Windows of the Soul- Part 2

Thanks for the reviews, all. And there's no need to apologise for constructive criticism, either. It's much appreciated. In general, yes, the characters are going to be a little darker than the last half of episode 26. But these girls went through a decent approximation of hell on earth, I'd personally find it odd if they were unchanged by the experience.

I smirked as I regarded them, or not exactly them. They were not reflected in my eyes. "Kiyohime."

She came forth for me, and destroyed for me. For my part, I walked through the chaos and flames, only tangentially touched by the struggle. I did not really see it; my eyes were far away. When they did force themselves upon me I raised my element and destroyed them. I didn't really notice how my red blade drew red blood, throwing them down like ripped dolls gurgling their lives out. I enjoyed the feeling, all the same. This was all for Natsuki. It would make her smile. I could see that, in a hazy way, and knew why I was doing this. For Natsuki, I would take all the sins of the world upon myself.

"Kiyohime," I repeated, tongue lingering on the words. I gave no orders, she always understands. The door collapsed around her, and I walked forwards.

Wait for me, Natsuki. Can you feel it? They made you sad, which is unforgivable, Natsuki. But I will do it for you. This was the purpose of your life, so I'm sorry. You should be the one to do it. But you're very tired right now, and I don't have a lot of time left. You wouldn't want to live at the end of the world. So I will make you very happy before then. I will destroy everyone who makes you sad. So say safe, and wait for me, Natsuki. Don't die to the others. I will destroy them all for you, when I return. I know some of them are you friends, but I can't let them be, not when only one of us can survive. I will protect you; I will always protect you, that is my purpose now. And at the end of all things, I will take away the final, unforgivable person who has made you sad. You hate me. I will give my life for you, and you will be the princess of the world. That will make you happy, won't it? You can gain everything. But you are so kind and so sad. That's why I will deliver it unto you. We are different, Natsuki. Unlike the others. They simply survive in an ugly way. Crying, screaming. Pointless blame, guilt and weakness. But I am different. You have given me pure purpose. I can feel it, Natsuki, and it is so strong. I am strong, for you. Like this, I will fight them both, and them all. I will not let you die. Just wait, Natsuki, and I will bring you so many beautiful gifts. I will recompense your tragedy and give you everything.

That is now my only reason to exist.

One man stood before me, aiming for my head. I was forced to acknowledge him to the extent that he demanded I move, and was worthy for my blade. I was careless, though, and distracted. My blade hit him in the shoulder, tearing through uncleanly. When I retracted my weapon, he was screaming, clutching his broken body. His right arm swung loosely from him, attached by a scrap of skin and shattered bone. That was very inelegant. I raised my naginata again, projecting it one more time.

Somehow I was falling, tangled and trapped. Panic hit me in a wave, along with a kind of anger. I did not know what had happened, but I couldn't die yet. I tore free and lashed out, grabbing the arm of the man standing above me and forcing myself bodily upwards.

"Ojou-sama," Hideko said, staggering back. She might have fallen, if I didn't have such a vice-like grip on her arm.

For a moment, I was in unconcealed, utter confusion. Then abruptly I returned to myself, releasing her arm and stepping back. "I thought I told you not to wake me any more," I said sharply, taking deep breaths to steady myself. The sheets crinkled beneath my feet.

"My apologies, ojou-sama, but Viola-sama has called again."

I sighed, pushing a sweat-slicked lock of hair out of my eyes. "I suppose this is her revenge for yesterday. Very well. I will take it here."

"As you say." Hideko stared at me. "Are you alright, ojou-sama?"

"I'm fine," I replied, smiling weakly. "Just a bad dream, that's all."

I took the chance to clean myself up a little while I was waiting. My eyes were moist and I'd sweated furiously. It was a pain, and would take quite some time to repair the damage. Once I'd finished untangling my hair, I sat and waited briefly for Hideko to return with the phone. "Ka-sama?"

"Good morning, Shizuru. Are you well?" As ever, my mother's voice was gentle, melodic and clear. Sadly, I use that same tone myself, so it no longer comforts me as it once did.

"I am fine. I will return to the mansion within the week, but I have a few things to deal with first. I won't be meeting a lot of my friends here ever again, after all."

"Please don't worry about that. Summer is for relaxation, and I fear there aren't many people of your age back here."

"Regardless, I will be glad to see you again. Forgive me, how are you?"

"I am well, Shizuru, please don't concern yourself with me." I could imagine her smiling, in her tentative way. But her worried voice speaks of her worried eyes. "Have you been sleeping okay?"

"Of course," I lied. I expect she knows enough to know the lie.

"And are you eating well?"

"Of course," I repeated.

Mother sighed, sounding unconvinced. "Well, please come back soon. I've been very worried about you recently."

"As I said, I will be back within the week," I replied, answering the easier part of that statement.

"Understood. We will have a lot to discuss when you return." A promise.

"I will look forwards to that," I said, smiling blandly. "Is father well?"

"The same as ever, he is always well." Mother paused for a second. "What do you intend to do today?"

"I thought I would spend the day with my friends," I replied. "But I will be back at a reasonable time. I will call you in the evening."

"Enjoy yourself. I hope I'm not pressurising you, Shizuru."

"It's fine. My only worry is that you are worrying about me, which isn't something you need to do. I am always fine." I shrugged. "Was there anything else?"

"No. Be good, Shizuru."

"I always am." I put the phone down, then sighed and closed my eyes.

Things used to be different, but everything has changed. I am used to that. I disappeared for a week on end, without a word, and turned up down one kimono and with the haziest reasons for my actions. Sadly, I wasn't in the best frame of mind when I returned, and even if I had been at my finest there isn't any excuse that can instantly remove that kind of memory. My mother had become hysterical, I'm told. Taken after the campus being commandeered by a PMC before and the fact that world was going to hell, I can't fault her for that. Only my pleading, and my father's command, let me stay here to finish my education at all. I told her that I had fled with my friend, after all the strange events made us think the school was a dangerous place to be. Father said it was a disgrace for a Fujino to leave her post, taking my student council presidency rather seriously. But I can deal with that, and there was nothing to connect me to the destruction of District One. There weren't many witnesses, after all.

Kiyohime was a good, thorough child.

I showered myself thoroughly, washed my face and dressed in casual European-style clothes, and went for breakfast. In here, I embody the traditional. Out there, I embody the popular. I use the clothes to differentiate between my different personalities. The maids can see a little of my pain, if I am careful and cunning. But to the outside world, and to Natsuki, I must be what I have always been. The perfect Shizuru Fujino. I cannot afford to slip up.

I smiled as I arrived in the dining room. "Good morning, everyone."

"Good morning, ojou-sama," the maids replied, bowing. Contained neatly in that is the distance between myself and them, myself and most people.

I ate the traditional breakfast absently, without really tasting the food on my lips. In many ways, mornings are the worst. I can forget, a little, during the day, when I'm playing my usual game and controlling myself completely. When I'm not talking to Natsuki, anyway. In the evening, I can lose myself in an ecstasy of morbid contemplation. But in the morning, my dreams are closest and my thoughts are the darkest of all. I am so very tired, in body and mind and in soul.

Sometimes I think it would be fine to collapse inwards and be carried away by the current. I could go home, cut off all contact with Natsuki, and simply drift through life. Father would find a husband for him, and I could be a good housewife, and force myself to please him. But I doubt I would be allowed to do that, by father. And in any case, that would be another kind of suicide. I will continue to live and struggle, for Natsuki. I wonder whether she wants that, or would she prefer it if I ran away? That would spare her, and make her less guilty than if she simply pushed me away herself. For Natsuki, I would certainly sacrifice my own lingering attachment to her, and for her I offer the pain of remaining as I am.

"Thank you for the food," I said, placing my bowl down. "It was very nice, as usual."

"What will you being doing today, ojou-sama?" Hideko asked politely.

"I will be going out with a friend, hopefully. I will be back for dinner."

"Understood. Please tell us when you are leaving." Hideko bowed again and withdrew.

Long gone are the days when I could stay at school indefinitely and do what I like. But that's fine.

I went into the lounge and made sure no one was around before taking out my cell phone and highlighting one number. I stared at it for a little while, feeling an unusual apprehension. I'm used to feeling security and control in social situations. Being reduced to an awkward, nervous teenager again was not particularly endearing.

'Hi, Natsuki. Are you doing anything right now?'

Hardly my style.

'Natsuki? I thought I'd call, as I thought you might be missing me. Is my little wolf-pup doing anything?'

Incredibly creepy.

'Good morning, Natsuki. How are the holidays treating you?'

Not bad, but lacks a certain something.

'Good morning, Natsuki. I thought I'd call to check up on your studies. If you fail, it'd reflect badly on me, the council president.'

That's a bit impersonal, even for me.

'Natsuki? Are you well?'

And that's boring.

I decided that it would better just to get on with it, and say what came naturally. So I pressed the call button and waited.

She picked up on the fifth ring. "Hello?"

My heart twitched at her voice. Those stern, striking tones… "Ara? Natsuki, I presume?" I found myself smiling slightly.

"What? Of course it's me. You're calling by mobile, damnit, what do you expect?"

"I was hoping your secret boyfriend would pick up, and then I'd have you. But it looks like my Natsuki is too clever for that."

"Jeez," she grumbled. "Don't say strange things this early in the morning. Well, what is it?"

I chuckled. "As impatient as ever. I thought I'd help you struggle through some of your remedial workload. And I'm sure I could treat you to something interesting as well."

"Oh… sorry, Shizuru. I'm out right Mai and people right now."

That hurt, strangely, but I didn't say as much. "My, you're so irresponsible. Your first day off and you're already slacking? That's no good, Natsuki."

"It's the first day. It's fine, isn't it? It's not like I'm making a habit of it."

"The road to hell is paved with words like that," I teased. Though the original proverb is telling of me, if I translated it correctly. I wondered whether she was just making an excuse to be polite.

"Yes, yes. Man, the holiday's just started. And it's not like you're even the president any more."

"Well, I still have my pride. Even if it's after my tenure has technically ended, a student of mine repeating a year is just unforgivable. But I hope you enjoy today, regardless. You deserve that much."

"Thanks. Say, do you want to join us? We're in town, so we could just meet you at the station or something."

Ah. So this trip does exist, at least. I considered briefly. "Sorry, Natsuki," I said quietly. "I'd like that, but I hadn't planned on going as far as town today. Besides, I'm sure you're all having fun as you are."

"Are you sure? It would be fine, you know."

"Another day, perhaps." I found my smile again. "Besides, I always prefer it when I have Natsuki all to myself."

"Damnit, Shizuru. Enough with the teasing, already."

"Sorry, sorry. I'm just amusing myself, as usual." I chuckled again. "Well, I won't keep you any longer, Natsuki. But tomorrow I'll be round your place at six in the morning to prod you out of bed with a broom. You need to study."

"Yeah, yeah. I said this to Mai, too, but wasn't saving the world enough?" "It's very commendable, Natsuki, but not something you can raise at job interviews." "Honestly, it's all so much bullshit…" she muttered, in her belligerent way.

"Well, good day."

"Sure, later." She rang off.

I put down the phone, trying to suppress a slight feeling of disappointment. And jealousy, as well. Before, Natsuki had no friends. To put it perfectly bluntly. That was fine with her, of course, anyone as beautiful and charming as my Natsuki would be able to make as many friends as she liked, if she put her mind to it. But it did mean that I could monopolise all of her time not spend chasing up the ghosts of her past. Now she had Mai and her friends, and I was glad. Natsuki should socialise more and gain more experience; it will definitely be good for her. But still, I miss the days when I was special and unique, her only friend. And I'm jealous, definitely. That isn't fair on either of them. I wouldn't mind spending every minute of every day in Natsuki's presence, when I'm in a good mood anyway. If only she didn't look so cautiously at me, I would dream about that again. But I can't expect that of her, now or ever. I am a friend to her, as Mai is. We are equals for her purposes, and that should be fine. Friends are patient. The problem is my twitching sense that after everything, I should be special, somehow. It doesn't have to be in that way, though that would be nice. But the world isn't like that, and I should accept what I can get.

On top of that, the one throwing the toy out of the pram, so to speak, is me, considering she invited me as well. But I don't want to deal with the other Hime if it is possible. Whether they look at me with fear or contempt or simply an absent, awkward distance, I don't want that. I don't particularly want to be the Kaichou today, either, or Shizuru-sama. If I think about it, really, Natsuki is the only person who knows the real me. That makes me the one with no friends, for all my pretence to social skills. Is that irony, or just a pathetic fact?

I stared at my phone discontentedly, frowning. And then a name occurred to me. Well, it wasn't ideal, but he did know who I was… and we have a lot in common, now more than ever.

I scrolled down to another number and rang it.

He answered on the twelfth ring. "Reito Kanzaki speaking."

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything, Reito-san," I said, smiling. "Entertaining a lady friend, perhaps?"

He chuckled. "Not until a second ago. But I'm afraid my social calendar is a little on the empty side right now. Too bad, isn't it?"

"Oh, my. Still sulking over Mai-chan? I never thought you'd be a broken-hearted type, Reito-san."

He laughed. "You make me sound like a very sinister man. I hope that's not your image of me."

"Well, I do know you're not sensitive. That babyish tone won't work on me, you know."

"Too bad, it's normally infallible." I could imagine his smile. "But I must say, this is very rare. What can I do for you, Shizuru-san?"

"Oh, nothing much," I replied innocently, leaning back. "I just thought I'd check up on you, that's all. But if you really don't have anything to do, I may have to change that. It wouldn't do to let you brood in your room all day, after all."

"Oh? I take it Natsuki-chan has a prior engagement, then?"

"Ara, am I that easy to read?"

"I'm afraid so. But don't worry, I'm used to being second-choice."

"Very bitter," I teased.

"Well, that's the nature of love and war, as they say. There have to be some losers. I think you should be able to sympathize a little, all the same."

"Only a little. But this is all an aside, isn't it? Shall we meet somewhere in town?"

"Oh? A date with the great Fujino-sama?"

"Not a date. I simply need a sturdy man to carry my things, and Tate is always so busy with Mai-chan now. If you'll forgive me."

"As you said, Shizuru-san, I'm not made of glass. That's fine, and I'll take up your kind offer as well. Shall we say outside the station in forty-five minutes?"

"Would half an hour be alright? It doesn't do to keep a lady waiting."

"I know that, as well. Half an hour it is."

I nodded to myself. "Very well, and thank you for your trouble. I will see you shortly, then."

"Of course."

I rung off and closed the phone with a snap. We must be two very bored people, I suppose. But it is better than staying in these four walls, and all their memories.

I closed my phone with a snap, sighing. "Honestly, that Shizuru. Phoning me up on the first day of the holidays, and just assuming I'd be free… she's such a princess."

"Shiruzu-hime," Mikoto deadpanned, looking up at me curiously. I winced at the reference.

Mai chuckled softly, looking at me. "Oh? Is that so? She does have that kind of air, doesn't she?"

"Totally," I agreed. "I don't know why she won't meet us, either. An aloof princess?"

"Does she not like us or something?" Mai asked worriedly.

"I don't think so," I replied uncertainly. "She said she didn't want to go this far. Perhaps she's afraid it'd darken that pale skin of hers, or something."

"Hmm…"

"Well, if it's Fujino-san, she's just like that," Tate remarked, waving his hand dismissively. "As far as I can tell, she's always kept that kind of careful distance. It's the fangirls, I think."

I frowned. I'm the number one Shizuru expect around here, thank you very much. "And she acts differently around other people, anyway," I said pointedly. "It's not like she knows you guys very well. But just count yourself lucky, I don't need her teasing everyone."

"I can second that," Tate agreed.

"Oh, well," Mai said, shrugging. "I'll leave it at that, I suppose. But if you want, she can definitely talk to us at any time."

"Well, I don't particularly want," I muttered, folding my arms.

"Afraid we'd embarrass you?"

"Afraid that Shizuru would embarrass me, thank you. Sure, she looks very dignified, but actually she's just a lazy girl with a sharp sense of humour. I would hate to destroy your pleasant image of her."

"Sure, sure. I'll leave it at that, as well," Mai said simply, grinning at me in a slightly fox-like way. Really, what's with that clever expression? "In any case, what do we want to do?"

"Food!" Mikoto exploded. "Mikoto wants food!"

I groaned. "Didn't you eat breakfast half an hour ago?"

"Yes," Mikoto said simply. She looked at me expectantly, as if waiting for the punchline.

"It's too early to eat, Mikoto," Mai said patiently. "You'll have to wait until lunch now."

"Aw. Not even a snack?" Mikoto asked, doe-eyed.

"Not even a snack. Now be a good girl and wait patiently."

"Yes," Mikoto pouted, looking at the floor discontentedly.

"I know," Mai said abruptly. "How about clothes shopping?"

"Eh?" I asked.

"It's a good time. I need to get some more things for Mikoto; she always, always manages to get them dirty somehow. And besides, apart from in your special area, you need some new things yourself."

"Hey, hey, is that really okay?" I asked, frowning.

"Well, we can look at a lot of things anyway, and try them on," Mai said, as if reading my mind. "That's the best part."

"And what about me?" Tate asked, smiling. "Do I just have to read a newspaper while you ladies do whatever?"

"You have to carry the bags," Mai returned, smiling back. "That's a man's place."

"Yes, yes, I know," Tate said, sighing theatrically and throwing up his hands. "I'm always the mule around here…"

I frowned at that. It wasn't exactly what was being said, so much as the tone. It would be very rude if they weren't smiling, and it wasn't exactly funny either, but it pleased them. There was something there, something even I could perceive. It wasn't exactly ostentatious, far from it. Mai is very careful in front of Mikoto; she treats that girl like a primary schooler. They don't hold hands or anything so overt. But still, it must be in the glances or the tone or the smiles or something, a thing I can at least notice. Even when they aren't talking, they notice each other, and appreciate each other, on some level. And their exchanges are often brief and unfinished, because half of it is already in their heads. It gave me a slightly isolated feeling, and to judge by Mikoto's frown, the younger girl felt the same.

Honestly, this beggars the question of why we are here at all. Shouldn't Mai and Tate be all cuddly in a café somewhere, just the two of them? Honestly, I pity him for falling for the girl tied up with Mikoto all the damn time. But I'm sure she'll make a good mother someday. Now excuse me while I beat my own brains out with a stick to purge the mental image of the Tate household.

Would Mikoto still live with them? An amusing thought. Like that, they'd never have children after all.

Actually, their little jabs remind me of Shizuru with me, so help me. But friends do that as well, anyway, though I certainly don't know why. Isn't it supposed to be a guy thing? Perhaps I should tell Shizuru she's being manly next time. Or would that just be a set-up for her, and she says that of course she's the man in our relationship, or something like that. I could see that. Honestly, she makes everything into a joke, that's the scary thing. I got very used to that. You can see it even when she's just Shizuru-sama, because she takes everything lightly, it's part of that aura she has. Nothing in heaven or earth could disturb or surprise me. Not only am I too smart for that, but I'm so smart I could make a witty comment about it. Or something. And when I actually got to know her that only got worse. It was a pain, sometimes, but it made me smile in the silence. Shizuru never took anything personally. Shizuru never took anything seriously, either, and I had to protect that naïve innocence. I would shield her from my cold, cruel world.

What bullshit. It was my innocent naivete that came crashing down, when I saw her serious eyes for the first time.

And now she's doing the same thing again, and I can't help but feel that fear, because I can never know what's actually going on in her mind. Sometimes I relax and believe in that reassuring smile, her elegant laughter, her infuriating teasing, and I'm as happy as I was before. But then I remember those absolutes of hers. The absolute intention of her desires and feelings, which are behind everything. It makes me dizzy to think about it; it's like being the lamb lying down with a lion… or a wolf with a giant snake-squid of doom. Hopefully, the squid will be nice. But it's ridiculous that I should feel that way. I can handle myself. Even allowing for what's left of her Hime powers, which isn't much, she isn't exactly a skilled combatant. Well, they say she's good with a katana and a naginata and whatnot, all those ritual weapons that are no damn use any more. Give me a decent gun any day. But the point stands, Shizuru can't really force me to do anything, though I'm not going to sleep at her place any time soon either. There's no need for fear in the light of day. So why do I feel so vulnerable anyway?

And the other is her ability to kill. I used to consider myself a hardened person, and I did well against those soldiers and I even fought Nao. But in the Carnival, Shizuru was… different. I don't know whether that has gone from her now, or whether it's still resting, waiting until she needs it again. But the thought fills me with a disquiet I can't just shake for her sake. Those things, my emotions towards her and my understanding of the real her have really changed, even if she acts in the same way as before. Can we really remain the same friends as before?

Something prodded me in the leg. I looked down to see Mikoto peering up at me. "What?"

"What are you looking at, Natsuki?" Mikoto asked innocently.

"Hah?"

"She means you were totally spacing out on your feet," Mai teased. "Did you really get enough sleep, Natsuki?"

"Of course, I'm fine," I retorted, folding my arms irritably to cover my embarrassment. It wasn't usual for me to lapse so badly in the middle of the day. "I don't tire very easily, you know. I have a soldier's metabolism, one that operates on very little sleep."

Mai smiled. "Oh, really? Well, it's just as well there are no bullets flying, because that isn't a soldier's concentration."

"Actually, I was concentrating on ground echoes with my feet," I said, closing my eyes. "It's a tracking method."

Mai giggled. "I'm sure."

"That was a joke," I said, opening my eyes and looking annoyed.

"I know. But are you sure you wouldn't rather go and see Fujino-san?" Mai asked. "We wouldn't be offended. She's your special friend, isn't she?"

Important person. The Carnival was hell on earth, but on the plus side it did give us a subtly augmented understanding of our own feelings. That was totally worth dying for. "Of course not," I snapped. "Don't say weird things like that all of a sudden. I'm going to spend today with you lot, and in any case the princess needs to learn that I'm not waiting on her all the time."

"Of course. Just in case, that's all. I'd hate to think I was keeping you from something important."

"The princess insulting my academic ability in her languid way is not something important. Let's make that clear." I frowned as my mind finally moved out of defense mode and into conscious thought, then abruptly I smiled. "Or are you the one trying to get me out of the way?"

"Not at all," Mai said, waving her hands. "That totally wasn't it, I hope I wasn't giving that impression. I want to spend time with you, Natsuki."

"Oh? Is that so?" I asked, grinning playfully. It was nice to be able to turn the tables for a while. "Come on, Mikoto. We know when we're not wanted, right? Let's go and get some more ice cream."

"Natsuki will give me ice cream?" Mikoto asked happily. Her loyalty is easy to buy. I should have bribed her with food back in the Carnival, if only I could cook.

"Sure, why not?" I said, slightly recklessly.

"You two, ruining anything!" Mai complained. "Mikoto, you're not allowed to go anywhere. If you go with Natsuki, you'll be eating dinner with her tonight."

Mikoto blinked then forcibly attached herself to Mai's arm. She stared over at me with big eyes. "Sorry, but Mai's cooking is important."

"The secret of the demonic sword-Hime, powered by Mai's cooking," I deadpanned. It's okay to make Hime jokes about Mikoto, she doesn't mind at all. And after all, you have to laugh. It beats crying, though denial is better than both.

"Okay, that's enough," Mai said. "Mikoto, be good. Natsuki, stop acting like Fujino-san."

"What?" I asked, immediately flustered. "I'm not acting anything like her, damnit! Don't compare the two of us from one joke. You don't know true suffering until everything you've said for the last half hour has been twisted into a joke."

"I'm sure. But that was a very Fujino-like joke, from what I've heard of her from you." Mai glanced at me. "Have you been learning things from her, Natsuki?"

"Not at all," I said with feeling. "Like I said, don't compare me and her."

Tate just smiled, in a slightly wan way. I'm sure he'd prefer it if I really had left them both again.

Perhaps Shizuru would have the same feelings, if she were here. I still don't know whether I'm flattered or scared by that thought.