Chapter Two: In which angsting temporarily impedes logic
Note: I am not a Dumbledore basher by any means. I just never understood how the Headmaster of a school that Harry was under no obligation to attend had so much say in his personal life. Granted, there are a lot of cultural differences with Britain that, never having been there, I don't understand, but I can't imagine that they give the leaders of their schools that much power over their students.
Other Note: I didn't understand what the 'near misses' thing meant at first, but then again, but then again, when I was reading the part in the Shrieking Shack, I mostly just skipped over that part because putting it in would just be mostly repeating dialogue. The 'near misses' was when were-Lupin got away from the other Marauders and almost attacked someone, right?
Other Other Note: As to why I still love Sirius when I've "noticed that he was an unrepentant bully who tried to feed a classmate to a werewolf"…Hm…I haven't really put a lot of thought into that. I guess the simple answer is because I like most of the characters. The exceptions of course being:
Pettigrew (because she doesn't actually give him any redeeming qualities save half-a-seconds hesitation at murdering the son of one of his best friends)
Umbridge (because she doesn't even have THAT and gets away with child abuse because it would hurt Dumbledore politically to intervene, which just goes to show that the Headmasters of schools should really not be important political figures)
Molly Weasley. Yes, I realize that not liking one of the Weasley's (other than Percy, who I actually DO like) is usually considered blasphemy, but she annoys me to no end. Granted, it's mostly just her being overprotective as a result of her brothers' deaths and trying to be a good mother, but she is NOT Harry's mother. Granted he may appreciate her trying, but when she starts treating him like he's a helpless and withholds key information, such as the fact that a Mass Murderer is after him. And honestly? That was a stupid plan. He might not need to know the whole 'responsible for your parents deaths' thing, but he deserved to know that someone was trying to kill him. And trying to keep Ron, Hermione, and Harry (all of whom were legal adults) from saving the world when being at The Burrow wasn't safe either was irritating. Believing a tabloid magazine over a girl she knows is close friends with her son is just stupid. Didn't she learn anything from Gilderoy Lockhart?
Ginny Weasley: About half the time, mostly in fanfics as she is not actually IN the books often enough to be overly annoying but ahs the side-effect of making her pretty much guaranteed to be a Mary Sue when she's a character. Her lack of being in the books means that she doesn't really have any flaws. I mean, yeah, she was tricked by the most evil wizard in hundreds of years when she was eleven, but that wasn't really her fault. She has a temper, but apparently that's one of her more endearing qualities and she is very powerful. Not a Mary Sue, strictly speaking, but you almost can't help but make her one when you write about her.
Other Other Other Note: I know this isn't as good as the last chapter, but I keep reading stories where it's only Riddle's tragic background that turned him into a mass murderer, and if just one person reached out to him, he'd be the Minister of Magic or something. And while that can be done skillfully, I think I've read too many of them, so I wanted to explain why that could never happen.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
"Harry? What are you doing up here?" Hermione asked, barging into the room Harry was hiding in.
"Angsting," came the succinct response.
"I can see that. Any particular reason?" Hermione asked. When Harry opened his mouth to answer, however, she quickly added, "Aside from the obvious?"
"I think Lord Voldemort is spiriting me away every night, possessing me and forcing me to do his dastardly deeds, and then returning me without anyone noticing anything at all," Harry told her glumly.
She promptly burst out laughing.
"Hermione! This is serious!" Harry scolded.
"Sorry, Harry," she apologized, struggling to simultaneously stop giggling and refrain from making a Sirius pun. "But that's ridiculous."
"Is it? Why?" Harry demanded angrily.
"Well, even if we ignore the whole 'no one noticed you were gone' and the 'you can't Apparate or Disapparate at Hogwarts' aspects of why that's impossible, there are plenty of other reasons," Hermione informed him.
"There are? Like what?" Harry challenged.
Hermione sighed. "Look, Harry, I realize you're angsting right now, but that doesn't mean you have to go and have a Wizard Moment, too."
Harry looked injured. "I am not! I'm being perfectly logical!"
Hermione shook her head. "No, Harry, you're not. Let's say for a minute that you're right and Voldemort really managed to kidnap you. He wants you dead. Why are you still alive and why in the world would he return you every night only to re-kidnap you?"
"I…you're right, Hermione," Harry smiled weakly at her. "But then how do you explain my vision of being a snake?"
"You clearly share some sort of a connection to Voldemort-" she began.
This time, Harry laughed. "So I've been told. I don't know anything about it, though, which is why it's freaking me out so badly."
"Ask Dumbledore," Hermione suggested.
"He's avoiding me," Harry said flatly.
"Then you stand outside his office and list off every single sweet you can think of, and then don't leave his office unto he talks to you. You don't always need to wait until the end of the years to ask questions," Hermione pointed out.
"Yeah, first year, when I asked why Voldemort tried to kill me, he said something to the effect of 'I'll tell you when you're older.' Well, now I am. Do you think the reason he tried to kill me and my connection to him are related?" he asked anxiously.
She shrugged. "I don't know, Harry. Maybe."
"I just…hate being connected to him, you know? It feels like I'm like him," Harry confided.
"Okay, I take it back. Your kidnapping theory was just silly, this is ridiculous," Hermione said before abruptly leaving the room. She came back a few moments later, lugging a large but surprisingly not dusty book with her. "You are NOTHING like Voldemort!" she declared.
"But we have similar backgrounds, look alike, and are both half-bloods…" Harry listed off.
Hermione rolled her eyes. "Do you have any idea how many half-bloods there are in the world? And how many guys who have dark hair? And there have GOT to be other people who grew up neglected. And even if there weren't, things like that say nothing about your personality, they are merely chance and outside forces," Hermione countered. "Now listen, in my noble quest to drive Umbridge insane, I went out and got a book on psychology. One of the topics covered in here reminds me an awful lot of our favorite snake-man."
"What?" Harry asked.
"Lord Voldemort is a psychopath."
Harry looked blankly at her. "I'm not so good at psychology. All I know is that that means he likes killing people, but I doubt that alone would qualify as its own psychological disorder."
"You're right, it wouldn't'," Hermione nodded. "And it has nothing to do with upbringing. I can tell you what the book says the characteristics are and we can go through why it fits him and not you if you'd like to reassure yourself."
"Alright," Harry nodded. "What's the first characteristic say?"
"Glibness and superficial charm," Hermione read. "Well, he managed to get a bunch of rich elitist to take orders from half-blood and gained a ton of followers, even before he was insanely powerful."
"I can't stop people from thinking I'm an evil attention-seeking lunatic," Harry offered.
"Very good. Next is 'manipulative and conning. They never recognize the rights of others and see their self-serving behaviors as permissible. They appear to be charming, yet are covertly hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used. They may dominate and humiliate their victims.' Wow, this is how Voldemort treats his followers."
"Yeah, when he was dealing with Cedric, he just outright killed him, but he Crucio'd one of his followers," Harry chimed in.
"Whereas you couldn't manipulative yourself out of a paper bag. I mean, honestly, if you could then maybe you could convince people that you're not evil. Then there is 'Grandiose Sense of Self. Feels entitled to certain things as 'their right'.' Well, Voldemort certainly seems to feel entitled to kill everyone he sees and conquer the whole planet."
"And I wasn't even feeling entitled to stay at Hogwarts before you came up here," Harry said. "I was going to go back to my highly neglectful and abusive relatives because I thought that, being possessed my Voldemort, I didn't deserve anything else."
"We have got to start working on your self-esteem Harry, honestly. I'm going to send you The Secret for your birthday, I swear," she said idly, glancing down at the book in her hands. " 'Pathological Lying. Has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis. Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing and even able to pass lie detector tests.' While I'm sure he's never actually taken a standard polygraph, it wouldn't surprise me to know that he is immune to Veritaserum and obviously he's a great liar if he has followers despite the fact that he wants to kill all things, everywhere."
"Everyone THINKS I'm a pathological liar," Harry said. "But come to think of it, everyone always knows when I'm lying. Always. Even people who probably don't know Legillemency, if it's as obscure as Snape says it is."
" 'Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and accomplices who end up as victims. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.' Wow, it's like this was written JUST FOR HIM. I mean, that pretty much describes the Death Eaters to a T. We should really send Malfoy a copy of this part; he's always so pleased that his father is Voldemort's lackey. And I think the fact that Voldemort is still trying to kill you, fourteen years later, goes to show he has no shame. I mean, you were only an infant at the time!" Hermione finished, a bit angry. "I mean, what kind of person could stalk and try to kill someone for years, ever since they were a BABY?"
"A psychopath?" Harry suggested with a smirk, touched by her concern. "And I feel guilty every time something bad happens to anyone I've ever met. Ever. Even if I'm not in any way responsible. Oh, except if they're in Slytherin, but that was an inherited prejudice. I feel guilty for my parents' deaths, and Quirrell's death, and Lockhart's memory loss, and Ginny's near-death experience, and Hagrid getting sent to Azkaban, and Cedric dying, and Pettigrew getting away, and…"
"Okay, that's quite enough, Harry," Hermione quickly interrupted as he paused to take a breath. Harry felt guilty enough for two people. "Then there's 'Shallow Emotions: When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.' I can't ever imagine him being…warm, but he must have at least pretended to be at one point, or else someone would have thought that there was something seriously wrong with him."
"Malfoy is never warm," Harry pointed out.
"And we think that there is something seriously wrong with him. It wouldn't surprise anyone in the slightest if he 'went bad' as Hagrid would put it, but no one (except Dumbledore) suspected that would happen with Tom Riddle. Also, he was completely unconcerned that his plans involved killing a baby and yet he gets mad whenever anyone addresses him by his real name. I mean, I can see how you could get annoyed, if you really didn't like it, like I do when you guys call me 'Mione, but actually enraged? That's kind of overreacting."
"Whereas I apparently have so much love all around me that evil people start to burn if they touch me," Harry said. "Which is kind of weird. But anyway, I don't THINK that I don't care about important things or care too much about insignificant things."
"I don't know about that, Harry," Hermione teased. "Exams are pretty important and I still don't understand the point of Quidditch."
"Hermione, I think you've got that backwards, you're the one with the mixed-up priorities," Harry corrected.
"Well, we'll just see about that in five years when I'm a successful whatever-I-decide-to-do and you get a career-ending Quidditch injury," Hermione told him. " 'Incapacity for love.' Well, I think that one's actually pretty self-explanatory. Or, at least, Dumbledore already explained it. 'Need for Stimulation: Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.'" Both she and Harry looked sick. "I…can understand that Voldemort always needs to try and be one step ahead and killing people, and he has plenty of verbal outbursts and torture his Death Eaters like there's no tomorrow but…promiscuity?"
"Who would want to…?" Harry couldn't even finish the thought.
"I don't know, I've heard that he and Bellatrix Lestrange were…close. But then, she's a nutcase, so perhaps that explains it," Hermione said, shuddering.
"BAD MENTAL IMAGES!" Harry shouted, envisioning the two together.
"Well, uh, gambling, right? He certainly risked everything by going after you when you were a baby, didn't he?" Hermione quickly changed the subject.
"Ah, but he didn't know that, I don't think," Harry told her.
"Well, he risked everything coming to Hogwarts first year. And brining you to the Graveyard in fourth. I mean, you may have only been fourteen, but he had Wormtail as a bodyguard. That was nerves of steel, there. I mean, I wouldn't trust him against anyone older than a first year. After all, second years are capable of killing Basilisks. With lots of assistance, mind you, but fully capable none the less," Hermione said.
"Not ALL second years," he reminded her. "That was only me, and you're right, I had a LOT of help."
"And Voldemort wasn't faced with all fourth years, only you. And while I'll admit that this year you've had at least one verbal outburst a week, I think that's more to do with the fact that you're a teenager, Voldemort is out to kill you, no one believe you about that and thinks you're crazy, Umbridge is here, and your scar hurts all the time. You've never been physically abusive, though, and that's an important difference. You do seem to always seek out trouble, but I think that's more because there are always people out to cause trouble in your general vicinity than because you crave the stimulation.
"Anyway, the next one is 'Callousness/Lack of Empathy: Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others' feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.' I think the fact that Voldemort is a mass-murderer makes it apparent that he's not capable of empathy. And he preys on people's emotional distress to use as pawns," Hermione said. "What do you think Harry? Harry?"
"Huh?" Harry jumped. "Sorry Hermione, I just realized something. I don't doubt that he has empathy or anything, but I just realized that that whole 'readily taking advantage of others' feelings' sounds just like Dumbledore and what he does to Snape."
"Snape?" Hermione asked confused. "What-"
"I hear things," Harry shrugged. "But anyway, I may not be the best at empathizing, but at least I know how to! I mean, I feel really bad whenever Ron gets self-conscious about the fact that his parents aren't obscenely wealthy like mine were."
"Obscenely?" Hermione asked raising her eyebrow. "Just how rich were your parents, Harry?"
"I don't know," Harry shrugged. "Rich enough for a teenage boy to not need to depend on his deadbeat relatives and to get by until he gets a decent job rich, at least."
"Well, you really should check that out, when you're old enough to actually care," Hermione advised. " 'Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature: Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim.' I'm not exactly sure about this, but I'm guessing that's how he turned the otherwise haughty Pureblood elite into his lapdogs."
"I suppose I might have some impulse-control issues this year," Harry admitted. "But again, very stressful year, hormones raging, I've heard that that's normal. And I'm certainly not seeking out victims."
"Here's another one that could also apply to Dumbledore. 'Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.' I mean, it fits Voldemort, too, but when I think of 'thinks they know what's best for everyone', I think of Dumbledore," Hermione said.
"Yeah, me too. But even though Snape certainly seems to think that this applies to me, I know that while I'm fairly powerful for my age, I still wouldn't want to duel a grown wizard and I don't know enough, that's my problem," Harry said, looking a little depressed again.
Hermione quickly continued with the next item on the list, " 'Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency: Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet "gets by" by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.' I don't know…I'm not sure that this fits Voldemort. He got an award for special services to the school, even if he did set a Basilisk on it first, so he certainly DID things like that, but I don't think he got caught, and his grades couldn't have been a problem if he was Head Boy."
"He did steal things, though, he kept trophies from the kids at his orphanage and they were all terrified of him," Harry offered.
"How did you-" Hermione broke off when she saw Harry just cross his arms. "Oh, right, you 'hear things.'"
"My grades weren't the best before I came here because I could never do much better than my cousin or else my guardians wouldn't feed me. Because of that, I got into the habit of not really applying myself, which explains my initial grade issues here."
"And your later grade issues?" Hermione pressed.
"Only in boring classes with horrible teachers," Harry replied. "And I've kept you and Ron as my friends for four and a half years now, so that's not an issue. I don't think I've ever been cruel to animals…Oh, except for keeping an owl in a cage, but that's a widespread cruelty across our society. I might have some issues making new friends, but that's because most people just want to be friends with my scar."
"Was Riddle cruel to animals?" Hermione asked.
Harry shrugged. "Probably. His uncle liked to nail live snakes to the front door of his house," he offered.
"Ew," Hermione wrinkled her nose. " 'Irresponsibility/Unreliability: Not concerned about wrecking others' lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.' Yeah…just…yeah. Didn't he blame your mom once for him killing her, because she wouldn't just hand you over to him?"
Harry nodded. "Yeah, and he keeps telling me that if I would only join him, he wouldn't have to keep trying to murder me. Whereas I don't want to wreck anyone's life or dream unless, of course, it happened to involve massive corruption and/or trying to hurt me or someone I care about."
" 'Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity: Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.'" Harry and Hermione exchanged nauseated looks and Hermione quickly moved on to the next one. " 'Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle: Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.' Well, I don't think 'Evil Overlord' is a very realistic career goal, but it seems to be working out for him. Definitely parasitic lifestyle, he makes his followers do everything and just sits back and plots and thinks about how evil he is and tries to figure out how to murder a teenager."
"I don't have the best work ethic, but I don't really know how to exploit anyone. I want to be an Auror, which is pretty unrealistic at the moment, but should I actually grow up and not be killed by Voldemort, I'll probably have the skills and experience necessary to do fine, there," Harry announced.
" 'Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility: Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily,'" Hermione read. That was the last one on the list. "He's changed the part of his life about being a half-blood and about being named Tom Riddle, about being scared of Dumbledore about, well, everything except being the heir of Slytherin, which he kept quiet about while at Hogwarts."
Harry snorted. "I don't need to change my life story, the Daily Prophet is more than willing to do it for me."
"So do you see, Harry, how the only similarities you have here are those that can be accounted for by the fact that you're a teenager. He really should have grown out of those things by now, but he can't, because he's a psychopath."
"Thanks Hermione," Harry smiled at her. "If it weren't for you, I'd still be worried about getting 'spirited away' by Voldemort every night."
"Don't mention it," she smiled back at him.
Suddenly, they heard thundering outside the door.
"Hey Harry!" Ron called through the door. "We're here to cheer you up!"
"Where were you ten minutes ago?" Hermione demanded when Harry threw the door open. "I could have really used your help!" Harry looked at her skeptically. "On the other hand, it was probably for the best."
Review Please!
I'm thinking for the next chapter, Hermione can help Harry talk himself out of competing in the Triwizard Tournament.