"I can't believe I've actually agreed to this."
Michelangelo walked into Robert's apartment, taking off his trench coat and hat. "Hey, listen buddy," he told the man, "if you'd rather stay here and watch over Ros and me instead of going out and getting some potential lip-lock action, you go ahead and do that. You already ordered the pizza, and I already brought over some of my favorite movies of all time. So it's your choice: cuddle up against a girl, or cuddle up against a shell. Just don't cuddle too close, though; we're not that chummy."
"Point taken," Robert sighed. "Come on, Rosalind's bedroom is back here." As he led the turtle towards the room, he told him, "The pizza just got here about five minutes ago. It's on the table. Rosalind only ever eats half a slice, and you're welcome to take the rest back home. Make sure she's asleep by nine, and please don't let her watch something like Attack of the Killer Tomatoes right before bed; Allison told me about your taste in movies. I should be home by 11:30, emergency numbers are by the phone, don't set the house on fire, and all of the usual stuff." He stopped before realizing, "Oh. Right. You've never done this before."
"Nope," Michelangelo replied. "But I'm a fast learner. Besides, I left the lighter fluid in my other coat." Robert gave him a hard glance, and Michelangelo put his hands up defensively. "Kidding, kidding! Lighter fluid equals fire, fire equals smoke, and smoke equals air pollution. I'm an eco-friendly kind of guy."
Although it almost seemed as though Robert didn't quite believe him, he opened the door to Rosalind's room. "Honey," he said to the girl who was working on a coloring book at a small play table. "Mikey's here now, so give me a kiss before I-"
"Uncle Mikey!" Robert was cut off as Rosalind jumped from her chair and ran straight for the turtle, almost knocking him off his feet as she hugged his leg. "Uncle Mikey, I missed you sooooo much! I was so happy when Daddy said you were coming over! We're gonna have sooooo much fun!"
"It's the bright colors," Robert muttered as Michelangelo scooped the girl up in his arms. "Green and orange. And the novelty of it. Yeah, that's gotta be it. At least, that's what two years of reading child psychology books have taught me."
"Child psychology?" Michelangelo scoffed. "Get real, man. Kids are just kids. No need to put science behind it." To Rosalind, he proclaimed, "We're gonna have a blast, mini-bud! Take a look in this bag I'm carrying! We've got The Wolfman, House of Dracula, The Screaming Skull-"
"A-hem," Robert coughed.
"Uh… and um… Sleeping Beauty and Anastasia," Michelangelo remarked. "And it looks like those are the only movies you'll be able to watch before your nine o'clock bedtime." Robert rolled his eyes and walked out of the room to collect his jacket and keys. In a hushed whisper, Michelangelo told Rosalind, "And by 'Sleeping Beauty,' I of course meant The Brain that Wouldn't Die. And by 'Anastasia,' I of course meant… well… Anastasia, actually. Because let's face it. The bad guy's pretty cool and gross-looking."
All of this seemed to go way over Rosalind's head, but she seemed delighted by it nonetheless. Michelangelo carried her out into the living room, where Robert had just finished buttoning his jacket. "Okay, Ros," Robert said, reaching out for his daughter. "Kiss now. For real this time." Michelangelo handed her over to him, and Robert hugged Rosalind tightly. "Be a good girl for Mikey, and if he starts scaring you, you just scream real loud like I told you to and run downstairs to one of the neighbors."
"Wow," Michelangelo said sarcastically. "I'm really feeling the bonds of trust here, bro. They're wrapped right around my ankle like a ball-and-chain."
"Cute," Robert responded only somewhat bitterly as he put Rosalind down and opened the door. "See to it that she survives the night, and I'll even consider paying you in something other than pizza next time."
"Hey, did you forget, bro?" Michelangelo asked. "Your date's sister is my best friend. Depending on what I tell April, I can guarantee whether or not there'll be a next time." Robert offered him a look, seeming to actually consider this. It looked like he needed to get away before Mikey-logic began to rub off, so with a wave goodbye, he headed towards the elevator.
Michelangelo quickly closed the door, trying not to slam it in his excitement. As he engaged all of the locks, he marveled, "Five hours. Five hours without Leo trying to get me to train or Raph beating me upside the head or Donnie telling me to lower my music or Sensei telling me that I need to focus more. Five hours of nothing but absolute awesomeness with someone who actually appreciates me. Five hours of… huh? Mini-bud? Where'd you go?"
Looking around, he quickly spotted Rosalind in the corner of the living room, near the modestly-stacked DVD case. Wondering over what Robert could possibly have in his collection that Rosalind would be more interested in than The Brain That Wouldn't Die, Michelangelo walked over towards her. "What ya got there, mini-bud? Some unearthed classic, or a brand new timeless tale straight out of the cinema?"
Rosalind grabbed a DVD, then turned and proudly displayed it to Michelangelo. "This one," she proclaimed. "We'll watch this one. It's my favorite!" Michelangelo looked down at the movie and flinched.
"Oh, no," he groaned. "Not Fern Gully. Ros, this movie is number one on the list of movies that I don't need to see again. I don't understand how someone who was born after the early 90's ever managed to get her cute little hands on it. Lemme guess… this was your dad's doing, huh?"
"But Uncle Mikey," Rosalind insisted, "it has fairies!"
"Yeah, okay," Michelangelo replied, cringing again. "You've probably managed to block out the truly horrifying experience, mini-bud, but we've met real faeries. And they're bad news. Don't you have anything that's not quite as close to home?"
"But Batty's so funny!" Rosalind whimpered.
"Aw, don't look at me like that, Ros," Michelangelo murmured. "Fine, fine. We'll watch Fern Gully. I did mention being an eco-friendly kind of turtle, anyway. Just hope you know that we're totally watching The Wolfman after this. …it's educational, trust me."
He plucked the DVD out of her hands as she began to babble about how "sweet" he was. Feeling a grin coming on, he found the remote and turned on the television. "Aw, that's great, Ros. Now, where does your dad keep the popcorn?"
"Popcorn?"
Michelangelo froze. "You don't have popcorn? Are you for real? How are we going to watch a movie without some popcorn? Well, at least there's pizza. What about soda?"
"Soda?" Rosalind asked. "Yuck! Daddy says that'll make me lose all my teeth before I'm ten! But there's a biiiiiiig bottle of orange juice." Already ill at ease, Michelangelo went into the kitchen with the girl following right behind him. "See?" Rosalind said, pointing into the refrigerator that the turtle just opened. "There it is, behind the milk."
Michelangelo made a small, scared sound when he saw that even the milk was of the fat-free variety. Closing the refrigerator, he quickly opened the freezer, then went to the cupboards. After doing a thorough examination of the kitchen, he leaned against the table, aghast. "No chips," he lamented, "No ice cream. No candy bars. Not even a soft drink. What a way for me to find out that Rob's a health food nut."
"What's a health food nut?" Rosalind inquired. "It sounds funny."
"Well, they're funny people," Michelangelo responded. "Funny in the head, at any rate." Looking at the pizza, Michelangelo reached towards it and peeked inside, wholly expecting to find it topped with tofu and broccoli. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw that it was just a plain pizza from your average corner pizza shop. Luckily, Allison must have told Robert about Michelangelo's dietary habits as well as his movie preferences.
Looking around, he found some paper plates and napkins that Robert had apparently set aside on the counter for the occasion. "At least I'm not gonna starve," he murmured, getting everything set up. "Your dad said only half a slice for you, mini-bud… but why carve up such a beautiful piece of work?" He handed her a plate with a full slice and was amused by how much her eyes widened at the sight of the large piece of pizza she was expected to eat.
Only daughter of a nervous health nut, Michelangelo realized. She's probably gonna be one of those overprotected kids that everyone at school feels sorry for cuz she's never allowed to hang out past dark. Either someone's gotta teach Rob how to loosen up a bit, or this gal's gonna be in for a rude awakening by the time she gets to high school.
Pouring some apple juice for the two of them, Michelangelo tried to remember something he heard Donatello tell him once. Most human children acquire the majority of their personality traits by the age of three. Hmm, the turtle mused. She's still got a few months left to open her eyes. Rob's an easy-going kind of guy, so he wouldn't mind if his kid learned how to live it up a little.
"Uncle Mikey, why are you smiling? Did I do something funny?"
Michelangelo looked down at the girl as he grinned broadly. "Nah, I was just thinking of how much fun we're gonna have the next time we hang out. I don't have anything special planned right now, but boy, are we gonna make up for lost time."
Though she had no idea what he meant, Rosalind returned his smile with one of her own.
Wow, talk about Dullsville.
Michelangelo had to keep himself from falling asleep at the relatively poorly-animated cartoon from yesteryear. There was only so much he could take of watching an inept fairy accidentally shrinking a clueless human into the size of a bug and helping him to learn to listen to the forces of nature. Hearing Tim Curry sing "Toxic Love" made him briefly wish he had brought over The Rocky Horror Picture Show, but he had the distinct impression that Rosalind wouldn't be too into something like that. Heck, that movie even disturbed Raphael.
He glanced over at Rosalind, hoping she was also bored by the film. Unfortunately, she wasn't. If anything, she laughed more and more as the movie went on, even at things that little kids shouldn't laugh about (she must have a healthy sense of dark humor if she found it amusing when the bad guy started winning). Maybe there's hope for her yet, Michelangelo thought.
He grabbed his empty plate and got up, meaning to get a refill as an excuse to take a breath from the cutesy pseudo-Disney flick. Once in the kitchen, he glanced at the time on the microwave. Fern Gully should be over in another forty minutes, and Rosalind's bedtime would be less than an hour after that.
He had no intention of getting her to bed at exactly nine o'clock, since he wanted to be known as being the cool babysitter. Still, it didn't seem likely that she would take to any of the movies he had brought except for Anastasia, and there was a limit to how many pseudo-Disney musicals he could take in one night.
A game, maybe? Michelangelo pondered. With my luck, there won't be any gaming consoles around more modern than an Atari… which might be cool, if it were the genuine thing. Still, I'm thinking that ain't the case and that Rob wouldn't buy Rosalind any light sabers, action figures, or build her a cool cape. Man, what kind of comic book geek is he, anyway?
With the lights still off, he reached into the pizza box and put another slice on his plate, still not willing to go back out there and watch some more dancing pixies. He headed towards the window, glancing out at the cool night and wondering what his friends were up to. Allison and April probably both wish that they could trade places with me, since Raph and Casey are probably embarrassing them with their sports fanaticism. And Leo and Don are probably back home after a quick patrol and are mooching off of my DVD collection or something. I wonder if Ros would rat me out if I decided to take her back to the lair and teach her how to play Soul Caliber….
His thoughts were interrupted when he caught sight of something odd going on across the street. A teenaged kid apparently just jumped a wooden fence, landing in a small backyard. As he looked around the yard, Michelangelo wondered if the guy was trying to sneak into his girlfriend's house or was breaking some kind of parental rule. Seeing the kid take a ski mask out of his back pocket and put it over his face, Michelangelo had a good idea of what was going on.
Great, he groaned to himself. An amateur. How pathetic can you get? He flinched when the kid knelt by the backdoor and, after only a few seconds of fiddling with a small instrument and the lock, managed to get it open. As the kid quietly made his way inside the house, Michelangelo realized that these "amateurs" were getting a little too good. He blamed it on pop culture.
Okay, a few ways I can deal with this, he thought. I can do what any normal person would do and call the cops, letting them handle it. Of course, waiting for them to get here means I run the risk of this twerp getting away. Or I could do the smart thing and call Leo and Donnie and let them handle it. Of course, waiting for them to get here means I run the risk of letting this twerp run away… again. I could also let Rosalind watch her movie for a bit while I go over and handle the kid by myself, though then I officially label myself as the Worst Babysitter Ever for abandoning my charge. And then, there's the final option….
"Hey mini-bud," Michelangelo suddenly called into the living room. "Wanna go on an adventure?"