Disclaimer: I own neither My Hero Academia or Persona 5
Lover's Smash
By: Kishou the Badger (Spacebattles)
It was some accident wandering through someone's Quirk portal after bumping into them. They apparently needed some time to rest before it could open again, and Izuku Midoriya found himself in a familiar part of Tokyo, with a key difference.
Quirks didn't exist. There were no Pro Heroes, yet no Super Villains either. It was both staggering and almost frightening to see a world without heroes around, as there was more of an urgency of being in danger without someone to protect others. Even more so when he realized that the Phantom Thieves did exist, as well as the Metaverse. Or at least had. After introducing himself to this word's leader of the Phantom Thieves, Ren Amamiya (who took Morgana's original proposed codename "Joker"), they spent the last hour or so talking about differences between their worlds and sharing a cup of Leblanc's coffee. Ayamiya was a good listener, and very nice and patient. In some ways he was better at the whole Wild Card aspect than Izuku was.
At one point, they were talking about their friends. Joker found it funny Izuku's Ryuji and Ann were dating, and Izuku was surprised that Makato wasn't a childhood friend of Ren's at all. Then Ren/Joker suddenly asked, "So, who's the special significant other, Hero?"
Somehow, despite not drinking his coffee at the moment and mouth free of any liquids, Izuku made a loud spittake over the counter. "W-W-W-W-WHAT?!"
"Come on. We're both professionals in our field, and Valentine's Day is around the corner. Don't you have someone in mind to spend that special date with?"
"I uh... haven't decided yet," Izuku stammered, fighting the flush on his face.
Joker quirked an eyebrow. "Seriously? A whole year of thwarting bad guys and taking hearts, literally and figuratively, and you haven't figured that out yet?"
It's true. Fighting bad guys to be popular and get people of the opposite sex to like you... that was very much a motivation for hopeful heroes that Izuku heard more than once. He didn't mind that kind of attention himself, but was ultimately more driven to do the right thing than to get a kiss (which is probably the furthest he ever thought towards the subject). Having four strong and beautiful women fight alongside him made things even more awkward.
"I... I just can't, okay! Koto-san, Taba-chan, Haru-san, they're all good friends and mean a lot to me, and it's hard to pick just one!" And he spoke earnestly on this. It only made things worse knowing they were getting impatient with him unintentionally playing this love square around.
"Just one, huh? Well, that's one way to do things, but if you're having trouble deciding, just do what I did."
"What's that?"
"Pick all of them."
For a moment, the coffee shop was silent, and Izuku tried to laugh off what he felt/hoped was a very poor joke. "...ahahaha, I'm sorry, Amamiya-san, I think I misheard you. It sounded like you said-"
"All of them, yes," Ren nodded. "I'm dating all of them."
"Okay, thanks for clearing that- WHAT?!" Izuku's scream couldn't have shaken the cafe hard enough to emphasize his shock.
"Yeah, I know. It surprises me too how good I am sometimes." Joker smiled and chuckled at what felt like the greatest joke ever, and it horrified Izuku that much more.
"Wh-wh-wh-WHY would you date all those girls at the same time?!" the green-haired hero exclaimed. "Do they even KNOW?!"
"Dunno. Just sort of happened. I didn't want to let any of them down when they asked, you know? I'm trying to work out letting them know too."
"But now you let ALL of them down because you led them on!"
"Well, they're hot," Ren shrugged.
"...what."
"I mean, think about it. Ann's a model, Kawakami's a maid, Takemi's a doctor... they all have some great vocations and talent that helped a lot during the whole year I was a Phantom Thief. I'm kind of better than the other examples of men out there, so I should get more women to handle me, right?"
Something about Ren's comment about the girls chilled Izuku to the bone. It wasn't quite as horrific in scope of the other criminals with palaces, but it brought a lot of memories of how they felt entitled to what they want. It was especially reminiscent of Kamoshida, and memories of how he treated Ann and Shiho resurfaced.
"...have you learned nothing from Kamoshida?" Izuku challenged, his nervousness tempered into tranquil fury.
"That ass of a king?" Ren scoffed. "He just flaunted his balls around with some old Olympic accomplishment. I at least worked the effort to get girls to like me."
"Have you even told them? Asked them if they want to be in... an open relationship?"
"I'm working on how to ease them into it. With all the chaos that happened after Okumura, it was the least of my immediate concerns. All that was important was their social links were strong and gave me the power needed to fight Shadows."
It took all Izuku's self-control not to punch the guy in the face... or perhaps his crotch. He didn't know why but he could oddly picture exactly how painful a blow there would be. Regardless, he knew he couldn't sit in the same room as his other-world self anymore. "...I think we're done here."
"You sure?" Ren asked nicely. "If you're serious about just one girl, I can offer you some other advice."
"No, it's fine," the shorter teen said, already leaving the stool seat. "I think my ride home is just about ready anyway."
"Well, it's been nice meeting you, Hero. Take care." The black-haired delinquent extended his hand with a smile. A smile that meant to be genuine but didn't know the depth of their own manipulations or actions towing the line between light and dark. Izuku had always worried about his own morality being a Phantom Thief, but felt oddly relieved he never went as far deep as Ren Amamiya.
"...yeah, you too, Joker," Izuku nodded, begrudgingly returning the handshake. Ren didn't seem to notice the reluctance.
As soon as he left the coffee shop, he pulled out his phone and tapped like mad with a detailed text to specific persons of interest.
Ren Amamiya will never see it coming.
Half an hour later...
"AMAMIYA!"
The door slammed loudly open with a louder scream. Ren, just in the middle of planning his next daily events, was startled to see the cute Ann Tamamaki fuming mad at him... and tailed behind a number of familiar, angry women.
"A-Ann? Makoto-"
Ann stopped him by shoving her phone up to his face. "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS, YOU DICK?!"
On her phone screen was a static image of a calling card, with the following message:
"Ann Tamanaki, Makoto Niijima, Futaba Sakura, Haru Okumura,
Tae Takemi, Sadayo Kawakami, Hifumi Togo, Chihaya Mifune, Ichiko Ohya,
To all the nine lovers of Joker, great sinners of lust and envy alike,
You are individuals so broken by reality that you need a single man to keep you down.
It is why I have decided to take all of your desires of love and mold them into my image, all at the same time.
For no one woman is enough to satisfy the awesomeness that is the terror of the dark, the man of many masks, the savior of Christmas.
That, and you nine are already smitten by me, so this is just a formality in the manner of an orgy.
Signed, Joker of the Phantom Thieves.
P.S. Invite Sae Niijima over too. She will be the tenth."
Ren Amamiya blinked, slowly processing what he was reading. Not because of slow reading speed, but trying to comprehend what exactly was there. The number, the contacts, the color of the background, the way the calling card was written...
It was a bad dream, right? He didn't send this message. He couldn't! He didn't check his phone at all today, and didn't get any pings either!
Wait... that Midoriya kid couldn't have-
"Amamiya-kun, you can explain yourself, right?"
He looked between all the young women's tear-struck scowls. Ms. Kawakami, Chihaya, Haru, Futaba...
Ren's quick wit remembered that Futaba knew and hacked his phone. Surely she knew that he never sent any text like this, and that the real jerk who set this up was out there somewhere.
"Futaba, wait! You can vouch me on this, right? You know who really did this, right?"
The ginger-haired girl's eyes were obscured by a dynamic flare on her glasses that emphasized her anger. "I heard everything you two-timing prick."
...shit, that worked completely against his favor. He forgot all about the fact Leblanc was still bugged.
"We're waiting here, Ren."
"What do you have to say for yourself?!"
They were all glaring at him, expecting an answer. Ren usually had options to say a few words that could change their mood and make them happy, but he couldn't see what words to say would make the situation any better. If it COULD be any better.
"Uh... I love you all?"
All of the girl's eyes narrowed. Ann snapped a whip between her hands, Makoto slipped on her brass knuckles, and Haru reached for her ax. Everyone else grabbed what was lying around the coffee shop or just winded their fists and legs back.
Ren could only think of two things before he blacked out from the All-Out Attack.
1. That was definitely the wrong thing to say.
2. When did they get their Metaverse weapons?
Izuku couldn't believe he actually did that. He was used to underhanded methods to beat Shadows and steal the hearts of villains, but creating a fake calling card by phone and then sending it to the girls Joker was cheating on was another story.
If it weren't for that world's Futaba, he probably wouldn't have gone through with it at all. She knew the other necessary contacts and her hacking prowess meant a digital forgery of Yusuke's usual style was easy.
It wasn't any of his business, even Futaba told him as much. The whole situation probably would have blown up sooner or later and he didn't need to do a thing. But Izuku just couldn't sit by and know that people he knew and care for were being manipulated.
They're not from my timeline, but no one hurts the hearts of my friends.
Izuku pulled out his phone, flipping through a few images he shared with his friends. He made a lot with everyone over the year, from some odd contacts to even a few of his peers from U.A. like Mei and Kacchan. Three pictures stood to mind, as he lingered on them the longest as he flipped through.
A joke selfie made when he and Makoto were having fun masquerading as a "couple".
A milestone celebration at Akibahara for completing Futaba's second promise list.
A picture made by Haru herself leaning close to Izuku and the veggies they made on the roof.
He sighed... no, more like taking a steady breath. Through that visit with Joker, he found the confidence to move on the issue he had been avoiding for a while. After all, he saw the consequences first hand. He slowly texted the message to Makoto, Futaba and Haru.
"Meet me at Leblanc's. We need to talk. About us."
The End
Thanks goes to Kishou the Badger for making this interesting little snippet! It was a nice little deconstruction of the idea that you can date all of the girls in P5 at the same time, something that someone like Izuku would not very much favor haha It was a cool little spin on their meeting, and I certainly enjoyed the idea that Ren did get his just deserts on that.
Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed! Feel free to leave a review, a follow and a favorite if you'd be so kind :)