A/N: I still can't believe I wasn't on board with this pairing until after I saw The Last Jedi. Shaaaame. On. Me.

Two:

Rey tried to steady her breathing. It was more difficult than she remembered. She fumbled through her forms and fought the frustration that burned inside her—it was like her feet were made of lead. She twisted her hands around her staff and squeezed.

Focus. She tried to tell herself. Just reach out.

She swung her quarterstaff again, harder. Sharper. There. She twisted and stepped to her right, bringing her strongest leg forward. Breathe. She flung her weapon around her torso, letting its weight carry it around before grabbing it from the air. Another step to the right, one step back, swing. Breathe. Swing.

Rey fell into her rhythm, ignoring the people watching her from across the training quarter, she pushed out their awe and expectations.

She needed this release. No matter how exhausted she was, after her dreams… she needed to free her mind of Kylo Ren.

That's right, she reminded herself, smiling as her staff whirled around her, the Force is a free-flowing energy. It's everywhere, in everything. In me. It binds the universe together.

She let her mind fall back to Ahch-To and the short time she'd spent with her Master as she stepped gracefully into the next set of her forms. She felt the wind over the ocean blowing through her hair, the cool air stinging her face. She smelled the brine of the sea and breathed it in greedily—left, left, swing, turn, breathe—she felt the heavy stone under her feet, heard the scratch of her boots sliding across the stone. She listened to her breathing level out, ragged to controlled. She felt Luke standing a few paces behind her, watching.

With each swing of her quarterstaff, Rey felt weightless, peaceful. It was like she could feel everything around her all at once, throughout universe, life entering the world, the inevitable death that would follow. She felt the hope rising from the ashes, she felt the spark that would ignite the flame— and then she felt the Darkness.

It twisted all around her. A blackness that would swallow everything—

Breathe, Rey pushed against her own mind. Just reach out…

Rey closed her eyes and tightened her grip. The muscles in her arms ached but she pressed on. Forward, back. She whipped her staff behind her, harder with every thrust.

Ben was there too, somewhere. Calling to her, pushing the Darkness against her consciousness. Whether he was doing it on purpose, she couldn't tell. She rejected it. She rejected him. She pushed harder against it but it never staggered. It felt like she was trying to push a mountain. It was still there no matter how hard she tried denying it, closing in on her, relentless and dangerously tempting. Like he was. She felt it's shadowy hand just over her shoulder, threatening to whisk her away, to drag her under, just like… like…

"No!" Rey's eyes snapped open and she turned and lunged forward, dropping her staff into one hand and holding out the other, ready to push that feeling away, to crush it once and for all—

Wide, brown eyes met hers and Rey inhaled sharply, pulling back the power she felt running down her arms, coiling in her palm, spreading through her fingertips. She recoiled as it finally registered who was standing before her, "Finn!" She breathed, realizing suddenly what she'd been about to do.

He held up his hands and eyed her wearily, "Rey…"

Finally, her surroundings came into focus and she looked around with wide eyes. The training quarter had emptied out completely, and she was surrounded by debris. Anything that hadn't been bolted down was flung in every which direction, scattered and broken. Looking down, she gasped at the floor beneath her feet. It was crumpled and cracked in some places, a pipe hissed below her, blowing hot, white steam into the room from the wreckage she'd caused.

She wasn't sure what to say—embarrassment and shame obvious on her face.

How did I… Rey shook her head and looked back at Finn, unsure what to say. What kind of explanation could she possibly give? Was there an explanation that could explain it? Every possibility ran through her mind like lightning, but nothing was good enough. Nothing that might make sense of it was anywhere close to the truth.

Finn shook his head and laughed, "This Jedi stuff is crazy! Seriously, it was like you were in another world." Despite their surroundings, he wasn't afraid. In fact, he looked almost impressed.

"It's like I was," She answered slowly.

"Are you alright?" He took a quick step closer to her and she only nodded, unable to tear her eyes away from the ripped metal just below her feet. In an instant, he was upon her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"I-I'm fine, really!" She stammered, fighting off a laugh at his unrestrained enthusiasm. She hugged him back anyway. It felt nice.

"I sure as hell hope so!" Another familiar voice called from the edge of the room, "General Organa wants to see you… I'd say the sooner the better." Poe Dameron added, looking around wide-eyed at the destruction she'd caused. But, just like Finn, his eyes weren't fearful. Definitely surprised… but not afraid.

"Right…" Rey murmured, waiting for Finn to release her.

Another awkward moment passed, and the embrace continued.

"Uh, Finn. I need to go talk to Leia now…" She said, giving him a reassuring pat on the back. "I'm fine… I promise."

"Right." He responded immediately, taking an exaggerated step back and crossing his arms, "Right, of course. Better hurry." He nodded toward Poe and Rey couldn't help but smile as she followed the ace-pilot to the bridge.

Rey had always thought the Resistance's cause was righteous, she believed in what they were doing. She believed that when there was a chance, no matter how small, you had to take it. And for the Resistance, that meant pushing back against the First Order. Despite the connection she felt to it, there had been moments that she wondered if it was where she was truly meant to be right now. She was an unseasoned warrior wielding a quarterstaff, a Jedi with no lightsaber.

Rey dropped her hand to her belt instinctively, wishing that one day she'd reach down and find it still fastened there.

All Rey truly had was a connection to the Force. She knew she needed to train harder than ever before, harder than everyone here. But she'd had doubts that she could learn what she needed to with the Resistance. The first time that thought had popped into her head, she'd almost packed her bags and jumped onto the first ship she could find. But Finn and Poe kept her grounded, and ultimately tied to the cause. When she was with them, she felt stronger than she ever had. It was hard to remind herself that sometimes. She knew she could find her true strength here so long as she had them by her side.

As the two of them made their way to the Bridge, Rey eyed Poe out of the corner of her eye, trying to get a read on him.

He noticed and grinned after giving her a knowing, sideways glance, "She's not that mad," He assured her with a short laugh, "She's been angrier at me for less… she shot me that one time, remember?"

Rey blinked, "Wait, what?"

His grin widened but he kept looking straight ahead, "Oh yeah, you know, just your typical intergalactic mutiny. A rebellion within the Resistance…" He trailed off and shrugged, like it wasn't the most interesting story Rey had ever heard.

Rey pursed her lips, making a mental note that she'd have to ask him about it again later.

"The situations aren't exactly comparable though…" Poe said thoughtfully, "Maybe that wasn't the best example."

Rey felt herself smile again. She was horrified, yet her friends still managed to calm her nerves.

"That kind of thing doesn't happen often, I take it?"

She shook her head, "Something similar happened once before, with Luke. But it wasn't exactly… the same." She felt her brow furrow, suddenly thinking the moments were a lot more alike now that she had claimed the opposite. Each time, her mind had wandered to a Dark place…

"Good," Poe said with a chuckle, "That's probably gonna take a while to repair."

"Sorry…" She mumbled, "I didn't realize until I saw Finn. I almost…"

Poe looked at her again, but she didn't meet his eyes. "The General mentioned you hadn't been sleeping well," He said carefully, "I know you told Finn you were fine but… are you sure? You don't need to push so hard if it's… Well, we know how tough you are." Poe's voice radiated concern and she felt guilty for making him feel that way, "It's putting me to shame! The General expects me to work as hard as you, you know. It's exhausting." He grinned again, and her chest tightened.

Before she could respond though, the two of them arrived at the bridge, and Poe mouthed her an exaggerated good luck as the door slid up into the ceiling.

The General was alone on the bridge, obviously expecting her. Her face was grave, but Rey couldn't feel any anger coming from her. She stepped in quickly and the door zipped closed behind her, urging her further into the room.

Leia Organa stood up slowly from her seat and approached Rey at an even pace, "When I said I wanted you at your best, I wasn't exactly expecting a good night's rest to damage an entire quarter of my ship," Her eyes were sharp, but her tone was still pleasant, Rey wasn't sure how to respond. At her silence, the General continued, "I feel the Force, too." She said simply, "All around me, every second of the day. But I could never grasp it, not like Luke could. And certainly not like you can." She placed one heavy, wrinkled hand on Rey's shoulder, "But I know enough to understand there's more going on in that head of yours."

Rey wished she could find the right words. She wanted to set Leia's fears to rest and rely on her. But… how was she supposed to explain it? Oh yeah, I'm obsessing over your son, who also happens to be the Supreme Leader of the First Order, who also killed your lover, and has murdered countless people of your Resistance. That didn't roll off the tongue very well. It also made her sound insane. Rey knew her fascination with Ben and the pulling sensation of the Dark was wrong. It was horrific, inexcusable, completely unwarranted. But even when she scolded herself for thinking of him and longing for that connection, it didn't change anything. In fact, it probably exacerbated it. Even if she generalized it and tried to explain their Force Connection to Leia, she still sounded wrong. Rey knew it would make her sound like a liability. Like a traitor. And she didn't want anyone to question her allegiances. She needed to stay with the Resistance. If she didn't… she was afraid of where she would find herself.

"I'm sorry," Rey murmured, already feeling guilty as she prepared her half-truth, "It was an accident… I—I was so focused on training, it was like I forgot where I was. I let it run wild…" She shook her head, "I'm sorry." She repeated.

Leia looked at her for long moment. Rey knew she sensed it. The lies that weren't exactly lies, but they felt like it. Regardless, Leia nodded, "From now on, I want you to cut yourself off from the Force on this ship. At least while you're training. You can muck up anything you want when we're on-planet." He eyes sharpened again. Rey quietly thought this is what it would be like to have a mother scolding you for misbehaving. "I can't have you tearing a hole in the hull next time."

Rey nodded, "Alright."

"I want you to take a few days to re-establish yourself. Find your balance. Once you have, I'm going to need you up here." A gentle smile brightened the General's face as she motioned to the room around her. "This is where you belong."

After walking back to her quarters, Rey found herself contemplating Leia's words.

Find your balance.

Rey turned her lights off and sat down squarely in the center of her room, closing her eyes.

Find your balance.

One thing Luke had ingrained in her head during her time on Ahch-To was meditation. She thought training would help her clear her head, but obviously she'd been wrong. Maybe the key was to start thinking like a Jedi. If Luke Skywalker had been feeling conflicted, he wouldn't have had some insane outburst and ripped metal apart with the Force. Right… She thought, taking a deep breath. He would have meditated, sought his balance, and then focused on what was important.

But… how exactly was she supposed to figure out what balanced her?

Rey let her thoughts flow over her, searching for any feeling that might lead to the serenity she craved.

She thought of Han first. His cocky, uncaring attitude. She had wished she could be like him in certain ways. Strong and unyielding even as someone without a connection to something like the Force. If it hadn't been for Kylo Ren, he'd still be here—

Shhh, Rey tried to quiet her own thoughts and pushed past him.

Finn came to mind next; he was extraordinary. Kind. Selfless. He abandoned years of training and hate that had been ingrained into him from such a young age. He risked everything because he knew the difference between right and wrong. She wished she could be so certain. But as time went on, Rey found the line between right and wrong blurring, just like the Light and the Dark.

Suddenly, a thought surfaced on the choppy waters of her racing mind—

Maybe the line shouldn't be so defined.

She'd spent months separating the two. Pairing the Light with righteousness and the Dark with evil. But maybe there was something in the middle, erasing the line that kept them apart. There had to be somewhere in-between… right? A middle point between the treachery of Kylo Ren and the legend of Luke Skywalker.

When she'd touched Ben's hand in the hovel on Ahch-To, she'd seen something. She saw his future. Bright, solid, and clear. Snoke had told her it had all been a trick to lure her into the First Order's clutches but… maybe that hadn't been entirely true.

Rey's hand twitched, remembering the sensation of his skin on her fingertips.

Maybe she'd misinterpreted the vision itself. She hadn't seen Kylo Ren giving himself over to the Light. She saw Ben, not Kylo. Maybe, in her vision, he was standing on that boundary separating the extremes. There was no way he'd ever turn entirely to the Light, not after everything he'd done. She had been naïve to ever think that was possible. But Rey couldn't shake the feeling that she could pull him out of the darkness, if only a little.

She'd given herself to the First Order just to really see him, after all. She had thought the right answer was the Light but maybe the right answer was tucked between the stark, everchanging boundaries of good and evil. Of Light and Dark.

Darkness rises, and Light to meet it.

"Find… your balance…" Rey whispered, finally feeling the rigid waters still into a clear, glass-like surface.

If Kylo Ren represented the Darkness, Rey knew she must represent the Light.

That was her balance. He was her balance.

And she was his.

"How long are you going to sit there like that?"

Rey gasped and ripped her eyes open only to be caught in the predatory gaze of the man she'd shamelessly been longing to see.

Instinct told her to back away, retreat, run. But she stayed firmly in place.

"Ben…" She whispered, barely believing what she saw before her own eyes.

He looked no different than the last time she'd seen him, before she shut the door of the Falcon in his face… His sable hair had grown even shaggier and now it brushed against his shoulders, still framing his pale face in a way that made Rey want to pull it back, out his eyes. He was still sheathed in black from head to toe but the robes were longer and crisp, signifying his new status, she assumed. The scar over his right cheek had faded quite a bit but it was as prominent as ever against his sharp features.

His dark eyebrows narrowed when she spoke his old name. She didn't bother to correct herself this time.

He eyed her suspiciously before speaking again, "Did you do this?"

"No." She answered. He knew as well as she did that their connection was beyond their control. She thought she saw his eyes soften for a heartbeat before returning to their dark, steely veil.

He was silent again. This time for a lot longer. She could feel the anger radiating from him, all of it directed at her, but his face gave nothing away. She wondered how he really felt under his mask of rage. He'd never tell her, though. She knew that.

He crossed his arms and leaned against something invisible to Rey before opening his mouth again, "You're tired," He said nonchalantly, "Are your precious friends working you into the grave, now? Last Jedi?" The venom was heavy in his voice, masking any other inflection she might have heard.

She raised an eyebrow at him, surprised that silly title had made its way into the First Order's ears already.

"Although I suppose Jedi wield a lightsaber, don't they?"

She tried to keep her face steady. He was taunting her, trying to get some kind of reaction he could use to his advantage. They hadn't seen each other in almost a year and instead of yelling or screaming, he had decided to use their precious time like this. "Am I supposed to call you Supreme Leader now?" She asked blandly, "You didn't like that I called you Ben."

She saw his shoulders tense again when she said his name. He opened his mouth, lips curling into a sneer, "I suspect you'll keep calling me by a dead man's name until the day I destroy you and your Resistance."

"Is that your new plan?" She prodded, "To hunt me down like a—"

"It's always been the plan." He growled. She felt the lie as it left his lips.

"Did you see it?" Rey murmured suddenly, remembering the way her dream had morphed from her fantasy into his.

He faltered, she caught it before he corrected himself, "See what?"

She ignored him and pressed harder, "I took your hand, you showed me what it would have been like. And you regretted it." She rose to her feet and took a step toward him. "You said you took my Light from me. It was tearing you apart, you regretted it—"

"What do you know of regret?" Ren muttered, acutely aware of how close she'd gotten.

"Nothing."

A wild range of emotions flashed across his face, she felt each one like a knife in her side. Betrayal, envy, relentless longing, and finally, the familiar rush of his unfiltered anger. She took another step toward him and his nostrils flared but he made no effort to move away.

"Aren't you just perfect?" He scoffed, standing up straight, pushing himself off the invisible wall behind him, closing the slight distance between them with one long stride, "Don't pretend you don't feel it."

Rey's breath caught in her throat and she found herself glaring up at his looming face.

"I know you do. It wakes me up almost every night—your infatuation with the Dark. Every night you wonder about the forbidden power, the answers it might hold. You can't deny it. I feel it too." His eyes were burning into her, he could see past her face, straight into her head, just like she could see into his. "You think no one can see it, don't you? They all see it. They'll turn on you, Rey. All of them. Their fear always gets the best of them. You'll be alone again."

She felt her jaw tighten and anger boiled in her chest, "I'm not alone."

A hint of a smile lifted the left corner of his mouth, "No… I guess you're not."

Conflict rose, slowly at first, and then all at once in the pit of Rey's stomach. He believed every word he said. He thought her friends would turn on her, shun her, betray her the way Luke had betrayed him. He believed it like it was the one truth left in the universe and he was trying to prepare her for it. In his twisted way of thinking, he thought he was helping her. Rey didn't know how to feel about this revelation. It was wrong. How could he always be so wrong? Still… no matter how wrong he was, she felt the slightest bit of comfort at the idea that, if by some sick twist of fate, he wasn't wrong… she wouldn't be alone. He would be there to pick up the pieces and put her back together, but in his image. Into the image of a sad, lonely child parading around with almost limitless power. Ruling the galaxy. Calling himself Supreme Leader.

Finally, Rey's fragile resolve began to crumble.

He seemed to sense it and reached out to her. His gloved hand hovering just under her jaw.

Rey wanted so desperately for him to touch her. While simultaneously wishing he would just disappear and go back to whatever Star Destroyer he was currently lurking around on. Each emotion pulled her in the opposite direction, and before she could decide which one would win out, she felt him.

He ran his gloved finger gently along her face, grazing her skin just below her ear and down her jaw, stopping just under her chin.

Wide-eyed, Rey lifted her eyes to peer into his face, but his gaze didn't match hers. His brows were knit tightly together, focused solely on his own hand as it moved down her face, like he was trying to make sure she was real.

Her breath caught in her throat when his piercing eyes finally lifted to hers—they were so dark, almost black. But as they drilled into her, she swore she saw Light buried deep within.

"I'm here."

"No, Rey. I only wish you were."

There was barely any space between them now. Somehow Rey could feel everything. She felt his hand, pulling her closer and she heard his heartbeat mimicking her own. It was like he'd opened the floodgates of his mind, letting her see and feel everything he'd ever locked away. She felt heavy and hazy and tears stung in the corners of her eyes when she realized this was how he felt every second of every day. She wanted to fall into him and carry the burden, so he wouldn't have to do it alone anymore. She could barely stand it. How did he manage to walk around each day with that weight on his shoulders? How was able to stand there and pretend to be so confident? Her eyes fluttered closed and she resigned herself to whatever fate this would bring—

Right now, she didn't care about the Light or the Dark.

Suddenly, his lips grazed against her own ever so slightly. Like he was testing the waters, making sure it was what he wanted.

Rey gasped. The tingling electricity burned her skin. She wanted him to feel what she felt in that moment; she was almost sure she could. "Ben…" She breathed, almost embarrassed at the sound of her own voice.

Then he came crashing down on her, catching her lips between his own. Every movement was urgent, she could taste the yearning that matched her own. But at the same time, he was afraid. Afraid of what this meant, whatever it was. Afraid that she'd disappear any second. As if to keep her there, Ben snaked his arms around her. One hand crushing against the back of her neck, the other firmly hooked around her waist. She felt his fingertips pressing into her skin like flames, searing her flesh through the fabric of her tunic. It was hungry, almost threatening, the way he tasted her with his tongue. Rey couldn't help but respond automatically, pushing back against him, battling for dominance in a fight she knew she couldn't win.

Rey reached up frantically, tying her arms around his neck. Her fingers found his hair and tangled themselves in it— nothing could have prepared her for how soft it was.

She felt his tongue trailing along her bottom teeth, searching for something, memorizing everything. He was taking it, all of her, all at once. Swallowing her Light, letting it fill him to the core. Stealing her fears, the conflict in her heart, shoving away the Dark while simultaneously grasping onto it with each ragged breath.

Find your balance.

No… no, this wasn't right— she wanted to help him. She was supposed to be drowning his sorrows, carrying his burden. How had the tide turned without her realizing it? Even with the storm Ben held in his head and the constant blaze of anger in his heart, he somehow found the strength to console her. He thought she needed to be comforted. He felt her turmoil and her plight, and he sought to take it from her, leaving only Light in its wake.

You were right to leave me.

His words echoed through her skull, the same ones she'd heard in their dream the night before. But they were heavier now, passing directly from his fervent kiss into the steaming waters of her mind.

But I don't care.

A/N: I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter… I think I'm going to explore Kylo in one of these chapters... eventually. Gimme all the angst.

Also, I know Rey is inherently good, she represents Light. But I love the idea of her struggling with the thought process and the pull of the Dark side. Plus, it's fun to write.

Review?