Hey guys, I'm back! I just wanted to say thank you to linnie31, SakuraBlossom58, OneandOnlyBeckster, The Half-Duck Princess, alexma, MoonShadowAMR, and ReadingIsSexy15 for adding this story to your favourites! I also wanted to give a little shout out to articcat621, Cosmogirl666, loukritia, Minyonette, Raliie, The Half-Duck Princess, discworldgirl22, xxHeartless Girlxx, SakuraBlosson58, sleeplessinseattle, Swan out of the lake, and ReadingIsSexy15 for adding this story to your story alert, so thank you! Also, thanks to those who reviewed, I love them! P.S, if you have an account, log into it that way I can sent you a private message for your reviews! Here goes the second chapter of The Ways To Annoy Snape!
"Hermione, what possessed you to tell Professor Snape that you 'had his nose'?" Harry asked me, with an arm slung around Draco and me. I shrug and said that I did it to see if it would irritate him.
"Well, darling, it certainly worked! I've never seen him so angry… and one time I stole one of his robes, cut it up, put it on, and said that I was Mistress Snape!" Draco exclaimed while Harry and I gave him a funny stare. "What? I was seeing if he'd say something mean." I rolled my eyes.
"Well, I now have detention with Snape, so I need to change and get going," I groaned with annoyance. Who knew what Snape would have me do?
"Well, Hermione, I have detention from McGonagall, but it's with Snape, too, so I'll get changed and we'll go together!" I laugh at Draco's girliness. When I get to my and Draco's Head Girl and Boy rooms, we split up into separate rooms.
When I get into my rooms, I look for the adorable, leather gloves with no fingers and small chains, and put them on. Then, I try to find some bright green converse, the ones with the silver lacing. I find them and giggle, thinking of how much this is going to piss Snape off. I set the shoes aside, take off my skirt, throw it on my bed, and sift through my clothes for the pair of black skinny jeans with the sides cut out and ripped knees that I bought while on vacation in the USA. I shuddered, remembering how dirty and loud it was. Nothing like London, but still memorable. The odours in America, though, still haunted my soul till this day. London was still my favourite Muggle place to be, though. My eyes landed on a black object; my jeans! I nearly run to them and put them on, relishing in the soft feel of them. I thought of what I could wear for a shirt and then remembered the green T-shirt with silver lines on it and rummaged through my closet, trying to find it, but came upon something better; it was one of Draco's old Slytherin shirts. I squealed with excitement and put it on over my green bra. The shirt made it kind of visible, but oh well, I had a plan, and it involved Draco. I walked out of my room to find that Draco was still changing, so I banged on his door and yelled,
"Draco, get your smarmy arse out here!" The door opens to reveal Draco with a bright red shirt that showed off his abs along with my Gryffindor bracelet and dog tag necklace, along with a pair of tight jeans that I told him showed off his rock-hard ass; he must have agreed.
"Dang, 'Mione, you look great- wait, is that my shirt?" I nod and point to his accessories, as if to say that he can't really judge.
"Draco, love the shirt! It's like you're trying to be in Gryffindor and I'm trying to be a Slytherin." I joked. "Now, I have a plan to piss Snape off, but you have to follow my lead, okay?" He nodded. "Okay, lets go." We walked to Snape's classroom and I knocked on the door, trying to sound threatening, but all we heard was a tired, "Enter". I walked in with my hands on Draco's wrists as if I owned him. He took one look at us, did a double take, and then shook his head in disgust.
"Snape, what do you want me to do with- Oh, hey kids!" I waved cheerfully to Remus and gave him the sign to put our plan in order. I had called him last night and told him what to do. "Well, guys, it seems as though Sour Grapes Snape is in a bad mood, but what else can you expect from a Butt-Trumpet?" Snape looked at Remus with shock and then fury.
"WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME, LUPIN?" He roared. Remus responded back cheerfully,
"I was just telling you the nicknames that James and Sirius made up for you!"
"Get out!" Snape yelled pointing for the door. Remus left, but Sirius soon showed back up right in the middle of Snape telling us that we needed to put the potions in the cupboards in alphabetical order. Sirius grinned, I had told him what to do last night, too. "What do you want, Black?"
"You going racist on me, Snape?" Sirius looked offended. Snape glared at him.
"Oh, why of course not!" He said sarcastically. Sirius crossed his arms, and then walked over to me, placing his arm around my shoulder and whispered to me loud enough for Snape to hear,
"Don't let Ole Sour Grapes get to you, Hermione. He's just being a Butt-Trumpet!" I let out a huge laugh and held onto Draco and Sirius for support while Snape glared at me.
"Both of you, into the cupboard!" I winked at him and grabbed Draco. "C'mon, Drakie-Poo, I think we've finally found a good make-out place!"
"Oh, yay, my beautiful darling!" He exclaimed, skipping into the storage cupboard.
"Leave the bloody door wide open, you imbeciles!" I peeked out of the closet.
"Aw, is Buzz getting jealous? Or maybe scared of what I'm going to do to Drakie-kins?" Snape's face nearly turned purple, and I laughed, pulling out my wand and casting the charm to make all of the potions bottles back into alphabetical order. We both sat down, me in his lap.
"Hey, Hermione?" I turned around to look at him.
"Yeah?" Draco stared at me with solemn, grey eyes.
"Are you ticklish?" I shook my head in confusion. What?
"Wait, what? O-of course not!" I'm a terrible liar, and Draco knew it. He grinned an awful grin and attacked me with his fingers, tickling me until I screamed in laughter, and we toppled down, him on top of me, and me stomach-down on the cold floor. He was still tickling me, and I was still laughing my ass off, but then we heard an amused, "Ahem," and looked up at a seething Snape and a grinning Sirius, who knew about Draco's erm, sexual preference and knew that we were doing this to annoy Snape. Snape, however, didn't know that, and was about to blow.
"Why, hello, Professor! Fancy seeing you here, huh?" I said in an extremely happy voice, with Draco still on top of me, except now he had both legs on either side of me while Sirius tried not to burst out laughing; he succeeded.
"Mister Malfoy, would you please get off of Miss Granger and cease to ride her as if she was a horse?" I almost cracked up, but somehow didn't and watched as Draco got off of me and helped me up off of the floor, albeit blushing.
"Miss Granger, another detention with me tomorrow, and Mister Malfoy, detention with Filch since you can't seem to follow the hands-off policy." The Potions Master sneered. I whispered and apology to Draco, which he accepted, and we walked over to Sirius, because Snape had a less chance of hurting us if we were with the Sex-Ed professor. Yes, Hogwarts did indeed have a Sex-Ed now, and Sirius wanted to teach it because he'd make the boys uncomfortable and the girls swoon. I don't know if many have noticed it, but Sirius is kind of hot. I gave him my "fake flirting" look and snuggled up to him, watching Snape the entire time. I then spoke up and said,
"Need a brush over there, sir?" Snape narrowed his eyes at me and spoke with a deadly tone,
"No, Miss Granger, but I'm pretty sure you do." With a panic I felt my hair, and realized that it was back to its bushy-curly mess. I groaned and grabbed my wand, aimed it at my head and cast the smoothing charm. I then felt my hair again, but it was twice as bushy! I widened my eyes and screamed at the top of my lungs, probably shattering Poor Old Draco's eardrums.
"Draco! MY HAIR IS BUSHY! IT'S BUSHY!" I was grabbing his collar, shaking him, and holding him tightly against me for support all at the same time.
"Shh, sweetie, it's okay! When we get back to that- uh, room we both share, I'll fix your hair, okay?" I smothered a grin and nodded, hugging both him and Sirius at the same time. Sirius put his mouth to my ear.
"You're such a liar," he whispered so that only I could hear. I giggled and nodded. Snape, disgusted by all of this, told us to all get a room and he went into his office after demanding that we all take our leave before we sex each other up in front of him. My cheeks coloured with embarrassment and I walked out with Sirius and Draco in tow. When we left, we all burst out laughing till tears ran down our faces.
"Did you see his face when you two found me and Draco?" I laughed.
"Oh, my gods, where's Creevy when you need him?" Draco replied, wiping a tear from his eye while Sirius tried to get his breath back.
"Hermione, that's one of the very best ideas you have ever come up with to prank Snivvelus!" Sirius crowed. I agreed, but I really didn't like that name. It was mean. After our laughing fit, Sirius went to retire to his rooms and Draco dragged me to mine, plopping me down in a chair while he figured out my hair. Eventually, it was back to its normal, curly, shiny self and I was happy again. I gave him a kiss on the cheek and thanked him for everything, then hugged him goodnight and went to bed. Tomorrow was going to be hilarious.
I felt happy and anticipated when I woke up. Today, I was going to really annoy Snape, maybe I'd even get kicked out of his class! I skipped to his class seconds before the bell rang, winking and yelling, "Honey, I'm here!" Snape nearly had a heart attack, but I just laughed.
"Miss Granger, take your seat!" I look at him innocently.
"Did that deserve detention?" I ask him with wide eyes. Snape's face turns bright red before he says,
"What, do you want detention? Because, Gods forbid I keep you from detention!" I refuse to be beat by the Master of Snark, so I fire back,
"I refuse to be swayed by your sweet words of temptation!" I fist pump in the air before taking out a Muggle condom and tossing it at Draco, winking at him and then Harry saying, "You might need that later, dear!" The Muggleborns roared with laughter, even some of the half-bloods cracked a smile. Snape went to his desk, sat down, and buried his head in his hands, I saw that his shoulders were shaking and I worried that I caused him to either start crying or have a seizure from all the stress I was giving him. I immediately went with the latter. Snape crying was a phenomenon; barely anyone's seem it. Rumour has it that even his own parents never heard him cry. Even when he was a baby! I heard that a Dementor kissed him… and IT died! There have been reports of female bats leaving his rooms, as well, so I suppose that he's been getting it on in his bat form or something. Perhaps he has an Animagi and maybe it's a bat? I'd have to ask him. I raised my hand in the air while he was giving instructions.
"What do you want, Miss Granger? I'm trying to teach!"
"Yeah, but most don't want to hear you!" I shot back, grinning while some of the kids in the back went, "OOOHHHHHHH!"
"What is it that you wanted to ask me, Miss Granger?" He looked really stressed out; it made me feel successful.
"Do you have an Animagi?"
"Yes, Miss Granger. Now, class-"
"Is it an overgrown bat?" I asked him boldly. A vein began pulsing in his neck.
"MISS GRANGER! DETENTION, AND GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CLASSROOM AT ONCE!" I covered my mouth in mock shock and screamed for the second time that week,
"PROFESSOR SNAPE SAID A BAD WORD! PROFESSOR SNAPE SAID A BAD WORD!" When Snape finally spoke, it was deathly calm.
"Miss Granger. You have ten seconds to walk out of my classroom before I throw you out myself. With my bare hands." Well… that would actually be fun…. "Ten…"
"But, sir, isn't that PDA?"
"Nine…."
"You'd like touching me, wouldn't you?" I winked at him and slowly walked out of his room as soon as he said the number one. The door then slammed behind me and I laughed so hard, tears ran down my cheeks. For the first time ever, I'd just been kicked out of a lesson. It felt…. Great! Now, all I need is for him to get so angry that he hexes me, and then Remus, Sirius, Harry, Draco, and I can all have a good laugh about it in the end. Eh, I'd work on that in detention tonight.