Chapter two

Tossing his hiking boots and socks aside Sam sat down. With a yawn he stretched out further on the bed. His body was tired, but the tension seeped out of his weary muscles and brain now that he was alone once more. Breeze yawned from where she curled up by his side. Sam petted her flank on automatic response to her nearness. No, not alone, he realised with a sigh.

The life he had led since Dean's absence was a comfortable one. Loyalty and friendship were easier to keep with a wild animal than most humans. They didn't break promises. They didn't let their owner down over trust or fear. Since Sam had found her as a pup Breeze had stuck with him through the good and the bad days. It was impossible for him to let her down. He couldn't refuse her soulful eyes… and helpful nature. His plan to send her back into the wild once her front paw and wounds had healed got shattered when she sat on his doorstep, waiting for him, the next morning.

Humans were far more complex to deal with. Even Dean, who was nothing if not direct in his manners and intentions. Sam had lost count of the number of secrets they had tried to keep from each other to protect a brother from their pain. No one pushed it as far as Dean did though. Family always came before his own life. But of course, Sam was guilty of that himself too. Some said it was a destructive trait which ran in his family from both ends. Maybe they were right…

Listening to the sounds around the lodge always calmed his thoughts. Nature settled for the night, some animals now waking and calling out into the forest. Sam knew them all, or at least it felt like it to him. What was new though was the sound of Dean settling down on the leather couch in the main room. Sam wondered for a minute if he had to get up and back in there to offer another blanket, or maybe light the fire. A twinge in his leg stopped him short though. No, he was done walking for the day… done talking or facing his emotions too for that matter. If Dean felt cold, he'd find a solution. His big brother was inventive enough. A charmer if he wanted to be too. Plus, he could always knock on his door for help, if his pride let him.

Physical exhaustion began to win out on his brain. The demon blood in his veins settled down too, throbbing calmer through his veins. Sam glanced out of the window, looking passed the protection symbols he had painted on the glass to check on the moon. Not a full one yet, so there was no need to keep an eye on Breeze or to let her out to be wild. Her snores made him smile and settle further into the pillow. They were safe… as was Dean in the other room. On the thought of how impossible his return was he fell asleep, lost over how to reconnect with what he had all but given up on.

Sam woke to the growl of Breeze. Sounds coming from the main room of the lodge caught them both off guard, until he realised that the footsteps of boots belonged to Dean. Was his brother pacing? Sam listened to the rhythmic sound for a while longer. Nothing though gave way to what Dean was thinking. All Sam knew was that he hadn't taken him up on his invitation to leave. Did it mean that he'd intended to stay? Maybe after so long Dean could learn to accept what he was?

Hopeful and yet wary to believe in it Sam put on a clean shirt. Wordless he clapped a hand on his thigh to ask Breeze to join him. Revelling in her elaborate morning greeting Sam played with her for a few moments. Ready to face the day he opened the door for them both to head into the lodge. Since his mind had not quite forgotten about the many years Dean was around he mumbled a 'morning' to his brother and walked barefooted still past him to continue his usual routine. First, water and dried meat for Breeze, then food for Dean and himself. The second he put down her refilled bowl she dug in. While Dean sat down on one of the two chairs across the table from him Sam acknowledged him with a bacon sandwich.

"Thanks. It's good." Dean mumbled around his first bite.

Sam grinned, for it was only too typical that he did the same thing Breeze did, dig in without all too many manners.

"What?"

"Nothing." Sam moved on to walk around the table to the hearth to light the fire to heat some water. "Coffee?"

"Hmm, please."

Sam nodded, and he hung the filled kettle into place before joining Dean at the table to eat a slice of buttered bread.

"Come with me, hunting."

Looking up Sam faced his brother, or at least the vague shape of him. The demon blood in him slept quiet still and he was happy to let it. The sound and musky smell of Dean's aftershave were enough for his brain to acknowledge the shape was more than a mirage. That and the blunt request Sam saw coming a mile off. It fitted Dean to stay on track. He always did when he wanted something in life. But still, to him the idea behind the request seemed absurd… and yet it was strangely comforting too. Had Dean not spoken it he would have felt let down. All the same, it was too soon for Sam to contemplate leaving the lodge, his home and life of two years, the one place where he was free to be himself. "I can't. I told you, Dean. This is me."

"Hiding in the middle of nowhere? Abandoning what we are and believe in?"

"Living at peace at last."

"In a primitive lodge… no beer, burgers, shower, television or Wi-Fi, no… well, nothing." Dean mock shuddered at the perceived discomforts.

"No hunters or demons", Sam countered. So what if his home was not something Dean could appreciate? To him it was better than some of the crappy motels they used to stay at. He didn't need much for as long as he had the shelves stocked with books. Plus, who wanted a shower when the lake provided him with all the clean water he needed? Sam had found freedom in the simpler life. In how normal things like boiling water for tea and shaving outdoors on the bank of the lake took the time he had plenty of. No stress… no pain, his inner demon whispered the additions which he agreed with.

Seeing no point in convincing his brother of it Sam finished his breakfast. Wordless, because since he'd come here he never had to explain himself, he headed to the door and opened it to leave it ajar for Breeze to follow him if she was ready to. On his bare feet he kept walking on the grass next to the path, using the side of it as his guidance. This he could do in his sleep and so he didn't bother to check if he didn't stray.

On the same routine he paused at the bank of the lake to undress. Not shy about any part of himself anymore he waded nude into the cool water, letting out a hiss as his warm skin adjusted to it. In but a few strokes he dived under the surface to embrace it all. This was what he needed to kick start his day. Better than coffee… and being indoors. Here was where he felt the most in balance. His blood awaking at last to pump heat into his veins and to make his muscles work. Here the strain of standing was no more. He let himself drift and float for a moment, then he turned to swim further to the deeper centre of the lake.

Feeling the cold at last Sam dove under to turn. Heading back, he spotted how he wasn't alone anymore. Oh, he'd almost forgotten about Dean and his need to watch over him. Sometimes it sucked being the younger brother. Well, he could more than take care of himself. Had he not long ago proven so? Determined to not let old insecurities affect him further Sam waded out of the water, uncaring still of his nudity.

Dean stood firmer, but now that his demon sight was awake Sam wasn't fooled by the stance. He had seen the flash of emotions cross Dean's face. Shock, but also pain on his behalf, over vivid scars which hadn't healed the way they could have done, because Sam had been forced to stitch the flesh of his own hip together. He had also heard the easy to miss hissed breath of sorts. Sam though addressed neither sign, opting to dress rather than to let the cool air seep further into his bones and muscles.

"My scrawny brother, not so tiny anymore."

At the familiarity of the joke Sam stuck out his tongue. All right, if Dean wanted to play it the way they always did he was fine with it. "Jerk."

"Bitch."

Of course Sam should have known better than to think Dean would leave or that they were to talk about the time apart. Almost unspoken it seemed they had agreed on not poking the sleeping bear with more questions. Almost comfortable, even though it seemed strange and new to Sam too, they drank their coffees while Breeze settled on sitting next to Dean to observe him. "Good dog", he said, but it came out awkward.

"Wolf", Sam corrected with a grin at how his brother jumped at her growl. No, the two weren't friends yet.

"A wild animal? Is it even safe to keep her?"

Sam shrugged, got up and headed outside with a whistle under his breath. In a flash Breeze jumped up to stand by his side. "Far safer than I'd be without her", he conceded with a hand on her neck. He smiled when Dean followed the both of them.

"So, what are we doing?"

"Chopping wood." Sam decided to be blunt rather than ask for anything. It puzzled him still that Dean wasn't driving off, back to civilisation. Even though something had fallen in between them Sam felt how their family bond too kept them together. Would he even let Dean drive off alone?

Sam smiled when Dean needed no more words to confirm to him that he was helping. This was what they'd always done! In silence they aligned to working together like there was no time or distance left in their way. Two pairs of hands made a world of difference. It wasn't that Sam was not strong himself, but every part of manual labour around the lodge he usually did alone… and it didn't help that he needed to pause far more than he liked to ease the strain on his hip. Dean though worked on. Endlessly, almost tireless and mindless. Focussed on the job and it alone, which allowed Sam a chance to observe him unseen. Dean had indeed gotten stronger, and more in tune to his body since his return.

"No junk food in purgatory", his brother joked, before rolling up the sleeves of his shirt and closing off on the matter by turning back to work. "You gonna sit there, or help me pile up the logs?" Some things of course never changed. Dean still pushed his buttons for the sake of it.

By the time they were done Sam offered Dean a mug of hot, strong coffee. Side by side they sat down on the bench he had made a year into his stay here. Sam smiled when he felt like he no longer feared to just be. Dean had not once commented on the shifting in his eyes, not after the first few times he'd raised his brows but stayed silent otherwise. Maybe he was getting used to them?

As a result, the foreign, but welcomed blood in him no longer curled away from sight. Instead Sam was happy to let the demon sense in him roam free to take in the beautiful day of sunshine for what it was. "Stay", he called Breeze back to him when he heard the distant call of another of her kind. Curling his fingers into her fur he held her near. He couldn't bear it to lose her. Not now… not ever, for she was a part of him too.

"What?"

Sam blinked at Dean.

"You keep the wolf on an invisible leash. Why?"

"The alpha wolf calls to his pack. Her instinct is to go to him, but I can't let her."

"When your eyes are like that… you hear more than I can. Heck, then any of us can."

It was impossible for Sam not to hear the tremor of fear behind the awe. All he managed, because he didn't want to end a good day on anger, was a shrug. "It's a different sense. More an awareness, I think?"

"You don't know."

Sam rose to go for a walk, leaving his mug on the bench to pick it up later. "Walk with us?" He didn't wait for an answer. Curiosity would have to seal the deal. If Dean wanted to learn more, he would have to see for himself, because words didn't do justice to what he'd become. Sam didn't know what to call his sight anymore. All he knew was if he let go of his demon blood or if he didn't embrace it like he had learned to on pure instinct alone, then his visual world got rendered to near darkness.

As he made his way along the narrow tracks around the lake Sam pointed at the tree stems next to the path. "During the day the trees are shadows to me. Breeze guides me past the obstacles. I feel how she moves around them and follow her lead."

"A wolf as your guide dog. Now that must be a first."

Sam grinned at the blunt, but spot on remark. He didn't elaborate though. Instead he waited for Dean to ask the inevitable.

"Hang on. Last night it was dark. How?"

Sam thought for a moment longer, until at once the answer hit him. "Echo location, that's what it is closest to. Sound bounces off objects and not air."

"Like bats flying through the night." Dean offered, "Makes sense, except, you know… I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around the fact you're not all human anymore."

"Oh, but I am." Sam countered, not amused about his reaction and yet not angry either. Time alone had taught him to put things into perspective. How he had once looked at himself… and how wrong he had been to fear what he couldn't keep back forever. "My soul is human, Dean." He picked up the pace, glad for when the expected discussion about demons and how they corrupted the innocent never came.

Where the path widened out to a proper track Dean came to walk by his side. "You had time to adjust. Maybe that is all I need too."

His brother had not spoken loudly, but the words stuck and wrapped around them for their weight of honesty. Between them Sam again heard the change in Dean. How he was still gruff on the outside, but more willing to listen than his younger self had done. No, he wasn't a patient man… but then, Sam hadn't inherited the trait either. This was what they were. Flawed, yet trying to understand what moved the other even when they couldn't hope to ever get what moved them. And so, he turned onto the path back to the lodge with a little more confidence.

In silence they ended their day on the couch inside the lodge. To drink the pain of loss and far too many missed days together away Sam uncovered the last bottle of whisky the lodge had to offer them. With their tongues loosened by alcohol they talked about memories they had shared and of hunts they had been on together. The loss of Bobby and how they had always counted on him to be straight with them, to smack them over their heads if he deemed them idiots.

It needed no words between them that without family they would not have come so far. Because of heritage and love they were thrown into the heat of the fire too. Some things would always stay the same, even when by now there was no family left to fall back on. Their father had taught them survive… and that they had! Since their unexpected reunion Sam realised in his core that he only had his brother left. Dean, who in turn could only talk to him… if he was ready to.

"To Bobby." With raised glasses they hid in plain sight once more, but it mattered not while they downed the rest of the bottle. Hunters after all rarely knew breaks like this one.