Hoshiko placed her hand on the worn, brass doorknob, and twisted it, pushing the white door inward. She had a fleeting glimpse of a medium sized hallway, with a maroon, threadbare carpet, littered with children's toys and colouring pencils, and with beige walls covered with paintings, when something crashed into her with such force that it nearly knocked her back outside.
Glancing down in alarm, she glimpsed a small, tawny haired boy with enormous lapis lazuli eyes staring adoringly up at her, a grin the size of a banana on his round, childish face. His arms were locked securely around her knees.
''Hoshiko! You're back!'' he cried joyfully. ''Let's go and play!''
She reached down and gently disentangled the lively youngster with a dismal sigh.
''Sorry, Kenji. I have homework tonight.,'' she sighed dramatically.
''Aw, no!'' He wailed desperately, tugging her sleeve enticingly. ''I want to PLAY!''
''Sorry, kiddo,'' she said, gently but firmly. ''Let's go find Reiko instead. Come on, I'll give you a piggyback.''
She eased the straps of her heavy schoolbag off her painful shoulders and deposited it beside the oak staircase. Kneeling down, she allowed the child to climb onto her back, and he wrapped his arms around her neck, joining his slightly sticky hands together beneath her chin.
''Piggyback!'' he hollered joyfully as she charged down the littered hallway and ran into the sitting room. The carpeted floor was littered with playthings, books and pencils. Several children were constructing a tower of blocks in the middle of the floor. Yet more drawings papered the wall- finger paintings, vague scribbles with crayons and portraits of the inhabitants of the house. There was even one of her, although in was not entirely flattering, considering that it consisted of two blobs for her head and body, four spindly lines for her limbs, and a wild red scribble which could have been her hair.
She allowed Kenji to clamber down from her back and he galloped eagerly over to the construction site in the centre of the floor.
Hoshiko, upon sighting a raven- haired girl sitting on the patchwork sofa, strolled quickly over and flung herself down beside her.
''Hey, Reiko.'' greeted Hoshiko, removing her brown hair band and ruffling her hair.
Reiko glanced up from the teenage magazine she had been reading.
''Hello, Hoshiko! How was school?''
''Same as always, I'm afraid.'' she muttered evasively .
''Ah.'' Reiko replied, tactful enough to refrain from enquiring further.
''Anyway,'' said Hoshiko. ''How are you today?'' She forced an almost- authentic smile.
Reiko began to chatter animatedly about her day at the comprehensive school, and Hoshiko half- listened, interjecting the monologue with ''yes'' and ''cool'' when needed.
Reiko had been at the orphanage almost as long as Hoshiko- about ten years to be precise. She was one and a half years older than she, but they were close friends. She had a chatty personality, and could often ramble on for ages without noticing no one was listening. She was popular at her school- she was constantly going out with friends and boyfriends. Her mother was dead, and her father lived in America. She often went to visit him, but always returned. She said constantly that she preferred it here.
''So,'' Reiko finished, finally noticing that Hoshiko was not really paying the slightest bit of attention. ''What did they do to you today?''
''Huh?'' she said quietly. ''Oh…. nothing.''
Reiko was not in the slightest bit convinced.
She had just opened her mouth to retort whenever the Matron strolled into the room.
A slightly plump, short woman, she beamed wildly as she appeared in the doorway. The evening sunshine, shining in from the large window, shone on her dark blond hair, which in recent times, had acquired a slight dusting of palest grey.
''Dinner is ready in five minutes, my darlings. It's rice.'' Matron sang in her musical, soft voice. The kind of voice you would want to read you bedtime stories at night. As it had so often done for Hoshiko.
''What's for dessert?'' piped up a little girl on the floor, clutching rainbow coloured blocks in her podgy, tiny hands.
''We'll decide that when you've eaten your dinner.'' said Matron firmly. ''Now children, go upstairs and wash those little mitts of yours. Chop chop!''
The children discarded the brightly coloured bricks onto the floor and clattered out of the room, and thundered up the stairs. There was the noise of the bathroom door being flung open and the tinkling of running water. Or so they hoped.
''I hope Kenji's not peeing in the sink again.'' Hoshiko commented dryly, swallowing a giggle.
''Oh! Hello, Hoshiko!'' exclaimed Matron suddenly. ''I didn't see you there. Did you just get in?''
''Yep. Home and fresh from school.'' she smiled falsely.
A cloud of anxiety passed over Matron's jovial face.
''And how was school today?'' she asked, and Hoshiko thought she could detect a note of apprehension in her voice.
''School? Fine.'' she said abruptly. ''Same as usual.''
Reiko gave her a look, obviously immune to Hoshiko's copious capacity for lying. She exchanged a look with Matron, which did not escape her attention.
''Are you sure?'' Matron enquired, definitely looking worried now. ''I mean to say, I've noticed you acting differently ever since that nice boy Ryou left a while ago…''
''Look, Hoshiko.'' interjected Reiko. ''I know you miss that card game obsessed boyfriend of yours, but don't you think you should forget about him and make some new friends?''
Hoshiko stood up so suddenly she knocked a few soft cushions to the ground.
''I'm fine.'' she said monotonously. ''Thanks for worrying anyway.''
She turned her back to them and walked out of the room. But then her copper haired head reappeared briefly around the wooden door.
''And another thing,'' she concluded firmly. ''He's not my boyfriend.''
She stomped up the stairs to her room, leaving a tense silence behind her.
---
It was a hair's breadth away from midnight, and having abandoned all attempts to fall into a merciful slumber, Hoshiko lay awake on the small bed, staring absently out of the rooftop window on the ceiling, which tonight offered an excellent view of the brilliant night sky. There was no moon tonight. Only the stars blazed like pinpricks of white fire in the black velvet sheet that was the sky.
The house was utterly silent. The by day boisterous and lively children had long since been covered by sleep's warm mantle, and even Matron and the staff had retreated willingly into their own beds well over an hour ago.
But still slumber evaded her, no matter her efforts to catch it. Her eyes ached, perhaps with more than simple tiredness. It could have been the boiling, frothing cauldron of worries and tribulations in her mind that blocked sleep from entry with a cruel, metal portcullis. They festered in her mind like bats in a lonely cave. And cudgel them though she might, the bats simply escaped her and flapped and shrieked around her mind, banging into the walls of her skull.
I suppose it would be hard for me to describe exactly how Hoshiko was feeling on that night. But I shall attempt anyway.
She remembered how it used to be. How sweet the days were then! The three of them, playing, laughing, duelling. It was, she pondered, like having a real family. And sometimes, in her weaker moments, she had pretended that they were…. Make believe....Although it was impossible, if she were to tell herself the truth. Their hair was as white as swan feathers, hers as red as the dying embers of a fire… but it had been nice to pretend. Pretending was all she had.
She couldn't pretend anymore. Could she pretend that Mizuki didn't exist? Pretend that Ryou was still here? Pretend that his sister still had breath on her lips and a twinkle in her eyes? Pretend that she was fine… that it didn't feel that her life had shattered into a thousand pieces, like a stained glass window, painted with ornate and wonderful pictures… like someone had thrown a brick through it and it had fragmentalized into a hundred thousand glimmering pieces of coloured glass, shattering as it hit the floor? Could she pretend that? No.
She looked at her beside table. Barely illuminated by the glimmering, fiery stars, the silver frame of the photograph glinted. She reached out and turned it slightly so that the stars could illuminate it.
A time so long ago…. Ryou stood with an easy smile on his lips, one arm slung around the two younger girls stood beside him. There was Hoshiko. My, how different she looked! Her face was happy, her eyes kind. On the other side of Ryou was his little sister, one eye closed in a cheeky wink, waving cheerfully at the camera. Her hair was as white as her slightly taller brother's was. Her eyes shining peacock- feather green….
…She wondered how green they were now… at the bottom of a cold, silent grave.
She was close to wishing she was there too.
''I wish I could touch you.'' Hoshiko murmured quietly. ''I wish you were here. I wish you could bring Ryou back. I wish I could see you. ''
Hoshiko hadn't cried in ages. Months. Years even.
But a single, rebellious tear crept out of her eye and trailed down her cheek like a liquid star.
She closed her weary eyes and drifted off into a restless slumber, where her dreams were haunted by faceless angels with white hair…. Coming for her….. She held open her arms……
The water residue on her pale cheek glinted in the cold starlight.