A/N: Thank you, S23, safayi, Sage McMae, and satoz for the reviews! Some might wonder the significance of the name of this fic, "Clair de Lune". This ff actually originated as I was preparing Debussy's "Clair de Lune" for a concert this past weekend. I had seen "The Last Jedi" and couldn't stop thinking about Rey and Kylo Ren every time I played it! The tonal structure, the peaceful parts mixed with dissonant parts and some downright tempestuous parts seemed to nail the Rey/Kylo dynamic pretty solidly, so then I realized I was going to have to write some Reylo ff. So I did. End of sidenote.
Enjoy the new chapter!
-_II_-
He immediately saw where she was, at the edge of a loamy forest, heavy with moss, walking towards a derelict settlement. He was distinctly reminded of the scent of her.
He knew the instant she became aware of him, and he also knew, or felt the piece click into place in her mind, as she made the decision to ignore him.
That made it easy for him to make the same decision.
He tapped the pad on the table with his gloved finger and the ghostly map of the universe shifted, stretched, and then faded away.
She came back, though, despite his attempts to ignore her. He couldn't help but see her as she approached the settlement with several others; that useless pilot, the Stormtrooper traitor, … and Leia Organa. He found he couldn't stop watching.
"We are from the Resistance," said his mother to a man that came to greet her. A certain pain creeped through Kylo at her voice.
"Get out," muttered the girl to Kylo, something like a threat in her mind. She'd turned away from the others and was moving back towards the tree line.
"I tried," said Kylo simply.
He felt rage flow through their connection, and frustration, from her.
"I know where you are," he added.
She paused with a moment of fear, but then a conviction.
"And I know where you are," she said, as if that threatened him.
It didn't threaten him. If anything, it made him feel an alien comfort which he didn't allow himself to dwell on.
"So, what are you going to do about it?" she asked, hanging on that precipice.
"Nothing," he replied.
She didn't seem to know how to process that response.
"Why not?" she asked.
"I'm busy," he said, and she knew why. He was busy pulling the galaxy under his rule of the First Order. He watched her face. "You don't like what I'm doing, do you?"
"Of course, I don't!" she said. "Ben, you had the chance to-,"
"To what?" he asked, cutting her off as his patience began to evaporate, though he tried to cling to it. "To save a few rebels… at what cost? If I didn't take control of the First Order, then who would? What would result from the power vacuum left by Snoke's death? Isn't it better that I direct the First Order than someone else, or worse yet, that it fall to chaos and leave greater uncertainty in the galaxy?"
"But the Rebellion could-," began Rey, but he couldn't stop himself from cutting her off again.
"The Rebellion is weak," he seethed, trying not to think of his mother. "And nearly gone. It couldn't possibly execute rule in the galaxy. You don't understand, Rey, that an absence of power doesn't mean peace. It means another power comes to take its place."
Rey went silent. He knew she wasn't convinced, but she didn't know. She didn't know how power works. She was naïve.
"And until a new power falls into place, there will be chaos," he said. "Your Rebellion friends don't have any idea how to manage that, do they?"
"Don't," she said, clipped, her rage soft yet unyielding. "Not just after killing so many of them. They are my friends, Ben."
She had a way of stopping him, of reasoning with him, and he was silent. Perhaps he'd been too callous. He didn't know how to manage this sort of thing. He'd only been taught about power, not about how to be … considerate? Consideration was a luxury, and came after the more important things, like maintaining power and control. He'd never had time for that sort of luxury.
"We could have done this together," he said, finding it difficult to say the words, though it was all he could think about. "It could have been different."
"Would it?" she asked, her eyes sad. She didn't believe him. How could she not believe him?
"Yes, of course it would!" he said, feeling frustration rise in him that she couldn't see what he could see.
He watched her catch her breath, he was focused on every detail of movement, focused on the single pinpoint of her and everything that she was, and the link between them faded, echoing, then ghosted away like the map of the galaxy.
He was drawn, coiled so tightly he couldn't bear it, and, using the force, he threw a chair, black, perfect, triangular, with all his strength into the back wall. It shattered into imperfection and crumbled to the floor in pieces. Afterwards he heard the echo of the sound he had made, the cry of fury.
He'd lost control, again.
Breathe.
-_O_-
Months passed. Every day, Kylo Ren rose and fought to balance the force within him. Almost every day, he saw Rey. It had become so normal that it was as if they lived in separate realities, one in which she built her forces and he built his empire. Despite the fact that she was building a resistance to fight his First Order, he didn't care. He'd as soon kill her as cut out his own heart. He wasn't convinced her death wouldn't somehow kill him, that it would be as deadly as if he truly did cut out his own heart. The First Order and the Resistance didn't matter. It was just something they did. Empires could rise and fall, yet they would still remain.
Regardless, an inevitable conflict was coming closer.
"Ben," she said, and he listened. "We don't have to do this."
"You're right," he said. "We don't."
She looked at him with frustration, as if he wasn't listening to her, as if he hadn't listened to her all these months. He'd listened, but she was too stubborn to see what he saw.
She was so determined to do it her way, to fight the First Order, to keep this ridiculous charade of light versus dark or good versus evil or whatever fables the Rebellion and the Jedi continued to dish up generation after generation. He knew, however, that it was much simpler than that. It was just about who had power and who didn't. Right now, he did.
Why would she fight to wrest power from him when he would give it to her freely?
It made no sense to him. Still, the longing for her to join him remained. Their combined power was supernovic; a double-helix of frission; an aurora sunrise.
He wondered how long it would take her to see it his way. How long would she continue this futile fight? How many wars would have to be fought in the stars? They could be gods. They could rule everything.
He decided to change the subject.
"How are you?" he asked, feeling a tinge of pride at his burgeoning ability to relate to another person in 'normal' ways.
He wasn't sure why she seemed perplexed by his question. He'd asked her this, before, and she'd asked the same. Perhaps his timing was off.
"Fine," she said finally. "I'm fine."
He waited for more.
"What exactly are you asking?" she asked.
"I want to know how you are," he said, unable to keep the intensity from his gaze, feeling as if the possibility of ever being casual and easy in conversation was slipping away from him again.
"I'm… fine," she said, though her gaze faltered.
"You don't look fine," he said, direct.
"Go away, Ben," she said.
"Fine," he clipped, leaving.
There was always a sense of loss once their connections were severed, but he ignored that.
-_II_-
"Supreme Commander, we've brought most of the galaxy under our control," said General Hux, reporting among the other officers, with Kylo at the head of the monolith-table. The ghost of a galaxy was floating between them, over the table, showing the parts which they controlled in red, and the parts which they did not were still white. The most sizeable unclaimed portion of the galaxy was the portion in which Rey was, and the growing Rebellion. It was inevitable that the eyes of all the officers present would land upon it. "I believe it is time to quash the fledgling Rebellion."
Kylo considered the idea. It was reasonable. Of course, they would want to remove what was the greatest remaining threat to their dominion, although there wasn't much to that threat. Rey had been working with his mother and the rest of the Resistance leaders quite furiously for months, but there wasn't much to show for it. They had little resources and little time, and little organization. They would be destroyed easily. Kylo had come against far worse resistance in other corners of the galaxy.
But if he couldn't get her to see things from his perspective, this conflict would never end. She would only create a rebellion again in another place, with another people, and the wars would go on. Why couldn't she see it his way?
Heaving a sigh, he studied the map with his eyes.
"It's time to finish the old Rebellion once and for all," he said in agreement, and then they began planning the specifics. He didn't mention that he would preserve at all costs that which he found most precious, that Rey and their force-bond was where his true loyalty lay. They wouldn't understand. They never would. It was best to keep them in the dark.
If it didn't interfere with the best interests of the First Order, it would never be a problem.
During his time as Supreme Commander he'd been able to cement his role as head of the First Order through tireless effort and disciplined practice, and perhaps a dose of fear. He'd begun to realize that his Jedi training had given him the things that made it possible for him to effectively lead. Without the ability to balance the force within him daily coupled with the ability to use the force to make strategic decisions, someone else would have had the edge over him to seize rule. That someone else would probably have been Hux.
Hux's resentment of him had mellowed over time, though Kylo knew it was still there. It was dormant, waiting, content for now to allow Kylo to rule while he ruled in the First Order's favor, but threatened to resurge should opportunity knock. If Hux wasn't such a disciplined and brilliant organizer Kylo might have removed him and replaced him. As it was, they'd reached an alliance where they each found the other useful in the roles which they filled. Perhaps they had a tenuous friendship, though it was laced with mutual distrust. It'd been months since he'd used the force on Hux to browbeat him. Kylo supposed that was something.
Together they walked down the hallway of the First Order headquarters due only to convenience; they were headed in the same direction.
"It seems we are finally going after the Rebellion as you initially wished, Supreme Commander," said Hux, making conversation. Hux had gotten better at simpering. It was almost convincing, sometimes. "Are you pleased?"
Hux couldn't know the real reason why Kylo wanted so badly to go to that corner of the galaxy. It wasn't revenge. It was, instead, a missing piece of himself that he needed to feel again.
"Yes," replied Kylo, short as usual, but he glanced at Hux. "Are you?"
Perhaps Rey had inadvertently taught Kylo some rudimentary conversation skills that he could use.
"Ah," said Hux, who seemed not to have expected Kylo's question, nor accustomed to anything approaching camaraderie between them. "I… am pleased with the progress of the First Order. I didn't think we would manage it all so quickly."
"It does appear that we've nearly conquered the entire galaxy," agreed Kylo.
"It has been possible due to your leadership," said Hux, though he seemed as if he were surprised that had been the case, and that it was an admission. It didn't sound like simpering, for once.
"In part," said Kylo, feeling gracious, "but your organization has been essential, General."
Hux cleared his throat, appearing to be uncomfortable with compliments, but Kylo had only been speaking the truth. They'd made a decent team, thus far. It wasn't ridiculous to simply tell the truth.
He observed Hux.
"We should arrive soon at the Rebel base," said Hux, formal and dismissing himself. He then turned and walked away down an adjoining hallway.
As Kylo watched him leave, found himself wondering where Rey was, right then.
"I'm here," she said, her face a shining bloom in the dark of space.
He turned into a vacant room and shut the door, his need for privacy immediate.
"Rey," he said, and that was all he said.
She was lit by the warm tones of firelight; he assumed it was night on her planet. It reminded him of another time… but he pushed that thought away.
"What do you want?" she asked him, though her voice was kind, tonight. He supposed she'd had time to soften towards him after their most recent disagreement.
"I want to tell you we're coming," he said, betraying the First Order, not that he felt it mattered if he did or not. He didn't think the Rebellion could resist them with or without prior notice.
She drew a breath and studied his face, and he watched the machinery in her mind turn with the things she would have to do to prepare, the people she would have to inform; the last-minute preparations they would have to make. The danger they were all suddenly in.
"I have to go," she said.
"Of course you do," he said, and it came out gently, somehow.
She halted, gazing at him as if she didn't know what to say next, but wanted to say something.
He waited for her.
"Thank you," she said, and then added: "Ben."
The way she said his name… it made him feel something akin to regret for what was going to happen to her Rebellion.
"It's nothing," he said, short, and he turned away.
He faced a window to the outside, to the streams of light passing by as his ship hurtled through space towards the place which he'd longed to be. For months some part of him had longed for it. He slid off his glove and looked at his hand, turning it in the silvery starlight, wondering at the single touch he'd experienced months ago.
Neither of them had dared try to touch again through their bond. It was too much, too terrifying, too confusing. Besides, when they touched, they'd seen disparate visions regarding the other about which they were equally stubborn and on which they could not agree. Kylo Ren would not give up on what he saw. He would not. He knew it could happen. He wanted it to happen. He so very badly wanted it to happen.
-_O_-