This chapter of the fic was something-distantly inspired by another fic by the talented writer Ayries Kukku. The fic she wrote was much shorter and more intense, and was written for a different situation in the Sonic the Hedgehog fandom, but the basic concept –the idea of somebody walking alone around a deserted building, and thinking the kind of thoughts you usually try to keep out of your head in the daylight hours, is a theme which has stayed with me ever since. I'm glad I had the chance to write this down. :D So thanks to Ayries for the idea!

I'm pretty sure this fanfiction occured after Kari's first trip to the dark ocan, but before Kimeramon's attack. So yeah, Kari has issues, man.

Standard disclaimers apply. Reviews and concrit are appreciated.

"As human beings, we need to know that

we are not alone, that we are not crazy

or completely out of our minds, that there

are other people out there who feel as we do,

live as we do, love as we do, who are like us."

-Billy Joel

Kari.

They've all taken to arriving at school especially early in the morning, but Kari is always earliest.

The main building opens at exactly 6:00 am on schooldays, so that the cleaners can do their job, and Kari has learned that most people are too tired at that time of the morning to question the presence of a twelve year old girl with a camera around her neck wandering around the school hours before class.

The others have yet to question this –She doesn't live the closest to the school; that unenviable privilege falls on Davis who is still late for registration every morning– and so long as no one does, Kari doesn't see any reason to tell them. Besides, this is a private ritual known only to Kari, the daybreak, and her Digimon, who also doesn't ask questions because Gatomon has a way of knowing what she doesn't need to know. She likes to give her human the benefit of the doubt.

Kari loves Gatomon very much.

Still...

There are silent spaces, in the corridors and communal grounds and deserted classrooms, where there is time to think. In these times, Kari can wander, alone and silent amongst buildings with orange-gold windows, and pretend for that she's at peace with everything. That the Digital World exists only as an extension of this one. That things are okay both there and here, and that there is no deep, cold greyness in-between the worlds, where a monster from her nightmares waits to claim her for his bride.

All because of some crest...

Kari knows she shouldn't think this way. It's not what's expected of her –not what she has come to expect of herself. She's the Child of Light for a reason, after all. Except that things are not okay, and she knows it. They all know it. The Digital World is at war.

It dawns on Kari one morning that this is probably the kind of thing crazy people do: wandering shadowed corridors, dwelling on things they can't control and replaying old memories over and over, like those funny Tentomon icons on Izzy's computer, which always cycle back to the beginning and start over so smoothly that you can't tell where the animation begins.

Thinking can be dangerous. It's a lot easier to talk about saving a world than it is to think about it. Other people make it real. Other people talking about it tells you that it's really happening: you're not alone, you were never alone, so stop doubting yourself and deal with it just like Tai would.

...Just like Tai.

Except that Tai isn't going insane.

Kari knows she's okay really. She knows it. She remembers this fact very specifically every time she remembers TK's smile banishing the chill of the dark ocean. Every time she looks at Sylphiemon, who couldn't even exist if it weren't for Kari's... not-aloneness. She knows that they are the Digidestined chosen to protect the Digital World, and that their Digimon partners are fuelled by the strongest emotions humanity can muster. It's just that sometimes...

Well. Sometimes, like right now, Kari knows it's not as simple as all that. Because she knows that the Crests are only as strong as the people yielding them. Because she knows what happens when a Crest Keeper forgets to be Hopeful or Brave or Kind. Especially Kind. Because she knows that the Digidestined are tools and that the world's survival hinges entirely upon the psyches of a bunch of children who should be worrying about grades and homework and soccer practise, and not about which Digimon is coming out of a Control Spire this week. Because she knows that they're fighting a battle that was too big for them last time and is still too big for them now.

The evil is still out there growing stronger every second that they're not paying it attention, and it absolutely will. Not. Stop. Until there is nothing left to fight.

And then? Then it'll probably fade away and die too, because without the light there is nothing to define the darkness. There's no way that light can exist without dark, or love without hate, or hope without despair. Kari isn't stupid. She knows how much of their survival is down to sheer damned luck.

These aren't the kind of thoughts she shares with the others. They'd probably think she was being crazy.