I stood before a flame, a lighting bolt, and a heat shimmer. Each one was beautiful, each one exuded a presence so immense I felt like I was suffocating, and behind them was an endless expanse of captivating light and darkness.
I felt as one by one, the three beings before me turned their attention upon me. They saw into me, their will reaching into the deepest parts of my being, exploring, looking, intrusive.
Invasive.
I felt as they reached my magic, the magic passed down to me by my father. I felt the moment their indifference turned to anger and then when the anger turned to hate. Two of them tightened their will painfully around me, around my magic, turning into an agony against the deepest, most integral and sacred parts of my being. They pulled me in two directions and I screamed. I cried and yelled and writhed in their grasp as two unknowable beings pulled at my magic and other parts, and did their best to rip them out of me.
Pain.
I'd never felt pain like this. This was the destruction of my soul. I felt something give in a burst of agony that burned away all thought. Pain, pain and the sudden feeling that my magic wasn't all there anymore. Another tearing sensation and a little more of it wasn't there anymore.
And throughout all of this, I screamed, I cried, I called out for Mama, for Father, for anyone to save me, to help, to please make it stop.
A little more of my soul tore.
"Please…"
The infinite field of coruscating light and darkness rippled as if in response to my plea and reality froze. I felt a fourth presence, this one warm and full of regret, enter my being and pry away the two… things that had destroyed me. I cried. I wanted to go home. I wanted my father. I wanted my magic. I wanted to sleep and never wake up if it meant I would never remember this.
But I didn't. I couldn't. It didn't let me. It held on to me and beheld the scraps that were the ruins of my being, of my soul. I felt its anger at the destruction wrought upon me, felt the mounting rage as power lashed out and smote the three things that had destroyed me. There was very little left of two of the smothering presences. The third was in agony similar to mine. Vindictive joy spread through me. I was avenged. I cried, and I was happy in the knowledge that I would not fade into oblivion alone.
Nothingness approached. I couldn't feel it, but I knew. The last thing I perceived was the fourth presence taking hold of the remains of the other two and bringing them closer.
It wasn't fair.
I hated it.
I hadn't even had a chance to really live, and now they'd made sure I never would.
At least oblivion meant I wouldn't exist to grieve over lost lives.
"I've never seen anything like it, Lord Alstreim. Her magic is very wounded, and we're not sure if she'll ever have the ability to do magic once she heals. She's lucky to be alive," said a distant voice. I heard a deep breath and the voice continued speaking. "Merlin. The only reason she's survived this long are the enchantments on her belly and lower back. Whatever it was your wife did has kept your daughter alive long enough to let her start healing."
"Is… Is there anything else you can do? Money is no object. Anything you could possibly need to help her, I can provide!" Father's voice rose as he spoke and he was shouting by the end. "Anything!"
"There's nothing we can do beyond keeping her nourished and comfortable. We've healed her body as best we could. All the damage that's left is not physical, and it's so extensive not even restorative potions based off of unicorn blood could improve her situation right now. All we can do is give her the tools and time to heal."
I wasn't awake. I wasn't asleep or unconscious either. I simply existed. And felt a lot of pain, but it was less than I remembered, so it was better than before. I could barely feel my magic, I could barely feel my body, but I could feel as something on my lower back and belly burned, and I could feel the new parts that weren't me gluing my being together, all held in place by an impossible force.
As the days passed the new parts started melting into me, and slowly the burning brands on my body faded away. Father was beside me often, he spoke to me as I healed, and his presence made me feel better. Mama spent a lot of time with me too, but she didn't talk much, and if I were to be honest, her being there was distressing. I loved my mother, but loving her hurt now.
I don't know how long I laid on that bed, but eventually Father stopped being there all the time and he only visited. It was every other day at first, then it was every few days, and then every couple weeks. Before long, his visits were months apart, a time difference I could tell because one of the Healers read the newspaper to me every morning. At least Mama lasted longer. Probably guilt, just like it was probably guilt that drove her away in the end. She'd poured her heart out to me while I slept.
"My beautiful girl. I love you so much. I… I am so sorry this happened to you. I should have listened when you tried to stop me," I heard her sniffle and felt her hand on my cheek. "But you survived. Thank Inari you survived. Literally, I suppose. You've been blessed by our Goddess. You have a wand now too. She wanted you to have one. It's wood came from the forest's heart tree, and the core is one of my fangs and a hair from our tails. She said it would serve you well."
"I should contact your sisters. Just… Just in case. They would want to have met you, however briefly, if- if-" Then she started crying and couldn't continue speaking. At least she had the courtesy to tell me she was leaving for a while. At least this way I knew not to let my hopes up that she would come back the next day. At least this way I knew for sure she wouldn't be coming back anytime soon. At least she had a good reason.
Was it obvious I was grasping at straws to make it okay that I'd been abandoned? To make me feel better about being left alone by my parents in a hospital bed for weeks and months on end? At least Mama brought my sisters to meet me, even if I couldn't say anything back.
She told them the truth. None of my nieces would ever be exposed to the hateful monsters lurking in the forest. Elder Sisters Yamashiro and Madoka were someone I grew to love quite a bit during my stay in that bed. They came back. They made an effort. I could feel it in their caresses, I could hear it in their voices. I was their beloved little sister, no matter that they only knew what Mama had told them about me. There were others, of course, but none of them as close as the two who became a constant reassuring presence besides my bed.
Over time I began to feel whole, and the burning brands on my front and back faded away, my consciousness and awareness of the world around me stopped being so… constant, until one day I dreamed. It was a nice dream. I didn't hurt, and I didn't feel like one huge scar. I was healthy, I'd never been not healthy, and everything was okay. Father and mother and my sisters were there, welcoming me back home.
I woke up with a start. The transition from pleasant dream to unpleasant reality causing me to jerk into a hunched sitting position. It was weird as fuck. Moving pulled at my skin in unfamiliar ways, and had burned like I'd just run all over the manor. The room I was in was very clearly a hospital room, even though it was a magical one. And I was alone. That hurt more than I was willing to admit.
I tried not to let it hurt. It was to be expected, really. The healer who read to me in the mornings after my daily potions had to be busy the rest of the day, and with how bullshit advanced magic could be I bet there was very little need to check on me at all. They certainly hadn't done so, which, you know, had made for a pretty boring existence during my stay. Thankfully the parade of sisters Mama had dragged through had helped a little, as had Yamashiro's and Madoka's continued visits.
Something was wrong though. Every movement I made felt sluggish and uncoordinated.
Then a healer barged in and the whole day got swept away in a barrage of tests and potions. At least they were very happy to see me awake. They'd even wasted no time in treating the aforementioned wrongness, which as it turned out were issues with my muscles. Laying still in a bed for several months wasn't good for them, apparently. Father must have spent a fortune to get this level of care for a very visibly half-human girl like me. Either that or the wizarding world wasn't as racist as I feared.
Maybe it was a combination of the two?
Hopefully.
I fell asleep at some point during all the poking and prodding and dreamed of a pretty redheaded girl with glowing green eyes and a lying mirror that wanted my life. I dreamed of a funeral where Mama and many of my sisters cried. I dreamed of blood and a neck with bloody bite marks. Eventually I woke up again, but this time I woke up slowly. Someone was speaking. It was a comforting murmur of nonsense. After some time I recognized the voices as Father and the healer in charge of my care in the mornings.
"She's been asleep for few days now- No, Hal, no. Don't worry, we checked, it's just regular, if very deep, sleep. She can be woken up if necessary, but from what our scans are telling us this is her body trying to grow but having a hard time doing so. She'll be very sluggish and weak until it's complete, and she'll likely spend most of the time sleeping."
"But she's okay, right?"
Well, he wasn't wrong. Just opening my eyes had been tiring, and I already felt like falling back asleep. Unfortunately I was kind of uncomfortable on my back. It took me a few minutes to gather the energy to try to turn on my side and bring my tail to my front so could hug something warm and fluffy. Father and my healer had at some point during those minutes noticed my open eyes. The healer just cast some spells at me and asked some questions. Father though? His reaction was more intense and I was suddenly in his arms.
Oh. He was hugging me. That was nice. So I hugged my tail, cuddled against him, and went back to sleep.
The next time I woke up to a sweet voice humming a melody and I was being held against someone's chest. I wiggled a little and got comfortable, which prompted a tight squeeze from my hugger.
"God, it's so good to see you awake, little sis."
I felt her plant a kiss on the top of my head, and loosen her hold on me just enough to look me in the eyes. She was pretty, blonde with blue eyes. She seemed to be somewhat bigger than Mama, which wasn't saying much, seeing as she was pretty tiny, but still. When you're as small as Mama, size differences tended to be noticeable. She looked old enough to be Mama's mother.
"Grandmother?"
"Ouch, little sis. I'm not that old. That old hag's got to be a couple thousand years old by now. And probably still looks a couple decades younger than me too."
She looked pretty when she pouted. Then she brightened up and smiled at me.
"You know, I'm kind of impressed. If what Mother said is true, our grandmother is going to dislike you even more than she does me, which is saying something. She's a bit of a racist, you see. In her eyes, it's bad enough we're half human, but to have the gall to not be born with her blood Awake? At least she tolerates the ones who Awaken later a bit more than us humans, but, well. You somehow got her Goddess to destroy two ancient kitsunes for your sake, grievously hurt her mother, and received a blessing from said deity. Soooo, yeah."
The fuck?
"Don't worry about it."
I must have made a face.
"You know, my oldest daughter has a daughter about your age."
That merited a response, so I marshaled all of my admittedly scarce energy and spoke.
"So, not my grandmother," I said, and the words came out sleepy and slurred. "But still old enough to be a grandmother."
She pouted at me. I was happy, and as sleep overcame me again and my eyes closed, I heard her fond murmur as if from far away.
"Brat. You're definitely my little sis. Sleep well. Big Sis Madoka will look after you."
The third time I woke up was to people talking about me. You know, for a change. There was also someone rubbing one of my fox ears. I actually felt a lot less tired this time. Still sluggish, but awake enough that I didn't feel like sleeping more.
"How is my granddaughter, daughter?"
"She's doing well. She's almost finished her PhD. She's so busy I usually end up taking care of Dawn for her." Dawn. Was that the name of my great niece?
It was a really nice name.
"PhD?" I could hear father's confusion over the word.
"It is the most advanced level of study possible in a specific field of research, consort."
"How old did you say your granddaughter is?"
"Hm. Forty? Madoka, is that correct?"
"Mom, really. Rachel is 28."
I had a niece who was older than my father. I wasn't sure how to feel about that one. Wait. I had a sister who was old enough to be my father's mother. Though chances were I had several even older than that.
"Ah, of course."
I was on my side, and the voices were coming from in front of me. I should be able to see them if I opened my eyes, but if I opened my eyes, I had a feeling my parents would stop the conversation in favor of focusing on me. So I only opened them a little and peered at my family through my eyelashes. My sister was the first thing I noticed
Madoka was directly in front of me, sitting on a comfortable looking chair. Mama was next to the head of my bed, and she was half looking at me and half looking at my sister and Father, who I could barely see at the edge of my vision at the foot of my bed. I'd been right. My sister was taller and bigger in general than Mama. Hell… Wait, should it be yomi, now?
Hm.
Nah. I couldn't pretend to know enough about the culture, or be enough of a part of it, for it to not be posing.
Where was I? Oh, right.
Hell, Mama looked like a child next to my sister. It was as I contemplated my mother's diminutive size that I had a thought. It was an extremely amusing thought. So amusing, in fact, that I couldn't keep myself from bursting out laughing.
"Beloved, you're awake!" She practically teleported through the short distance between the two of us and pulled me into her arms. This just made me laugh harder. Eventually my endless giggling overcame Mama's attempts to merge our bodies through the strength of her hug and pulled back to look me in the eyes. "What is so amusing that has robbed you of all self-control?"
Her question just made it harder to regain control and a fresh bout of giggles drew a pout from her. Cue more giggles. She responded by pushing her mind into mine, and viewing the mental image that had driven me to uncontrollable laughter.
"What."
Her flat response and the flat expression on her face only made it worse. I was starting to feel lightheaded. Apparently you could laugh so much and so hard that it made breathing difficult. Father and Madoka just stared, bemused but clearly happy I was awake.
"So, mom, why is she like that?"
"She… She finds my body's size in comparison to yours to be amusing and thinks that I look like child next to her mother."
"Okay, I can see how that's a little funny, but enough that she can't stop laughing?"
Mama's flat expression turned into a pout.
"She then thought about you as a mother and then about me as a mother."
"Okay?"
"And then she pictured me heavily pregnant and found the mental image hysterical given my size."
"Oh."
A pause followed by laughter from both my sister and father.
"It's not that funny!"
I made an immense effort of will to control my laughter and spoke,
"J-Just ima-gine what s-she looked like when she was p-pregnant with the twins!"
And just like that they both went off in a fresh wave of laughter. Mama responded by biting an ear. I didn't stop laughing. Several minutes and a few moment of unconsciousness due to oxygen deprivation from laughing too hard, we were finally relatively calm, small bouts of sudden giggling notwithstanding. Mama just fumed and refused to look at us.
"Aw, don't be like that, mom."
She ignored her.
"You do remember I've seen you pregnant, right? It's hard to argue with reality," said Father, once again proving he must have been Gryffindor to have balls that big.
She did not, in fact, ignore that. No, she glared at him and growled deep in her chest. It was fucking terrifying and I felt the sound resonate through my very bones, triggering instincts rooted at the core of one side of my being. There was no fight or flight in light of that sound and so I simply froze in her arms.
"Woah, hey. I'm sorry, okay? Calm down."
"Mom, calm down! You're scaring Izumi!"
And just like that, the sound from hell went away and I could move again, which I promptly attempted to do by trying to get away from the source of the sound from hell. It just squeezed harder to keep me from escaping.
"Shh, shh. It's okay beloved. You're okay. You're safe."
Her voice brought me back from whatever abyss of terror I'd been, and I started crying.
"I'm so sorry, beloved. Please, forgive me."
I cried harder, but tried to nod against her chest. The terror had brought back memories of what had happened in that clearing. It made the scars I could feel on my magic stand out. They ached in time with my heartbeat. It was as I was calming down that my Healer came in gave me several potions to drink. Said potions, surprisingly, didn't taste as nasty as I would have imagined them tasting.
"Ted, how's her magic? Will- Will she be able to use a wand?" Father's questions had a desperate air to them. Honestly, now that he mentioned the possibility, I was similarly fucking terrified at the possibility that my magical ability could be permanently crippled.
Judging by the looks all three other people in the room gave him, our level of preoccupation over the state of my magic was not appreciated. I honestly didn't get it. It was about the only thing worth asking at this point. Clearly I was alive, and I vaguely recalled hearing something about me being okay and in the clear now with regards to possibly dying or suffering other serious health issues that could potentially risk my life and health. So really, asking about the state of my magic was the only useful thing to do at the moment.
I felt a number of spells hit me after a pause following father's question, and Healer Ted answered in a way that left me no doubt that he was glaring at Father.
"Her magic has healed surprisingly well. Miraculously well, even. She should have no problems doing magic over the mid to long term. She might struggle a little in the beginning while her magic adapts to what was done to it, but with Consort Alstreim as her mother, I'm sure your daughter will be a great witch given time."
"Thank Merlin"
"Thank fuck."
Hostility and incredulity flooded the room in equal measures. My sister, mother, and Healer did not appreciate the way Father seemed to consider my not having the ability to use a wand to be such a horrible thing. Similarly, they had some difficulty believing that a toddler had just said what I had. Also, there was a chance that some of the hostility came from the mistaken assumption that I had come to believe that a lack of magical ability was inherently bad or negative in some way due to Father's own beliefs on the matter.
Which was silly.
A lack of magical ability was bad simply because it meant I would be incapable of doing magic. Perhaps if I hadn't already discovered the wonders of magic beforehand I might be less concerned due to ignorance, but I knew the truth. I knew how truly amazing magic was, and I would have sacrificed quite a bit just for a chance that I might be able to recover its use.
Then Mama bit one of my ears.
"Ow!"
"No swearing, beloved. We are better than such uncouth behavior."
I pouted. Swearing was fun.
"Yes, well. Her magic is fine, but I'd like to talk about the state of her body in general."
Oh? That was ominous, and it certainly grabbed everyone's attention.
"The prolonged bed rest caused some degradation to her muscles and bones. We've done our best to prevent it from becoming as bad as it could have been, but it's sadly an unavoidable fact of the situation. We'll provide her with a potion's regimen to try to heal as much of the damage as possible. I wish I could say she'll make a full recovery, but at this point it's impossible to say how she'll react to the treatment. It's different from person to person."
"Oh. Well, okay then. I guess. I mean, I'll just be a little weaker than normal if I don't recover completely, right?"
My question seemed to take everyone by surprise, and Healer Ted had to take a moment to gather himself.
"Yes and no. Yes, you might be physically weaker than you would otherwise be, and there might also be some pain in joints and some clumsiness stemming from such. Mainly, what I'm concerned with preventing is the possibility of long term pain."
"Oh. Well, good. Pain sucks."
"Yes, it definitely does. Other than that, you're healthy enough to leave if you manage to maintain a normal sleep schedule."
"I don't think that will be a problem. I don't feel sleepy at all. Honestly, I feel like I have more and more energy the longer I'm awake."
I wasn't lying either, it was like my fucking everything was waking up from an amazing night's sleep. I stretched against Mama, feeling everything pull in a feeling somewhere between delicious and painful. Almost like my muscles hadn't been properly stretched in months. Wonder fucking why. Then Big Sis Madoka spoke.
"So, is noone going to comment on Izumi's new tail?"
Wait, what?
I looked back and saw two long and fluffy tails attached to me.
Huh. Well, okay then.