'Sneaky little bugger aren't you?'

Oswald stirred, one bloodshot eye cracking open at the sound of Ed's words. As he raised himself up into a sitting position, Ed spoke again, louder this time.

'Don't move!'

'What?! What is it?!' Oswald demanded while instantly freezing at the urgency in Ed's tone.

Ed was semi crouching, a dishtowel in one hand as he peered into a shadowy corner above his kitchen cabinets. Oswald saw in the other hand he was wielding a sieve.
His posture was tense as he crept forwards: like a hunter stalking his prey.
At first, Oswald thought Ed had been reacting to an odd noise he had heard while cooking: a GCPD raid?! But the stove was cold. Judging from the quiet sounds of the TV and the 'Paused' icon across the screen, Ed had been playing a video game.

Ed suddenly leapt back and Oswald saw a shape burst from the gloom above the cabinets. Distracted momentarily by Ed falling over one of his kitchen chairs and landing in an undignified heap on the floor, it took Oswald a few minutes to catch sight of whatever had spooked his roommate.

When he finally did lay eyes on it as it circled the disengaged ceiling fan, Oswald rolled his eyes.

'A bat?' he asked, irritated, 'Seriously?!'

Ed was back on his feet but hunched so low he was almost bent double. Oswald's vexation gave way to amusement as he watched Ed cringe and his face twist as he watched the bat fly about with undisguised nervousness.

'I thought you would've liked them', Oswald commented.

'Ugh! No!' Ed cried aghast, 'With those creepy little hooks and rotten little teeth?!'

'Only mammals capable of flight'.

'Yes, thank you', Ed deadpanned, 'I am perfectly aware that they are marvels of evolution. They're just so ugly and disease ridden and-'

'Are you trying to catch it in that sieve?' Oswald asked, indicating Ed's chosen instrument for his battle.

'I don't have a net', Ed shrugged then flinched as the bat swooped lower and nearly grazed his hair.

Oswald stifled a laugh as Ed rounded on him, obviously not as amused as Oswald was by their unwanted 'guest'.

'You don't seem to mind them', Oswald commented, indicating a pair of mounted bats behind glass sitting on top of Ed's wardrobe.

'You will also notice they're not flying around!' Ed retorted, eyes tracking the bat as it moved to flittering around the kitchen light.

Oswald got up, ignoring the various aches that permeated his body and stood beside Ed.

'Maybe I should call the exterminator?' Ed asked, 'Or animal control? Which one deals with bats?'

Oswald yanked the sieve out of Ed's hand and threw it into the kitchen sink.

'Should we maybe get a light or something? Like a signal? They're attracted to light right?' Ed continued.

Rolling his eyes, Oswald walked past the bat and the stationary Ed.
Reaching up, and slightly grimacing as he felt his shoulder ache, he opened the kitchen window.

He sensed Ed was about to say something smart but disparaging about his chosen tactic.

This made victory that much sweeter to Oswald when the bat sensed its opportunity and flew out of the window into the night before Ed could form a sentence.

'Close the window will you?' Oswald asked politely, patting Ed shoulder as he walked back towards the bed.

'I take it you're familiar with that much maligned species', Ed said.

He went to the kitchen sink after closing the window. Oswald scoffed as he watched Ed wash his hands attentively, using antibacterial soap for extra safety.
He hadn't even touched the bat!

'They used to get stuck in my mother's air vents sometimes', Oswald explained, 'No point calling the landlord if you can get rid of them in the amount of time it would take him to show up'.

Oswald got back into bed, drawing the covers up around him.

'Thank you', Ed said, taking a seat at the foot of the bed, 'I appreciate it'.

Oswald blinked. Why was Ed thanking him for opening a window? But then his confusion was replaced by something altogether more pleasant: he found he was glad to have helped Ed. Now he thought about it, Ed had done a lot for him. Opening a window was not enough to repay him. He would have to think about how to properly thank him once he was well again.

'Just give the bat what it wants and it'll go away. They're not stupid', Oswald shrugged, 'Work with it, not against it. You'll have a much easier time'.

He cocked an eyebrow.

'Or were you too busy trying to make the bat look silly and yourself look smart?' he teased, 'Because it's a flying rodent. It doesn't care'.

'Huh', Ed said, pushing his glasses up on his nose, 'Like I always say: sometimes the simplest solution is the correct one'.

Oswald made an unimpressed noise.

'Don't act all high and mighty fixing your glasses like that. You're just trying to cover up that you failed to outsmart a bat'.

Ed cleared his throat.

'It was a one time thing. I promise', he said lightly, waving a hand dismissively.

'Sure it was', Oswald grinned, 'Don't worry. I won't tell anyone'.

'Because you want this kind of leverage all to yourself?'

Oswald held up his hands. It was an obvious physical signal: 'you got me!'

'I consider it insurance', Oswald corrected.

Ed swallowed, feeling an odd pride welling up. The Penguin was well on his way to recovery. So much for leaving Gotham forever. Ed thought this must be how people who worked in animal shelters must feel: taking in a stray and helping it recover.
But if that stray should try to bite, it needed to be disciplined.

'Speaking of leverage', Ed said, with his own sly smile, 'Do you always favour striped boxer shorts or were you trying to mix things up on the day I found you?'

Oswald gasped and Ed tilted his head curiously as he watched Oswald try to respond with something witty or banal. Unfortunately that well seemed to have run dry. Ed grinned as Oswald shrank back beneath the covers. It was so funny how red his cheeks could get when he was embarrassed!