Chapter 2 of a funtastic Zelda story! A really cool Ocarina of Tim novelization, yo!It are gud!
Disclaimer: the funny thing about zelda bean mine is that it isn't. Instead, it belongs to nintendo. As I am ninbendo the mistake is understandable but not forgivable, you terrible person.
Tanks for loving my story enough to come back and read it. Kaboom say these tanks and they give you hugs. Tank hugs.
Link was in front of the Great Jako Hyacinth. The grand pubaa bush said apologetically, "YEAH, SO I SHOULD PROBABLY TELL YOU THAT WHILE IT WAS AWESOME HOW YOU KICKED GOHMA'S ASS, IT WAS POINTLESS AS I WAS ALREADY DOOMED. WELL EXCEPT THE FACT THAT GOHMA WAS PREVENTING ME FROM REINCARNATING AFTER I DIE. AND EVENTUALLY THE FOREST WOULD HAVE DIED. BUT YOU DON'T KNOW THAT YET."
"Uh... yes I do, you just told me," Link said.
"I MEAN YEAH I BLEW IT. UM ACTUALLY DO YOU THINK IT WOULD HAVE MADE THINGS ANY COOLER IF I HID FROM YOU THE FACT THAT EVENTUALLY I WOULD HAVE FOR SEVEN YEARS?" The Majestic Babalooberry Ficus asked.
"No not really. Actually it would seem like a very forced plot twist to me when it was revealed and would probably annoy me quite a bit because one would think it was something you would tell me as you were dying so I wouldn't feel guilty," Link responded.
"HUH. NO HARM DONE THEN I SUPPOSE. BUT ANYWAY I'MA GIVE YA A GREEN ROCK NOW. YOU HAVE TO GO TALK TO THE PRINCES AND THEN GO GET A RED ONE AND A BLUE ONE. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?" The Great Dekora Ostrichfruit Grass asked.
"The instructions do. Why I have to do that doesn't," Link explained.
"BLARGH! I AM DEAD!" the Great Rotting Corpse of a Dead Tree that was Once a Deku Tree said because he was dead.
Link sighed sadly, "He may not have been the greatest tree daddy in the world... well actually I don't know how many there are, he may have been the only one-"
"He was the only one," Navi said.
"Okay so he technically was the greatest tree daddy in the world. He was pretty cool overall really. But he was a closet racist against the gerudo, hidden even from himself. Still none of us are perfect, and we should remember the good things about him. How he would shade us from the sun. how he would allow us to use his leaves as umbrellas in the rain. How he would bonk mido on the noggin whenever he would act like a grumpy idiot, though not every time. He will be missed," link said.
"That was beautiful," Navi said wistfully, "at least for an eleven year old. We should go."
"Yeah," Link replied.
On their way out Mido chose to be an infuriating little asshat.
"Wait a minute. Did you allow the Great Deku Tree to perish?"
"Not now, Mido," Link said.
"No no, it's totally fine that you killed the Great Deku Tree," Mido said. "He's only the tree father of the whole village after all."
"Leave it, Mido!" Link said irritably.
"I'm gonna kick your butt," Mido screeched, so link shot him in the nuts with a sling shot, and when he fell to the ground in pain walloped him on the nogginyhead with his shield, knocking him unconscious.
"Bye mido," Link muttered walking out of the forest forever, but when he walked halfway across the bridge Saria came and starting crying sadly.
"You're leaving aren't you?" Saria cried sadly.
"Oh, yeah, The Great Deku Plant gave me a mission," Link said regretfully.
"I always knew you'd leave one day. Here, take this ocarina. It's an ocarina," sadly cried Saria, handing him an ocarina. It was an ocarina.
"Hey, cool an ocarina. I still remember when you taught me to play the ocarina," Link said looking at the ocarina fondly. It looked just like an ocarina. He put his lips to the mouth blow thingy and played the song she taught him a long time ago, which was creatively named "Saria's Song." It sounded just like he was playing Saria's Song on an ocarina.
"Nice job link," Cried Saria sadly but now a little happily, too, "It sounded just like you were playing Saria's song on an ocarina."
"Shouldn't you just call it your song?" Link asked.
"Well I did, but in third person. That's the song's title, after all," Saria sadly but a little happily recried.
"Okay, well, I have to go. Toodles," Link explained, then ran off out of the forest and into the great big Hyrule big field. As Link tromped through the Hyrule big field, he played Saria's song on the ocarina whilst dancing an irish jig, and then discovered the oddity that the song was magic and he could talk to saria while playing it. But there was some big flying things that attacked so link had to stop playing to draw his sword and shield and roll under beneath them and stab them on the soft spiky thing that on their underbelly, which killed them instantly.
"What were those things?" Link asked.
"Those were Pee Hats!" Navi said. "Their one weakness is their soft underbelly spike thing. Everything else upon their body is impervious to all swordsmanship, though a bomb might work, we have no bombs."
"You're a terrific encyclopedia, Navi. Thanks for all your exposition," Link Gratituded. Navi blueshed.
Soon it was getting dark.
"Link, we should get somewhere to stay the night, like that big old walled ranch over there," Navi said, pointing to the big old walled ranch in the middle of Big Hyrule Field.
"I require no sleep and fear no skelemons!" Link declared mightily, "but okie dokes." Just then 5,000 skelemons appeared. Link drew his sword and shield, and killed one to death by whacking it with his shield, then rolled between one's legs and pulled the heads off two more and threw said heads at two more. But then he was in the middle of a bunch of them so he did a ultra spin attack, killing all the skelemons. But suddenly a super duper giant skeleton came out. It towered over the ranch, and threatened to step on the ranch. But Link was in no mood for such ludicrous cockamamie. He leapt into the air, sword pointed forward, and burst through the skelemons head, crumpling it to dust instantly. Link went into the ranch and asked if he could sleep their. The girl who was there had seen link kill the super huge skelemon, and was happy to obligate. The morning next malon who's daughter owner of asked link to wake Talon her daddy up with a big blue chicken.
"Hey link, look, we have horsed," yelled malon.
"Neatoriffic!" Link exclaimed happily.
The horses were eating grass. Link petted one. It made the sound of a horse.
"Aah! It mouth farted at me!" Link jumped, then smacked it on the nose. "Bad horse. Don't mouth fart at me!"
"Easy! Haven't you ever seen a horse before, you don't smack them it's mean," Malon admonished.
"Oh, sorry, no I haven't seen a horse before, there weren't any in the forest," link apologized, and resolved to smack no more horses unless they tried to eat his noggin. Then a small baby foal horse came up to link and headbutted link.
"It's headbutting me! Does it want to kill me?" Link asked worriedly.
"No, that's Epona, she likes you. I actually have a song to call her," Malon hummed a song. Link played the song upon his ocarina. He leaned Epona's song. Epona licked him.
"K, well bye!" Link ran up and grappling hooked over the ranch wall for no reason.
"Link you could have just walked out the other way, you didn't have to use the grappling hook," Navi pointed out.
"I like using the grappling hook. Don't judge me!" Link said irritably. And then they traversed Big Hyrule Big Field some more. "Hey look it's Hyrule castle," Link said pointing at hyrule castle which was just coming into view.
Link played Saria's song on the ocarina and danced an irish jig some more as he traveled toward hyrule castle. They got there is a few hours. Link entered and some guards came to yell at him because he was dancing in public and ordered him to stop.
Link gave them a glare, "I shall never stop! For the fun in my heart demands that I dance the traditional dance of the kokiri while playing the ocarina!" so they tried to kill him for not stopping. But Link knew they were just doing their jobs, so he was merciful and only knocked them unconscious. Then Link walked through the big gate thingy that leads to the road to the castle. He saw there was one inept guard at the locked gate, so rather than bothering to talk to him, which would obviously be a boring waste of him, Link chose to do it the fun way by climbing up a vine covered wall thingy. Then it was quite simple to run across the top of the gate. At one point link was spotted, so he threw a deku nut which flash banged broudly and lightly and hid in the bushes until they dismissed it as the wind.
He found Talon, who was sleeping in front of some milk crates instead of delivering them like he was supposed to. Link now understood why Malon wanted him to wake her father up. This man was lacy. He was also big and fat. Link held up the blue cucco, which crowed with the force of a thousand crows.
"What in Tarnation!" Talon screamed as woke and saw a blue cucco chicken roster held by Link. Realizing that blue cuccos were grown by his daughter he became afeared with horror and ran off in the direction of ranch lon lon.
Link rolled his eyes at the spectacle. Then moved the big milk crates such that he could climb upon them, and jumped into a square hole in the wall that was across the moat. He continued to sneak and went in the garden where Princess Zelda was in all her glory, which wasn't much yet because she was about his age, but looks could be deceiving, after all he was pretty damn awesome.
"Hi," said Zelda.
End of 2 chapter.
It's kind of my headcanon that kokiri have a similar style of dance to irish jigs, since they both wear green and Kokiri are sort of like leprechauns. Plus it's cool. But I didn't think anyone would know what I was talking about if I said a kokiri jig.