Okay, after an Eternity of computerlessness(is that even a word?) I have finally attained my own PC! Let's celebrate. Everybody do the Cactaur dance!

Random Bits 9 Chapter 2

Waterfall Way – Tidus' house – Auron is just removing Tidus from the party.(Mostly by the ear.) The party resumes.

Yuna breathed a sigh of relief as both Guardians disappeared. The young Summoner smiled at her guests and quickly began describing the new Item Shop. The nuns listened with intent wonder as she described a chocobo theme trinket she had seen, but been unable to buy. The reason for this was that Clasko had dashed up and snatched the last one, giving her a triumphant and slightly crazed grin. She still had nightmares about it.

Yuna had been left with only three options at this point: 1) fight Clasko for it herself, 2) get Tidus to take it from him and cause a big scene, i.e. destruction of the shop, or 3) get Kimahri to bop him on the head, grab the thing and run. Since neither of these options were solutions befitting of a High Summoner Yuna decided that she didn't really need it. That didn't mean that she hadn't seriously considered option 3. (All it takes to send a Ronso charging off is a trembling lip or disappointed sigh.)

One of the nuns, a black haired girl with a sharp nose (whom Tidus secretly referred to as 'Divebeak') was the first to notice a muted conversation, which seemed to have been going on for quite some time. Yuna's thread of conversation abruptly snapped as four sets of ears focused on the running commentary coming from behind the door.

There exists a universal misconception that a conversation of any volume (excluding whispers) has absolutely no chance of being overheard if it takes place behind a closed door. Those of you who have ever been a bystander in this situation could probably repeat the entire conversation. Though misconception it may be, many people still fall prey to it and Yuna's two Guardians were no different.

The conversation went thusly:

"Oh man, they're really flat."

"Whatever. Here's the pump, hold still."

"Ow! You totally missed!"

" Well, hold still."

" Are you sure you should be doing this with only one eye? I mean you're kinda low in the Depth Perception Department, and the last person I would want coming at me with…"

"Quit your nattering and give it to me!"

"Hey!! Never grab another guy's balls. Didn't your parents ever teach you not to grab things? How would you like it if some just came up to you and grabbed your balls?"

"I would'nt care. I don't have any."

Out in the living room Yuna's Conversation had not only come to a screeching halt, but jumped the guardrail and come to a definite and terminal stop against a tree and burst into flames. Its passengers were left stranded, neither of their cell phones having enough reception for an emergency call.

"Uh…more tea?" Yuna quavered a little to brightly as she made a valiant, yet pathetic attempt to pretend none of this was happening.

There was a muted thump.

"Hey, not so hard!"

"Don't be a crybaby."

A rhythmic bumping sound floated our from behind the door. Yuna smiled nervously at the nuns who stared at the door aghast. There are only so many logical explanations for rhythmic sounds and inflating blitzballs didn't seem to be on the list at the moment. The young Summoner wondered if, under certain circumstances, murder could be considered a public service. Someone was going to take a trip down Yuna's Highway of Rage, which was little more than a dirt track lined with flowers. However she was thinking about adding sharp rocks, brambles, and maybe some poison ivy.

Accompanying the new and disturbing sounds was an equally disturbing conversation. There was an annoyed snarl of "Keep still!" from Auron.

"Not so hard. There's no where to get a new one."

"Shut up, I know what I'm doing."

"Not so fast!"

"Stop whining. There. Let me do the other one."

There was a moment of silence in which Imagination madly tossed a multitude of explanations like a juggler on crack. All of them were against Yevon. The conversation picked up again with a muffled yelp.

"Well move your hands." came Auron's gruff voice followed by sounds of exertion.

"Don't stop yet it's not as firm as the other one."

"It's not like you use this one anyway. It doesn't matter it it's a little flat."

In the silence that followed Yuna nearly chipped a tooth on her teacup. The three nuns were muttering silent and hasty prayers, probably asking Yevon to drop a flaming meteor in the house to destroy the heathens. Yuna sat alone in an ocean of embarrassed silence and saw no rescue in sight. She was almost glad when the horrible conversation resumed.

"Uh…you might want to stop now." came Tidus' worried voice.

"Just a bit more. I don't want to have to do this again anytime soon."

"No…stop…stop!"

There was a loud 'BOOOOOM!' followed by a horrified wail of "You popped my ball!!!" The nuns, fearing for their immortal souls, politely and hurriedly thanked Yuna for a wonderful time and fled the den of iniquity. The Summoner was left alone with the sad remains of the party (which would lie in state in the temple at 8 O'clock with reception to follow).

It was ruined! All the careful planning and thought put into it had been wasted. Someone was going to pay!

Tidus stalked stiff-legged into the room on a mission to tattle. "Yuna, do you know what Auron…" he began at the same time Auron barked from a few steps behind,

"Yuna, do you know what Tidus…"

Both Guardians faltered in the face of the smoldering heterochromatic look the Summoner was giving them. It was one of those looks that said 'I'm going to beat seven kinds of poo out of you.' It would probably take a while too, because to Yuna all poo was the same.

Sensing the inevitable Auron slowly began to fade. Desperate to fill the uncomfortable silence Tidus proceeded to narrow his chances for survival. With a bright smile born of sheer nerves, he cheerfully asked, "So, how was your party?"

Auron went for broke and scattered. Screw Jecht the boy was on his own. Yuna smiled sweetly as if Tidus had just said something cute and snapped her fingers. "Oh," she said in an amused tone as a hulking Ronso shaped eclipse rose behind Tidus,

"It was killer."

End.

Well, that's it for RB 9. Does anyone have any heavy duty spot remover? Yuna's going to need a shipload to clean up the smears. Death by Ronso is messy after all.