Next challenge: "In the ghetto"----

Crying in the chapel

She hated churches, chapels, synagogues, mosques, and basically all kind of religious buildings. There were very few reasons for which she would ever enter one... and most of them were bad; mostly funerals and weddings... her own wedding attempt could be a good example of that... no, she did not want to go in there.

"Cristina, we have to enter, now" Meredith said, grabbing her by the arm. "I cannot do it" was her answer. "The moment I enter there, it will be over, I simply cannot. Just go with the others, I will wait outside, they won't miss me; I'm a robot after all"

"Cristina.." Meredith begun, but stopped at the sight of Cristina, stopping her with her hand, and breathing deeply. "OK, will see you when it's over", and she entered, and went to sit down in the second row with Derek.

She simply could not enter, could not face her coffin, or hear the priest saying how wonderful Izzie's life had been. It was not fair, and it was not true. Izzie was beginning to be happy now, she had had a tough life. The words, trailer park, pregnancy at 16, modeling and Denny came to her mind. She had been a happy and bubbly person in spite of all the things that had gone wrong in her life. She had been a fighter, and had never complained. She had moved forward, baked, opened a clinic, and tried to find some happiness in her life. And when everything was going well, when she was becoming a good surgeon, had Alex at her side, and a whole life ahead, cancer had crawled in, and had carried her away. It was not fair! And it hurt. It hurt her to know that she had forced Izzie to fight the cancer, thus making her live a little longer, but at what price? Maybe Izzie had been right from the beginning; the surgeries, the poison through her veins, the pain and the fight, had only made her last days more miserable. And those had been her fault...

She could not even stand there by the door. She walked towards the bench at the entrance of the yard, and sat there staring at her own crossed hands.

She felt him approach and sit down at her side. She didn't need to look up to know who it was. Funny how she could recognize his steps and his aftershave, after so little time together. Especially after so much time of avoidance.

They had barely talked to each other since their night in the on-call room. If she closed her eyes, she could still see his face above hers, feel his hands worshiping her body, and see the love reflected in his eyes. That was the reason why they never talked more than the strictly necessary medical communication. It would have been too difficult to keep her resolve, if she had allowed herself to look at him; to see him. And now, here he was, at her lowest moment. Sitting at her side, without saying a single word.

Still silently, he took one of her hands between his own, entwining his fingers with hers, slowly caressing it.

After a while, he did speak, "I know how you're feeling, and because I know it, I also know that you have to come into the church and bid her farewell... do not argue.. I have lost many friends, and colleagues, it is futile, and absurd, and you are angry, and lost, but you do have to get into that church. You need the closure and the comfort, you need to grieve her. You do not feel like that, but it helps Cristina, that's why the human beings have been doing it forever, all religions and races have different rituals to let the loved ones go. Come"

He stood up, still holding her hand, without pulling. He stood there for some seconds, waiting for her to rise her stare from the ground. She took her time, but she finally did look up, in his eyes. His beautiful sad blue eyes. Hers moist with held back tears .

"Come" he repeated, holding her gaze.

And still silently she stood up, holding his hand, still staring the depth of his eyes, full with understanding. He did know her, and was there to support her. How silly their separation seemed today. Life was so damned short...

He offered his arm and she wrapped her arm around, happy to have him at her side. Knowing that he would help her to hold it together.

Still without hurry, he steered her to the chapel, and brought her in. Not too much into the building. Just by the door, where other people were standing. Hearing the priest praise Izzie's life from behind. Being there, but respectfully and discreetly, not wanting bring attention to her. That was her stile, always there, but always on the backplane.

They stood there, leaning against the wall for the remaining of the ceremony, their hands together. And there they stood when all the other attendants left the chapel, carrying Izzie with them. Meredith, sobbing and clinging to Derek, throw her a surprised look as she crossed her on her way out.

At last, they were alone in the small chapel, none of them speaking, just standing there. And then, he felt her hand shake; she was beginning to let it go. He passed his arm around her shoulders, and brought her to his chest, holding her in a bear hug. "Shhh, it's OK to cry" he whispered to her hair. "Just let it come out, grieve, Cristina, it is OK".

And she did it; she just broke into crying, sobbing, inconsolably in his arms, unable to stop. She stood for a very long time in his arms, crying in the chapel; for Izzie, for the life she would not get, and at the same time for the time away from Owen, for the comfort she was feeling in his arms; for the time wasted, and for the pain.

********

She had not entered a chapel since Izzies funeral, which was at the same time the cathartic moment they had needed to get back together. They had left the chapel late that evening, gone to her place and talked the whole night, and by the morning, after kissing, hugging and crying together, she had retired to her bed to leave Owen sleeping on the couch. After all, it was not that bad, until she felt comfortable enough they could live like that. At least they would be together.

And that was how she had ended in that mess.... again at a chapel's door, dressed in white. She knew he would have happily married her in an OR, or in their vent, or at the city hall... he had told her so; thousand times he had reassured her that the place was not important; that even if he believed in God, God would could be anywhere, that he didn't care... but of course, she knew him much better than that... She knew he would love to see her walk down an aisle.. he was a classic, he loved romantic stuff.. he had even brought flowers to heir two first dates. She would never recognize that she loved his romantic edge; she was supposed to be too cold and practical for the silly stuff, and liked to act annoyed about it; pretending that she did such things just to keep him happy, even when his post-it notes at the fridge, or the flower she sometimes found by her morning coffee made her heart feel warmer. And this time was not different.

Yes, she was standing there because of him. Because she knew he loved the stuff... but this time also because of her. Because she was proud of walking down the aisle to meet him in front of her friends, family and colleagues; because this time, she actually wanted to run down the aisle and mark him as her own private territory. And this time SHE did not care if it was this chapel, or Joe's bar or a McDonnalds restaurant. The place was not important for her, he was, and making him happy and proud was.

She was standing there, waiting for the music to begin playing, when Meredith arrived. As she saw Cristina standing by the doors, in a scenery so close to what she had seen before, she grabbed her by her arms, and tried to reassure her.

"Cristina, I know you are scared, but do not worry, I am here to kick you up the aisle, I have done it, I know you can, and we both get our happy ending...."

For a second, Cristina stared at her wondering if she had gone crazy... and suddenly burst into happy laughter... "Seriously, Do you think I do not want to walk that aisle?... I'm just waiting for you Mer to open the way... if you do not hurry up I am going to kick YOU up the aisle, or run you over to go grab Owen"

As if waiting for them to be ready, the music begun... The ceremony was beautiful, simple and touchy, and when the moment of reading their vows arrived, none of them had anything written, they just new what to say, and how to make each other's eyes moist with tears.

They held it together until the priest declared them husband and wife. And then, when they kissed in front of family, friends and colleagues, all the emotion, the rough path and the effort to arrive to this moment overwhelmed them, and they found themselves kissing each others tears of joy and emotion. It was the second time they had finished crying on the chapel, this time tears of joy and relief, shared with most of the female attendance that was desperately looking for tissues before smearing their make-up.