Summary: Maybe Akashi could make mistakes as well

Chapter 2:Of Guilt and Desperation

It wasn't often that Akashi felt afraid but that didn't mean he doesn't know what it felt like.

Afraid was seeing his mother in agony as cancer left her body useless. Afraid was the daunting realization that he wasn't absolute. Afraid was looking at his father only to see the shell of a man who lost his wife. He knew all too well what it was like to be afraid.

But seeing Kouki passed out on the floor, blood decorating the lower walls and the floor and even Kouki himself, realizing that his pulse was weak and was so close to death, that wasn't being afraid.

Akashi was outright terrified.

But knowing that Furihata was the one who did this to himself, and knowing that it was all Akashi's fault. That was torture.

The image of Kouki's frail body limp, bloody, and broken was forever seared into his mind, torturing him and shouting at him.

Why didn't he do better? He was supposed to do better.

Akashi thought that by leaving Kouki, it would make things better. Dear God, it was supposed to make things better. He was supposed to be happy without Akashi. And he would be content with watching Kouki behind the shadows.

But Akashi should have known better. Every time. . . He would break everything that he had ever loved.

And Kouki? Akashi had loved him the most.

Akashi had loved him so much, so much that it was consuming him. He was scared of the way he loved Kouki. It petrified him to think of a world without Kouki in it. And it was a weakness, it was crack on his invincible armor. But in the end, it didn't matter, because Akashi loved Kouki. And that was it, no more no less.

And now he's in a hospital, ugly, scornful marks adorning his arms. All because of him. All because he was too damn selfish to let go

Akashi knew there was something wrong with Kouki. He was being more withdrawn these past few days. It was like he was hiding something from him. Akashi sees it even though Kouki doesn't realize it yet. He sees it in the way he hides the dead and dull gaze behind his cheerful and glowy eyes. He sees it in the way a shiver would escape Kouki's body every time he sees a razor or a knife. He sees it in the way Kouki moves, almost lifeless and bored, like he was tired of living. Akashi sees it in the way Kouki looks at a knife longingly and cluth his arm.

He sees it but he pretends not to.

Akashi entertains the idea that he might be wrong. Never in his life, had he wanted to be wrong. He was that desperate to be ignorant. He was that desperate to believe that Kouki wouldn't do that to himself.

They were almost there. Akashi thought their relationship had gotten better, that Kouki was getting better. Akashi knew that Kouki didn't come from the best of environment. He didn't know the full story but Akashi knew that whatever Kouki had gone through in the past, it had left him broken.

It left him weak and scared. It left him stuttering and shaking at every foreign things he encounter. It left him with a wall so high, it took everything Akashi had just to make a dent.

And Akashi knew that Furihat was tired of their relationship. He could see the signs, Kouki responded to his call far less often now, and when he did answer, it would take no longer than five minutes before assignments or teammates or family disrupt their conversation. Akashi knew that being in a long distance relationship was hard. It took effort and persistence but he was willing to try for Kouki. Because for the first time in a long time, Akashi had felt something akin to love. And it grew stronger and stronger with every smile and laugh.

But it felt like he was the only one making an effort now. And he knew Kouki, he might be broken but he was selfless. So stupidly selfless. That's why he eased Kouki's burden. And Akashi let go.

Akashi thought that he was holding Kouki back from getting better. He thought that Kouki would be better off without him. He thought Kouki was strong enough to fix himself.

Akashi thought wrong.

But now looking at Kouki, seeing the marks that adorned his arms, it made Akashi's stomach churned with guilt. Those marks were ugly, they were ruining Kouki's image.

And Akashi thought that maybe he was wrong again. Maybe Kouki did need his help after all. Not to fix himself but to help collect the broken pieces. And if some goes missing, Akashi has enough pieces to spare.

Bu then again, maybe it was just the guilt and desperation talking.

tbc...

Chapter 3

Furihata didn't know where he went wrong.

Maybe it was when he first saw his Father beating up his Mother. He remembered the terror and anger he felt back then. He also remebered his mother's hateful gaze carving its way through his soul.