Disclaimer I do not own Harry Potter and everything recognisable belongs to J K Rowling.
Thank you very, very much for all your kind Reviews. Thanks you to everyone. I hope you like the next chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter Two
"Why is it that every time I come over for a game, it starts to rain?" Ron asked as he collapsed onto the sofa.
"Maybe it's Merlin's way of saving your dignity since I'll probably show you up!" Damien answered as he carried over five bottles of butterbeer and handed them to the surrounding teens.
Ron only gave him a frustrated look.
"You really are full of yourself." he responded back. Damien took a gulp of his bottle and only smirked back at his friend.
Hermione and Ginny were sitting next to the fire as Harry, Ron and Damien were stretched out comfortably on the sofas in the main living room.
There was an Order meeting happening a few rooms away so Harry and the rest were trying to keep themselves occupied with something to do. Unfortunately, the weather was against them and the heavy rain was forcing them to stay indoors and do nothing but lounge around in Potter Manor.
Harry didn't even know why the Order was still having regular meetings. The Order of the Phoenix was a secret society set up for fighting against Voldemort. If there was no more Voldemort, then why did the Order continue to exist? Harry kept his questions to himself. He didn't want to get into any discussions regarding the Order. Harry still had a lot of resentment towards them.
"Can you believe all the catching up we are going to have to do this year? I mean N.E.W.T.S are difficult as it is, but we are going to have to catch up on last year's material as well." Hermione was talking to Ginny but everyone in the room heard her concerns.
Harry diverted his gaze from them. He knew that he was largely responsible for Hogwarts closing earlier in the year. It was his fault that Hogwarts was deemed 'not safe' and had to shut down. Death Eaters had come onto Hogwarts grounds to take Harry, it had caused a lot of parents to pull their children out of the school. And if that wasn't enough, Harry had then organised an attack on Hogwarts Express. Harry felt the uncomfortable churn in his stomach as memories of all his previous behaviours came rushing back at him. He really had caused a lot of mayhem.
Damien was also trying to look away. He was trying not to look at Harry. They all had received their Hogwarts letters that very morning, all, except Harry of course. Damien had thought that after everything Harry had done, he would have been asked to come back to Hogwarts. It was only fair. But there had only been one letter bearing the Hogwarts crest delivered in the morning.
Damien could see that Harry was trying to act like he wasn't bothered about not returning to Hogwarts, but he could see through his mask. Everyone loved Hogwarts, even Voldemort held Hogwarts in a high place. He had called it his home. Damien knew that Harry was going to regret not coming to Hogwarts. Not to mention how lonely and bored Harry would be once he and the rest were going to be away.
"I can't believe they sent the letters today. It's only a week until term starts. They should have sent the letters weeks ago!" Hermione said, with an expression on her face that showed her disappointment.
"Well, they have been busy with…other things, you know." Ginny said a little hesitantly. Everyone in the wizarding world was too caught up with the celebrations, marking the fall of Voldemort, to go back to their daily lives and jobs.
Hermione and Ginny continued talking about Hogwarts, oblivious to the tension it was creating in the room. Harry looked around for something to talk about so that he would not have to listen to all the school talk. He was spared as voices filled the hall outside, indicating that the Order meeting was over.
A moment later the door opened and Tonks stuck her head in to greet them.
"Wotcher!" she said happily and came inside.
Harry, Ron and Damien all sat up as Tonks came in and joined them. Harry watched as Tonks chatted animatedly to all of them. He found himself liking Tonks more and more each day. She had spent a lot of time with him over the past few weeks. Tonks reminded Harry strongly of someone he had still not stopped loving. It wasn't all that strange really. Tonks and Bella were related after all. It wasn't that Tonks looked like Bella or anything like that but there was something about her that strongly resembled Bella. Some of her mannerisms were like Bella. The strong sense of loyalty was present in both of them, while Bella was a faithful follower of Voldemort, Tonks showed the same devotion to the light side.
Tonks was a lot younger and a lot more carefree than Bella. She would continuously make Harry and Damien laugh by changing her appearance. Harry found himself caught off guard once when Tonks changed her short purple hair to long dark locks. Her resemblance to Bella was a lot more prominent then. It was only for an instant as her hair turned yellow and shrunk to short spikes seconds later. Harry was brought out of his thoughts as the door opened and a small group entered. Harry saw the excited look on his dad's face and knew that something had happened. James was followed by Lily, Arthur, Molly, Sirius, Remus and McGonagall. Harry found his smile slip away from his face. 'What is McGonagall still doing here?' Harry thought to himself.
Hermione had a look of excitement cross her features as McGonagall came into the room. The stern looking witch gave Hermione a small shadow of a smile. Harry was surprised to see her looking quite tired. She was still talking quietly with Lily as she came into the room. The Hogwarts students quickly greeted their Professor while Harry chose to remain silent.
"I have the best news!" James started excitedly.
Harry caught Lily give McGonagall a sarcastic look and both woman sank onto the sofa.
"What happened?" Damien asked at once.
James stuck out his chest proudly and had a smug look on his face.
"Well, there has been a change to the Hogwarts staff this year. Guess who's coming to teach Defence against the Dark Arts?" James asked with a wide grin on his face.
James quickly answered his own question, not giving anyone even a chance to answer.
"Me! I'm going to be your new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher!"
Silence was met at James' words.
"Alright, don't everyone congratulate me at once." James said sounding a little put out.
"You! You're going to be at Hogwarts. You're my teacher!" Damien asked, shock present on his face.
Harry had to stifle a laugh at his brother's reaction. The rest didn't look like they minded at all. In fact, they looked quite thrilled at having an Auror teach them.
"That's great. Congratulations, Mr Potter. But, um…why are you teaching? I mean, what happened to Professor Snape?" Hermione asked politely.
Harry was wondering the same thing.
"Professor Snape's gone for a long vacation. He said to Professor Dumbledore that since he's been working under very stressful circumstances for the last two decades, that he deserves a break." McGonagall answered for James.
"As if the rest of us didn't work under stressful circumstances." Sirius added in a near whisper.
"Where did he go?" Damien asked, always letting curiosity get the better of him.
"We didn't ask. It was his private business." McGonagall answered.
"He should take the chance to go somewhere hot. I dare say he desperately needs a tan." Ron said with a grin on his face.
Harry tried not to laugh at the mental image of Snape, lying on the beach in some remote place. He shook his head trying to clear the disturbing image.
Hermione started asking McGonagall questions regarding the seventh year curriculum at Hogwarts. Harry took his chance to slip out of the room. He gathered up the empty butterbeer bottles from the table and headed to the kitchen. He honestly didn't mind the fact that he wasn't going to Hogwarts. He just didn't like everyone else talking about it.
He dropped his empty bottles into the bin and took a deep sigh. 'So, everyone's going to Hogwarts, even both of my parents'. He wondered if his parents would trust him enough to leave him living alone in Potter manor. He answered his own thoughts by laughing to himself. He wouldn't be allowed to live by himself. It didn't matter that he had dealt with much more frightening things than living on his own. It didn't matter that he had lived on his own for the last six months, with practically everyone in the wizarding world out looking for his blood. To his parents he was just a teen who wouldn't be capable of looking after himself.
'Maybe I could live with Remus or perhaps Sirius'. He squashed the idea of living with Sirius. He didn't think he could stand to be in Grimmauld Place for an entire year.
The sound of footsteps alerted Harry to the fact that someone was coming towards the kitchen. He turned around to see Ginny walk inside. She was alone. Harry smiled at her as she walked over to him and planted a small kiss on his cheek.
"You okay?" she whispered as she draped her arms around his torso.
Harry smiled at her in response.
"Why shouldn't I be?" he asked.
"I just thought with everyone going on about Hogwarts, it might be annoying." She answered.
Harry took a moment to figure out his thoughts.
"It's not annoying. It's just…I know everyone's excited about going back and that's fine but I just wish they would talk about it when I'm not there." he answered back.
Ginny let go of Harry, sensing that he was uncomfortable with her hugging him. She slipped her hand into his instead. Harry loved how intuitive Ginny was. He never had to ask for space, she just gave it to him whenever he needed it.
"You know, there was a part of me that really thought you would be asked to return to Hogwarts. I didn't think Professor Dumbledore would exclude you like that." Ginny said with disappointment evident on her face.
Harry leant casually against the worktop, still holding her hand.
"Well, to be fair, I did test his patience a bit too far." He said with a smirk.
At Ginny's questioning look, Harry explained.
"I didn't treat the school like an actual school. I never paid attention to any of the classes, ridiculed his staff, I actually caused Death Eaters to come onto the grounds of Hogwarts, attacked Hogwarts Express and then, just to make sure I really pissed him off, I set the Main hall on fire."
Ginny's brown eyes widened with shock.
"When did you set the hall on fire?" she asked in genuine surprise.
"When I went to get the Gryffindor Sword. Blake turned up with a handful of Aurors. It was the only thing I could do to escape." Harry answered.
Ginny's face relaxed. She turned to look at Harry with a smirk.
"Well, when you put it that way, I'm shocked they haven't called you back. You make everything so much more interesting." She teased.
Harry only smiled back at her. After a few minutes, both made their way back to the living room. Harry was hoping McGonagall had left but was disappointed to see she was still there.
A few minutes later, McGonagall got up and fastened up her cloak.
"I should get going. I have so many things to do." She told Lily.
McGonagall took a step towards the door but then stopped abruptly. She turned around, looking for someone. Her eyes settled on Harry and she quickly strode towards him.
"I almost forgot…here, Mr Potter, this is for you." she said as she pulled something out from her robes pocket.
"I apologise for it not arriving at the same time as the others. I don't know how but a few of these went missing. I thought I would deliver it by hand since I was coming here today." McGonagall continued as she held out an envelope.
Harry took the envelope from her, not really taking in her words. He looked at the envelope, which had his name printed clearly on the front in green ink.
Damien was at Harry's side in a moment. He looked at the envelope in Harry's hands and let out a cry of joy.
"Harry! It's your Hogwarts letter!" he told him.
Harry looked up to see McGonagall leaving the room, with his parents walking her to the front door. Ron, Hermione and Ginny were wearing looks of joy as Harry stood with the letter still clutched in his hand.
"Open it!" Damien said, looking as if he would like to grab the letter from him and open it himself.
Harry turned the envelope over and looked at the Hogwarts crest, sealing the letter. 'It can't be' he thought to himself. He couldn't possibly be asked to come back to Hogwarts. It just wasn't possible.
Harry opened the envelope and carefully pulled out the letter. He was expecting it to be something else, not his invitation to Hogwarts. His heart skipped several beats as he read the letter, inviting him to attend Hogwarts for the seventh year, listing all the supplies he would need and at last, instructions to board the Hogwarts express on the 1st of September.
"I knew it! I just knew they wouldn't leave you out!" Ron said happily.
Harry didn't say anything. He was still holding the letter but his eyes weren't focused on it. He was lost in his thoughts. Remus was watching Harry closely. He could see the lost look Harry wore before his eyes hardened and a look of annoyance crossed his features.
"Harry…" Remus started but was cut off as James and Lily came back inside the room.
"Well, what can I say? I knew that I was one of the best Aurors around but to be asked to teach Defence at Hogwarts! Well, if that doesn't say how great I am then nothing will." James said as he took a mock bow before the room.
"Aw, there's the modest man I married." Lily joked.
"Lily, do you want to meet up at Diagon Alley tomorrow? We can get all the supplies then, the kids can meet up as well." Molly asked.
"That sounds like a plan." Lily said with a smile.
James and Lily had not noticed that Harry was still clutching the letter in his hand. Remus looked worriedly over at him before turning his attention to James.
Ron, Ginny and Hermione were all getting ready to leave, all chatting excitedly about tomorrows shopping trip. Ginny noticed the awkward goodbye Harry said to them and knew that Harry was annoyed. Before she could talk to him, her mum was pulling her towards the door, intending to get back home quickly to prepare dinner. Ginny left with the rest, hoping that Harry was okay.
Lily began tidying the living room, picking up the cushions from the floor and returning them to the sofas.
"I can get the rest of my shopping done tomorrow as well. Harry, does your letter say anything about dress robes? I'm sure we need new ones for you. I don't like the ones we got last year." Lily was too busy talking her thoughts aloud to notice Harry's expression.
She stopped in her tracks as Harry spoke.
"I'm not going."
Everyone turned their attention towards Harry. That was when James noticed the letter crumpled up in Harry's hand. Both of his hands were curled into fists and his green eyes were clouded with annoyance.
James found himself cursing softly under his breath. What had happened now?
"You don't want to come to Diagon Alley?" Lily asked, hoping that that was what Harry meant.
"I'm not going to Hogwarts, so I don't need anything from Diagon Alley." Harry answered simply.
Damien was still standing next to Harry. He was looking at him with confusion. 'Harry didn't want to go? But why?'
"You don't want to go to Hogwarts?" Sirius was the one who had asked the question.
"I'm not going to Hogwarts." Harry repeated his answer and started to walk towards the door, intending to go to his room.
"Harry, wait. I think we should discuss this." James said, trying to regain control of the situation.
"There's nothing to discuss. It's my decision whether or not to go to Hogwarts and I've decided that I'm not going." Harry said, still in an oddly calm and controlled voice.
"It's not just your decision. I think we have a say as well. You should at least tell us why you don't want to go." Lily responded.
"I don't need to go. There isn't really anything the school can offer me." Harry answered.
James shared a look with Lily, warning her to not say anything.
"Harry, you're going to need to complete your education. Nowadays there aren't many jobs you could do without a handful of N.E.W.T.S. I think it would be beneficial for you to graduate from Hogwarts." James explained as gently as he could.
"Can't you let me decide this for myself? I'm seventeen. If I decide I don't want to go then you should accept that as well." Harry replied, starting to lose the careful hold on his anger.
"Maybe, we should discuss this afterwards. We need to talk about this properly." James said, casting Lily a weary look. He didn't want to argue with Harry. If they talked about it later, maybe Harry would be a lot calmer.
"I told you, dad. There isn't anything to discuss." Harry argued back stubbornly before leaving the room. Harry went upstairs to his room, ignoring the shouts behind him.
Harry didn't want the discussion to go on. He had made his mind up and that was that. It wasn't that Harry didn't want to go to Hogwarts; it was more that he felt he couldn't go. After everything that had happened at Hogwarts, Harry didn't feel like he belonged there. It had closed down because of him. How could he go back to it? There was also the issue with Harry's nightly torment. How could he hide his nightmares when he would be sharing his room with four other boys? How long before someone found out about his nightmares? They would make him talk about it, talk about Voldemort. Harry couldn't deal with that. It was much safer to be by himself, away from others.
The other reason was Albus Dumbledore. Harry couldn't bear to think about himself being in his school under his control. The very thought made Harry's skin crawl. He didn't want to be manipulated and used again. Never again.
Harry had just managed to calm his thoughts down when his door opened and Damien came in.
"What's going on?" he asked with a mix of shock and anger on his face.
"Nothing's going on." Harry said emotionlessly.
"Then why are you acting like a five year old? You were sulking when you thought you weren't going to Hogwarts, and now that you are going, you're still sulking. Stop with your childish tantrums and come downstairs." Damien told his older brother.
"Piss off, Damien. I'm not sulking. I have my reasons for not going." Harry stopped himself. He didn't want to get involved in explaining why he couldn't go.
"Why don't you want to go? What reasons could you have?" Damien stopped as well and a thought crossed his mind.
"You're not scared are you? I mean of facing everyone, because you shouldn't be." Damien tried to comfort him.
"Please, Damy, as if I'm bothered about what a bunch of school children think of me. I have better things to worry about." Harry stopped again, cursing mentally. He was letting out too much information.
"What are you talking about? Harry, is everything okay?" Damien took a step nearer but stopped as Harry gave him a glare.
"Of course I'm okay! Why wouldn't I be? Just go!" he snapped at Damien.
Damien stood for a moment, looking as if he was going to argue, but then he spun on his heel and walked towards the door.
"When you calm down and realise what a prat you've been, come downstairs." Damien said before leaving.
Harry collapsed onto his bed, head held in his hands. He didn't want to snap at Damien, he was only trying to help, but Harry could hardly control his emotions. Harry knew he would make it up to Damien afterwards. He just couldn't be bothered with any debates or arguments just now.
xxx
Damien had told the rest to leave Harry alone. He was sulking and didn't want anyone to talk to him. James wanted to go up and talk to Harry. He didn't know a lot about Harry but the one thing that he did know was that Harry wasn't one to throw childish tantrums and sulk over nothing. Something more complicated was bothering him and James needed to know what it was.
When it came to dinner time, Lily called for Harry to come downstairs. After a few minutes, everyone was gathered around the table except for Harry. Remus offered to go upstairs and get him. Remus wanted an opportunity to talk to Harry alone. The rest might not be able to understand what Harry was doing, but Remus could see it clearly.
Remus knocked softly on Harry's door before entering. Harry was sitting up on his bed, a book held in his hands, but he wasn't reading it. Remus could tell, just by the way Harry was holding it.
"Dinner's ready." Remus said as he came inside the room.
"Thanks, but I'm not hungry just now." Harry said still not looking away from the book.
Remus came over and sat next to Harry.
"Is it any good?" Remus asked.
Harry shrugged and closed the book to look at the cover.
"It's just the same as any other book." He answered.
"I wasn't talking about the book." Remus said with a tired smile.
Harry looked up at him.
"I meant was it any good to hide your true feelings about why you don't want to go to Hogwarts."
Harry didn't reply, so Remus continued.
"I know what you're doing, Harry. It's not going to work. James and Lily would never let you get away with something like that."
"What are you talking about?" Harry asked a hint of annoyance in his tone.
"I felt like you did, when I had to go to Hogwarts for the very first time. You know that I was bit by a werewolf when I was just a kid. I never thought I would get to attend Hogwarts. It just wasn't possible. When I got my letter, I reacted like you did. Made up excuses that meant I couldn't go. I was convinced that I didn't belong there. However great the school was, I was not meant to be a part of it."
Harry looked away as he felt his stomach flip in anxiety.
"That's how you feel, don't you. You think you don't belong in Hogwarts because of your past."
Harry looked up to meet Remus' eyes.
"It doesn't matter about what I feel. It's the truth and everyone knows it. They're just trying to ignore it." Harry answered.
"I know that me telling you that you do belong in Hogwarts isn't going to make you believe it but I'm going to say it anyway. You belong there just as much as anybody else. You can't let the guilt of your past weigh you down. It won't do anything good for you. I know that you will probably have to put up with a lot, a lot of good things as well as bad, but that's life." Remus told him with a sad smile.
"I don't think me going to Hogwarts is going to make anything better. If anything, it will just make situations tenser. I don't like the idea of Dumbledore putting me up as some sort of hero, I don't…I can't explain it, I just don't want to be under his control." Harry said without really meaning to say those words out aloud.
Remus stilled for a moment before forcibly relaxing again. He patted Harry on the shoulder before getting up to go.
"I know you don't trust him, I can understand why. But Harry, you have to let yourself believe that you have people in your life now that won't let anyone control you. James and Lily would never let you get manipulated again. You should trust them."
With that said, Remus left, letting Harry think over his words.
xxx
Lily was busy trying to get Damien and James to get ready for the shopping trip in Diagon Alley. They had to get to the Leaky Cauldron in twenty minutes to meet up with the Weasleys. She had not spoken to Harry since yesterday. Harry had refused to eat anything and had kept to his room. Lily had managed to keep James from confronting him. She knew that Harry was only trying to think things over. She had been a little harsh with him last night. She understood now that Harry was probably getting nervous about dealing with all these people after what had happened with Voldemort. Harry had left Hogwarts with Death Eaters and would be returning back like a normal student. It had to be nerve wracking. She was just about to go upstairs with a plate of breakfast when Harry came into the living room, fully dressed, ready to leave.
Lily stared at her eldest son, dressed in his muggle clothes. Before she could open her mouth to ask what was going on, Harry spoke up.
"You know that we're going to get late if you all keep on staring at me like that."
Lily couldn't help the small laugh that escaped her. Harry had changed his mind. His talk with Remus had worked. Harry was going to Hogwarts. Damien gave Harry an odd look but continued to pull on his shoes.
"Did you get the list with your supplies on it?" James asked with a small smile.
Harry gave him a smirk and walked towards the door.
"I don't need it." he answered. Harry watched as both his parents faces fell with disappointment. Harry let them think he wasn't going to Hogwarts for a moment or two before speaking.
"I've got everything memorised. I am the great Auror James Potter's son after all. With a mind like mine, you don't need a list." Harry teased as he directed his answer at his dad.
James and Lily both gave relieved laughs before hurrying towards Harry. Damien gave Harry a grin as he waked outside.
"You can't help but torment them, can you?" Damien said as they walked to the edge of the appartation wards.
Harry smiled back before putting his arm around his brother's shoulder.
"It wouldn't be a normal day for me if I didn't get them worked up about something." Harry joked back.
"So what changed your mind?" Damien asked quietly.
Harry didn't answer. He looked at his parents, who were busy talking to each other.
"I figured I would give Hogwarts a chance. After all, my entire family is going to be there. I don't want to be the only one left out." He finally answered.
Damien laughed along with Harry as he held his hand and apparated to Diagon Alley along with his parents.
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Please let me know what you think? I promise that the story does have an actual plot. It isn't just about Harry healing, there are darker forces at work. (evil wink) Please Review.