Disclaimer: CSI does not belong to me.
Two gold rings. Celtic. Amy's has a diamond on it. Neither of them should be on the chain around my neck right now. We should be wearing them.
I'm at work. But that doesn't excuse it. Warrick wears his wedding ring. Not that we were ever officially married, but…
At least I'm wearing the bracelet. That counts, I guess. A silver bracelet with a two inch name plate.
Amy Kay Archer- Star
The plate from hers shouldn't be drilled to the back of mine, but it is.
Sara Samantha Sidle- Dreamer
She should still be here. If I had just called her to let her know that I would be late getting home, she could've been out running errands.
Instead she was home.
And someone who clearly had no experience with killing ended up tearing apart her body. She did not die painlessly.
Days got the case. CSI Emery. Josh and the detective were discrete. No one else in the lab knew about my relationship with 'the victim'.
I was the one who found her body. Of course. No one else had a key.
The second I entered her house, I knew something was wrong. Iron… It reminded me so much of Dad-
"It's okay, Dreamer. It's okay- I've got you."
She didn't deserve that. Nothing she ever did could make her deserving of something like that.
She was a veterinarian. The first time I teased anyone… I teased her. About how much she loved animals. She just stuck her tongue out at me and grinned. She hadn't been mad that I teased her.
All of the people who brought their pets to her called me at least once. They and their animals loved her. Not like I loved her- but then, I can't imagine anyone loving Star like I do.
Partly because it hurts.
But mostly because I've been her best friend for twenty-nine years, and that really can't be duplicated.
I relearned that last night.
"Quit beating yourself up over this, Sar."
"Sara?"
I nearly jump out of my skin. It's been a while since I've heard anyone's voice but Star's. Even with Grissom…
I shake my head and turn to see who interrupted my thoughts.
Catherine.
Why did it have to be her? Why couldn't it be someone else- anyone else?
"Yes?"
She doesn't look like she wants to be here. So she probably has a reason for speaking to me. Damn.
I'm almost positive that Grissom told her that he and I were 'involved'. As if I didn't go out of my way to avoid her before. She's a wonderful human being, but she seems to have difficulties acting that way around me.
Amy would have loved her.
"Wow. She sure has a fiery temper. I mean, just… wow. … I like her."
"It's your day off, isn't it? Shouldn't you be at home… or with friends or something?"
The 'away from wherever the hell I am' bit isn't spoken, but part of me feels it lingering in midair- just waiting to be used. It's possible I'm just imagining that, though.
"I felt like coming in. I wanted more noise than sitting alone in my apartment."
I wouldn't be alone, though, and that's the problem. I'd have Star with me. And for now, that's a bad thing.
It's not surprising I took Grissom up on his offer of a distraction. Even if it makes me sick now.
With Jim in the hospital, and Josh popping up with evidence every once in a while…
I thought I could deal with it. I really did.
But I forgot that every single time before then when I had just lost it, Amy had helped with picking up the pieces.
She just wasn't there that time.
"That's how you spend your days off?"
I sigh and look back at Catherine. I really wish she'd just leave me alone, but I guess my response to her original question got her curious.
Perfect.
Grissom really did tell her, I guess. She probably thinks I would rather be with him.
The thought makes me want to take another bleach shower or- God forbid- cut myself. If I could get away with it, I'd stay out of his presence for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately, the rest of my life is looking to be a long, gloomy period. But…
"Sara! Hang on Dreamer- don't give up on me just yet… Please don't leave me, Sar!"
She would never forgive me if I tried again.
"Catherine, did you just come in here to harass me? I'm actually trying to work, here."
I am. I've been setting up photos for a while now. I can't remember who died for the life of me, but I'm working.
Catherine walks behind me and places a hand on my shoulder. I flinch away from the touch. It isn't nearly as bad as Grissom's, but I don't want to be touched by anyone.
She sighs and pulls away.
"Sara… You've just been staring at the table for the past ten minutes. Is everything all right? You can trust me, you know. Grissom told me all about your relationship."
Her voice is actually gentle. Almost like Star's. But it isn't Star's. Amy's voice never made me feel so violated… is this how it's going to be from now on? Me feeling sick whenever Grissom's mentioned?
I never wanted anything with him. But… it seemed more faithful than going to clubs every night looking for redheads with forest green eyes.
She wouldn't have liked it if I had gone against my rule prohibiting one-night-stands.
As if what I did was any better. At least strangers don't expect anything back.
Catherine sighs again.
"You know what? Fine. Excuse me for caring. Whatever's messing up your head is your own damn business anyway."
"Lucky for you that I don't give up that easily, huh Dreamer?"
I close my eyes, listening to her leave the room. Her footsteps aren't rushed- too loud for that. She's frustrated with me; stomping her feet to let off steam.
I don't really care. We never get along.