The price of grit

Chapter 2- enjoy and reviews are very welcome! ^_^

The surges of hazy snowfall brushed against the window pain. It was a pleasant day.

Therese was wearing Carol's robe while she looked out the window, a coffee warming her trembling hands. Carol had left already for an early start to meet Mr. Harrison for negotiations on a full time contract, leaving Therese the solitude to explore the flat. While she stared outside at the view of a quaint and quiet neighbourhood just outside of the city, she thought back to the conversation that had taken place the night before.

After Therese was fully satisfied with the strawberry milkshake she had so randomly craved, they decided to go to Therese's place for the anticipated conversation their immediate surroundings had denied them.

The second that Carol had walked through the door, Therese immediately rose to close and lock the door. She was hugging Carol from behind.

"I really missed you."

Carol seemed caught off guard, recoiling and softening at her touch. She turned around to face her.

"I should have told you to wait. I sho-"

"How did you know I was working at the paper?"

She had suddenly walked towards the living room to take her coat off. Therese almost didn't want to hear what Carol had to say. The letter that Carol had Abby give her had become a guide to grow, its lines branded and singed into her thoughts.

"Please don't be angry when I tell you that you seek resolutions and explanations because you are young."

The words danced around in her subconscious whenever she felt confused or misunderstood. As much as she had resented Carol for the first few days of their separation, she had come to understand what Carol had meant. And now she didn't really want explanations anymore.

"I do the only thing I can: I release you."

It was an unwilling free fall; being pushed off a cliff without warning. Her first reaction had been broodingly physical. The very idea of her, Therese, being "released", as if she was caught in a cage or some form of trap, had suddenly transformed their relationship to something grotesque- in a way she had never considered.

She remembered the tiny bird that Sister Alicia had once found in the courtyard. It resembled a crumpled pile of feathers and was badly injured. Therese had been sceptical of its survival. However, after a few weeks, it had gradually recovered and was even able to jump small distances. She saw Sister Alicia release it back into a nearby Douglas fir outside of her window, placed on the first level of branches as if a launching pad for a scrappy rocket that was denied the opportunity to fly.

Her feelings had tumbled from extreme sorrow and rage, teetering always on self-pity and self-loathing for being angry in the first place. She understood why Carol had done what she did. She was a mother- a rightful title that would be stripped from her without a fight or a fair reason. It was not her fault that she had to leave Therese. Carol did not seem capable of such error. She did not, however, need to ask Abby to come escort her back to New York.

The following weeks, Therese came in and out of moments of epiphany, all with the ambience of lament in her mind. Dannie had finally gotten back to her with news of a post at the New York Times as a clerk, and had gained attention from the head photographer when Therese had strategically brought him her portfolio. He would take her on as an intern while she did paperwork. Therese finally felt like she had a clearer concept of what she was meant to do...

Professionally, that is.

Her mind was a flurry of visions. When she was not preoccupied with processing photography for the press, the recollection of those grey eyes, their bodies merging, even the wall colours of all those motel rooms, fluttered in and out of the chaos of her mind space. There was not a second she did not wonder what Carol was doing. She even tried to call a few times, but the phone had been met with silence, always followed by a sense of dread that lingered long after she put down the receiver. At times she had wondered if she heard Carol breathing on the other end of the line. Still, even though Carol picked up, they were unanswered calls. And she learned to accept this, each day becoming easier to restrain herself from the hallway.

She was determined to prove something to herself, to Carol, that she would no longer be the "young girl" that her letter seemed to presume. She wanted that "one day" to come. She wanted Carol to be there to greet her.

But that seemed become less and less likely. That is, until, Carol had somehow found her workplace and hand-delivered another fateful letter.

And here they were.

"Abby told me...I asked about you and she said you had a job at the New York Times. I am so very proud of you."

"It's all thanks to you, really."

"What?"

"For the camera you bought. I couldn't have done it without you."

Carol saw that Therese was determined to deflect her compliments. She continued to pace around the apartment, seeing the changes that Therese had made since the last time she had entered. There were different pictures- more captured glances of raw human interaction: A grandpa and granddaughter holding hands, workers smiling and smoking on the side of a dilapidated building, a fierce looking old lady with a piercing gaze that penetrated the picture itself. The photo of Carol herself seemed to have vanished or tucked away. Something small seemed to unravel within her. Much can happen in just a few months, she thought to herself.

"Do you want a drink?"

"Therese..."

"It's okay Carol. Like I said, you don't have to say anything."

"But I though-"

"Well if you must know..." she hesitated.

"I did feel quite a lot of pain when you left that morning. But I understand. And you were right."

Carol's silence prompted an explanation.

"You had a lot of things happening to you. I felt terrible that it was all because of me-"

"No, don't you dare-"

"Let me finish!"

It was unlike Therese to cut her off. Carol was astonished. She continued, sounding nervous, as if she was at an obligatory confessional.

"-because of me, us, what was happening. But none of that matters now. I only said "no" before because...I wanted to say "no" to you for once. But I regretted it the second I saw you leave. I was damn near ready to call after you if my friend hadn't shown up."

Carol broke into a grin. She remembered feeling the ridiculous urge to give murderous glares at the random man who had interrupted their conversation. What typical male behaviour, she thought. What surprised her most was to hear Therese use such vulgar words all a sudden. She thought she was the one who swore in their conversations.

"I spent the whole night thinking about finding you, but I had already promised my colleagues I would go with them to that party. I barely said a word when I was there."

A slight pause held the still air with bated tension.

"So...does this mean that you're saying..."yes"?"

"Yes."

"Yes it does."

It was the restart to a end that barely had a beginning. The acceptance felt like a lighter that sparked aflame every cigarette that Carol had ever smoked in her life- all accumulating to this one relieving drag still yet to be taken.

This "yes" was firm. Just like every other affirmation that Therese had given Carol. Although she had felt frustrated for "saying 'yes' to everything" before, she had realised that when it came to Carol, she always meant it. Always always always.

A beat passed before Carol burst into reply.

"Well that's excellent!" Therese had never seen Carol so excited about anything. Her coolness was gone. It was refreshing.

"Do you want to take a suitcase now? Or shall we stay here tonight? Or maybe we drive back to mine and think about this later. Oh Therese, you would love the.." Carol's voice trailed off, Therese terribly amused by Carol's child-like elation.

And just like that, Carol was in her life again. She would be saying "yes" to her for many more times to come.

She smelled the plaid robe that Carol had routinely worn, watching the nearby children outside starting a snowball fight. The coffee was lukewarm since Carol had already left for a while. She dreamily remembered Carol leaving, having brewed a cup for her before kissing her goodbye on the cheeks. She would wait there until Carol returned later with lunch.

Then a knock sounded at the front door.

Thanks for reading! Reviews are very welcome and appreciated.