(Author's notes- I wasn't going to do a second chapter but I thought 'why the hell not'. Hope it's not too disappointing)
"Uuurgghh, I haven't felt like this since that home-made candy cane wine back in middle school", groaned Emma as they slowly made their way home, one hand lazily holding her bloated stomach as the other was slung around Regina's shoulders for some much needed support. Her face and shirt smeared with blueberries though a small sense of smug satisfaction clung to her stained lips.
"I told you this would happen. You look like you just fellated a smurf", sighed Regina as she cast a tired gaze over to the whining Sheriff. "Lucky I carry mouthwash with me at all times"
Henry bounced around in front of them swinging round the giant stuffed panda Emma had won for him, seemingly happier than he had been in a long time, but each step from Emma only made her innards churn all the more.
"How could I say no to Henry, he signed me up for that stupid pie eating contest…..but on the bright side, I did win. Never thought I'd beat Leroy but I did."
"But at what cost? I don't think either of us will ever be able to hold our heads up in public again", Regina said with a shake of the head and a glint of acute embarrassment still lingering her eyes.
"Meaning?", groaned Emma.
"Meaning how is anyone ever going to forget the image of a gluttonous Sheriff throwing up on Snow White….I dread the next PTA meeting. Not to mention my little…ahem…..'wardrobe malfunction'", said Regina with a shudder as her mind recoiled to the events of just two hours ago.
FLASHBACK
"I'm just saying that maybe Snow White ain't as wholesome as you think", said Ruby as her glossy red lips wrapped around her cigarette rolled with cinnamon papers.
"What do you mean? She's the fairest in all the land and the symbol of innocence and purity", replied Mary Margaret as her fingers plumped up the wide white collar of her dress and gave a quick thanks to her Jenny Craig program that she could fit in it once more, though the hidden corsetry was still a little on the lung punishing side.
"I was on youtube the other day, y'know, checking out Japanese ska pop and shit like that, and I came across this song called 'Sonne' by Rammstein. Well it presents a version of Snow White that I think is probably closer to the truth than all these lame ass story books say", the waitress said as the silver phantoms of smoke curled from her nostrils as the whole town buzzed around them in costume awaiting the official start of the Jubilee celebrations, "You should check it out"
"I…what? In all the books she was as chaste and loved as anyone, and defeated the evil Queen and…"
"Don't be so naïve, Mary. But for arguments sake let's say all those fairytales were true, history is always written by the victors. After the evil Queen fell from grace it was up to the winners to write their version of it, of course they painted themselves as the do-no-wrong saviors and painted the people they didn't like in a bad light just so they would seem justified. It ain't as black and white as you think"
"Ruby, have you been drinking?", asked the pixie haired woman with a flickering brow.
"I'm not drunk, if that's what you mean but I thought I'd best get the beers in before the Shriners arrive and…oh heeeelllo. Now who is that?", said Ruby as she nudged the school teacher who was busily making a mental note to scour the internet for said libellous video.
"I've no idea", said Mary-Margaret as they looked on at the back of the woman dressed as Wonder Woman who was currently bent over at the waist, her flawless legs arrow straight, searching in her bag for something as she showed a pair of perfectly sculpted buttocks clad in tight shiny lycra.
"Yummy, now that is an ass that needs to meet my lips", the waitress said as she sweated profusely and cursed her costume idea, no matter how shiny and creaky it was.
"Oh Ruby, don't you ever want something more out of life than just chasing every piece of skirt that drifts into town?", sighed Mary-Margaret.
"Not really", shrugged the young woman currently dressed as Selene from Underworld, the sun flaring along the glossy black latex smothering her skin. "Now that is a chick I would love to…."
"No, don't tell me. I don't want to know", spluttered the school teacher holding up her hands in surrender.
Ruby smirked as she dropped her cigarette to the ground and stomped it out before strutting over towards the glorious peaches calling out to be plucked. As she walked Ruby winced at the squelching noises coming from her boots from where the sweat was pooling rapidly. Her outfit creaked with each slight movement and though she was wilting under the harsh sun it seemed like a good idea at the time. Such was the curse of mixing alcohol and eBay.
Ruby, a little tipsy, ran her tongue over her parched lips as she moved ever closer to Wonder Woman who mumbled quietly rummaging ever deeper in her bag.
"Hey there sweet cheeks", said Ruby in her customary cockiness as she placed a firm and ringing slap to Wonder Woman's shapely derriere, "You wanna go get a drink an' maybe go for a roll in the hay"
"Ahem…..do you find such an approach actually works, dear?", said Regina as she snapped up to her full height and span round on her red heeled boots to stare directly into the waitress' eyes with hands on her curved hips. She had already erected her prickly defences on the walk to the town's Jubilee Fair in order to disguise the mortifying embarrassment she felt rampaging through her system being dressed in such a way.
"Regi…..M-Madam Mayor!?...I….I…", squealed Ruby in shock as her pupils spilled as if they were cartoon eyes about to pop out on stalks.
"My, my, dear. You look very… hot", said Regina clicking her fingers to drag Ruby's gaze away from her plunging cleavage.
"T-Thanks"
"I didn't mean it like that", Regina as her eyes rolled dramatically as she toyed with the bottle of perfume she finally found in her bag, "I meant you're probably in dire need of rehydration before you pass out"
"Oh", replied Ruby feeling like a complete tool, "Right"
"Best stay near the medical tent dear, don't want you collapsing during the day's festivities", Regina said patting her on the shoulder in a manner befitting a condescending mother hen.
"I….er...I should go". Ruby's words stumbling out inelegantly as her face burned red whilst she backed away.
"Yes dear, I think you probably should"
But as a faint glimmer of a smile graced Regina's face she couldn't help but feel her self-esteem get a little boost, that even though she was on the wrong side of thirty her Pilates classes and thigh-master had managed to keep her body as toned and supple as it was back in college.
"Oh man, you really burned her", laughed Emma wondering just why her heart felt the prickles of jealousy flare up the moment Ruby's palm struck the Mayor's curved rear.
"What can I say? I just think a Lady should be treated as such", Regina said affirmatively as she sprayed a little Dior on her slender neck.
"It's pretty stupid of her to wear something like that on a day like this", said the Sheriff glancing up to the bright sky and pulling at her heavy shirt which was making her sweat, "Woulda made more sense to come as Beach Barbie in a bikini or something"
"If it's such a good idea why didn't you?", Regina said with a taunting echo.
"C-section scar. It seemed Henry couldn't find his way out so….slicey-slicey"
"How graphic"
"Regina there you are, we're waiting for you to officially open the…..the….oh my", coughed Sidney as he made his way through the crowds to find the Mayor, screeching to a halt and dropping his copy of the days schedule as he suddenly noted her outfit.
"Sidney, please roll your tongue back in. It's not very dignified", Regina chided gently for she was well prepared for any snarky comment to come her way this day. She was in politics after all and had been the recipient of every barbed snipe imaginable ever since she took office.
"Huh? Oh….right", he replied as he stared on dumbstruck at her uber tight outfit. It seems the hobo Sidney gave some change to was actually a genie granting all his wishes.
"Henry, will you stay with Emma? I'll be back in a bit", said the Mayor as she felt her nerves tingle her skin as she cast an eye towards the wooden platform in the center of the town square where the microphone stood patiently. The structure seemed like a gallows to her, taunting her towards her doom.
"Gina?"
"What?", replied the Mayor as her trepidation cracked through her mask of confidence.
"I…er…I mean…", blustered out Emma like an awkward teenager before leaning in to give Regina a small kiss on the cheek,"…..good luck"
"I…..oh….", replied the usually debonair Mayor, but the small, yet heartfelt, token of support warmed her heart which still bore the scars of failed romance.
Emma offered up a shy smile, one that Regina mirrored catching them both off guard as her hand reached up and let her fingertips trail over the smudge of lipstick now residing on her cheek.
"Mom…..the speech", Henry said in a loud whisper tearing them both from their moment of surprise.
"The what? Oh yes….of course", said Regina blinking away her confusion tainted with the hint of a blush, but as she stepped up the wooden platform her nerves seemed to slide away, bolstered by such a small token of affection, though she wondered just how platonic her friendship with Emma actually was.
Staring across a sea of faces the Mayor took a steadying breath and tapped the microphone making all eyes turn towards her. Eyes which instantly bulged and were forever marked with the sight of Wonder Woman standing proudly above them, hands on hips and breasts which looked like they were struggling to escape their lycra prison.
"Well I just want to say a big thankyou for coming to support our wonderful town and our little fair, so enjoy yourself and have a lovely time. I now declare the Storybrooke Town Jubilee officially open", Regina said with gusto but instead of polite applause all she got was shocked faces and writhing men, all staring on dumbfounded.
"Oh for god's sake", sighed Regina pinching the bridge of her nose realising everyone would be stuck in this trance unless she did something. Striking an action pose she reeled off words, "Stop a bullet cold, make the Axis fold. Change their minds and change the world!"
The libido straining staring finally broke and clapping rang out as Regina descended from the stairs. She let out a deep breath and accepted the smiles and applause. It felt strange to have the townsfolk act so friendly to her which made Regina tumble from her comfort zone, but she couldn't deny its warmth. A warmth which slithered through her body pulling her lips into a genuine smile.
"Regina, what was that about stopping bullets and stuff?", asked Mary-Margaret feeling, for once, as an equal.
"Well Miss Blanchard, let's just say that Wonder Woman isn't exactly an unknown show to me", said the Mayor recalling well how she and her dear departed father used to watch it every Saturday in his den, it was their little ritual.
"I can't believe Emma convinced you to wear that, you must really like her"
"What do you mean?", Regina replied, her face screwed up in confusion.
"Emma. You know she's the biggest Wonder Woman fan out there? At Abigail's bachelorette party we all started shooting tequila and played truth or dare. I won't tell you the details but….I think your friendship means more to her than you think….if you get my drift"
Regina turned round and saw the open stare of Emma scanning every inch of the Mayor, once her gaze was caught Emma's face flushed red as she turned away awkwardly.
"Did she now? I think I may have to have words with our dear Sheriff later….but what else did she say? About me I mean", said Regina suddenly baulking at the adolescent echo to her own words.
"Well…."
"Could all contestants report for today's contests, the apple bobbing is first. Come to me and I'll assign your numbers", Sidney said through the PA system wrenching the Mayor from her fledgling discoveries.
"Dammit….I-I have to go", Regina said excusing herself from the presence of Henry's teacher and trying not to show just how embarrassed she was lining up next to Archie, August and Abigail by the barrels of water peppered with floating apples.
As Regina swallowed deeply her eyes scanned the crowd gathered around them, but in their midst she caught the sight of Henry who bore a beaming smile before giving her a little wink. His fingers twisted into shapes as he signed 'I love you' to her, it had been a long time since she had taught him the few words she still knew of sign language from working as a counsellor at Summer Camp back in her gap year but it was like their secret code which belonged to just them.
Regina's eyes danced with love for her child but before she could wallow in the tenderness of the moment a shrill whistle blew and the contest started. The next minute was a blur for the Mayor but she was never one to back down from any challenge as water and cheers of encouragement flew all around them.
"Ah won…..ah won…..ihn your fashe Hobba", cheered Regina in victory thrusting her fists in the air in celebration still with a glistening red apple firmly fixed between her pearly white teeth mangling her usual eloquent words as she taunted Dr Hopper.
"M-Madam Bare…I mean Mayor", coughed David who was judging the contest which had drawn a decent crowd curious as to why Regina was stepping down from her pedestal for once and joining in with the festivities.
As Regina celebrated her triumph she paused wondering why there was no polite applause, just stunned silence, slack jaws and wide eyes.
As the water from the apple bobbing ran down in splaying rivulets, her hair wet and plastered across her face, Regina looked down to see her soaked outfit was indeed much too small and her breasts had sprung free and were swinging like glorious pendulums moulded by Rodin.
"Oh please Archie, like you haven't fantasised about a moment like this" sneered Regina hoping that an aggression lined aloofness to the situation would divert her from the soul scarring humiliation she felt as she forced her boobies back into her top.
END FLASHBACK
"It wasn't that bad, Gina", said Emma as she flopped down on the suede sofa feeling gross and sticky as they finally made their way back to the Mayoral house.
"Not that bad? I can't believe that….oomph", Regina grunted as Henry barrelled into the living room throwing his arms around his mother and hugging her tighter than he had in a long time.
"You're the coolest Mom, so are you Ma", he grinned impishly as Regina ruffled his hair.
"You….you had a good day then?", asked the Mayor basking in the warmth of his smile. A smile that she had shamed herself to put there, but it was the finest reward she could've ever hoped for.
"Totally. It was the best day EVER! You guys are so cool", he said before sprinting up the stairs to start downloading photos.
"So…it wasn't a total disaster then?", Emma said raising a brow hopefully as she lounged on the sofa like Hedonism-bot.
"I….it seems not. We both made complete asses out of ourselves ….but we seem to have made our son very happy, and that's more important than anything"
For the first time since the Jubilee celebrations had been a part of town life Regina had actually enjoyed herself, to be able to let go for once despite the embarrassment. To relinquish her responsibilities even for just an afternoon, to just have fun without care or consequences for she could worry about them later.
"I…..urrgghh", the Sheriff groaned as she unfastened her belt which was squeezing her unmercifully.
"You're not going to be sick again, are you?", asked Regina worried about her suede sofa for she knew well how hard it was to get stains out of it.
"No….I just feel really gross"
"Oh come here"
"W-what are you doing?", Emma said as the Mayor sat next to her and felt her head being moved to Regina's lap.
"Get your mind out of the gutter Miss Swan, just lie still", the Mayor said with a wry grin and she slowly rubber small circles on the suffering Sheriff's bloated stomach. "I used to do this to Henry every Christmas whenever he ate too much pudding. Better?"
"Mmmm", Emma purred as she felt her senses slither away under a cloud of warm attention before firing off a suggestive smirk, "But…maybe a little lower…..ow"
Regina just giggled as her soft slap to Emma's temple seemed to steer her mind back from the brink of a torrent of innuendos.
"You know…..this Wonder Woman outfit is going straight in the trash tonight"
"W-what? Why? You can't", snipped Emma with wide eyes before she realised her words had spilled.
"And why not, dear?", Regina sing-songed flicking her neatly shaped brows to a jaunty angle.
"Because….er….it…er…."
"It's covered in cotton candy and god knows what", Regina said picking at the sticky stains she would normally never be seen dead in, "You know Miss Blanchard told me about that party…. the tequila…. and the Wonder Woman thing you have"
"I-I so do not", Emma said with a fierce blush as she tried not to make it too obvious she was nestling ever closer into Regina's breasts.
"You know….Emma….we should have a real talk", Regina said finally broaching the subject both of them had been dancing around for a while, but neither would be the first to admit. Especially when there was a gurgling gullet of blueberries about to explode at any given moment should the conversation veer into unexpected territories.
"About what?"
"You….me….us", the Mayor said as her other hand ran softly through Emma's matted hair.
"Us?"
"Must you parrot everything I say?"
"Parrot?"
"Emma, I…oh to hell with it", Regina said as she leaned forward to plant a soft and fleeting kiss on Emma's lips. The pressing of skin made both of them tingle as eyes fluttered shut as they sunk into the tenderness of the kiss.
"Oh….", the Sheriff said as Regina pulled away once more running her fingers through blonde tresses.
"You taste like blueberries", grinned the brunette as she, for once, let all her defences down though it terrified her to show her real feelings,
"So…does this mean…. you know … if I got another Wonder Woman outfit would you…..", asked Emma hopefully with a blush as she lay in the arms which cradled her tenderly, reaching up to wipe a blueberry stain from Regina's glossy lips.
"Maybe….", Regina said as she leaned forward and purred sexily in Emma's ear, "…..but why bother with that…as I believe I still have my old cheerleader uniform somewhere"
"…..", Emma's mouth opened and closed as no words could form, her breath caught in her throat as she tried to choke out some kind of a reply but the mischief dancing within Regina's eyes showed her that no answer was needed as the Mayor leaned forward to plant another soul searing kiss on the ailing Sheriff.
As Emma reached up to cup Regina's cheeks they drifted away into a realm of their own, neither of them noticing the impish grin of Henry who peeked round the door with his walkie-talkie in hand.
"So….did it work?", crackled Mary-Margaret's voice through the handset.
"Yep….mission accomplished", smiled Henry as his devious plan finally came up trumps.