Here's our first guest: Edward Elric.
Chapter 1: Edward Elric, the Fullmetal Alchemist
"Hello people, welcome back to Anime Talk! Now please welcome our first guest: Edward Elric!" I shout as I clap my hands, the audience following soon after.
Edward walks onto the stage, waving to the adoring audience.
"I love you Edward!" Shouts a random fangirl as she storms the stage.
But she's electrocuted by the force field I have installed around the stage.
"I knew I was doing the right thing when I had that thing installed." I smirk as Edward sits on the couch opposite my desk.
"Weird." He says under his breath as he looks at the twitching body.
"I know only too well. Anyway, welcome Edward to our show!" I greet happily as I shake his automail hand.
"Great to be here. At least I don't have to deal with Colonel Bastard." He chuckles as he leans back on the cushions.
'Maybe I should tell him that Roy's backstage. Nah…he's better off not knowing.'
"So…where's this co-host of yours, what was her name? Chibi-chan I think it was." He asks as I start pulling out my laptop for later use.
"I have no idea where she…"
But then Chibi-chan comes flying by, swinging from a rope screaming like Tarzan.
"Chibi-chan! Get down here!" I demand as I try fruitlessly to grab the rope.
"But this is fun! Weeee!"
"For the love of…" I sigh as I start typing.
A giant pair of scissors appears and cuts the rope, and like an old cartoon, Chibi-chan looks at the cut rope, then at the ground before falling flat on her face.
"Ouch!" Chibi whines as she rubs her nose.
"SIT ON THE COUCH AND BE QUIET!" I shout as my wings spread out with my irritation.
"Yes'm!" Chibi-chan squeaks as she bolts for the couch.
After settling down, I pull out the mailbag and pull out a letter.
"Okay Ed, just a few questions of my own before we start. What do you think of Roy Mustang's squad?" I ask as I recline in my chair.
"To be honest, most of them seem a little inept at their work, but they're okay. But that bastard colonel could do with a change in his attitude."
"I see…now, I'm going to ask you a very serious question. Ed…please tell me, as well as everyone who's reading/watching this at home, what are your feelings towards Winry Rockbell?" I smirk as I notice a small bead of sweat coming down Ed's forehead.
Chibi- chan leaned forward perking her ears up in hopes of hearing better.
"I…well…Winry and I have been friends since we were little…" Ed mumbles as he starts to twiddle his fingers.
"Let me rephrase that; do you love Winry?"
"Uhh…can we move onto a different subject?" Ed asks as he rubs the back of his neck.
"NO!" cries Chibi-chan, but is ignored.
"Sure. Care for some lemonade Ed?" I ask as I pull out a few glasses and a pitcher.
Chibi-chan scowls and hugs her big Armored Alphonse plushie.
"All right, I am getting a bit thirsty." He says as he starts drinking.
"Now, our only question comes from BugzAttack." I turn to see Chibi-chan with a plushie that hadn't 'existed' 5 seconds ago. "
"Where the hell did that come from?!" I screech as she cuddles with her plushie.
" You'll never believe it! I got it off E-Bay!" Said Chibi-chan with a 'tamaki puppy' face. (if you haven't seen the series, too bad)
"Anyway, here's the question."
BugzAttack
I want to ask Ed what was going through his head when Winry almost took her shirt off in chapter 84.
Edward does a spit take at the question.
Chibi-chan falls off the couch laughing.
"What the hell?! Why would somebody ask me that?!"
"Just answer the question Ed."
"No way!"
"All right then, if that's how it's going to be…"
I pull out a hypodermic needle and stick it in Ed's arm.
"Yeow! What the hell was that?!"
"Nothing…just a little truth serum." I smirk as I watch Ed's eyes cloud over.
"The truth is that I really do love Winry, but I just think she deserves better than me."
"Thank you Edward."
Chibi-chan's face is bright red due to her inability to stop laughing.
He snaps out of it and shakes his head after the experience.
"Huh? What did I say?"
"Nothing you should worry about. Now it's time for "Chibi-chan's Dare Corner," the part of the show where our guests will be performing dares sent in by our readers." I say as Chibi-chan smiles; it's time for her to torture the characters as only she can.
"Okay…they can't be that bad…right?"
"Well, let's just see our first few dares of the day…"
I look at the letter I've pulled out and snort a little.
Chibi-chan had gained composure only to start laughing again as she looks at the letter.
"What is it?" Edward asks as I show him the letter.
randomperson
I have a few dares. First I dare Ed to hold Roy hostage with rizas gun than I than stab envy with a stick of butter.
"Okay…that's weird."
"I know, but you still have to do it. Chibi-chan, go get Riza's gun and Roy for us."
"I'm on it!" She says as she rushes from the stage.
After a few minutes, she comes back tugging Roy by the arm and holding Riza's gun.
"I got everything."
"Not quite Chibi-chan…" I laugh, typing on my laptop.
Roy is instantly tied to a chair, gag in his mouth as he glares at Ed, who's smiling as he takes Riza's gun.
"This I can do." He smirks as he stands by the tied up colonel.
"We better make it quick though." Chibi says as she keeps looking over her shoulder.
"Why? Chibi, what did you do this time…?" I ask as I start to sweat.
"I kind of "borrowed" the gun without permission." She squeaks.
"YOU WHAT?!"
Riza then comes on stage, an angry look on her face. When she sees Roy tied up with Edward pressing the barrel of the gun to his head, she isn't happy. Chibi-chan instantly hides under the desk, hoping Riza won't kill her.
"Edward…why are you holding the Colonel hostage with my gun?"
Edward starts sweating as he drops the gun.
"It was part of a dare Lieutenant. Please don't shoot me." He whimpers as he backs away from her.
Chibi-chan slowly emerges from under the desk only to see Riza still there.
She then turns to look at Chibi-chan and me, picking up her gun from the floor.
"I'll just delete the last command!" I squeak as I type.
Roy is then free, but he's looking at me with a glare.
"Don't blame me, blame the person who sent in the dare!" I huff, pointing to the letter from randomperson.
He just turns and leaves, Riza following behind.
"That was dangerous…okay Ed, you ready for the next one?"
"This is going to be sweet." He chuckles as I type.
Chibi-chan makes her way back to the couch and hugs her plushie. "scary!" she thought.
Envy is then brought to the stage, hanging from the mouth of an emerald green dragon.
"What the hell?! Would someone tell this lummox to let me down?!" Envy screams as he struggles in the beast's mouth.
"All right, calm down palm tree head. Drop him." I sigh as I searching my tail for any sign of shedding scales.
The dragon drops Envy without a care before leaving the stage.
"Why the hell am I here?"
"Just need you for a moment Envy. Chibi-chan, you got what we need?"
"Yes!" She squeals as she passes Ed a stick of butter.
Edward smiles evilly as he walks over to Envy, stick of butter in hand.
"What the hell is it Pipsqueak?"
"Who you calling so miniscule that he'd be crushed by an amoeba?!"
"Ed! The dare!" I yell, whacking him with my tail.
"Ouch! All right…Envy…"
"What is it?"
Ed squishes the butter into Envy's eye; and the homunculus is not happy with it.
"Ow! What the hell you little gnat?!"
"Now that's good!" Ed laughs as he falls to the floor laughing his ass off, completely ignoring the small comment.
Envy storms off the stage, butter still in his eye as I giggle.
"All right, time for the last few dares for this interview. The next set of dares come from BugzAttack…oh boy, he's not going to like that." I sweatdrop as I try to hide the letter.
"What is it?!" Chibi-chan demands as she snatches the letter.
"How bad could it be? I can take on anything!" Ed proclaims as he sticks out his chest.
Chibi-chan then shoves the letter under his nose, and when he looks down at it, all he can say is…
"WHAT THE HELL?!"
BugzAttack
I dare Ed to be NICE to his dad!
I dare Ed to offer Scar milk and cookies (Ed has to have some too) and talk about their issues. Make sure Oprah or Dr Phil is there to offer moral support, (and substitute for as a human shield if the two decide to kill each other).
I dare Ed to propose to Winry
I dare Ed to spend 24 hours in a closet with the black and white kitty (panda) from hell and her owner the "bean girl"
"YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS! BE NICE TO THAT BASTARD?! AND I HATE MILK! AND TO DO WHAT TO WINRY?! YOU PEOPLE ARE CRAZY!" He rants as he rips the paper apart.
"Unfortunately, you have to do it. I'll get Hoenheim." I sigh as I type on my laptop lazily.
A blue eastern dragon then slithers onto the stage, spitting up Hoenheim before leaving. Ed turns to smile at me as he watches "The Bastard" trying to remove the dragon saliva from his person.
"I don't like him anymore then you do Ed. After all, he left you guys when you were really little. I despise anyone who'd abandon their children." I state as I push up my glasses.
Chibi-chan then decides to bring in some popcorn as she watches the fun.
"Ed…you don't have to do anything extremely nice, but I think a hug will suffice. And possibly an "I love you Dad," just in case." I note as I pour some lemonade for myself.
The young alchemist then trudges up to his father and glares up at him. He then hugs Hoenheim around the waist with an angry look on his face.
"Ed…don't you have something to say?" I taunt, sipping away as I watch them.
The alchemist glares at me before he forces himself to say…
"I…love…you…D…D…Dad." He says before pulling away and sitting back on the couch.
Hoenheim is still unsure of what is going on, but shrugs it off before leaving.
Chibi-chan starts laughing again.
"You feel better Ed?" I ask as I work on making a paper crane.
"We never mention this to anyone." He grumbles, clenching his fist.
"All right, now it's time for some milk and cookies." I chuckle, pulling out a fresh tray of chocolate chip and a pitcher of milk.
Chibi-chan then slips off stage, a length of rope in her hand. A little while later, Chibi comes back dragging Scar with her, who's looking at her murderously.
"I got Scar!" She huffs as she pulls him to a table I've brought out.
"When you untie me, I'm going to…Fullmetal!" He shouts, finally noticing the alchemist who's already sitting down.
"Okay, now…you two are going to talk things out, and to help us, please welcome Dr. Phil!" I shout gleefully. (I do not own Dr. Phil…If that's possible.)
The professional comes on stage and sits between the two at the table.
"All right then, let's just get our feelings off our chests. Why don't we start with you Sir?" Dr. Phil says as I untie Scar.
Chibi-chan is sitting contently watching. Though in her thoughts, she was jumping up and down on the couch screaming "Fight! Fight! Fight!"
"I despise alchemists, because of them I lost everything that mattered to me. And I'll start by killing Fullmetal!" Scar screams as he tries to leap over the table at Ed.
"Whoa there, violence won't get us anywhere. Edward…Tell us, how do you feel?" Dr. Phil asks as he restrains the Ishbalan.
"I'm angry at myself for foolishly thinking I could bring back my mother, and I ended up putting my little brother in a suit of armor. I'm furious at my prick of a father for abandoning us when we needed him. I just sometimes think that maybe the world would be better off without me." Ed admits as he chews on one of the cookies.
"I see…Scar…do you blame yourself for what happened to your people? Do you think that maybe your anger is being placed on alchemists because you blame yourself for their deaths?" The doctor asks as he looks at the man.
Scar suddenly starts to tear up and grips his head.
Chibi-chan can't help but empathize with Scar, though at the same time she is secretly laughing.
"Yes! It's true! It's my fault!" Scar screams as he lets the tears fall.
Ed, Chibi-chan, and I stare at Scar as he lets Dr. Phil pat him on the back.
Chibi-chan is now bored with the current event so she grabs a bottle of milk and starts playing with a ball of yarn.
"Okay…he has very deep issues." I whisper to them as I take a cookie.
"All right then, I think we've settled everything here." Dr. Phil announces as he leaves the stage.
I walk over to Scar and pat him awkwardly on the back.
"It's okay Scar…you still have your health, and I think your brother would have wanted you to live on." I say, passing him a glass of milk.
"Yeah, maybe you're right." He grunts, chugging the drink and heading off to who knows where.
Chibi-chan then turns to Ed, a funnel in her hands.
"Edward needs to drink his milk!" She shouts, sticking the funnel in his mouth. "Though not my milk mind you!" she says as she sets her bottle down on the desk.
She quickly grabs the pitcher and dumps the contents down the funnel and down Ed's throat. When she removes it, Ed starts gagging and spitting.
"Gross! Yuck! (Raspberry)! Man, I hate you Chibi!" He whines, rubbing his tongue with a napkin.
After calming him down and giving him a glass of water to get rid of the taste, I pull out a velvet box and put it in his hand.
"What is this?" He asks, opening it and revealing a diamond ring.
"Next dare said and I quote "I dare Ed to propose to Winry," no way around that." I laugh as I watch him blush.
"But…but…"
"No buts Edward; now to set the atmosphere." I giggle as I type a few things.
We're all transported to Ed's hometown, right in front of Winry's house.
"We're here! Chibi-chan, fetch!" I order, watching Chibi get an angry mark on her forehead.
"I'm a cat, not a dog!"
"You know what I mean, now go get Winry!"
While Chibi goes to fetch our last missing piece, I go over to Ed to give him a few tips.
"Okay Ed…it's really simple, you get down on one knee, tell her you love her, that you can't live without her, blah blah blah, ask her to become Mrs. Edward Elric, you kiss, live happily ever after, the end." I say, a big grin taking over my face.
"But…but…"
"You better do it, not only for the show, but for all the EdWin fans of the world! And besides…" I smirk, a dark glint in my eye.
"And besides what?" He asks nervously, backing away from me.
"If you don't…I'll torture you in ways you couldn't possibly imagine…oh yes, torture you slowly and painfully, until you beg for death…" I whisper to him, eyes turning a crimson red.
"Yes…I'll do it, just don't hurt me…" He squeaks.
"Good!" I gush as I dust him off.
Chibi then comes out of the house, tugging Winry with her. I then notice a lump on Chibi's head, as well as Winry's wrench in her hand.
"Let me guess, she hit you?"
"Yes, ouch." She mutters as she rubs the bump. "Oh! And Ed! Draggy is a EdWin Fan herself!"
"Ah! Chibi-chan!" I shout as I chase her around with a Giant hammer.
"It's the truth!" Chibi-chan shouted as she climbed up the tree.
I calm down and walk back towards Ed and Winry.
"Okay…Ed…do you have something to ask Winry?" I push as I get behind the automail mechanic.
"Winry…I…well…this is…"
'Come on Ed, this is no time to be a chicken! Say it damn you!' I think, tapping my foot impatiently.
Ed then collapses onto one knee, pulls out the ring and starts to ramble…
"Winry, you are the most important person in my life. I know that you probably deserve better than me, but all I want to say is…is…" He then starts mumbling.
"Oh for fuck's sake!" I shout as I go behind him.
I then lift my tail and bang it against his skull.
"Say it you idiot, before I turn you into barbeque!" I scream, black smoke escaping my mouth.
He panics, and then slaps himself in the face before turning back to Winry.
"Winry…I love you! I've loved you since we were little kids. I can't live without you, when I'm not with you I can't think! So here I am, on one knee, with these two weirdos…"
"Hey we resent that!" Chibi and I say as we look at the alchemist.
"Winry…will you marry me and become Mrs. Edward Elric?" He finishes, sweat running down his face.
The blonde is staring at him in disbelief. We wait for several minutes before…
"Yes!" She squeals, tackling Ed to the ground and smothering him with kisses.
Chibi and I then hold up a banner that says "EdWin Love Forever!," cheering for the happy couple.
"You mean it Winry?"
"Yes, I love you Edward Elric, Fullmetal Idiot!" She responds before kissing him again.
I wipe away a stray tear as I blow my nose, happy to see them together at last. But then I blush as it starts to heat up; Winry's peeling off Ed's jacket while he's pulled off her bandana.
"Whoa there! This was not part of the dare!" I call out before realizing my mistake.
"Dare?! Ed how could you?" Winry cries as she pulls away.
Just as she's about to run off, I wrap my tail around her and pull her to me.
"Winry…let me explain; true, this was a dare, but Ed really does love you, I heard him when I drugged him with truth serum!" I explain as I take her wrench.
"Really?! You mean it?"
"Yes, and if I lie, may I be struck by a snow cone." I chuckle.
Chibi-chan then pulls out a snow cone and prepares to throw it, but I turn around and melt it with my fire breath.
"Don't even think about it kitty." I snort, wagging my tail triumphantly.
She just huffs at me, muttering that I'm no fun. Just as I'm about to leave the two blondes to their love…
"Oh yeah! I almost forgot!" I say as I Ed by the back of his jacket.
"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!" He demands as I type.
"We have one more dare to do; you get to spend 24 hours in a closet with May Chang and her panda Xiao Mei!" I explain as we're all teleported back to the stage.
The little girl is sitting on the couch with her tiny panda when we arrive.
"Thank you for coming May Chang, I really appreciate it." I say happily as I hold Ed with my tail.
"No problem at all, this sounded like fun!" She exclaims as she smiles cutely.
"Kawaii. Anyway, Chibi-chan, don't you have something for her too?" I inquire playfully of my partner.
"Oh yes. This will make things interesting." She cackles as she opens a bag of sugar and pours it down the little girl's throat.
"Now to put the two of you in here before the sugar kicks in!" I laugh as I shove her, Ed, and her panda in a closet, locking it securely.
"You can't do this, this is inhumane I tell you! Let me out of here!" Ed screams through the door.
"Sorry Ed, but you have to stay in there for a whole day." I tell him as I pull out my DS and play poke'mon.
Chibi-chan had secretly set up a camera in there so she could watch the fun. She starts laughing.
"WHEE! THIS IS FUN BEAN SPROUT, LET'S PLAY HORSIE! WHOO HOO!" May Chang shouts as the sugar kicks in.
"OUCH! LET GO OF MY HAIR! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS SACRED, LET ME OUT OF THIS HELLHOLE!" Ed begs as I hear pounding on the door.
"No way Edward. Anyway, that's the end of our show for now." I smile as I pause my game.
"Aw, already?" Chibi whines as she cuddles both her Giant Alphonse plush and little one that Draggy gave her.
"Sorry, but yes. But don't worry, next guest is Ed's loveable little brother Alphonse, in human form mind you, but I can put him back in the armor if anyone wants me to."
"!" Chibi-chan fangirl squeals as she jumps up and down on the couch.
"Would you calm down?! Anyway, our polls will be open until Valentine's Day, and we'll post a little after that. Till then, see you all soon."
"Alphonse! Alphonse! Alphonse!" Chibi chants as she cuddles her plush to the breaking point.
"Okay…bye for now folks!"
Dragonlover71491: Glad that's over.
Chibi-chan: Alphonse, yes! And it's going to be on Valentine's Day… *Starts ploting*
Dragonlover71491: Oh for the love of…This ought to shut her up. (Dumps fleas on her)
Chibi-chan: Ouch! Ow! Hey! This is cruelty to animals! Someone call ASPCA!
Dragonlover71491: You're a person with cat ears and a tail, not an animal, thus, it is not animal cruelty. See you all soon.
Chibi-chan: Yeah! Later! Ouch! Now I need a bath and I hate water!