When the train finally docks into the Capital, everything becomes a fast blur. Gale and Savannah are whisked away before we can even say two words to them. I didn't realize last year that this was standard procedure, I had just thought I was doing well at avoiding Effie and Haymitch. Peeta tries to take my hand but I jerk it away instinctively. My nerves have been set on edge and it takes the concerned look in his eyes to settle me down again. I retake it with an apologetic glance and follow him into the training building.

Haymitch, having done this multiple times before us, reminds us that Gale and Savannah have gone in for prep with their own teams at the Remake Centre. I want to smack myself for not realizing – I'd experienced all of this a year ago. I need to get my head in the game or it'll be Gale's death on my shoulders. We're escorted to settle into our floor.

Peeta asks Haymitch to join us.

"We could really do with some advice on mentoring," he says quietly.

"Because he's done such an amazing job before," I snap before I can stop myself.

"Katniss," Peeta warns.

"No, she's right," Haymitch snarls. "I've never been able to keep anyone alive, except the two of you."

And he turns and leaves without another word. Peeta sighs as we enter the elevator that will take us to our own designated floor.

"We could use Haymitch's insight you know. You've got to stop pushing him away, we need him if we're going to get Gale out alive."

"Is that a threat?" I snap.

"What? No!" he says defensively, looking alarmed. "Katniss we're going to need all the help we can get. This isn't the time to shun any advice. It's no longer our lives we're playing with."

I give him a measured look, unsure of how to respond as the doors open up to our floor. It's very unsettling sight. I can sense the unease in both of us, both reluctant to step foot in the place where we'd written off our lives last year. Peeta takes my hand again but I can barely feel it. It's not his touch I want and it's not his touch that's going to comfort me. Even my limbs have gone numb. He leads me into the living space carefully. I can feel myself slipping and excuse myself to my bedroom to take a second to breathe.

I become lost in myself. I am furious at myself for inflicting this upon those closest to me. I'd saved Peeta and myself but now everyone around at us were paying the price for my mistake. I should have died and then maybe Gale wouldn't be going to his death in the next few days.

I'm surprised when Effie knocks on my door sometime later telling me we needed at the opening ceremonies.

Am I strong enough for that?

Am I strong enough to see Gale paraded around in front of everyone before he's sent to be slaughtered. It doesn't seem I'll have a choice and Effie kindly reminds me that my presence will be noted not just by the President but by everyone. I force myself to my feet and wash my face in the bathroom.

I barely notice anything as we make our why downstairs again. Peeta seems to be speaking to be but I can't process a word. The guilt and pain is too heavy in my head.

We arrive at the victors section, just off to the left of Snow's podium, the best seats in the house. I'm surprised to see Haymitch sat next to Chaff, who I've spent years passing a bottle back and forth with Haymitch at televised events. He's listening intently but looks up when he spots Peeta and I. He grins and says something to Haymitch who stiffens. Peeta and I make our way to our seats towards the front.

"Katniss Everdeen."

I recognize the voice before I even turn to look at him. Finnick Odair's voice is as famous as his sea green eyes, which I realize are scanning me. I shift uneasily.

"Finnick," is all I can respond.

Odair is one of the most famous victors in this booth. Because he was only 14 when he one his games, he is still amongst the youngest here but he's made one of the biggest impact on Panem. He's much more imposing in the flesh – bronze, athletic and beautiful.

I shy away uncomfortably from his gaze but he takes my hand and kisses it.

"Pleasure," he purrs, straightening up, his green eyes blazing. His charm has secured him a lot of female attention here at the Capital but I can honestly say I've never been attracted to him. Since he came of age he moved from lover to lover here at the Capital but no one has stayed in his favor for long.

I notice a young woman with spikey haired and wide set eyes right behind him, glaring intently at me. Johanna Mason. She seems to have no intention of speaking to either of us and tugs on Finnick's arm to take their seats a few rows up.

He flashes us both a dazzling smile before retreating.

"See you again 12."

"No one's said that for a while," Peeta mutters as we finally take our seats. "Is it just me or are some of these actually enjoying themselves?"

"They've been here longer than us, gone through it more," I reply quietly.

"So you become so used to letting kids die under your supervision." He quickly realizes that he's said the wrong thing and squeezes my hand as I struggle to hold my tears. I will not break down in public. Not here.

A sudden hush falls as a distant roar of cheering grabs everyone's attention. It's started. I clasp onto Peeta's hand desperately, my heart in my stomach. I'm scared I'm going to vomit and I try to control my breathing.

Finally the tributes start to come into our view. I notice that a few stylists have tried to copy Cinna and Portia's fire trick from last year. Some of them don't even make any sense, what does the livestock District 10 have to do with fire? Then we spot them. Everyone's attention is on them before they make it full around the bend.

Yet again, Cinna has stolen the show. They are glowing. Glowing like burning embers. They distract from everyone else before them. It's hard to remember that it's Gale down there when I'm so mesmerized.

Snow stands and delivers his speech but I can't take any of it in - I'm hypnotized by Gale's burning body. If they're making this much of an impact on me, what are they doing to the rest of the Capital? The ideal of potential sponsors crosses my mind briefly but it's darkened by my knowledge that Gale's name coming out of that bowl of hundreds is a death sentence. It's just too perfect.

The anthem plays and the chariots begin to move again. Peeta pulls me up and away before anyone else can interact with us. We get a few congratulations along the way and it takes me until the elevator journey downstairs to realize it's in regards to our engagement.

Of course, Peeta and I are still engaged. Am I still meant to be playing that card whilst Snow is trying to destroy me?

My mind is a complete mess. But is that what he wants? My brain to fuddled to help fuel the revolution. A broken symbol of rebellion sends a better message than a dead one. No martyr – just defeat.

We make it to the bottom floor just as the chariots are pulling in. Only now do I release the scale of the competition. Tributes this year can be any age. Districts 1, 2 and 4 have young, strong athletic competitors who have clearly volunteered and are sending daggers in our direction. I spot an elderly woman from 8 and young girl from 5 to really grasp the range of tributes are. Gale and Savannah pull in last, still glowing and magnificent. I see now that they're wearing body suits from neck to toe. My stomach flips when Gale catches my eye. He's face is hard as stone.

"That went perfectly," Effie squeaks with delight, stepping forward to admire their costumes. I turn in surprise and see that Haymitch has followed her too. "You were the main attraction. Everyone was talking about you."

"The cousin of Katniss Everdeen does stir up some interesting gossip," Haymitch whispers solemnly to us. I exchange a long look with him trying to understand his meaning. Maybe I'm not the only one who thinks this is deliberate. If the rebels can see that too maybe there still is hope.

"What are you doing here?" I asked bluntly.

"Peeta asked me here. Apparently you're sorry and want my help."

I want to protest but stop myself. Maybe we do need Haymitch.

We escort Gale and Savannah up to our floor. There's obvious tension in the elevator that only Effie is oblivious to. Gale and Savannah don't speak at all and neither Peeta or I have anything to say. I struggle to look at Gale, the more I see him here, in my position that I was in last year, the more it hurts. Our door opens and we all follow Effie into the apartment.

Haymitch stops in his tracks and Effie says "looks like they've given us a matched set this year."

I spot the red headed Avox girl who served me last year and then a young man with similar red hair which I guess is what Effie meant as a matched set but then my insides turn cold. I know that man and Gale and Haymitch do to and it's not from the Capital. We last saw him unconscious on the ground as the life bled out of Gale in the square.

Darius. Darius is our new Avox.

I'm suddenly grateful for Haymitch agreeing to help us because he seizes one of my wrists as if anticipating what I will do. Any action towards Darius will result in punishment or worse for him so I just gaze at him hopelessly, trying yet again to contain my emotions. I seize up as I hold everything together. Effie, Peeta and Savannah are unaware of the situation and carry on into the living space.

Haymitch tries to catch my eye and calm me down before we follow through. My legs are like lead as I try to move them. I shake my head at Gale whose face is a picture of disgust and shock. He blinks when he notices me and swallows. I jerk my head to the bedrooms and he vanishes before I need to say anymore. I can't look at anyone else and disappear into my own room.

I sit at the end of my bed trying to measure my breathing. Snow is trying to destroy me, bit by bit, what else can he do to mess with my head? I don't want to think about what could happen next. I get up and decide to shower to pass the time and try to wash away all my bad thoughts and worries. I get out, braid my hair, change into a simple shirt and pants. By that time Effie calls me to dinner and force myself down the hall to the dining room. I'm not aware of much at dinner except that Darius and the redheaded Avox girl are our servers.

Effie, Haymitch, Cinna, Portia, and Peeta are all there, talking about the opening ceremonies. I woodenly congratulate Cinna and Portia on their costumes but that's all I can say. I don't hear Gale or Savannah speak at all. Savannah is staring moodily into her dish like she always does. Gale is watching Darius' moves and I know there's a silent conversation going on that everyone but myself, and possibly Haymitch, is oblivious to. I find Haymitch glowering at me by the time our dessert is taken away. I suddenly fear for every person at the table. Everyone has a ticking punishment hanging over their heads, some less oblivious than others, but I know that everyone at this table is going to suffer because of me.