Petulant statement: Scan in Process, Processing, Disclaimer initiated, No Ownage detected.

Chapter 1: First Impressions, or: 'In which everything has changed'.

Hermione woke up groaning. What had happened exactly? She backtracked, right: Fight, Snorkack, Luna. She cracked open an eye, before shooting up from the cold stone floor, not believing the sight in front of her. There were many oddities, but there was one thing that drew her attention, Was that... her?

She cast an Enervate at her double, and in doing so noticed how freckled her hand was, and how deep her voice, she had a sinking feeling, which only increased at 'her' moan of "Bloody hell mate, 5 more minutes"

Ron was in HER body, Ron was IN her body, RON was in her body.

And judging by what she could see, she was in his. S/he hid her/his face in her/his hands. This was going to be bloody awful! At that thought s/he squeeked, or rather, squicked, it was such a Ron thing to think!

Harry woke up at the sound of the rather high 'squeeck'. It came from... Ron? He tried to sit, but in doing so noticed something was off. Why was everything so big? why was his hand this small? Why did his ropes pool around him?

Now, Harry was by no means stupid. Not to say he was particularly intelligent, but by wizarding standards he was rather bright. His high voice only confirmed it, when he asked his friend, "Ron, what the hell happened?", causing his friend to notice him.

"Harry?", he asked hesitantly, "I-Is... that you?". At this the black-haired boy rolled his eyes, "No, I'm Dudley...", at Ron's horrified look he answered, "Of course it is me, although I'd say either a de-aged or shrunken version, if my line of sight is anything to go by"

At this Ron let out a sigh of relief, "Well, with what's going on it was a possibility", he trailed of, "Seeing how Ron and I switched bodies". Harry blinked, "You're not...". Somewhat amused despite circumstances, the one in the body of his friend answered, "Sorry Harry. It's Hermione in here, aaand it's de-aged..."

Harry grumbled, "Figures", and shuddered, "the fangirls are going to love this." Ron/Hermione gave him a pat on the head, "If it means anything, I feel sorry for you. My support I won't offer though, your fan club is rather scary." S/he grinned, "It's always better than what happened to Malfoy though", and shot a pointed looked at the disorientated ferret crawling out of the heap of high-quality robes.

Crabbe and Goyle were equally confused, if slightly less disorientated. Unlike their previous confused existence, this had a different cause. The world was so... different... It made so much... sense. "Gregory, my dear chap", Crabbe began, "Do you perchance know what has happened to land us in this predicament?". Goyle gave him a confused look, "Unfortunately Vincent, I must admit I find myself unable to recall what has happened, although I'd dare hazard a guess and say it has something to do with the improbable manifestation of magical energies Ms. Lovegood displayed, before oblivion took us."

This conversation caused some grumbling from the students around them, among them a Ravenclaw uni-woman, something resembling a Naga in Hufflepuff clothing, a second-year boy with four heads and eight arms from Slytherin, and seventh-year girl who had an arm and a leg switched. That second last one whined quadriply, "Ooh, it's not fair! Why do the gorillas have to be the ones to have a positive change?"

The ferret, having found a measure of understanding, chittered in agreement, before a more angry sound followed it. There was no one capable of Ferret-speech around, the only known bearers of that particular talent being a small squib family in Romania, but everyone agreed it sounded remarkably much like a 'Wait until my father hears of this!'

Pansy squeeled at the sight of the now cute 'pet', the girl, who seemed to have gotten away rather well, seeing how she only had tentacle hair and a slightly purplish skin tone to go with it, asked rather uncharacteristically, "Can I keep him, please, a pretty pretty one with a cherry on top. He's soooo cute! Please! Tell me I can keep him." Nobody stood in her way, either gleeful at the fate Malfoy would be sure to suffer, or disturbed by the girl's attitude. She was like a five-ear-old fangirling chipmunk on crack and a sugar rush.

The former blonde began to run away, but a summoning charm by the girl made that impossible, as he smacked into her grasp, and got near-crushed by her hug. "I think I'm going to give you a pretty baby-blue bow", the girl chattered on, "One that goes with the leash of course Hmm... Now, what am I going to name you. I think Mr. Draco mcFluffypaw will do", and on and on, while skipping away. By now even the formerly gleeful wore looks of horrified sympathy.

"No bloke deserves that", Dean Thomas said sympathetically, He cringed and continued equally mournful, "Not that I can still call myself one though.", and indeed, he was rather voluptuous, with curves that would have been in all the right places, had he actually been born a girl. "At least I'm smoking hot."

At that last sentiment Seamus, who had undergone the same change, smacked the back of Dean's head. "Head out of the gutter mate!". They bickered onward for a bit, until 2 fairly girly shrieks were heard the source of those being one Severus Snape and Sirius Black, the incorporeal form of the latter desperately trying to get away from the Potion's Master and failing, as if tethered to him. "No", the ghost howled, "This isn't how I wanted to spend my afterlife!"

"Merlin! And I was finally rid of him too!", Snape lamented. "Those are my words!", Black retorted, before grinning at a realization, "It will allow me to annoy you to death though", he singsonged, "Thanks for the idea". eliciting another groan from the professor. "What have I done to deserve this?", the git asked nobody in particular, although at the scenes that flashed before his eyes after that question he conceded. "Right, that, and that, oh and those, and I'd almost forgotten that too."

One by one both the adorably and horribly deformed gathered themselves (literally in some cases), and went to either the infirmary, the dorms or the Great Hall, seeing how it was almost lunch now, and the teachers were sure to be there, along with the school nurse. In a moment of particular common sense one seventh year Ravenclaw -having actual lightbulbs growing from his head- picked up an unconscious Luna. Having the source of all things transformed there to be examined by the teachers might speed up the process after all.

In the end the only one who was left in the hallway was a sleeping Ron, blissfully unaware of the problem.

Idiot...