A/N: Pre-readers are xrxdanixrx and MizzezPattinson (who is, like, my pimp master. Ha! Pimp master. That used to, be, like, a phrase back in the day. *Sigh*). Beta extraordinaire (aka "genius who I somehow convinced to read/correct my shiz") is Ubergeekness. The reason for this story is Detochkina (who also Beta-d the shit outta this chapter. She's still my hero).

I still don't own the characters. DAMMIT ALL TO HELLLLL.

Chapter Two - What Is It About A Hangover That Attracts Little Angry Men To My Pain-Riddled Head Who Like To Bang Sledge Hammers From Temple To Temple?

The morning after my sexcapades with McHandsome, I woke up with a jarring headache.

"Ahhhhh … what the fuck?" I struggled to remember my surroundings.

Hot man … hot sex … hot mess hangover. Ah yes, it all makes sense now. I sat up slowly and made a huge show of wrapping the sheet that I was laying on top of around my body. I must have passed out buck-naked, because I was sprawled on top of the sheets wearing nothing but an itty bitty ounce of shame.

I was naked in a stranger's hotel room. Shame was definitely something that was called for in situations like this.

I craned my neck around the room to see if I could spot said stranger. Maybe I could interest him in a cup of hotel coffee? Or maybe a round of non-drunk fucking?

Mmmm. Fucking. The sex was good last night … I think? Well, it was good from what I remember. Maybe it was only good because the man was hot. McHandsome. He had to be handsome still, right?

Oh shit. What if he didn't look as good in the daylight as he did last night? I didn't want to have to wash my mouth and vagina out with bleach. Oh, dear god, please let this man still be hot today.

Please. Oh, please!

My worries of having slept with coyote ugly the night before were interrupted by the front door opening. I sat up quickly, making sure that the sheet corner stayed tightly wrapped around my middle before I was greeted by a man walking through the door with his hands placed over his eyes.

"Hello?"

"Yeah, uhm, hi?"

"You decent? Or do I need to keep my eyes closed while you get dressed?"

Well, that's embarrassing."I'm covered with a sheet," I replied dumbly.

"Good. So, uh, I'm going to take my hands down from my eyes then, mmkay?"

"Sure?"

The strange man who looked somewhat familiar dropped his hands from his face. This isn't the guy that I had sex with last night. I know that much. Oh, wait! I had a nickname for him. I think I called him … McDelicious?

He smiled a little before shaking his head. "Nice to see you are, indeed, alive. I was starting to worry when you didn't move this morning when E got up."

"E?" I bit my lip.

"Oh, you're funny. Bella, right?"

"Yeah, Bella. Did we meet last night? You look familiar."

The odd man chuckled. "Yeah, we met. Last night. And this morning, when I was trying to get back into my room."

I flushed. "Your room? I thought that … that ..." My complete and utter shame caused it to come out in a sputter.

"You thought that this was just E's room, right? Typical ..."

I pursed my lips in frustration. "Wait a second. Don't start accusing me of something here, okay? I know this looks bad, but trust me, I don't normally do this kind of-"

"Stop. Before you start telling me that you 'don't normally have one night stands' blah blah bullshit, I'm not talking about you, I'm talking about my friend. Having sex with a beautiful bridesmaid and leaving her naked in his hotel bed is pretty typical E behavior."

Embarrassed, I started playing with the end of the sheet that was wrapped around my body. I didn't have anything to add to the stranger's comments, so I kept my mouth shut. A few minutes ticked by before I cleared my throat.

"So, this is delightfully awkward, isn't it?"

"I'm sorry about making you feel like a whore," the stranger blurted out.

"I'm sorry for basically acting like one. I didn't know that this was your room, too … I would have, like, covered up or something."

"Not your fault. All is forgiven. Though seeing E's naked, sweaty ass is something I probably could have lived without."

I nodded in understanding while giving the room another quick glance. "Speaking of 'E,' did he fuck and ditch? Or is he, like, hiding under the bed or sleeping in the bathtub or something?"

McDelicious shook his head. "Bastard had to work early this afternoon. I'm pretty sure he took a cab out to the airport when he was still drunk. Not sure if that's, like, frowned upon or anything, but I hope he doesn't get rape-searched because his drunken swagger makes him suspicious looking ..."

I plastered on the most serious face I could possibly compose. "Oh, shit! He had to catch a flight this morning? Maybe I shouldn't have stuffed that bag of coke up his ass last night while we were having sex. He's gonna be in trooooouble when airport security finds that!"

McDelicious looked at me in shock, like I'd grown another head.

I laughed and wrapped the sheet tighter around myself. "I'm kidding, by the way. No coke was shoved up anyone's ass. Get it? Poor attempt at a joke; sorry."

He smirked at me. "Oh, I think I like you."

McDelicious decided at that point to make things less awkward for me and excused himself to the hotel lobby to start checking out of the room, graciously leaving me to pick up my clothes and get dressed.

I located my last earring, which was some-fucking-how stuck in the shower drain, when he walked into the room again.

"You ready to, uh, leave?"

I smiled at him and slipped my shoes on. "Why are you making this awkward? You aren't the one who needs to feel weird about this right now. It was your roommate who had a one night stand, not you."

"True. Though it is my fault that he got so drunk last night."

I groaned. "Oh, man! Is this where you tell me that your friend is married, and the only reason why he slept with me is because he was so wasted? 'Cause if that's the case, spare me; I don't want to hear it … I want to stay delightfully ignorant."

McDelicious nudged me in the shoulder. "No, this is where I tell you that although the alcohol may have initially given E the courage to do what he did, it was also what gave him his monsterous hangover this morning and what was responsible for him not being in the right state of mind to say goodbye."

"Oh … kay?"

"I'm making this more awkward, aren't I?"

"That you are." I paused in hope that he would insert his name for me so I didn't have to outright ask him. It was embarrassing enough that I did't remember the name of the guy that I had sex with the night before.

"Jacob, by the way. My name's Jacob," McDelicious, nee Jacob, said, interrupting my internal monologue. "And my friend gave me this to give to you."

I grabbed the piece of paper that "Jacob" -McDelicous had a better ring to it, if you asked me- had in his hand and glared at it.

Had a fucking fantastic time.
555.555.8292
E

Are you serious? He couldn't even sign his real name? He had to sign his first initial? What the fuck?

I mean, that doesn't help me at all. How many names start with E in this day in age?

Ebenezer? Efron? Elton? Egor?

All of those names sounded familiar. Celebrities, Christmas and Frankenstein characters aside, I only had a few options, and they weren't very good ones.

Did this guy's parents hate him when he was born or something? E seems to be a very unpopular first letter for a name.

"Thanks." I eyed the paper suspiciously, as though if I looked at it hard enough "E's" full name would appear. It would be like a magic eye puzzle! That would fucking rock.

"You're welcome." Jacob ran a hand through his short hair. "You set to get going? Check out was fifteen minutes ago, and I think the hotel crew wants to come in here and start cleaning."

I looked back, noticing the chair that McHandsome and I had desecrated last night. And the pillows that I propped up under my ass so he could hit my g-spot just right.I got the shivers just thinking about it. "I guess I don't blame them for wanting to clean up," I murmured, distracted.

Jacob let out a barking laugh at my last comment and shook his head. "It was a pleasure meeting you, Bella."

"You, too, Jacob."

XXX

"I'm telling you, Rose, I don't know what's gotten into me these last few weeks. I'm lazy, don't feel like drinking, and prefer to veg out on the couch over anything. What's wrong with me? Aren't I too young to be turning into an old maid?"

"Bella, darling, you're being dramatic. Everyone has their off days." Rosalie took a sip from her beer bottle. Rose was my best friend from college, my first college roommate. We got along famously - so well, in fact, that I was the maid of honor in her wedding to her college boyfriend, Royce. Ironic, since I was the one who held her hand when she was getting married. I was also the one who picked up all of the pieces when her marriage fell apart six months later.

"Are you suuuuure you don't want to have a drink with me?" She prodded again.

"I'm sure. Just the idea of it makes me wanna puke in my mouth. I mean, what's that about? And a few 'off days'? It's been like - fuck, it's been a month since I've partied. Since Alice's wedding, actually."

A little over a month had passed since Alice's wedding, and I was finding myself to be a sad version of the person I was before that. I wasn't sure if it was because I was missing the wedding planning or what - I felt like a shell of what I was before Alice became Mrs. Whitlock.

"Maybe your subconscious feels bad about you never calling 'E'."

That was true, I never called the infamous "E" after Jacob gave me his phone number. For one, I wasn't sure if the phone number Jacob gave me was real, or if he was just punking me by handing it to me. Secondly, what the fuck would I say when I called him? "Hi - E, is it? Anyways, we had sex, and it may or may not have been good." Yeah right. What would have been the point? We lived on opposite ends of the US. There was no point trying to keep in touch, especially when I never should have had relations with the guy to begin with. Maybe. Probably. Most likely.

I snorted as trying to keep my train of thought. "If my subconscious felt bad about anything, it would be my banging E in the first place."

"I doubt that. You sounded like you had a fun time."

"I did. I think? I mean, Rose, I was so drunk. Maybe this is just God's way of punishing me for being so careless that night? I shouldn't have fucked someone whose name I didn't even know."

"When you say 'careless,' you don't mean … I mean, you used protection, didn't you?"

I rubbed my chin for a second. "Yeah?"

"Why'd you answer my question with a question?"

"Because I'm not sure if we did or not?"

Rose slammed her beer down on my living room coffee table. "Jesus christ, Bella! Do you know how fucking reckless that is? We need you to have a full blood work-up, stat!"

"Calm down, Magic Johnson. I already started getting tested for STDs. Condom or not, I don't want the herp, and I am determined to make sure my kitty is disease free."

"Bella, I'm not necessarily worried about diseases, here." Rose waved her hands in the air. "Jesus, woman, when the fuck was your last period?"

"It's coming, I can feel it."

Rose's face glazed over as though she just solved the meaning of life. I snapped my fingers in front of her face until she blinked a few times.

Rose spoke very slowly. "What does that mean, Bella? What do you mean 'you can feel it'?"

I frowned. "Why are you acting so weird right now?"

"Just answer the question, babe."

"I mean that I've been spotting and cramping for the last few days - and I've been crabbier than a mother fucker." A light bulb went off, and I practically jumped from my couch. "I'm PMSing! That's it!"

"PMSing? For an entire month? No, I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that you are hormonal as all hell, but I don't think it's 'cause of your period." She paused as if for effect. "Bella, is there any chance that your eggo is preggo?"

"None at all."

"Seriously?" She arched her brow.

"No, I'm fucking with you. But god would never torture a kid enough to have me be their mother." I gave her a half-assed smile.

"Get serious here, Bella."

"I am." I was shaky, trying to keep my emotions under control. My "keep it cool" facade was cracking at an alarming speed, and I felt myself tremor at the mention of being pregnant.

Rosalie noticed the change in my demeanor and reached out to pat my arm. "Hey, Bella, I'm sure it's nothing. But in case it isn't, what do you say we go pick up a pregnancy test, huh?"

XXX

"Bella? Can you hear me? If you can hear me, open the fucking door!"

I mumbled something that sounded like "Mehhhhggggahhhh." I wasn't sure what that meant, to be honest. Maybe it meant "I just took a pregnancy test and holyshitmotherfuckingballs it was positive!" Or maybe it was, "What the hell am I going to do? I don't even know the baby's daddy's real freaking name."

There was also a possibility that it could be translated to "Renee's gonna be super duper fucking crazy happy because her daughter, who never even entertainedthe idea of being a mother is going to birth a baby who hit the genetic lottery because its father is McHandsome."

Either way, I knew that I needed to open the door before Rose kicked it down. I sat up from the spot and slowly crawled to the entry, pulling my numb limbs across the room until I reached the handle. Prying it open, I was met with the worried face of Rosalie.

"Do you need something, honey?" she asked in a concerned voice.

"Yes," I said, clearing my throat. "I … I need … I need Alice."

She nodded her head, pulling her phone out of her pocket. "When I get a hold of her, is there anything you want me to say to her in particular?"

"Yeah." I cleared my throat again. "Don't beat around the bush. Ask her if she knows anything about this fucking 'E.' If he's employed, if he's married, if he's homeless. I need to know who the hell he is before I call him up and say 'Congrats! You're gonna be a daddy!'"

E/N: Reviews are appreciated. Did you like it? Hate it? Let me know! The story is all written, but feedback provides me with the tools to make sure that I don't miss anything (even though my team of AWESOME WOMEN are pretty thorough, I still have my "special" moments. Ones when they tell me to correct something and I miss it and what have you. ALL MISTAKES ARE MINE). Reviews, as always, get teasers.

Special disclaimer: unprotected sex with a stranger is still bad, and I still don't suggest doing it. Ever. Stay safe, children! STAY SAFE.

See ya'll next Wednesday! Same time, same place!