Chapter One:
I sit outside on the wooden porch, a coloring book and crayons abandoned to my side.
The sun was high in the sky, masked by the thick layer of gray clouds typical of winter. It may not snow in Konoha, but the chill in the air was still unmistakable.
I tug down the baby-pink hat my mother had tucked over my hair until it covers my eyes, and then lean back. My back settles comfortably against the floor, and the sudden lack of sight makes the breeze on my arms all the more noticeable.
But I wasn't here to get fresh air or marvel at how fucking nice it is to lay on my back and not be in excruciating pain.
Well, I still marvel at it a little. A whole new body, one that isn't entirely bugged. It's hard to not be in awe of it. Being pain-free is fucking amazing.
But no, getting distracted by my own thoughts is the absolute opposite of my plans.
Inhale. Exhale. A blank notebook, slowly being flipped through page by page.
One, two, three, four.
Numbers fading into nothingness, the feeling of blood in my fingertips, the cool hardwood of the floor against my back.
A spark of chakra, deep in my stomach.
Aha!
Just as soon as I felt it, the feeling disappears.
"Fuck!" I can't help but hiss, sitting up and tugging my hat back into place.
It was just within my grasp too. Meditation was such bullshit.
I let out a deep breath, and try to remember the feeling of the chakra. It was warm and contained, like a small ember in my stomach.
Glowing and soothing, like the feeling of the afterlife. I focus on the sensation until it appears again in my stomach.
Placebo or real? I decide on real; it's more convenient for me.
I focus on the chakra, how its energy swirls and reacts to my focus. The more I focus, the more I can feel the tiny tendrils that connect it through my body.
"Hinata-chan, what on earth are you doing?" someone exclaims behind me.
Ah, fuck. I open my eyes again and turn my head to meet the gaze of my mother.
"Mama," I say, and try my best to look as innocent and angelic as possible. I was pretty cute in my last life, and being a baby made using my puppy-eyes even easier than before.
"Don't you mama me, Hinata-chan. What were you trying to do out here?" Mother sighs and kneels down beside me. She collects my coloring books in one arm and picks me up with the other.
Her frail arms were misleading; I wouldn't have expected her to be able to lift 10 pounds, let alone the 25 pounds that I am.
"Eyes," I say in response, and poke her temple in a mimicked fashion of the way she did to me.
At that, her face softens around the eyes. She sighs again, this time with reluctant understanding. "Hinata-chan, you need to be a bit older before you can do things like that. And when you can, you need to have an adult watching you. Not off on your own."
She adjusts me on her hip and walks back inside the room. "Be honest about what you want to do, Hinata-chan. Do you understand?"
I nod my head a few times and try to look suitably scolded. I do understand her worries, of course. Everything I remember about chakra made it out to be an energy that needed very careful control.
But curiosity was a terrible thing. I'm in fucking Naruto, how could I not reach out to try it? It would have required a level of self-control far out of my reach.
"Just bored," I say, staring at the perfectly painted walls as we walk through the compound. Luckily, Mother was excellent at understanding what my clipped sentences meant.
"Hmm, well. I know I've been busy these past few days, but how about I introduce you to your older cousin? It'll be nice for you to have someone to play with," she says, reluctance all but dripping from her voice. Even her brows have a little furrow between them.
"Okay," I reply, barely holding back a yawn. Cousin, hm? Technically everyone in the compound is related, so most kids my age were my cousins. A feeling in my gut said that whoever she was talking about wasn't just another baby cousin.
Meeting Neji… yeah, that'd be something to satiate my boredom for some time.
Dinner that night is an awkward affair. I've recently grown old enough to feed myself; the amount of pride I feel about it is something I refuse to acknowledge.
Mother sits beside me as always and eats her rice at the pace of a snail.
My father, across from us, sits his chopsticks down with a firm clack. "What is it, Hisako? Something is clearly on your mind." His voice, usually emotionless, is tinted with exasperation.
"I want Hinata-chan to meet little Neji," Mother says, the hesitation from earlier gone. "They're cousins, and I think it'd be nice if they could play together."
Oh god, were they really going to do this with me right here?
Silence. If it were any later, the crickets could be heard chirping.
"No," Father says, after millennia of waiting. Mother's unimpressed face clearly shows that does not answer enough.
He continues, "Hizashi will not allow it. He does not want Neji to be… personal. With Hinata. He will have a duty to her, and to have them be playmates will cause confusion."
"If that's the case, then I'll speak with him. Miyako and I were friends, I'm sure that he will understand." Mother nods, mind made up and continues to eat.
The conversation is clearly dismissed, and despite the repressed irritation on Hiashi's face, no one speaks again for the rest of the meal.
The tension in the air is palpable, but I still finish my dinner. After months of no taste, even my least favorite foods taste delicious. Even baby food is enjoyable, in its own way.
Oh god? Fuck. Shitshitshit. This can't be fucking happening.
Being reincarnated, totally normal. Great, even. Naruto is an anime. It's not real.
Except that obviously, it clearly is. My own parents are proof that it is. This house.
How did it take me so long to realize?
Because I didn't want to. Because it's easier to not notice when things are weird.
I still don't want to know. Why did chakra - the byakugan - have to be so undeniable?
It'd be so much easier if I forgot. If I could just block it all out and live as Hinata Hyuuga, the real character. Without any previous knowledge, I can easily imagine myself growing up to be someone like her.
If I hadn't already grown up.
Why couldn't my brain just forget things like a normal person? Fuck this. Fuck Naruto. I'll just stay out of it. I already died once, I deserve an easy life.
And I had to figure it out today of all days. Happy fucking birthday, Hinata.
I blink away, groggily lifting my head to find the source of whatever noise is happening.
"Hinata-chan, wakey wakey. We have something to do today. Hinata-chan," Mother sing-songs, her hand rubbing circles on my shoulder.
"Mrngh," I say and attempt to shove my head back into the pillows.
"Aha, I see you're awake. No more sleeping, Hinata-chan. Up we go," she says and pulls me up into her arms. "Let's go get ready to pay someone a visit!"
The next few minutes go by in a blur, and when my brain finally realizes that it's time to be awake, I'm dressed and walking down the hall with Mother.
It's easy enough to rest my head against her chest, and slowly… drift… off…
A man's voice shocks me from my daze. It was too late to register his words, but I catch my mother's reply.
"Hizashi-kun, I understand your caution but I promise you, Hinata will not take advantage of Neji. She's almost two, she knows how to be responsible. Having them interact when they're young will help their relationship when they're older, I'm sure of that."
He scoffs in return, head turning to look at a closed door off to the side. "It is not Hinata taking advantage of Neji that I worry about," he says, voice heavy with scorn. "I have nothing but respect for all members of the main family."
A pause as my mother thinks over his words. "Well, then I see no issue with them being playmates. I'm glad you agree with me," she says. I glance up to see her smile, cool and composed.
"...Of course, Hisako-san. They can meet tomorrow." Hizashi bows, though it's more like of a nod of his head.
"Why not now? Hinata-chan is here with me, and from what I've heard, your Neji is an early riser. Isn't that right, Neji-chan?" Mother says, her voice lilting at the end as she turns her head to regard the closed door.
The tiny crack opens wider, and a tiny face peers out from behind it.
Oh my god.
Neji as a toddler is so fucking cute. I'm gonna die.
I remove my hand from where it was twirling a strand of hair and wave it at Neji. He meets my gaze and gives a tiny, tentative smile.
Awww. Mother's smile widens, and she says, only a little smug, "See? They can meet now, while you and I have some tea. By the end of this, I'm sure your worries will be assuaged."
The way she phrases it, it's clear that 'no' is not an option here. Hizashi picks that up as well and inclines his head in agreement.
"Neji, come out and meet your cousin, Hinata," he says. He waits until Neji stands beside him, touches his shoulder lightly, then walks away to get some tea.
Mother sets me down on the floor and after giving me an encouraging pat on the back, goes off to join Hizashi.
It's only then that I realize I have no fucking idea how to talk to kids. I never had any interactions with them in my past life, and this right here is the first toddler I'm really meeting.
Well. Standing silently isn't going to do anything. Especially because Neji is starting to look nervous.
"Hi, I'm Hinata," I say, taking a step closer to him. "I'm your cousin."
All of that he must have already known, given the fact he was a little eavesdropper, but. What else was I supposed to say?
"Neji," he says, staring at me with those big, translucent eyes. "My father didn't tell me I had a cousin."
"Me neither," I say. The urge to start biting my lip is nigh irresistible, but I am a Hyuuga now. Nervous tics like that weren't acceptable. "Is that your room in there?" I point to the door he came through.
"Yes, do you wanna see inside?" He asks, turning to walk in. "I got new toy shuriken."
I follow him into the room and leave the door open if Hizashi worries.
Though it's not as if distance or doors will impede his ability to check on his son, we are Hyuuga after all.
Neji's room is neat and obviously decorated by his father. There's a bin full of toys tucked near the bed, which he's currently shuffling through.
Moments later, he wanders back over to me and hands me a toy shuriken. There's a plastic kunai in his own hand.
"My dad set up a target there," he points to a sheet of paper taped to the wall, a small circle drawn in the center.
"Oh, um," I swear to god I better not inherit the original Hinata's stuttering, "do you want to practice aiming then?"
Neji nods once but makes no move to throw his kunai. He stares at me.
I guess that means it's my turn then. I haven't actually done this before; I had the same toys gifted to me, of course. I'd just rather color picture books than smack fake weapons around.
But that choice was not here now. I fumble with the shuriken till it's held in the most comfortable place in my hand, aim at the little paper sheet, and let it fly.
Smack.
It hits the paper. Barely. The shuriken is made of plastic, so it falls uselessly to the ground after being thrown.
Neji is conspicuously quiet. He goes over and fetches the shuriken, and hands it back to me.
"You go again," he says.
"Um, okay." God, I forgot how much practice talking needed.
The feeling of his eyes following my every movement only enhances my anxiety. It certainly makes me very aware that I'm doing this wrong.
I repeat the same motions as before, but aim a little closer to the center.
Smack.
Closer to the circle, but still swerves to the left.
Neji gathers the shuriken and puts it directly in my hand. His little chubby fingers touch my own as he adjusts my grip. Fingers positioned differently and held in a more confident way.
"You hold it like that, and throw it like…" He lets go of my hand and imitates the way a shuriken should be properly thrown. I watch carefully at the way his wrist flicks.
It's certainly more to go on than I had before. "Thanks." I give my most appreciative smile, and blink a little at the way he goes red. Aww.
I flick my wrist the same way Neji did, and throw the shuriken as best I can.
Smack.
It hits the center. Not dead-on, but still. In the circle for sure.
"I did it!" I exclaim, playing up my excitement, and grin over at Neji. The way he puffs up with pride is so cute.
"I'll show you how to do kunai next," he says and proceeds to give me a school-worthy lecture on how to hold and aim a weapon.
Who could have guessed three-year-olds were so smart?
It's two hours later when Mother comes back to pick me up. She looks more unhappy than I've ever seen her. Which is to say, she's perfectly neutral. Her face reminds me of Father's typical expression.
Well, I can't say I blame her. Two hours with Hizashi must be a drain on anyone. His anger was justified, of course, but that didn't make it enjoyable to be around someone that full of resentment.
I wonder how he'd react to little Hinata's feelings on the branch clan. Probably let out killing intent. Feelings don't change situations, and it'd be a long time before I'd even have the possibility to change anything.
"Hinata-chan, it's time to go back to our rooms. Did you have fun with Neji?" she asks, a tired smile growing on her face. She scoops me into her arms. I should really start insisting she lets me walk around the house sometimes.
"Yeah, lots of fun. I want to play with him again," I say. She might be good at reading my moods, but better to be extra clear. Neji needs to have me in his life, and it actually wasn't that bad to play toys with a 3-year-old.
He's better at throwing things as a toddler than I was even as an adult. No wonder everyone called him a prodigy.
"I'm sure you'll get to see Neji again very soon. Say bye for now," she prompts, and I lift my hand to wave down at Neji.
He does the same tiny smile, and waves back at me from across the room.
"Goodbye, Neji-chan." Mother smiles at him and walks us out of the room.
The rest of the evening goes by in a blur of boredom and routine, and I'm soon tucked into bed.
There's a pile of stuffed animals beside me, and I pick out my favorite - a fluffy seal - and squish it in my arms.
I may be a bit older mentally, but stuffed animals were great. A comfort, to not feel so alone when I sleep.
I fiddle with the seal's fin and try to focus on the feeling of the fluff between my fingers instead of the creeping dread.
It works, for a little while.
Neji's going to die.
Thinking about the plot of Naruto is something I preferred not to think about, if not outright avoided.
Most of the thoughts from life before fell into that category.
Naruto was filled with death and destruction, and I didn't… want to deal with it.
But I didn't really have a choice anymore, did I? Seal's belly is a great place to burrow my head, and I promptly do so.
My eyes flood with tears that I refuse to acknowledge. Neji's going to die, and the branch clan is never going to change.
Except things aren't going to end up the same. I can't imagine marrying a blonde.
Holy shit, I'm shallow. Is this really the time, Hinata?
Even if I somehow did, there's no way I'm having kids. Well, I'm an heiress… Adoption would be okay if I needed to.
Thoughts similar to this float through my head, my attempts at distracting myself from the main thing I really don't want to think about.
What do I do?
I can't save everyone. I can't stop a war. There's no way some future-knowledge can change the entire universe. I'm the future head of the Hyuuga clan and a future shinobi.
I can be a good shinobi. I can find a way to heal the rift between the main and branch clans, if not outright merge them. I can protect Neji.
I know the future, and if I tell anyone, my status will be changed. I might be hailed as a psychic, or the heiress of the Hyuuga clan might be forever known as that one crazy kid who had psychotic delusions.
The second option seems more likely. But either way… I can't risk it. Without me, nothing will change. Without me, Neji will die.
I still remember certain panels of Naruto, and his death is certainly one of them. With me, he still might die. But if I'm there and strong enough, I'll be able to stop it.
So… fuck everything else. I'll do my best. I'll protect my family.
I exhale deeply and hug the seal plush close to my chest. I'll make things work out. I always have.
For now, rest is more important. Everything else can be a problem for future me.