A/N: Before I forget, DO NOT OWN (sadly).

Okay, so it's kind of funny, right before writing this chapter, I finished writing a chapter for a different story and in that one, it was all like, yay holding hands and sweetness, then I come write this one with all the emotional trauma of Percy just from Tartarus alone for a year. lol It just struck me as odd how extremely different the 2 chapters I've written today are.

Into the Depths

I look over at Nico, "Thanks man." Then look back out to sea.

Piper says, "I think... just give her time. Seeing you... like this, has to be hard on her. You look... well, you look terrifying. Your hair is filthy, long, littered with flowers, and obviously coated in blood. You have these horrible scars that no one's ever seen on you before, plus new ones. You have some odd golden liquid splattered over your chest, and you look like a skeleton with skin and a tiny bit of muscle. I know that you've been through something horrible, and I'm not excusing her actions at all, but this is a bit much."

I have to force myself to stay calm. As I struggle to keep it down, I fail to notice that the sea starts crashing violently around us, soaking everyone else to the bone as we sit on the beach. I don't even notice that I've pulled the clouds lower from the force of water inside them. I keep looking into the sea trying to force a calm onto myself, so I refuse to say anything. I'm not sure how long this continue before I feel a heat coming from nearby and react on instinct. It reminds me of the heat from the river of fire. I don't want the reminder and have a violent reaction of pinning down the heat source. I don't notice that I've pulled the rain from the clouds to put out the fire as the rest of our Argo II crew stares at me in shock until my eyes finally focus on Leo's terrified ones from under my arm. I stare at him confused for a moment before I shake my head and let him up. I look away with a wince as he breathes roughly; I've obviously accidentally injured him. "Sorry, Leo, I..." I put my head in between my knees. "I- The heat- it- it..." I raise my head and look at Leo desperately because I can't find the words. He looks terrified but slowly his face morphs into a kind of understanding and leans forward to slowly put his hand on my shoulder in a comforting manner.

"There's some sort of heat in Tartarus, right?" He asks hoarsely. I nod slowly. "You... were in danger because of it?" I shake my head no. He looks confused and sits back on his heels, withdrawing his hand.

Nico chimes in, "Was the heat source the River Phlegethon?" I nod again. He looks at me obviously pondering something before he looks like he has a startling and horrifying revelation, "You- Did you drink it?!" I close my eyes and nod before turning back to the sea. He and Hazel both let out strangled gasps.

"What?" Jason and Frank say.

"What is that?" Piper asks.

"What does that mean?" Leo asks.

Hazel takes a deep breath before saying, "It-it's a river of fire in Tartarus that can keep you alive, but it also gives the pain of burning everything it touches without causing lasting damage. It's- The damned in the underworld are forced to drink it to prolong their torture. It's a bare survival. It doesn't keep you full or healthy, just alive. Whatever injuries you obtain stay unhealed. It doesn't quench thirst. It just... keeps you alive while you constantly have a sensation of being burned alive. I personally don't even want to imagine that feeling at all."

Leo pauses taking in this information before he slowly gets out, "So... to finally be free... and then to have a reminder of the heat... in whatever form... would be horrifying." He takes a deep breath before putting his hand back on my shoulder, "I understand buddy. Er- not really, but I can imagine. No I can't actually, um, not sure what to say, but, we're good, Perce." I crack a grin at him, and he breathes a sigh of relief.

I croak out, "We should get going. We still have a quest to finish." Everyone looks uncertain, so I stand and make my way to the ship. I can feel the hesitation in them, but they all join me. We get through everything. Once Gaea is finally gone, Annabeth joins me as I sit on the dock at the lake.

"I'm sorry Percy." She whispers. I nod without looking at her. "I really am; you have no idea how happy I am that you made it out. I-I was stupid and pushy. I'm-I'll be here whenever you are ready to talk about... everything." I nod again. She sits for a few minutes expectantly before leaving with an exhausted huff.

I slide off into the water and sink to the bottom. I haven't talked to anyone about... anything since we all talked about the fire river. Now, Leo's missing, Gaea's dead, and I can't seem to talk to Annabeth. I'm not sure what to do. I've already forgiven her, but I don't trust that she won't press. She always presses until she gets what she wants. I'm not at all ready to talk about any of it, but I miss her. Hell, I went through the deepest depths of hell for her. I know everyone is concerned. They've only heard me speak when we've been in the middle of a fight, and I'm giving orders to go through with a preset plan. I didn't even say anything to my Father when I saw him, even though I could tell he wanted me to talk to him. It's just that everyone looks at me with pity and fear; yes, I even saw both in my Father's face. I want to be alone. Now that it's all over, why am I still here? I shake myself. I can't keep letting these thoughts into my head.

I recline back into the lakebed under me. What should I do? I don't even know if anyone has noticed that I have the blessing of Achilles... again. No one even knows how invulnerable I am. I peer through the water to the sky and see that night has fallen now and realize that I've been here for a few hours. I don't want to leave the water; no one will look at me with fear or pity here. No one will purposefully avoid my eyes here. No one can avoid me here as I avoid everyone altogether. No one knows what to say to me. Nico just looks sad when he sees me; I'm glad he's found Will. He needs a little sunshine. I think... I want to go home. I suddenly sit up straight, Mom."

How the hell did I forget about her? She's probably worried sick! I wonder if anyone told her I went into Tartarus. I wonder if anyone told her I made it out! I've been selfish. It's been 2 weeks since Gaea was destroyed, and I've just now remembered her. I'll go to her tomorrow. I doubt anyone will try to stop me; it's been whispered around camp that I'm a god-killer because Hedge immediately recognized the ichor splattered over my chest for what it was and let everyone know in a terrified screech. The whole crew refused to make eye contact with me for a few days after that.

They don't even know how I killed her. No one has been brave enough to ask. No one has been brave enough to ask how I lived even with the fire water. No one has been brave enough to ask anything since that day. I watch the sky until it begins to dawn because I haven't been able to sleep unless I've literally hit my limit since before Tartarus. I rise out of the water, still dry and ignore the people that I can hear scamper away from me. I head to the border and walk out without trying to hide. I decide to take the long way and walk back to Mom's apartment in the city. It takes me until after the stars have come back out to get there. I stop once I see the apartment building just across the street and just stare at it. How long has it been? I'm not even sure.

Time stolen. I don't even know what I'll say to her. Or Paul. I look down at myself and wince. I haven't cut my hair, and I haven't eaten much and am still extremely skinny. It seems that my stomach shrunk due to the length of time without eating. I hope she doesn't worry too much. I reach my hand up and feel the flowers that I placed back into it. It seems that Damasen's flowers are eternal because they haven't died yet. No one, but Piper, has even mentioned them at all; it just goes to show how scared they all are of me. They make me feel better and help me remember Damasen. I lower my hand and take a deep, fortifying breath before crossing the street. As I cross, I notice that it's raining. I'm not wet of course and decide to stay dry instead of letting it make me wet.

I go up the outside stairs so that I can avoid all the other inhabitants who will no doubt be avoiding the rain by utilizing the inside stairs. I finally get up to our floor and enter through the hall's side door. I make my way to our door and stop just outside with my fist raised to knock. I'm frozen for a few minutes before I finally force myself to knock tentatively. I immediately lower my hand back down.

Through the door, I can hear Paul call out with the sound gets louder as he is obviously walking closer, "Sally, were you expecting anyone?"

"No honey!"

"Alright!" He calls back to her, still louder before almost whispering to himself, "I wonder who it could be?" I wait in silence for another moment before he's flinging the door open with a shocked, whispered cry of, "Percy?!"

I nod, "Hey Paul." I manage. He's just standing there staring at me in shock.

He whispers, wide eyed, "We thought... we thought you were dead." I wince then we both startle as we hear Mom.

"Paul? Who's at the door?" We both just stare at each other, me in shock because I thought they knew I was alive, and him I can only guess at not knowing what to say, without answering her. We hear her huff and come closer. I hear something crash into the floor.

I look up quickly and make eye contact with my Mom who looks dazed. I manage a weak smile, and then she's running to me. She nearly knocks Paul over before he smartly moves out of the way. She's hugging me so tight that I can barely breathe, but I decide not to say anything and just slowly bring my arms up to hug her back. After a moment's hesitation, I rub small circles into her back to ease her sobs as I close my eyes, forcing myself to calm down.

I realize in this moment that this is the first time anyone's hugged me in awhile. Once her sobbing de-escalates, I croak, "Hey Mom, I missed you." She lets out an almost broken sounding sob, and I wince as she clutches me tighter.

Paul clears his throat, "We should move inside, dear." I feel her nod against me before she pulls back but keeps a firm grip on my hand as she pulls me inside, like she's afraid that I'll disappear if she lets go of me. She guides me to the couch and sits next to me. Paul sits on the armchair facing us. "Alright-"

Mom cuts him off, "I'm so glad you're okay, Percy." She locks eyes with me before she tilts her head to the side and her face takes on a heartbroken tinge again as she whispers in a strained, pained voice, "You're not okay. You're not at all okay, are you?" I try to nod, but my eyes betray me and tears fall down my face.

She pulls me to her with a determined look. She rubs my back as I cry like a child into her shirt but without the sound. "No. I-I'm not okay."

I can feel her tears on my hair and decide to let it get damp. We just sit there holding each other without anymore words for quite some time, even after we both stop crying. I can't bring myself to move, and it seems that she can't either. "You don't have to be strong anymore." She whispers, kissing the top of my head. My shoulders relax at this. I eventually fall asleep without hassle for the first time in some time.

The next thing I know, someone touched my shoulder. I act on instinct and pin this person to the floor without seeing them. I can only see a creature of Tartarus, and I scream, "How did you sneak up on me? HUH?!" I wait on the creature's response for just a moment before I realize that it isn't responding. I remember that I'm not in Tartarus any more. I shake myself and finally see my Mom looking panicked. My eyes widen in horror before I spring off of her and back up until I hit the wall. I'm still staring at her, and I realize that her mouth is moving. I can't hear her and am more panicked. I pull me knees up to my chest, bury my face in them, wrap my arms around them so tightly I can feel the pull on my muscles, and rock. After a few minutes, I still can't hear anything but my own heartbeat and a high pitched ringing, when a shadow passes over me. I jerk my head up and stare wildly up at the source of the shadow. I see my Mom again, and she's still talking.

I realize that I should be able to hear her. I try to say, but I think I scream it, "I can't hear you! Stop! Leave me alone!" before burying my face again. I sit against the wall for an indeterminate amount of time before the ringing recedes. Slowly, I can hear other sounds. The first one that I can identify is the clock ticking. Then, I can tell it's voices, but I can't make out who or what they're saying. I take deep steadying breaths. After some more time, I can tell it's Paul and Mom. They're concerned. I still can't quite tell what exactly they're saying, but I decide that I need to help them. I slowly stand up and make my over to them. They're both leaning against the kitchen counter, facing the opposite way. Once I'm close, I say, "I'm sorry." and look at the floor.

I can tell by their shadows that they both give a startled jump. "P-Percy?" My Mom says with a nervous tremor in her voice. My shoulders sink in disappointment; she's scared of me now, too. I nod tightly. She doesn't come over to me. "Can you hear me now?" I nod again, still refusing to look at her.

"Good! What was that?!" Paul yells at me, and I can tell by the shadows that he's placed himself in between Mom and I. My shoulders fall even further. Paul grabs my shoulders and shakes me roughly before yelling in my face, "WHAT. WAS. THAT?" I turn my face to the side to avoid his wrath as I try to keep my calm.

"PAUL! STOP!"

"NO! HE ALMOST CHOKED YOU! YOU COULD HAVE BEEN HURT, SALLY!"

"HE-"

I interrupt and look at him, "She wouldn't have been choked." He stares at me incredulously before he opens his mouth to yell again. I speak before he can, "I thought... When I woke up, I thought I was back in Tartarus." I close my eyes tightly for a moment before saying. "I'm sorry I panicked, for a moment, I really thought I was back there." He looks like he's going to say something, so I raise my hand to stop him. "However, even given that, I have never choked an enemy, so she would not have been choked." I sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose as they both stare at me. "I was waiting for the creature that I saw in my mind to answer my question because I was panicked. I have not been... No one, creature or otherwise has been able to sneak up on me since that time I fell asleep there; I've been too on edge." They just keep staring at me, and I can tell that they're still scared and wary. I sit on the floor and put my face in my hands. I can't cry anymore. "Please! Please don't be afraid of me!" I cry out brokenly. "I can't take it if you are afraid of me too!"

I hear feet shuffle across the floor and then bones pop as someone crouches in front of me. I tense in anticipation of anything. My Mom hesitatingly rubs my hair, and I relax into her hand instantly. "Alright, Percy. I'll... I'll try to not be afraid anymore." I look up at her in shock. She gives me a sideways smile before giving a brittle laugh, "Just, you've got to tell me things that I can't do. Obviously, waking you up is one of them. Is there anything else you can think of?"

I stare at her unseeing for a moment before I say, "I don't- well, yesterday, when you suddenly grabbed me, I... I um... I had to fight off a wave of panic, so maybe... give some warning before touching me? I can't think of- oh wait, also, please don't... um... bring anything potentially burn causing near me? Like.. like a lit match or anything."

Mom looks nervous as she asks, "W-why?" I wince and shake my head. "Alright, I-I won't push. It's lunch time now, are you hungry?"

"No, I'm really not." I say as I stand with her.

I see Paul shake his head, "Sorry I yelled at you, kiddo; you just... really startled me. I'll really try to not be afraid of you; I know you'd never intentionally harm either of us." He reaches like he's going to pull me in for a hug before he seems to remember, "Can I give you a hug now, Perce?" I smile and go to him, giving him a hug. He returns it and lets out a big breath. "I was worried about you too, kiddo. Glad that you're- well, alive, even if you're not okay right now." He pulls back and nudges my chin softly with his knuckle, "Eventually you'll be okay, Perce. Until then, you've always got us." He then lets go and walks to the table. I sit with them, and Mom puts a plate in front of me.

I look up at her, confused; hadn't I said I wasn't hungry? She interprets my expression correctly and inhales sharply before saying, "I thought you were joking. You-you're normally always hungry. I-"

"I'm sorry; it's just, to me, I was in... Tartarus for a year." They both breathe in sharply at the same time and look horror-stricken and confused. "It was only 3 weeks top side apparently, but... my body thought it was a year. I... I only ate twice my whole time down there. I ate a pack of M&M's from Hermes's shrine that somehow fell down there, and a friendly Giant fed me a bowl of drakon stew after I almost died of gorgon's blood."

"How- what- why- when- what-" My Mom mumbles in horror.

I rub the back of my neck, "I need to explain further for you to stop panicking don't I?" She nods. "Except, I'm not actually sure if the explanation will help." She whimpers. "Sorry, now that I'm actually talking, my filter is limited. Well... er the gorgon's blood was a curse that I got after I killed an arai. An arai is apparently a harpy-like bird thing that resides in Tartarus. Every time you kill or hurt someone (namely a monster) topside, their dying wish of revenge goes to the arai. If you find the arai, they will attack you and try to kill you themselves, but if you kill them, then you get the curse from that they are representing. Does that make sense?" They both nod shakily. "Well, there was a blind dude on the West Coast named Phineas that I gambled with." I wince. "You see, he was addicted to gambling. He had information we needed, but the price he wanted us to pay for it wasn't one we wanted to pay. You see, he wanted to have a certain harpy within reach of himself. We couldn't just give the innocent harpy to him, so we tried to come up with another plan when the harpy, named Ella, told us that he was addicted to gambling. It's because he's a seer, but he can't see quick gambles of chance so it thrills him to take the chance. I had some bottles from a gorgon I'd killed on my way to New Rome. One was a bottle that would heal you of anything, and the other was one that would kill you, painfully. I decided that I would gamble with him. The gamble was each of us drinks a bottle. I set the terms as he wrote down the information we needed, and if he died, we read the paper and protected the harpy. If I died, my friends would leave him alone and not get the information." I pause and grab my Mom's hand in to reassure her before continuing, "I didn't know which bottle was which even," she squeezes my hand tightly, "and I let him smell each bottle and feel each first. I took this gamble because that big baddie that we just destroyed to weeks ago, Gaea? Well, I was going off the hunch from the dreams I'd been having that she wanted me alive because she wanted to use my blood to raise herself from her sleep." She squeezes even harder. "I was right, and Phineas died, allowing us to have the information to be able to succeed in our quest, but apparently, he cursed me with his final breath to die in the same way. When I killed the arai representing his curse, I blacked out. I-I would be dead if..." I look away from her desperate eyes.

"You would have died if what?! If what, Percy?!" She demands.

"If I hadn't gotten the Blessing (or curse) of Achilles again." She sits back in shock and tears gather in her eyes. "Oh, I guess you didn't even know how I didn't have it. Well, um, to get into New Rome, I had to cross the Little Tiber, and it took away my Blessing."

"Was it painful?" She whispers.

My shoulders slump; I can't lie to her. I cringe as I say, "Yeah. It hurt. It-It felt the same as when I got Blessed. Like every single one of my nerve endings was exploding. So.. anyway, when I woke up from my blacking out, I found I was in a hut with a friendly Titan and a friendly Giant. The Titan was one that I had fought before and wiped his memory. When he first found me down there, he called me friend and said that he'd come because he's sensed that his friend was in danger. I-I couldn't lie to him. I told him what I'd done, and honestly, I'm still surprised that he decided to not kill me then or even just decide to leave me to die to the Giant that was hunting me because of who my Dad is. He is a good friend." My eyes water, and I'm embarrassed that tears trickle down my face, "S-so Bob the friendly Titan had taken gorgon-blood poisoned me to a Giant who was apparently just friendly all around to heal me. The giant's name is Damasen; he's the opposite to Aries which is why he's friendly." I chuckle and wipe away some tears, ignoring the fact that they're still falling. "He healed me and fed me. Later, when I found the Doors of Death, he jumped at the fully formed Tartarus to keep his attention away from me." My tears are blurring my vision now, and my voice shakes, "Bob held the button for the elevator for me to go up. Th-they both sacrificed themselves... for me. Tartarus himself told me that he was extremely impressed that a half blood had survived this long, and that I should be proud of myself because he's apparently not taken on a bodily form since the Giants were born. He said I should be proud that he deemed me worthy to try to kill me personally himself with his hands. I also became the first ever Champion of Lady Night while I was down there, and I walked through the Mansion of Darkness with my eyes wide open. Please... don't interrupt now. I'm not proud of how I got this... this accolade. I-I fell into Tartarus because I pushed myself behind Annabeth when she was being dragged in. I... I gave her my sword to cut off the lines dragging her into the Pit. Once we were done being dragged... the floor caved under me. I pushed Annabeth to safety, and she still had more sword. It-it didn't come back to me. The first time I got attacked, it was by hellhounds. I was delirious with pain and weaponless... I was so, so, so desperate to survive. You have to understand!" I stand up suddenly and pace as I continue. "I-I closed my eyes and searched for a water source. When I found one, I pulled it to me without even thinking about it. Then all of a sudden I was showered... in both blood and hellhound dust. I-I'm a monster. I-I pulled the very blood out of their veins as they were attacking me." I look at my hands in disgust, still pacing. "Then, towards the end of my time in Tartarus, Bob brought me to the Goddess of Misery. He had to leave, but he told me I needed to get her Death Mist. I talked to her, and she refused to help me. I decided to play on her pride and taunted her saying that basically she must not be as powerful as I heard or she wouldn't have a problem giving a mere half-blood the Death Mist. After some of this, she told me she'd give it to me if I came with her. Fully knowing that it was a trap and that she'd likely try to kill me, I went with her because she was my only way of getting past the horde at the Doors. When we got to where she wanted, she tried to be all like 'Ha! I tricked you! This was a trap!' I just was like, 'Well duh it's a trap, stupid.'" At this my Mom gives a tight laugh. "Then Lady Night, Nyx showed up and basically told us both to prove to her that we were better than the other. Sh-she then sent poison at me. It was coming on me like a sea. I remember thinking that pretty much exactly. Then, I focused on the word sea, and I think I laughed a bit like a crazy person and sent the poison back to her. Then, I realized that I could feel her blood too and-" I sit down heavily, "and I ripped the ichor out of her body. Ichor is the blood of the gods, in case you didn't know. I was covered in the stuff, practically dripping with it. Then Nyx offered that I become a god. I declined, and she demanded why. I told her that I had to get back to Annabeth. Sh-she then had me tell her all about her. At the end, she named me her Champion." I take a deep, shaky breath, "After I went through the doors, I helped my friends defeat the vortex dude and when we got topside, Annabeth flipped out and demanded I tell her everything. I-I couldn't talk about it yet. I was... in a very, very bad place. I wasn't actually certain if I was happy to be alive or if I wished I had died. She also demanded to know about my other scars... you see I had to tear my shirt up during my time there to use as bandages, a belt, and a splint. So... she could all my scars Mom." I make eye contact with her. "All of them." She gasps again.

"I'm so sorry!"

I shake my head and am about to continue when Paul says, "Wait, what scars? What am I missing here?" I wince and take off my shirt. He blanches as he looks over them. He looks horrified as he shakily says, "Ar-are those from... your first Step-Father?" I nod. His eyes water, and he whispers, "I-I'm so sorry, Perce. No wonder it took you so long to trust me." I let out a bitter laugh.

"Yeah. Anyway, I was in no shape to talk about those either, so when she threatened our relationship if I wouldn't tell her about all of them, I decided to end it." I close my eyes in pain. "I-I can't handle it. I-I love her like no one else, but that... that was just too much. If I'm not ready... I'm not ready. I feel like a major jerkwad for dumping her, but at the same time, I-I don't deserve that kind of treatment. After thinking about it, sh-she may be toxic for me. She's always been pushy of my boundaries and made me talk about things before I'm comfortable. She came to after everything and apologized, but... I think... I think it's too late. Too little too late for us and the truly sad part? Or should I say the pathetic part? The thing that hurts me the most of everything..." I put my head on the table. "Is losing her. Even though it was my choice, and I can logically see that it's a good decision for me. I-I- DAMNIT!" I slam my fist down on the table. "My memory was wiped, and the only thing, the only thing I remembered at first was her name! I remembered her face and name before I remembered my own name! My own name eluded me, but hers! Stuck! In! My! Head! After a flipping goddess wiped my memory, I can't forget her! DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!" I breathe heavily for a moment before continuing. "Also, not once, but twice, getting the Blessing of Achilles, she's the face I pictured as being my reason for wanting to live and not give in to the water's power. She's the thought that gave me the willpower to climb out of the River of Despair in the depths of Tartarus. I literally fell into the deepest depths of hell that no other demigod has ever survived more than a day inside for her! I fought for over a year to get back to her. TWO TIMES! TWO TIMES I've been offered the position of a god, and both times, I'VE TURNED IT DOWN BECAUSE I LOVE HER." My Mom is staring at me wide eyed again as I make eye contact. "I love her, Mom." Her eyes squeeze tightly shut. "I'm so, so angry, but I love her. I can't stop it, and I want to! I don't want to love her anymore! I don't want to care! Mom," I wait until she opens her eyes again, "I-I don't know what to do anymore."

She takes my other hand. "First off, you can stop making it rain in the apartment." She chuckles trying to lighten the atmosphere. It works, and I focus on that and fix the issue. "Honey, I-I'm sorry. I'm afraid... I'm afraid you get this," she gestures to me, "from me. I... I went through hell- er well, not hell, but a lot for your Dad because I loved him and then I wanted to hate him. I'm willing to bet you want to hate her too?" I nod silently. Her eyes water as she continues, "I wanted to hate him so much, but... I never could. Don't get me wrong, I love Paul, very much." She smiles at him before looking at me again. "But, I never stopped loving your Father. Now, I would never let him be involved with me again, but I will never, ever stop loving him. I-I think... I think you'll be the same with Annabeth. I don't think you'll ever stop loving her, but... as long as you tell the next person you fall for about it, you can move on. It'll hurt like a bitch, baby, but you can do it. I'll-I'll be here for you."

"Thanks, Mom."

"Yeah, well, now you've got to eat. Our dinner is going to be cold now, deary. We've all got to eat." At my look she continues, "Nope. You are going to eat at least a quarter of what's on your plate, or I promise I will cry all over again. Man, that's a lame punishment, but it's all I can do now."

I smile weakly and pick up my fork to take a bite. We all eat peacefully, and I stop once I'm at a quarter and have to hold back the urge to barf. Once we're done, Mom encourages me to sleep. I lay and stare at the ceiling until dawn.