Character List
Laurie Strode- Avril Lavinge
Annie Brackett- Emma Watson
Lynda Van Der Klok- Amanda Bynes
Mindi 'Dementia' Loiffier- Jordana Brewster
Michael: age 25- Matthew McConaughey
Dr. Samuel Loomis- Ewan McGregor
Clover Destery- Beverly Mitchell
Tommy Doyal- Skyler Gisondo (I know but, he portrayed Tommy well)
Lindsey Wallace- Abigail Breslin
Ritchie Van Der Klock- Moises Arias
Paul- James FrancoBob Simms- Joe Jonas
Ritchie's Posse- Alec Grey, Laurel Weber, Edward Sanders
Mindy Tyler- Kyle Richards
Rochelle Williamson- Ashanti
Judith Myers- Mila Kunis
Steven Haley Jr.- Seth Green
Nancy the Cashier- America Ferrera
Sheriff Lee Brakett- Regis Philbin
Deborah Myers- Nancy Sullivan
Elizabeth Colins- Michelle Pfeiffer
Melinda Tyler- Diora Baird
Shandi Morrison- Chyler Leigh
Kyril Dvenovolo- Maksim Chmerkovskiy
Ashley Endworthy- Whitney Cummings
Jaden Brakett- Mitchell Musso
Orderly- Mo'nique
Michael: age 10- Chase Wright Vanek
Clover Destery: age 10- Jenny Gregg Stewart
Marion Chambers- Christina Applegate
Layla Kester- Madison Davenport
Dr. Morgan- Eva Longoria Parker
Mr. Greene- John Ratzenberger
Dr. Koplenson- Charles Shaughnessy
Dr. Shore- Daniel Tosh
Miss Ravindale- Emile de Ravin
Dr. Eliss- Kurt Russell
Suzanne Marguerite- Chandra Wilson
Donny Kester- Max Thieriot
Dennis Brackett- Ryan Heinke
Claudia Miranda Strode- Julia Stiles
Cynthia Strode- Uma Thurman
Mason Strode- Michael Keaton
Sandra Stien- Maude Apatow
Big Joe Grizzly- Ken Foree (Portrayed Grizzly perfectly)
Mama Bear- Pamela Anderson
Hunter Dobbs- Derek Hough
Harrison Deveraux- Greg Cipes
Nurse Wynn- Paris Hilton
Gloria the Receptionist- Isla Fischer
Macey Elliot- Lisa Kudrow
Principal Nolan Griffin- Daniel-Day Lewis
Mrs. Nichols- Kathleen Robertson
Frankie Val Deer- Tamara Mello
Rex Nathanson- Aaron Carter
John 'Ripley' Stanton- Tom Felton
Felix Donahue- Tom Kenny
Caleb Destery- Luke Wilson
Miriam Destery- Maggie Gyllenhaal
Isamel Cruz- Valente RodriguezMIRIAM: (Driving cautiously) So Michael how's your mom?
MICHAEL: (Barely listening) She's…good.
CLOVER: (In a low whisper) Michael, I heard that you had your first beer last week…
LAYLA: (Whispering too) How'd it taste?
MIRIAM: What are you guys talking about?
DONNY: The project title! We wanna keep it a secret for now! (Mrs. Destery shrugs)
MICHAEL: (Trying to keep a straight face) Like shit!
DONNY: (In a lower whisper so Layla, and Clover cannot hear) Hey what are you doing for your thirteenth birthday?
MICHAEL: (He shrugs) I dunno? I was thinking about just asking my mom for a small party… you know a little get together with you guys and my family.
DONNY: Are you going to hook up with Clover?
MICHAEL: (He messes with his hair) I want to, but I don't think she likes me back!
DONNY: Dude, she like bad boys and you're the badest kid at Haddonfield Middle School!
MICHAEL: (He laughs) No I'm not! Rex and Ripley are!
CLOVER: (Turning around) Rex and Ripley can suck my dick!
MICHAEL: (Blushing) How much of that did you hear?
CLOVER: All I heard was Rex and Ripley.
LAYLA: (She joins the conversation) Their complete fucktards!
DONNY: (Teasing her) If Dennis could hear you he'd dump your sorry ass!
LAYLA: (She perks her girls up) Not as long as I stay his little dancer!
CLOVER: Did you two do it?
LAYLA: (She scratches her head) Uhh… yeah!
CLOVER: (She giggles) When?
LAYLA: (She smiles) Last night!
CLOVER: Where?
LAYLA: At the farm!
CLOVER: (The two girls giggle extremely) Is he big!
LAYLA: (She takes out her Glue stick) Double That!
CLOVER: (She bursts out laughing then she says rather loudly) How does he contain it?
MIRIAM: (She looks in the rearview mirror at them) Contain what?
CLOVER: (Stammering) Uhh…
LAYLA: Err…
DONNY: (Jumping in for a save) His snake!
MIRIAM: (She shudders) I don't like snakes they're slippery and they cause trouble!
CLOVER: (In a low whisper) That's how I came to be…
MICHAEL: (To Donny in a whisper) Snake?
LAYLA: More like trousersnake…
Mrs. Destery drops them off in front of the Middle School were they meet up with their friend Dennis Brackett who is glowing magnanimously. The five all head down the small terrace were gym classes were held when they suddenly were stopped by to hulking teens. In short; Rex and Ripley. Rex Nathanson the only ninth grader held back from entering high school. He's the guy at school all the girls want to get with; however in truth, he was a closeted gay teen who caught crabs from this party. Apparently he got it after giving head to six guys then did other things, which if you did while sober you'd immediately become an outcast. He hides his true nature by using the old bully cover up. His right hand man, John 'Ripley' Stanton, at six foot he was the tallest student at the school. Only a year younger than Michael he still managed to kick the shit out of him every chance he got. Unlike Rex though, Ripley was straighter than a blade's edge and such a homophobe to boot that if Rex ever came out Ripley would tear him to pieces.
REX: (Pushing Michael) Hey Myers, are you gonna pay up?
RIPLEY: (Cracking his knuckles) Remember our agreement? Your lunch money or we put pictures of mommy up on the school bulletin board.
MICHAEL: (Twitching) Fuck you!
REX: (Snickering) Oh, a tough guy, huh? (He smacks Michael's head) Well what are you going to do about it…
CLOVER: (Pushing Rex back) Leave him alone, Rex!
RIPLEY: (He shoves Clover to the ground) Stay out of this you stupid bitch.
CLOVER: (Seeing Michael's fists clenched) Michael! Stop… it's fine. We're not going to stoop to their level. (She gets up and dusts herself off) Lets go, guys.
The others who we're too afraid to do anything meekly follow them.
RIPLEY: (Grimacing sardonically) Hey pussy! Do you think your whore-mother would suck my dick for a quarter?
MICHAEL: (Losing control he attacks Ripley with an extreme heated rage) Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! (At this point Ripley is bleeding profusely)
REX: (Scared) Hey get off him! (Michael bites his arm)
DONNY: (Noticing the principal coming their way) It's Griffin! Scatter! (Everyone but Michael, Clover, and Ripley run)
NOLAN GRIFFIN: (Separating the two) What the hell is going on here?
RIPLEY: (Wiping blood off) He-
PRINCIPAL GRIFFIN: Shut up! (Looking at Michael) You! Why is it that every time I have some little problem, even the smallest tiff, you are involved?