Those Kids with a Typewriter

Christmas Special #1

"I doubt you know my sentiment on romance around Christmas. I don't like it. I don't like it because i feels so disrespectful to the season of giving to those less fortunate. Why must love be a theme?" Wally said. In a flash of poorly green-screened light, Mary Sue appeared.

"But Wally, what about all those girls and boys that wish for that significant other?" said the girl ssssoooo beautiful that she takes on the appearance of whoever you desire. Wally glared at her as if he had to swallow an entire frozen dinner whole along with the plate.

"Oh it's you again." he sighed, "Get out before I get security to do so." In another flash of light (poor CGI by the way), Feminazi entered.

"Oh great. You're here." Wally groaned.

"Greetings male swi - " Feminazi said.

"Shut up already. I just want something related to this review!" Wally began, "SECURITY!"

This next fanfic is Twilight fanfic. Leave while you can. All the vampire butchering turns into Santa butchering. If you value your childhood, leave now!

"Bella come on, it will look amazing on you! Mike will love it!" Alice excitedly exclaimed over the phone.

"Alice, how many times do I need to tell you that I am not dating Mike!" Bella said annoyed that her friend never stopped bugging her about Mike Newton. He's had a major crush on her ever since her high school years, and Bella recently bumped into him a couple weeks ago. Mike had asked her out to dinner to 'catch up' on all the years that passed by, or that is what he told her. Mike on the other hand had other idea's, he secretly tricked her into a date with him. Bella, having the worst luck on the planet, played right into his plan. To say the date was bad was an understatement, Mike kept on making very lecherous comments to her the whole time, making her feel very uncomfortable. Ever since the lurid date, Alice keeps on teasing her about it.

"We start out with cliche boy drama and clothing drama. So, we're literally one step behind where Twilight started." Wally groaned, "So we skip to the clothing drama."

"Her Mary Sue-ness feeds my hunger. BWAHAHAHWAHAHAH." said Mary Sue.

"Why did you suddenly become evil?"

"Ash Ketchum."

"That explains it."

Alice let out an irritated groan, "Whatever, that is besides the point. What I am trying to get at is did you even wear that Santa set Rose and I bought you for your birthday?"

"I-I uh...yea." Bella stuttered as she looked around her apartment nervously.

"You are such a bad lier. Always were and always going to be. When are you going to stop lying, Bella? Everyone can tell when you are lying." Alice said amused. Judging from her tone of voice, Bella could tell she was smiling.

Bella huffed in a exasperation, "Fine I haven't warn it. I haven't had anyone to wear it for anyways."

"Well if you go out with Mike again, then you will. Do you even know if it fits?" Alice asked a little annoyed.

Bella not wanting to lie to her friend and risk being caught again -like always- decided to tell the truth. "Honestly, I haven't even tried it on."

"WHAT!?" Alice screeched. Bella had to pull the phone away from her ear because Alice's yelling was too loud for her ear to handle.

"Bella Marie Swan you will try that on right now!" Alice yelled

"Why?" Bella questioned raising an eyebrow even though Alice wasn't able to see it.

"Because then I will know you wore it once and Rose and my money would have at least have some use." Alice said

"Fine, what do you want me to do when I am wearing it?" Bella asked a little annoyed.

"Call me and let me know that it fits." Alice said

"Bye Alice." Bella said

"Bye Bella." She responded "Oh and don't forget to call me! Promise?" Alice added.

Back to her cheerful self. I swear her mood swings can give you whiplash. Bella thought as she answered Alice's question. "Promise."

"And like the rest of all these M-rated lemon fics. This accomplishes nothing. So Bella finds the outfit, which happens to be underwear. I'm not kidding. And if you feel like I'm skipping over details, yes, I am skipping over this thing to make this thing safe for work." Wally said, " So Edward Cullen - I mean - Santa comes down the chimney is this rather awkward scene."

"Tisk, tisk, tisk. And if you are so curious my name is Edward Cullen, also known as Santa Claus all over the world. Now, who ever told you Santa isn't real?" He asked as he surveyed the woman crouching behind a table.

"It is a known fact." She shot back.

"What is your name? and if Santa isn't real then what am I?" He asked her

"My name is Bella Swan and you Edward are some creep who just came down my chimney for no apparent reason."

"Bella is way out of character in this scene ... And I actually like it. She's acting like how a normal person when someone breaks into her house." Wally said, "The canon fool found it romantic to be stalked."

He laughed at her statement. "If I wasn't Santa then how would I know that you wanted..let's see..." He started as he began looking threw several sheets of paper. He pulled out a crumpled out white one and began reciting it to her, "A green scarf, new black boots, a loofah, mustache remove-"

"That mustache remover is for my friend." Bella cut in.

"Sure it is." He said sarcastically, "bra's, underwea-"

"Okay, but that doesn't prove anything. You probably got that list from my friend Alice." She said harshly as she stood up from her sitting position ready to snatch the list away from his curious eyes.

Bella completely forgot what she was wearing until she looked up at the man's glazed over green eyes. He has some beautiful eyes. Bella thought as she looked into their darkened depths. She watched in a daze as the man began to take off his Santa hat and fake beard which was concealing his identity.

"I recant my praise and add several more criticisms."

"Today was a tragedy for most kids, and some adults around the whole word. More than half of the kids didn't receive their presents from Santa." The woman paused and looked into the camera with a sad expression. "This footage was just brought in to is not too long ago. It appears Santa got a little too busy at someones house last night and forgot to deliver the rest of the presents." The woman finished with a sad smile.

"And this is how the fic ends. I'm being totally serious. This is how it ends. I refuse to acknowledge anything else." Wally said.

"This fanfic AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! JUST ... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!? ..." Wally exclaimed, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" He throws the book against the wall.

Editor's Note: Okay Wally, I think I should be paying you more for putting yourself though things like this. Yeah, this story is not safe for work in the slightest. I'm sorry if this feels rushed, but this is a lemon fic. I refuse to show such things on this review. Oh, Feminazi and Mary Sue won't be leaving any time soon. Tune in next time for Follow/Fav

Digidestined Christmas Party By: sheltie