Die In The Process

Kristen's POV

"Spontaneous… Spontaneous…" I muttered to myself, tapping my pen to my lips. I was playing music pretty loud in my room, '21 Guns by Green Day'. "Joan said," I began, holding my pen with my teeth as I took my jeans off. "To plan some spontaneous way to tell Dakota…" I mumbled, half laughing. I shook my head, with the pen dangling from my mouth as I chucked to myself. My jeans hit the floor, and I kicked them off. "Hannah Dakota Fanning," I corrected myself, rolling my eyes. "That I'm in love with her!" I snorted, rolling my eyes at the outrageous idea.

Yeah, as if I even have a chance with her! It was actually crazy just think about it. But you know, I do have to give what Joan's purposing a try. "Fuck it." I shrugged, taking the pen out of my mouth. I got down on my bare knees, and pushed my bedside table back about a foot. Behind my bedside table, there was a slit in the wall paper. I peeled it back, seeing all stupid things I used to write on the cement. I pulled at the wallpaper some more, took my permanent pen and began to write. I wrote 'I love Dakota Fanning' and stood up, hearing the chorus coming on in the song.

I paused, looking at my half naked self in the mirror. These are my favorite pair of underwear. Mmm, yeah. I cheekily smiled at myself, and jumped in excitement as the chorus came on. "One! Twenty-one guns!" I sang loudly, playing air guitar around my room. Yeah, I'm just that cool. So, I'm nineteen – who says you can't still have sing, play air guitar and dance around your room? "Lay down your arms, give up the fight!" I continued, turning up the volume. I walked towards my back pack lying on the bed, just looking through it. I honestly just had some money, a frozen yogurt card, my cell phone, ipod, and pepper spray. Yes, pepper spray. My mom gave it to me just incase I get seriously mobbed by paparazzi or some crazy ass bunch of people. "One! Twenty-one guns!" I still sang, playing with the pepper spray in my hands. I jumped onto my bed, so happy that I have a choice to either live in my apartment or with my family. "Throw up your arms, into the sk – " Bang. I almost had a heart attack when I heard that. "FUCK OFF, I HAVE FUCKING PEPPER SPRAY, BITCH!" I screamed, spinning around on my bed towards the door with the pepper spray out in my hand.

"Would it be rude to ask what you're doing?" It was Dakota, Taylor and Ashley at the door. Hmm, right. I had given Ashley my spare keys.

"I was just…" I stammered, looking down at my bare legs, and at my sniggering friends.

"Nice voice, by the way. No wonder why you were in the Runaways." Ashley complimented, I told her she was wrong, and fiddled with my hands. "Hey, foxy…" Ashley came up from behind me, and teasingly slapped my butt.

"Whoa, there!" I laughed, giving the approaching Taylor a hug.

"What's up with your side table, Kris?" Ashley walked around my bed, and my heart began to race.

"Don't move, don't move, don't move!" I pushed Taylor aside, scrambled over my bed, and skidded in front of Ashley.

"Kristen!" Ashley exclaimed, horrified when I pushed past her and nudged the side table back into place, covering the torn wall paper. "What was that about?" Ashley brought my up by the fabric of clothes on my shoulder, trying to look me in my wandering eyes.

"Nothing." I lied, turning pink when I saw my reflection in the mirror. I grabbed my pants from the floor, and held it in front of me. "Can you leave please?" I asked rudely.

"Kristen, we always hang out at your place! We just got h..." I hushed Taylor before he could finish, and shoved the three of them out of the room. As I escorted them to the door, I skipped on one leg trying to put my jeans back on.

"Bye, bye now!" I smiled, trying to be polite. Ashley and Taylor tried to protest, but I put shoved out. "Dakota, please leave. This is embarrassing enough and I've got to make an instant-coffee, so if you could just – " The door slammed shut and I felt Dakota against me. "Dude, what the fuck are you – " She pressed her lips to my neck. Instant-coffee? Psht, fuck that shit. More like instant-pleasure. Or instant-extascy. Actually, more like instant-girl-boner. I moaned when her tongue licked my collar bone and her hands trailed over my body. That's when I remembered. Experiment. I'm just an experiment. My hands made their way to Dakota's shoulders, and I pushed forward.

"What?" Dakota breathed, inches away from me. Shit, I'd regret this my whole fucking life.

"I can't do this." Aww, fuck. That was actually really difficult to do.

"Why?" Dakota asked. The look her in eyes was so let down, that it could break a heart. And well, it broke mine.

"I know I'm really awkward, but…" I began, shrugging. Where do I start?

"And I think it's really cute!" Dakota smiled, at me. She leaned forward again, but I pushed her back.

"But, I'm still a human being, D. Not an experiment in some crazy-ass scientist's test tube somewhere in fucking Cambodia or fucking Guam or some shit. I can't be some experiment for you, just because you feel bad." I explained, licking my lips. This was hurting me, like you have no idea. But dear Lord, those really are the most heart breaking eyes I have ever seen… "Fuck, son! Don't look at my like that." I begged. She decided to look away, and let go of me. "Dakota… Dakota, I'm asking you to leave." I stated, trying my best to show zero expression.

She picked up her hand bag, and swung it in her hands. She put a hand on her door knob, and looked at me. Okay, umm... Why aren't her eyes heart breaking anymore? Now, she just had on her best 'bitch face'. She opened the door, and shut it in my face. She was gone. Just like that. "Fuck my fucking… Life, man!" I yelled once I heard the lift door close. "Shit! This is shit!" I kicked the table out of anger, then clutched my foot. "Ow!" I groaned through my clenched teeth, my eyes wide and red. Great, what's worse is that we had an Eclispe interview tomorrow with Mr. Ryan Seacrest. Perfect, this was going to be so awkward.

"Everybody, please give a warm welcome the Twilight Saga stars: Robert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning, Peter Facinelli, Nikki Reed and Xavier Samuel!" Ryan announced, pointing at wing one and wing two. I was in wing one with Rob, Peter and Nikki. Wing two was with Dakota, Xavier and Taylor. We all took a deep breath and walked on stage, where the screams of fans consumed us. I smiled, and waved, like everyone else, and took a seat. "Wow, all of you look stunning!" Ryan complimented by the time the crowd had decided to calm down. We all murmured a 'thank you', and shyly giggled to each other. "So, Rob, how was filming 'Remember Me'?" He asked quickly.

"Well," Rob began, rubbing his hands together as the females in the crowd clapped at the movie title. As he began to talk, I completely zoned out. Dakota was glaring at me. And, shit, it was a mean glare. 'What? What?' I thought to myself, trying to show that to her in my eyes. She wasn't catching on. Well, maybe she was. She just wanted to torture me. Like her character Jane Volturi in the Twilight Saga. I began to think again, 'I was just being respectful, alright? Stop it, man! STOP!' She didn't turn. Why, that little fucking…

"Dude just stop it." I said aloud in a soft voice.

"In one scene I…" Rob stopped, and looked at me like everyone else. The crowd was silent for a moment, then burst out laughing. My cheeks went pink, and I smiled stupidly. I scratched behind my ear, with a shrug. Ahh… I'm such a retard.

"What was that about?" Ryan laughed, allowing Nikki to lean on him as she chuckled into his shoulder. Dakota jaw tightened when I glanced at her, and Ryan caught it. "Uh-oh… Did the kiss in The Runaways make things awkward, or…?"

"No, there's nothing wrong! What are you talking about?" I laughed, as if it was stupid. We all looked at Dakota, but she sneered at me. Fuck. I should have guessed it. Dakota wasn't a fan of 'hiding things', she was all about attention. She… She wanted to make this public.

"Fine! Lie if you want to!" A fan yelled from the audience. There was a hum of agreement, and I was stuttering aimlessly.

"I… We… What? No! No, no, no!" I stammered, looking at Rob, then Ryan. Rob, then Ryan. "Meh?" Was all I managed to say. I'm a retard, aren't I?

"Why didn't you just go with your first instinct?" Dakota folded her arms. Oh, hell no. You did not just question my instincts!

"I was being respectful!" I yelled at her.

"Respectful? Respectful to what?" Dakota unfolded her arms, giving me her bitch face again.

"You, Dakota! I was being respectful to you!" I slapped the sofa. "You're getting stressed from your stupid, little school and you take it out on me so I tell you to stop! Excuse me, but how the hell does that make me the bad guy here?" I shrugged my hands up, knowing how in the right I was.

"It makes you the bad guy because I woke up feeling really bad this morning after what happened yesterday!" She admitted. "I was guilty, I was angry at myself, I was ashamed, I was embarrassed, I was hurt, and I felt really, really stupid! Okay? Stupid!" Dakota repeated, now standing up. I now felt sympathetic. And, actually, I felt really bad. I didn't think it would hurt that much. "If you didn't object, I could have woken up relieved and satisfied! There! See how much you mess things up?" Dakota spat.

"Hold your horses, D! I did not mess things up! How many time do I need to say that I was being respectful towards you! And I'm sorry for thinking you deserve respect, okay?" I drove my hands through my hair. I'm always the tough girl. Always. No matter what. I'm the tough one. "Because, I'll be totally honest here. I was doing just fine with everything until you just had to look at me and call me an experiment. Alright? Y-you…" I began, my voice gradually becoming softer as I spoke. Some people in the crowd frowned, never seeing my like this. The walls were down, and the guards of my little palace had retreated. I stood alone, with a crummy shield and blunt sword as my defense. "You had to look at ME!" I repeated much louder, pointing a finger at my chest. "With those fucking gorgeous, heart breaking blue eyes of yours and think of me as an experiment?" I gulped, just looking at her face change from angry to sympathetic. "You can break a heart with those eyes... Did you know that? Did you fucking know that?" I repeated with a yell. My breathing became heavier as I found a pain crawling up my throat.

My eyes quickly began to sting. Fucking shit. Don't cry! Don't you dare fucking cry, Kristen! "And guess what?" And then it happened. A single tear slid down my cheek. Everyone around me was awestruck. Even my cast mates had their jaws dropped very slightly, and were wide eyed. Ryan didn't protest, he obviously knew that this would be good gossip and publicity for his show. "You broke mine." I couldn't help myself, and turned to slowly walk off stage. In the process, I burst into tears. The fans gasped started murmuring to each other. Rob's feet pounded after me, and his strong hand grabbed my arm. When I felt Rob try to hug me, I grasping his tuxedo and burst into a crying fit. "I can't do this! I can't! I want to go home!" I cried shakily to Rob, hitting his chest.

"No, Kris, it's fine! Who's your best friend? I'm your best friend! We can talk about this later, just – " I ripped the mic from my clothes and threw it at him, so embarrassed that I was crying. I ran off the stage. Fuck my fucking life, man. This would be everywhere. Thanks a lot, D. Not. Someone called my name, but I didn't give a shit. I ran across the street, to my car. I got inside, and just drove. I don't know where to, but I just drove. Fifteen minutes, after I calmed down, I decided to make a U-turn and go home. My home, not my family's. I collapsed onto the sofa the second I got there, and searched for the unused TV remote control. I'll watch anything. A-ny-thing. The TV fuzzed, and a program was on. News. Oh, good, I can finally reconnect with the world. Oil spills, wars, murders, hijacking, oil spills, war, murders, hijacking, oil sp – Kristen Stewart?

"What the f…?" I sat up properly on the couch, turning up the volume.

"Kristen Stewart, 19, had a live argument with co-star Dakota Fanning, 16, on the Ryan Seacrest show just this morning! Stewart ran off stage in tears while Dakota stood on stage speechless. The show was cancelled off for the day, and may not even be postponed!" I rolled my eyes, of course it won't be postponed! Not after what happened this morning! It began to show the footage of my last words before trying to walk off stage. Rob hugging me and blah, blah, blah. "After Stewart left, this is what happened…" I licked my lips, only watching Dakota. Her mouth quivered, as if she had to say something.

"Kristen?" Dakota called. Oh, that was her who called my name? "Kristen?" Dakota walked towards the wing. "If you're sorry, I'm sorry!" Dakota ran off stage. I switched off the TV. That girl. I can't still love her after all this, can I? Whatever, I'm going to lay low for a while. A long while.

Hopefully, I'll die in the process.

A/N: Reviews, reviews, reviews... Haha :]