Disclaimer: If I owned FMA, strange things would happen with sins – villains in general, actually. Strange, strange things, possibly involving fondue. Yes, definitely involving fondue, with strawberries, pineapple, salted caramels, and cookie dough. In fact, the entire cast would probably attend a chocolate party… ooh… yumm… I don't own FMA, and anyone who does isn't invited to the chocolate party. They have to make their own.
Chapter 2"That was wonderful, Nii-san. Thank you." Al commented as they left the building. Ed needed a walk. Fresh air. Perhaps a hammer so that he could crack his skull open, deposit the idea safely inside, and sew it back up again.
"But all you did was stare at him. He didn't even talk to you once. We just argued." Ed protested.
"But we were both there." Al informed him, explaining that this was quite enough for now. "D'you think he'll call you back soon?"
"Probably not until I've assured him that you cannot buy a philosopher's stone in the local coffee shop." Ed replied, feeling irritated with Roy.
"He's just being thorough. It's an admirable quality."
"You'd say anything Roy did was an admirable quality." Ed grumbled. "If he hopped on one foot. If he fell down the stairs. If he happened to glance past you at the book case…"
"Oh, Nii-san, do you think he would?" Al asked excitedly.
Not for the first nor anywhere near the last time, Ed wished he weren't a minor and people would let him take a long drink of alcohol.
Al continued to babble about Roy until a haunted Ed managed to find a kitten in a corner and shove it at him. Even then there were occasional comments about whether Roy liked cats, and if he would appreciate suddenly getting one, and if he'd ever had a pet before and would know what to do with one. Ed's wistful imaginary cache of alcohol started to look like a bar itself.
"Al," he said finally, "either shut up or go get Hughes to tell you about Elysia."
Faced with this prospect, Al became deathly silent, and Ed started to realize what Roy had felt at being constantly stared at by an empty, silent suit of armor.
(0.0)
Riza Hawkeye had just enough time to poke her head in the door and say, "Edward Elric, sir," before he came storming in. Rather than take his usual seat on the couch, though, the little boy marched right up to Roy's desk and put his finger in the colonel's face.
"Don't you even think of hurting my brother." He growled. "Don't you dare do anything to make him unhappy, you hear me? Because if you do, what I will do to you will make the Leore incident look like a farce."
Roy stood up. Ed dropped his finger, rather than allow it to end up pointing at Roy's breastbone. "Fullmetal, I have no idea what you're talking about." He began. A speech had started forming in his mind, a very nice, almost polite one, except that Edward interrupted before he could start it.
"Good." He told his superior. "Good. Keep it that way – or if you can't, you'd better darn well not do anything to make Alphonse unhappy."
Before Roy could so much as agree, disagree, foist paperwork on him, or even so much as comment on Ed's use of 'darn,' Edward Elric had spun and stormed out of his office. Roy sank back into his chair, deeply confused. He had a few seconds to ponder the mystery before Riza stuck her head in again.
"Caelean Dyson, sir."
(0.0)
There were two things Envy wanted. The first was a little brother, and he was working on that with Wrath. The second was gossip, and judging by the look on the face of the informant approaching him, there was some good scoop to be had. Envy turned to Wrath.
"This is called 'the beginnings of blackmail,' Wrath. It's how I get my hair stuff." Envy paused as the man got closer. "Or it could be something even juicier."
Wrath was sulking. He didn't like Envy's little teaching sessions. "Yeah, yeah. Do I get the stones now?"
"Listen." Envy instructed him.
"You said it would be just you!" The man objected as he came closer. Envy briefly considered arguing. Instead, he just threatened murder, informed him Wrath could be trusted, and went back to his throne to listen.
Blackmail didn't begin to describe it. Gossip didn't begin to describe it. Dirt on the Elrics came somewhere close to the middle of describing it.
Alphonse Elric was in love with Roy Mustang.
Envy was speechless with delight. He almost handed the man a red stone instead of the coins Gluttony was always trying to eat. Where he'd gotten the idea they were chocolate Envy didn't know, and why he wanted them was also beyond Palm Tree Head. Gluttony never unwrapped anything, and he was always complaining about the taste of tin foil.
Envy dismissed the man and then started wriggling happily.
"Can I have my stones now?" Wrath asked.
"Oh, shut up." Envy replied.
(0.0)
Ed felt stalked. For a while, he thought it might be Hughes, just because Hughes did that sort of thing. This thought was quickly dismissed. Hughes was subtle; if he or one of his people were stalking Ed, he wouldn't know. Actually, Hughes had probably been stalking him since he joined the military. His second guess was Roy; Colonel Bad Word had the motive, but this stalking was more subtle than that. Roy did not seem to be the subtle sort. Besides, his people weren't suited to stalking.
This bemused Ed for a while, before he realized that it was probably just the enemy, which made him very happy. The enemy was nothing to worry about. He almost dismissed the matter entirely, until he remembered that the enemy hadn't been stalking him before, though it should have.
The stalker also was unidentifiable; Ed only knew he existed because he felt eyes on him all the time. And the stalker was only around when Ed was with Al – which was all the time, even at his meetings with Roy anymore. In any case, after much pondering and a few dented walls, Ed's tired, alchemy-oriented brain managed to make a breakthrough that most, with Ed's experience, would have made right off. It was Envy.
Ed fell asleep.
In the morning, recalling that it was Envy, he went back to worrying. Why would Envy stalk him? They were at an impasse, one of those oh-so-irritating times when there was nothing to be done no matter how hard he tried. He used to use these times to brush up on his alchemy. Now he didn't need to anymore, and just got restless.
But why Envy? Nothing had changed.
Except...
Why was Envy interested in Ed's brother's love life?
Ed escorted Al into the nearest shop, told him to stay, and sneaked back outside. He soon identified Envy; the homunculi had no idea how humans behaved. Despite his shape shifting abilities, Envy was more suited to the work of the assassin than that of the stalker. Ed managed to blend in with the crowd and sneak up behind Envy unnoticed, partly because Envy was being obsessive. He subtly changed his arm into a knife and held Envy up.
"What are you doing?" He demanded.
"Excuse me, sir?" Envy asked.
"Oh, shut up, you're not even human." Ed snapped. "Why are you stalking my brother?"
"Excuse me?"
"Stop it, Envy, it's not funny anymore. It never was funny, but that's beside the point."
"Sir –"
"Elric…" An exasperated voice called. A nondescript person emerged from the crowd. "Leave the poor mechanic alone."
Ed remembered that it was a tool shop that he had left Al in. Which was partly why Al had stayed; he wanted a surprise for Winry. Ed let the mechanic go with a brief apology.
"Did you really think me that stupid? You have a bad habit of underestimating your enemies, boy."
Ed managed to convince himself this was not a jibe at his height. Barely. "Same question." He snapped instead. "What are you doing stalking my brother?"
A short skirmish followed in which Envy almost managed to smirk and sink into the crowd. The homunculi found Ed's knife at his throat properly this time. Ed repeated the question. Envy stalled briefly. Ed found Wrath holding a knife to his throat. Ed backed off. Nobody seemed to notice the use of threats and knives. Ed turned back to the tool shop, Al, and a wrench.
"Now can I have my stones?" He heard Wrath say as he left.