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2/8

As he approached his target, the temperature was becoming significantly lower, equaling the frostiness absent from the Center. The sound of two voices echoed in the cold air. He had never forgotten one of them.

"I'm starving," said the first one.

"One last lap and I'm done," reassured the other one.

Roman hid behind a curve of the lower tiers, an optimal position for observing unseen. His heart was beating wildly. Deniz was standing, his back resting against the Plexiglas, and very attentively following a young skater's routine. He was, of course, Essen Cup's winner and the future promise of the risen Steinkamp Sports & Wellness. Light hair, thin physique, twenty years old at most. If he hadn't been so young and so blond, Roman might have mistaken him for his doppelganger, at the top of his own career.

The boy performed a triple lutz, so perfect that Roman had to bite his tongue to stop himself from cheering; then, after a graceful landing, skated to the boards next to Deniz. They exchanged a few words that Roman failed to grasp. Deniz put the gold medal, which obviously he had won a few hours before, around the boy's neck and using the tape, pulled him in for a passionate kiss.

Roman instinctively shut his eyes. His temples began throbbing rhythmically as something sharp sliced his heart. He opened his eyes and they were still kissing. He saw Deniz take the boy by the hand and lead him in the direction of his own improvised hiding spot.

At first Roman backed away with cautious steps, but then he turned and ran towards the changing rooms. By habit he opened the door to the men's, went in and closed it behind him. After a few moments, he realized it hadn't been a smart move. Deniz's and boy's voices were approaching. They were coming in.

"Shit!" he hissed through his lips.

After a few seconds of panic, he decided to hide behind the red lockers, praying inside his head not to be seen. He was just in time, as the door opened. From his location, Roman couldn't see them, but unfortunately he had good ears: the wet kisses, the rustling of clothes, the heavy breathing from excitement were all too familiar to him, especially in this place. When he heard the roar of the water and their laughter, he thought he would die.

But he would kill Annette first. Why hadn't she told him that Deniz was already dating someone else?

As soon as he heard the rattling of the shower curtain, Roman tiptoed out from behind the row of lockers and proceeded to carefully open the locked door. Unfortunately, while he was busy not making a sound, using slow and studied movements, he had to hear the ever more frantic audio coming from the shower.

"Come here!"

"Don't you know that we should keep ourself in view of the regional competitions, Mr. Öztürk?"

"Sex is natural doping, everybody knows that."

The other boy started laughing heartily.

Roman swallowed a sob. He finished turning the key, and then turned the handle. As he did so, he heard Deniz's voice again, loud and clear over the sound of the water.

"And you're the best, after all. The best ever."

Roman stood petrified, clinging to the open door as if he were afraid of falling. The tears clouded his eyes in an instant. As he slipped into the corridor, he felt a huge fire burning in his chest and chills over his whole body.

"Fuck!" he muttered through his lips. "Fuck!"

Then he slammed the door, making as much noise as possible, and finally ran away.

When Roman got to the loft, Ingo and Annette were running up the iron ladder towards their bedroom. A few seconds were enough to understand that something had gone wrong, and both could imagine what.

"You two! Down! Right now!"

Despite their complaints and Ingo, already looking forward to a night of fireworks, they turned and came back down the stairs. They stood in front of their friend as if they were two schoolboys, caught in a nasty prank.

"What can we do for you…" began Ingo softly, giving his wristwatch a quick glance before staring Roman determinedly in the eye, "at 12:15 a.m.?"

"Why didn't you tell me that Deniz was dating that…that," stammered Roman, in his agitation.

"Justin," Annette interrupted.

"Justin?" Roman clucked his tongue, twisting his lips.

"Göbel," Ingo completed quickly.

"You should have told me. I found out…they were two steps away from me! And what did I do? I ran away!"

Ingo wrinkled his eyebrows, confused. Yet at the same time, a little mischievous smile surfaced on his lips.

"Why did our cute Hase run away?"

Annette leaned towards him. "He's crushing on Deniz again," she whispered, as if afraid that Roman would hear.

Ingo's mouth made a perfect 'O'. "Ne! Really?"

"It wasn't fun!" Roman pointed out, angrily pressing his lips together.

Ingo took a deep breath, put his arm around Roman's shoulders and pulled him to sit by his side on the couch. Annette followed them, sitting on the opposite side.

"Hase," he began in an affectionate and jovial tone. "How long has it been since you left, behind your bum, Essen, your friends and most importantly…Deniz?"

"What does that matter now?" Roman asked, sullen.

Suddenly, Ingo's look was anything but jovial.

"Two years," Roman surrendered, but before his friend could interrupt him, he added, "But I thought about him all the time."

"While you were with someone else?" Ingo grabbed Roman's chin between his thumb and index finger, forcing Roman to look him straight in the eye. "Do you have any idea how many pieces he was in?" Roman tried to interrupt, but Ingo sealed his mouth with the palm of his hand. "Do you know what we've done to put all those little pieces back together? And I think that work hasn't been done perfectly."

"Ingo means," Annette interjected; Roman's head snapped towards her, his mouth at last freed from Ingo's hand. "Deniz has just gotten back on track. He's worked like a slave in the last couple of years. He had to emigrate to America and…"

"He was a model in America, not a miner," Roman said firmly.

"But he didn't want to go," Annette continued. "He'd wanted to stay here…with his family, his friends. And he definitely did not want to go back to modeling; he had sworn that he was done with that world. But when Nina called him from LA, he still hadn't been able to pull himself together. He'd still had too many debts, and working at the Center couldn't give certainty to anyone. What else should he have done?"

"It wasn't my fault if he had troubles!" Roman cried, irritated.

"No, of course not," agreed Ingo. "But he'd wanted you at his side, and instead he had been abandoned by the people he cared about most. Do you have any idea how he must have felt back then?"

Roman shrugged. "And me? I was homeless, jobless, full of problems."

"So, why do you now want to give them to him?" Ingo asked. "Has Hamburg suddenly lost all its Marc-appeal for our poor Hase?"

"He and Marc are taking a break," his wife told him, softly.

"Marc and I broke up for good!" Roman snapped, forgetting that there were sleeping people in the house.

"Because of the billboard?" interrupted Annette, puzzled.

"Billboard? What billboard?" Ingo asked, intrigued.

"Four per two, a pair of underwear and a bit of hair gel. Don't ask!" Annette explained briefly.

Ingo nodded, pretending to understand, but something told him that wasn't the real issue.

"Things weren't going well between us for some months, though," Roman added. "After we had finished the ice show, one morning – we looked at each other – and we just had nothing to say. Like two strangers."

"And now you wanna break Deniz's heart again?" said Ingo, not really wanting or needing a response. He encircled Roman's neck with his big strong hand and pulled him close so he could again, look into his eyes. "Listen to me, Hase. Remember when I told you to stay away from him, for your own sake; to look around for other bunnies?" Roman nodded, ruefully. He regretted that time. "Well, now I'm gonna give you the same advice: stay away from him…for his sake."

"What Ingo is trying to tell you," Annette said, calmly, "is that Deniz has just found his balance. We don't know whether this guy is important or not, and it doesn't really matter. He's more content now than we have seen him in months."

Annette knew Roman pretty well, he was unable to take advice from anyone; so she reasoned in a hurry and decided to just spill all the beans.

"First of all…" she began, "Deniz knows you've been with Marc all this time."

"Did you tell him that?" Roman asked, incredulous.

"There was no need," Ingo replied.

"Do you remember when you sent us the tickets for your ice show?" Annette asked. Roman nodded.

"Well…Deniz found out about it, we don't know how, and insisted on coming too. He wanted to try with you again." She looked at Ingo. "What were his exact words, honey?"

"Now that Roman has realized his dream, maybe he will talk to me again. I can't believe it's over," the man recited in Deniz's deep voice.

Roman swallowed, shutting his eyes. He could imagine Deniz's hopeful look and even more, what had happened next.

"After the end of Act One, he wanted to meet you, and instead…"

"…he saw me and Marc together," Roman concluded in a whisper, his eyes suddenly wet. "Shit!"

"After, we didn't see him again that evening," Ingo said. "He called me an hour later to tell me that he was on the train back to Essen and that he had decided to accept Nina's proposal for LA."

Roman rubbed his face with one hand, holding back the tears that were beginning to knock from behind his eyelids. Even if he had seen Deniz that night, he would have been annoyed, because he believed he had finally found happiness with Marc, his 'balance'. Because, he wouldn't have allowed anyone to spoil that, least of all Deniz and his proposal of reconciliation. And now, he wanted to do the same thing. Just like when Marc had come to Essen, two years before, and messed with his relationship with Deniz. It was a circle that would never be closed.

"I wan…I wanna," Roman began, after a deep breath. "I just want to know if he's happy. I want to see it with my own eyes."

Annette sighed, exasperated. "Of course he's happy!" Her features were hard, as if she were about to explode, completely forgetting about her sleeping sister and nephew. "He must be! He has a very good job, money, a house and above all…a child!"

Roman stiffened as if a bucket of ice water had just been thrown in his face.

"WHAT?"


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