A/N: I WANT TO UPDATE MY OTHER STORIES PLEASE STOP DISTRACTING ME PETRA AND AURUO YOU'RE ADORABLE *sobs into hands* btw, look up images of a "Jagdterrier", it's what Auruo's dog looks like. (OK, seriously... trying to update my other fanfics but this one is so freaking fun to write).

Warning: Dark themes lurk about end of this chapter. And sorry for Levi being such a dick... but I promise he gets better.

Don't forget to leave a review and make my day~

From Butterflies to Hurricanes

An Auruo x Petra story by: Euregatto

Chapter 2

Petra has to admit – when she gets anxious it physically shows, whether it be the sudden cracking in her shouting or the dribbles of sweat gliding down her porcelain skin. Her leg bobs up and down impatiently to an untimed tempo as she sits rigidly on the front steps like she's on shards of glass; she grips the crinkle in her jeans, soothes it out, messes it up again to keep her mind on anything other than Auruo, presses it out.

He's been gone for two days… Doesn't he know that Erwin and Levi might be stripped of their ranks? That Eren… she glances over at the boy several yards away, feeding his horse in the stables, is most likely going to be executed?

Levi appears in her peripheral vision, seemingly watching the movements of the other soldiers as they go about their business. She turns her head to fully look at him. He appears to be mentally separating the best from the rest, possibly as candidates to fill in the temporary positions on his squad (and if all went somewhat well with the King, maybe the occupations would be permanent). If Auruo didn't show up soon, however, his spot would probably be filled, too –

Aaaand back to Auruo again. Fucking hell.

As if on cue a chorus of clopping noises echo out from the cobblestone path leading up to the stables. The familiar, chocolate horse trots into view and up to Levi. Auruo is perched up top, expression stitched into a permanent, emotionless line, and his left eye swelled dark purple. There is a medium-sized dog with a scraggly, obsidian coat, and brown muzzle and paws at his horse's hooves, ears perked in Levi's direction quizzically.

Levi looks down at it, briefly, before glancing back up. "Who the fuck did you piss off now?"

"Long story," Auruo returns bitterly.

"And the mutt?"

The dog barks in response to his question. Auruo shrugs passively but his eyes are elsewhere. "I gave him some leftovers and the fleabag hasn't stopped following me. Named him Barnabas, if it makes any difference."

"It doesn't." Levi turns back to his original task. "Now go clean yourself up and let Petra fill you in on what you missed while you were out fucking off."

Auruo's jaw visibly tightens. He clicks his tongue and his horse starts forward. "Let's go Barnabas," he declares. The dog pads in his wake, following his master into the stables. Auruo dismounts in his respective cubical, ties up his stallion, and unbuckles the first belt on the saddle; Barnabas sits at his feet, gazing blankly – and maybe even a little expectantly – up at the soldier. His ears suddenly perk and he glances at the gate.

Petra appears in Auruo's line of sight, lips pressed into a frown to mirror his own current expression. She wordlessly moves up to meet him, lifting her fingers to his bruised socket. "I was worried about you," she admits quietly, gently tracing the outline of his injury. He winces. "You were gone for so long and didn't tell anyone where you were heading… Are you okay now?"

"Fine," he bluffs, but doesn't move out of her touch. "What'd I miss?"

"Eren might be executed."

Auruo stiffens, eyebrow arcing in candid surprise. "No shit?"

"And the Commander and Corporal might be stripped of their ranks."

He grunts at that. "Figures. That lard-ass on the throne can't make a proper decision for the life of him – other than what to eat for dinner." He abandons the saddle for the reigns, fumbling with the latches. "It doesn't even matter. I'm not surprised by shit now-a-days. My job is to protect some street-smart boy who can turn into a fucking Titan." He trails off so suddenly Petra isn't even sure she's talking to the right person anymore. "Not like I can even do that right. My sister was right about me." A scoff. "I'm useless…"

Petra's hand finds the small of his back. "Auruo… what happened?"

His forehead falls into his horse's as he exhales a sigh of frustration. "I just wanted to make things right… I didn't – I didn't mean for this to happen"—she winds her arms around his waist and rests her head against the cage of his back—"and I keep making it worse when I try to fix it. I don't know how to make it up to you, or to Eren, or to Gunter's family…" He shudders involuntarily as she tightens her grasp on him. "I certainly don't think I could ever make it up to Levi. And my own family? Forget it."

Petra moves her chin to the length of his spine. "It's your family, they'll accept you no matter what happens."

"Tell that to Maya."

"Is she the one who gave you your black eye?"

Auruo reaches over to unbuckle his horse's reigns so he can avoid answering her, but to his immediate surprise her hand lashes up to grab a hold of his, her slender fingers locking around his own to still his movements. She turns his palm up, entwining their individual grips, pressing her cheek to his ribs. He has never been so close to her before – never touched her with anything more than a high-five or a hug – and the only thing he wants to do is push her away from him.

"Tell me what happened," she coerces, her voice hushed, her grip on him tightening again.

"OK," he utters in return, defeat setting in quickly, "OK… I wanted to see my family – my brothers, my parents – and didn't expect to see Maya upon my arrival. She had come to visit for the day… just my luck." He touches the rim of his injury. "I told her what happened in the forest."

"You left him there to rot?!"

"There was nothing I could do!"

"You abandoned him! He was your friend, my husband, our family! Why didn't you save him?!"

Auruo dejectedly shakes the memory from his mind. "We got into a slight disagreement over it… Maya's the only girl of my siblings, but she was in the trainee squad the same year as Erd and I. That's how they met. She retired from the Garrison and settled down after finding out she was pregnant with his first child."

"How long ago was that?" Petra questions quietly.

"About a year."

"But Erd doesn't have a - …She miscarried, didn't she?"

A nod.

"…Oh."

Auruo sighs under his breath. "She's only two months into this baby… I tried to make it right by telling her I would support her, that I would do anything I could to keep her going… but fuck words don't bring people back from dead! " He remembers how he tried to get her to look at him, but was met with her fist instead of her face; he recalls the way their parents broke them up, Mother to take Maya upstairs, Father to console Auruo who only apologized and stormed out the door. "I fucked up, Petra. I fucked up."

Petra opens her mouth to comfort him but nothing comes out. What the hell was she even supposed to say? 'I'm sorry, I know exactly what you're going through'? Instead of answering, she breaks off and moves over to the stallion's saddle, unbuckling one of the straps. "You don't think Auruo fucked up, do you Casco?" She chimes and the horse snorts in agreement. "I don't either."

"I read your letter."

She freezes and the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end. "Y-You did?"

"Yeah." He loosens the reigns and slides the leather straps over Casco's head. "You hate me just as much as everyone else."

"I don't hate you!" She amends, lifting the saddle from the horse's back. It's nearly twice as heavy as her own, but she sucks it up and manages to carry it over to the crate in the corner, resting it up top. She expects him to be watching her when she turns around, but he's instead carving out the dried mud from Casco's left front hoof with a pick, and Barnabas is sitting at his side, tongue lolling out of his mouth. "I'm serious," she continues with her hands moving to her hips, "I don't hate you. I'm mildly annoyed, is all."

"Mm-hm."

"Don't you dare give me the cold shoulder."

Auruo shrugs passively, crouching down to get a better angle of the hoof. Rolling her eyes, she tromps over to stand in front of him, arms crossed in defiance. He glances back up at her. "What, Petra?"

"It's not your fault." She kneels down into the dry, saffron straw that cripples beneath her weight. Her honey eyes are devoid of her previous irritation with him, and the sympathy behind them makes him want to carve out his own throat with the pick. "None of this is your fault, and I don't want you thinking I blame you for it." She reaches forward to brush her fingertips against his injury again. "I only blame the Female Titan."

"It's not about that," he interjects, letting Casco take his hoof back. "It's about me… being a coward. The Captain's orders were specific – protect Eren with my life, at all costs, no matter what."

"And you think you're the only one who didn't follow commands?"

Petra's response catches him off guard – technically she's alive as well, which meant she hadn't fulfilled Levi's wishes either. He never really thought about it that way. "But I'm the one who took you away," he argues back, "and that makes it my responsibility!"

"Auruo," she interjects as she pats Barnabas on the head, "it doesn't matter what your responsibility is or what it was… if you think you fucked up that badly, the best you can do is make up for it as you go along. And if it makes you feel any better, I don't think you're a coward." She removes her hand from Barnabas and touches Auruo's shirt right where his heart resides; the organ thrums within the cavern of his chest and sends pulse into her fingertips. "You have a big heart. And anyone who can admit to their mistakes isn't a coward in my book."

Suddenly, and without warning, she presses a gentle kiss to his forward.

"It only makes them human," she drones, shooting to her feet, turning to the open gate. "I'll see you later."

Auruo watches her leave, his expression soft and face a little warmer than a minute ago, before shifting his gaze over to Barnabas. The terrier still has his tongue lolling out of his mouth.

"Oh, shut up fleabag."

He spends the better rest of the hour finishing Casco and feeding him before taking the liberty of returning to his room, intent on catching up with dinner and the sleep that has avoided him for the past two days – he had slept on swinging chair of a random house's front porch, which turned out to be home to a windowed elderly woman who let him stay there without complaint, but it wasn't comfortable in the cold from the rain.

As he turns into the lower corridor he nearly slams right into Levi. "Oh, sorry about that Captain."

"Auruo," Levi replies tonelessly, "I was just looking for you." He draws a parchment letter out from the crevice of his arm. "This got mixed up in my mail. It's for you."

Auruo accepts it carefully, reading the sender up-top. "Huh, it's my mother." He furrows his brow. "Looks serious… Thanks, Captain, I'll see you around." They part ways without another word of exchange and Auruo heads straight for his room. "Stay out here," he tells Barnabas, "I'll be right out and we'll go to dinner." The dog sits back on his hunches, yapping gently, and Auruo shuts the door behind him. He perches at his desk, tearing open the letter's envelope rather unceremoniously.

And then he makes the mistake of reading it.

My dear son Auruo…

I want to leave you a letter that talks about life at home without you, even though there's nothing different aside from the fact that Maya is going to be with us for a short while, but there's something I have to tell you first. We want to help poor Maya get over Erd's death (he was such a sweet boy), but that's where the problem begins…

Auruo, sweetheart… Maya lost her baby the night after you left.

I hope this letter gets to you soon, I'm giving it to this nice young girl from your Legion who was buying bread from our bakery (a lot of it, might I add… oh, I should hurry, she seems to be in a rush).

Maya is devastated and I don't know how to make her feel better. She lost her husband, now she's lost another child… She's so quiet now, more reserved than usual. Auruo, I want you to come home, OK? Just for a little while. I know you had such a terrible fight last time, but I want you to be here for her. Be here for your little sister, like you always used to be. She needs all of us now more than ever.

Oh, yes, and feel free to bring along that lovely friend of yours. The one I met when you first joined that special squad… oh, what was her name? …Petra I believe?

Sorry, no time, the girl has to leave.

Love you,

Mom

.: . :.

From Butterflies to Hurricanes

.: . :.

Barnabas's barking has been going on relentlessly for some time, the obnoxiously vocal noise resounding along the hallways of the castle like a Titan cry. Petra is tailing Levi as he storms into the upper corridor despite his slight limp, infuriated about the sound even with the calm façade in his expression. "Put a cork in it mutt," he seethes at the dog when Auruo's room comes into view, but he ignores the man and paws at the bottom of the door.

"Barnabas!" Petra exclaims and the wailing dies down instantly. She grabs the handle of the door. "Auruo, it's me, I'm with Captain Levi! Why is Barnabas outside?"

There is nothing but silence on the other end. It lingers for a long while, poisoning the quiet around them with an eerie feel; Barnabas growls impatiently, toes prodding the small crack beneath the division before him.

"Open the door," Levi commands, "now. That's an order, Auruo."

Something inside slams against the floor and the deafening sound of splintering wood singes the thick atmosphere. Panic immediately nestles itself into Petra's features. "We're coming in!" She declares, shoving the wooden slab open with her whole shoulder.

They don't expect to see his desk chair lying in pieces on the floor, and there's blood splatter trailing along the cobblestone floor, reflecting metallic crimson in the evening sunlight; Petra's heart is in her throat, amber eyes blown open with shock. Barnabas immediately pads over to Auruo who is perched on the window sill, back to one edge of the opening, one knee bent, the other hanging off the edge, the gentle breeze tousling his wheat-blond hair.

She moves over to him briskly, hands gripping his upper arms. "Auruo! Are you okay?!"

He's holding one wrist hard, liquid garnet trickling through the cracks in his fingers and staining his clothes. He doesn't seem to register her voice; his apricot gaze is on the nothingness in front of him.

"Auruo," she tries again, "hey, look at me!" He doesn't. "Dammit Auruo! What the hell did you do to yourself?!" She snaps up his forearm, prying his fingers away from his injury, and nearly screaming when a sudden gush of blood leaks from the loss of contact. "Fucking hell! Let's go to the infirmary before you bleed out!"

"What's the point?" He utters emotionlessly.

"What's the point?" She echoes, "What's the point? YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!"

"Let me."

Petra freezes up, jaw gaping open like a hooked fish as she struggles to find the words she wants to say. Auruo gazes intensely at the horizon as the sun melts behind the trees, casting gold across the fields below where the rookies are exercising their horses.

"I shouldn't be alive," he mumbles, not even wincing when she clamps down on the giant gash in his wrist, "this nightmare won't end, Petra. And it's because I'm alive, in place of Gunter and Erd… in place of every other soldier who gave their lives for this fucking race, who did what was right while I was fucking off like a dog with my tail between my legs. I should be a rotting corpse in the ground, or ashes on a field… but because I ran I survived. I don't deserve life." He tries to remove her grasp on him but she holds firm. "Just let me die."

Levi spots the letter on the desk and picks it up carelessly, skimming over the words with little interest in his obsidian stare. He immediately turns his attention back to Auruo and Petra.

Petra makes a move to pull him out the window and back into the room. "Come on," she says bitterly, "let's get you to the infirmary!"

"Leave me alone," he shoots back, overpowering her, drawing her back towards him with minimal effort. "Just leave me to die! I don't deserve this life and I'm sure as hell not going to let anyone else get killed because of me!"

Auruo doesn't realize Levi has grabbed the front of his shirt and punched him square in the face until he hits the cold floor with a resounding thud and a fresh explosion of copper fills his mouth. Levi kneels into the opposing man's shoulders, gripping a handful of ashy hair to tilt Auruo's chin upwards. Petra stands halfway between them and the window, hand covering her mouth to force down the plea she had screamed that went unnoticed.

"Grow the fuck up," Levi snarls, "be thankful you're alive you inconsiderate prick."

Barnabas is growling ferociously to Levi's left, midnight black fur standing on edge along the arc of his back, waiting for Levi's next move to strike. The Captain ignores it (he's come face to face with Titans much scarier many times before, and knows better than anyone that killing them doesn't bring any comfort to the death of your platoon members) with a mere grunt.

"C-Captain!" Auruo stresses, struggling against Levi's weight.

"Do you think Erd and Gunter would want you to throw your life away?!" He snaps, grip becoming unbearably tight. "Do you believe that your pathetic life is worth any more than theirs? Do you?! What makes you think you're any better than all the soldiers we left out in the field? They would choose to be alive, Auruo, alive. But they're dead. They're all dead!"

Auruo realizes it then – Levi is living in surmountable guilt too, because he had left them alone… and because he wasn't there, Erd and Gunter had been killed.

He lifts Auruo's head by his hair and collar and slams his skull smack into the floor, bone making a sickening cracking sound against the stone. Barnabas erupts into savage barks. "And you're alive! You have what they can never get back, and you're just going to toss it right out the fucking window!"

Auruo groans as pain sets in, eyes flickering with haziness.

Levi rises shakily to his feet. "Your life is not your own to take, it is only yours to give. That is what you have to accept to be in the Scouting Legion." Petra kneels down to Auruo's side, hand on his back, the other his head, and their Captain turns sharply towards the door. "I'm telling Erwin you two are taking the rest of the week off. I expect you gone tomorrow afternoon."

"Captain!" Petra exclaims, but Levi is already moving out the door on his limp, and Barnabas is at Auruo's side, licking his cheek. "…Auruo, hey…" She tilts his head to lean into the crevice of her neck and shoulder, finger nails biting into the back of his bloodied scalp. Tears roll down her cheeks and soak into his matted hair. "I'm so sorry, for all of this. This shouldn't… we shouldn't be going through this. You shouldn't be going through this."

He gradually registers her voice. "P-Petra…"

"I'm so sorry"—she takes his wrist again, her already sticky fingers drowning in garnet fluids—"I'm so, so sorry."

The sudden silence is overwhelming.