Wufei's POV
It wasn't that Wufei regretted what they had done in the early morning hours. He didn't. But he was keenly aware that Heero had learned everything he'd done from Duo. He had gotten to kiss and touch and learn everything Duo could offer from experience. Wufei was jealous, almost angry. Not at Heero, just at the universe for taking Duo and leaving him here to imagine what things could have been. But he had been with Heero anyway, so he still would have been silently pining.
Looking over at his lover, Wufei smiled. The man was on his side, forehead pressed against Wufei's shoulder, messy hair wilder than usual. His lips were parted just a bit and still slightly swollen from their earlier activities. Wufei felt himself twitch at the memory of those lips around him, cobalt eyes almost black with desire. Duo had likely taught him the technique, but the execution was purely Heero.
Since Meilan, he hadn't let anyone touch him like this, and they hadn't tried this sort of thing. He had loved her, yes, but they'd never shared anything as intimate as what he had with Heero. Wufei wasn't sure what exactly made things feel so intense. At first, he was sure it was just loss but it had been nearly a year since Duo and they had only grown closer.
The feeling was unsettling for him. Having so many feelings in general was unsettling, and the rapid loss of control both he and Heero had over those emotions was downright terrifying. This wasn't something gundam pilots did. Well, maybe Quatre and Duo. And even then, Duo hadn't been this forthright with his emotions. Once he'd chosen someone to trust they still had to work a bit for what he'd show.
Wufei had grown up in a culture where affection was private and love wasn't necessarily the goal of a coupling. Intimacy emotional or otherwise, was just not discussed. He didn't think he'd ever seen his family even share a tender look. He and Meilan had slept in separate rooms most of the time. They were both so private. This wasn't normal for him, intense affection and a desire to bare his soul to another person.
Duo had started breaking him of his reserved nature and prudishness from the first day they met. But he hadn't really let himself be vulnerable until the end. He'd only just started opening up to his best friend. He'd never been this open until after Duo, though. At first, it was because he couldn't control his emotions after being tortured for days with no sleep, numerous injuries, and having just seen the man he was secretly in love with die right there with him. He couldn't hide his grief from anyone who might have been around and he had been so ashamed around anyone but Heero.
The Wing pilot had seen in him immediately the same grief and knew. He felt guilty for having loved the man that belonged to Heero, but they both knew Duo really didn't belong to anyone but himself. Heero's willingness to lean on one another is what really brought Wufei out of his shell in this irreversible way. Carding fingers through the messy brown locks, Wufei wondered just when he had fallen so completely for the man beside him. And when Heero had fallen for him. He didn't think he could forget those sleep-slurred words and how he'd only heard the other man so tender with Duo.
Wufei extricated himself from his lover's grasp, and padded to the kitchen to start the kettle for tea. The sun was already bright and well on its way to midpoint in the sky. He hadn't meant to sleep so late. He needed time to meditate after what had happened. He needed time to sort through what was happening, they were still gundam pilots, even abandoned as they were. Wufei really needed to get himself together.
Meditation had proved difficult, and he had moved on to forms, finding that exercise was nearly as effective. He was just finishing up when Heero slipped outside to join him with a steaming cup in one hand and a bottle of water in the other. Wufei accepted the bottle, wiping sweat out of his eyes with the front of his black exercise tank. Heero settled on the grass, staring off at nothing. "Have you reconsidered our coupling?" Wufei's gaze shot to Heero so fast that he thought he may have whiplash.
The other pilot's tone was cold and the mask Wufei thought was gone for good had slipped over his stony features. Had Heero? Perhaps his feelings had changed? Or maybe he hadn't meant the words for Wufei. Of course he hadn't, Wufei silently berated himself. It had only been a few months since the death of his boyfriend. Okay, more than a few. Ten agonizing months, but Wufei still felt the tug of grief in everything he did without Duo in this world. That must be it, Wufei thought bitterly. Heero hadn't intended to say it back, maybe didn't even remember hearing the words in the first place. So now he had come her intending to- to what, exactly?
Wufei hadn't realized he was running until he collapsed, gasping, at the foot of Shenlong where it was still hidden, vegitation growing through its joints and creeping over the surface. His gundam was hidden enough to almost be invisible, and he was a little surprised to see how quickly the earth could reclaim what she wanted. Even gundanium wasn't invulnerable to her power. He let out a shuddering sob, suddenly struck by the thought that anything left of Duo was long gone now, broken down and washed away.
Without Heero, he wouldn't have any part of the other pilot left. But he wasn't interested. What they'd done, what Wufei had said, It had been too much too soon and now things were over between them. Choking on his tears, Chang let out an anguished cry at his own foolishness. He had opened himself up to this. He had lef himself vulnerable, and now every nerve felt raw. How could he have been so stupid? One fist, then the other hit the hull of his decaying gundam.
When he was bloody and spent, and the metal beneath his bloody fingers bore a light dappling of dents, Wufei closed his eyes and leaned back against his decaying alter-ego. He wasn't ready to go back to the safe house. Back to Heero. Back to that lonely room he'd tossed and turned in for the first night. He had become weak, running from his probems like Maxwell. That braided idiot had completely changed him, and Wufei wasn't sure how he was supposed to make it in this world without him and without Heero.
It sounded dramatic, even to Wufei, but he was serious. Duo had cracked his shell and left him vulnerable. Heero had left him raw. Treize was dead, but still came out of it a victor. His gundam had fallen into disrepair. He had grown soft and weak. He was no use as a pilot. He was a disgrace to his clan. His wife was dead. What was left?
The sky was dark, night chill, when Wufei woke up. He moved to push himself up and winced at the ache in his hands. He couldn't see them clearly, but he was sure they were quite swollen and bruised. As he walked, the night dew collected on the tops of his bare feet and soaked the hem of his pants. It was time to face the mess he'd gotten himself into. He had been weak and it was his responsibility to own up to his transgressions.
He paused at the edge of the woods, still concealed by the thick brush that separated the safe house from the clearing he had just crossed. Heero was outside, pacing the rear perimeter. His gait was tense, one hand on his holster, the other shoved into tangled brown hair. The mask he wore earlier, Wufei had realized then that indeed had been a mask, had slipped away and even from this distance Wufei could see the panic in the other pilot's eyes.
Stepping out into the small yard of the house, Wufei barked out a greeting? Maybe a warning? "Yuy, its Chang." Heero had his weapon trained on Wufei the moment he stepped out of the brush, but quickly let it drop at the other pilot's words. Heero froze then, entire body going rigid. The ice prince mask was back, but Wufei could still feel the anger and residual fear radiating off him. Wufei had made a mistake, he was sure now. Just not the one he thought.
He had been hot-headed and mistrustful. Heero hadn't been with anyone but Duo, and Wufei was suddenly acutely aware of a memory he had tried to forget. The first time he and Heero had- been intimate, Heero had left the braided pilot's bed and returned to his room to work on a program. Duo had been in near hysterics, sobbing to Wufei that Heero had "fucked and run" and how stupid he'd been to think Heero could want him.
This was the only relationship Heero had been in other than Duo. It hit Wufei like a mac truck that Heero remembered that interaction and must have applied it to what Wufei had done that morning. Heero had been vulnerable and raw, and woken up alone. And Wufei had hardly acknowledged the other until he spoke. Heero wasn't asking as a way to let Wufei know he wanted out. Wufei quickened his pace, reaching his lover in three strides.
Wufei closed the distance, crushing his mouth to the other man's, taking his surprise as opportunity to slip his tongue out to soothe at Heero's worry-chapped lip, pulling Heero flush against him. He struggled for half a beat and then Heero was heavy against him, arms snaking around waist and shoulder. The kiss was deep and rough and hungry. Heero bit at Wufei's bottom lip, breaking skin with a growl.
How had Wufei been so foolish. He was sure it was Heero that had left him raw and broken when he had been the one doing just that to Heero. He hissed sharply as he was pushed to the grass and his left hand was crushed in a pinning grip. Heero immediately recoiled, having felt the swelling and the crunch of misaligned bone. "What the fuck did you DO out there, Fei?" His tone was angry, but Wufei saw those cobalt eyes crinkle in worry.
As much as he wanted to pull Heero back to the damp grass and sooth him with rough kisses and claiming bites, he really did need to tend to his hands. Something was definitely broken in his left, and the right throbbed with his heartbeat. They really needed to talk anyway. They should have done this ages ago. He might not have jumped to such wild conclusions if they had.
Heero pulled him up by the elbow and walked ahead to pull the med kit out of the bathroom. Wufei sat at the counter, leaning one forearm on the cool stone as he balanced on the slightly unsteady bar stool. Heero sat across from him and began unpacking things. One knuckle on his right hand was split wide, several were swollen and black. His left was much worse. Heero would have to clean away the blood and dirt to even assess the damage.
"The left, something's broken or dislocated at least." Wufei admits, not making eye contact. "What did you-" Heero paused and took a breath. When he started again, Wufei thought he sounded less angry. "How did you do this much damage?" He pulled gently at each finger, feeling along the length and up into the hand as he spoke. Wufei bit his lip to keep from making a sound. When Heero pressed at a knuckle and tugged it back into place, Wufei bit down hard into his lip and blood dribbled down his chin.
Heero stood suddenly, slamming a hand down as the stool he was sitting on toppled over behind him. "Jesus fucking Christ! If you don't stop that, I'll kill you!" Wufei immediately released his lip, but couldn't help the grin that tugged at its edges. Heero stalked off to grab a small basin to clean his wounds in and a few flannels to wash them with.