Pein: Shut up hidan. Here, have a banana.
Hidan: Mo ha . . . ha ha . . . ha . . . Ohmohmohmohmohmohmohmohm.
Pein: There we go . . . good monkey . . . eat the golden fruit.
Kakuzu: I always knew you were an idiot hidan.
Pein: Speaking of idiots, Kakuzu have you caught five tails?
Kakuzu: . . . I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
Pein: I'm surprised that you can hear at all, being how old you are.
Kakuzu: I don't get paid enough for this.
Pein: I don't pay you. Five tails?
Kakuzu: Bastard . . . Yeah, I caught it . . .
Pein: . . . Well? . . . Where is it? . . . Bring it out.
Kakuzu: I don't wanna.
Pein: What? Why?
Kakuzu: It's embarrassing.
Pein: Bring it out, I promise I won't laugh.
Kakuzu: Promise?
Pein: Would I lie to you?
Kakuzu: Yes
Pein: Just get the damn thing out here for me to see.
Kakuzu: Okay but I warn you . . . go easy on me . . . . . . .
Pein: Why would I . . .
Deidara: . . .
Itachi: . . .
Kisame: . . .
Hidan: ohmohmomh . . . ohmohmohmohmohm
Konan: . . .
Zetsu: . . .
Pein: Pfft! Haahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Deidara: Haahahahahahahahahahahahahaha, hmm!
Itachi: Dudes I can't see, what are we laughing at?
Kisame: Hoahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Konan: !
Zetsu: What the hell is that!
Kakuzu: It's the five tail beast. The Gobi no Irukauma . . . The dolphin horse . . .
Pein: What the-hahahahaha-hell kind of-hahahahaahha-tailed beast has a-a-ahahahahah-body of a horse and the head of-pfft-hahahahah-head of a dolphin!
Kakuzu: This kind does! Now shut up!
Pein: Ok, ok just . . . put the funny thing away . . . heh heh, dolphin horse . . .Ok, the next on the list is . . . the six tails.
Zetsu: My other half is bringing the six tail's host here now as we speak.
Kisame: I was wondering why half your body was melted.
Pein: This will not do zetsu. Why haven't you brought him here yet?
Zetsu: We found the guy smoking a joint under a tree reciting really bad poetry. Every time we caught him he would somehow appear behind us and ask us about our feelings.
Pein: And?
Zetsu: He also tried to smoke our venus-flytrap claiming it to be some 'Really good weed'. Instead of capturing him we decided to take it in turns to lead him here with various cereals and a happy sack.
Pein: God damn hippies, always trying to ruin my world domination . . .
Konan: You do realise if you wore a tie-dye shirt and a rainbow headband that you would look like a hippy?
Pein: . . . I don't like you . . . Seven tails?
Konan: That would be me.
Pein: C'mon konan, you don't look that bad.
Konan: Asshole . . . Anyway, I did catch the seven tailed beast's container.
Pein: Ok, bring her out.
Konan: That's the thing . . . I don't know if it's a boy or a girl . . .
Pein: Well, you see. The difference between boys and girls is that a boy has a peni-
Konan: THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEAN! . . . It's just that she . . . he . . . it has . . . the qualities of both.
Pein: Ok then, don't bring it out. Go put it in a holding cell or something. We already have enough weirdos in this room as it is. Eight tails?
Itachi: No one has been assigned eight tails.
Pein: Then what the hell have you been hunting?
Itachi: Nine tails.
Pein: I thought I was to get nine tails . . . ? Never mind, do you have it here?
Itachi: Yes, here it is . . . . . . .
Pein: . . .
Smurf: . . .
Pein: Ah, itachi? That's not the nine tails.
Itachi: What do you mean?
Pein: When I said go get nine tails I meant the tailed beast . . . not the pokemon.
Itachi: Oh . . . Can I keep it?
Pein: Sure, whatever floats your boat . . . psst hey, konan . . . is that smurf still sitting next to me?
Konan: Yes.
Pein: Damn, it keeps following me.
Deidara: I know, I think they're multiplying or something. I was watching one make a sandwich in the kitchen and I blinked and then there were two of them.
Kakuzu: Who cares? They make great fire wood.
Tobi: Tobi's back! Tobi no longer missing! Tobi found this outside! Tobi doesn't know what it is but here you go stain!
Pein: It's pein . . . And tobi, what have I told you about bringing stuff in from the outside without first checking what it is?
Tobi: That it's a bad idea?
Pein: Exactly. Remember that time you found a boom box that had the llama song stuck on a continuous loop at max volume and decided it would be a good idea to hide it in the base? It took us three weeks to find the bloody thing and another four for one of us to be brave enough to approach it.
Tobi: Wasn't tobi's fault that you don't appreciate fine music.
Pein: If that was fine music then my real name is wilma and my secret power is to turn stuff into cheese.
Tobi: Hello Wilma! Why do you have a smurf with a grenade next to you?
Pein: I was being sarcastic you . . .wait . . . what?
Smurf with grenade: . . .
Kisame: She's gonna blow!
Tobi: Where's sasori?
Pein: I don't know and I don't care.
Tobi: There he is! He's holding a grenade!
Sasori: DIE YOU BASTARDS! THAT WAS A MINT CONDITION LIMITED EDITION ACTIONMAN FIGURE WITH SPECIAL INVERTED CLOTHING! GO MY SMURFS! USE YOUR GRENADES!
Pein: This just isn't my day.
Smurfs with grenades: . . . BANG!