[PIDGE] opened [PALADIN ALTEAN CHANNEL]
PIDGE: spotted— keith kogane, wearing nothing but boxers with the words "the truth is out there" on the elastic band
PIDGE: and little flying saucers
HUNK: Pics or it didn't happen
[KEITH] opened [PALADIN ALTEAN CHANNEL]
KEITH: PIDGE NO
PIDGE: [attached img: ]
HUNK: Wow Wow Wow
KEITH: PIDGE
PIDGE: loooool
LANCE: why are you walking around the palace in your underwear?
KEITHL You do that all the time!
LANCE: i forget i'm not wearing clothes, what's your excuse?
PIDGE: what
HUNK: Can confirm
KEITH: I just woke up! I was going to head back to my room, so I just grabbed something to cover up!
HUNK: …
HUNK: Wait
HUNK: Keith, do you sleep naked?
KEITH: Yeah? I strip when I get hot?
PIDGE: nice
LANCE: what.
KEITH: I get hot easily, okay?! I only do it when I'm alone!
PIDGE: keith kogane, secret nudist
HUNK: Aren't nudists like, the opposite of secret?
PIDGE: idk i've never met one
PIDGE: until now that is
LANCE: what.
KEITH: I'm not a nudist!
PIDGE: sounds like something a nudist would say
HUNK: Uh, no it doesn't?
HUNK: Pretty sure nudists are upfront about their nudity?
LANCE: what.
PIDGE: lance, you ok?
HUNK: He's with me in my room
HUNK: He's, idk, in shock?
HUNK: Wait he's rebooting
HUNK: Lance blowup in 3
HUNK: 2
LANCE: you sleep NAKED?!
HUNK: 1
HUNK: Damn, one second off
KEITH: Yes, I sleep naked. It's not a big deal.
LANCE: i just
LANCE: i just don't understand the mechanics
PIDGE: lol what
KEITH: It's pretty SELF EXPLANATORY.
LANCE: so you just have your bare ass touching your bedsheets?
HUNK: Lance
HUNK: Buddy
LANCE: what?! i'm curious!
PIDGE: /whisper [LANCE]
PIDGE: more like bicurious
LANCE: PIDGE THAT WAS AN EXQUISITE PUN BUT I AM NOT IN THE MOOD ATM
HUNK: Wait hold up
HUNK: Keith, didn't you live in the desert for a year?
KEITH: Yeah.
HUNK: But you get hot easily
KEITH: Yeah?
HUNK: …
HUNK: Wait
PIDGE: omg
HUNK: Waaaaiiiit
PIDGE: o m g
LANCE: what? what is it?
HUNK: Keith, were you naked a lot in the shack?
LANCE: WHAT
KEITH: Um.
PIDGE: !
PIDGE: (ʘ∇ʘ)
PIDGE: KEITH KOGANE, PUBLIC NUDIST
KEITH: I was alone! No one saw!
[PIDGE] changed group name from [PALADIN ALTEAN CHANNEL] to [KEITH KOGANE: CONFIRMED NUDIST]
HUNK: BHAHAHAHAHA
KEITH: For fuck's sake NO ONE SAW ME!
KEITH: It was really hot! I had no air conditioning!
LANCE: i
LANCE: what do i do with this information
PIDGE: what do you NOT do with this information?
PIDGE: i'm gonna cry this is the best
KEITH: Oh, come on!
KEITH: I sleep fully clothed most of the time!
HUNK: Wait
HUNK: Like, with shoes and everything?
KEITH: Yes!
LANCE: …
HUNK: …
PIDGE: …
LANCE: bruh
HUNK: That's worse than sleeping naked
KEITH: How is that worse than sleeping naked?
LANCE: idk it's just weird
PIDGE: yikes
KEITH: I don't understand any of you!
[SHIRO] opened [KEITH KOGANE: CONFIRMED NUDIST]
SHIRO: …
[SHIRO] closed [KEITH KOGANE: CONFIRMED NUDIST]
KEITH: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT
PIDGE: best. day. ever.
HUNK: You guys ever think that Shiro needs a break?
LANCE: yes.
PIDGE: yes
KEITH: I could use a fucking break right now.
HUNK: Why don't you take a nap
PIDGE: yeah, get all nakey
LANCE: lol nakey
KEITH: I hate all of you.
PIDGE: keith kogane— emo on the streets, naked in the sheets
HUNK: Keith Kogane— "punk rock will never die" on the streets, naked in the sheets
LANCE: keith kogane— "impregnate me pete wentz" on the streets, naked in the sheets
PIDGE: this chat produces some quality content (￣ー￣)ｂ
[LANCE] changed group name from [KEITH KOGANE: CONFIRMED NUDIST] to [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
HUNK: Nice
PIDGE: nice
LANCE: nice.
[KEITH] went idle
PIDGE: rip in pieces keith
[ALLURA] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
LANCE: hellooooo princess!
ALLURA: Moments ago, Keith threw his mug into a wall, and stormed out of the kitchen. Is something wrong?
HUNK: Scroll up
ALLURA: Oh my.
PIDGE: i would feel bad if he hadn't eaten my leftovers
[KEITH] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
KEITH: Pidge, I said I was sorry.
PIDGE: apologies mean nothing, mullet man
PIDGE: hunk made banana cake that night
HUNK: Aww, glad you liked it!
PIDGE: truly tho, compliments to the chef
LANCE: hunk, you have beautiful eyes.
HUNK: Thanks boo
LANCE: 3
ALLURA: Can everyone come to the kitchen? I have an announcement to make.
HUNK: Is it about Lance using up all my honey for his face masks?
LANCE: beauty = sacrifice
HUNK: *your beauty = my sacrifice
LANCE: yup
KEITH: You use honey in your face masks?
PIDGE: no, wrong question
PIDGE: what you should be asking is how hunk gets honey in space
HUNK: I can't reveal all my secrets (⌐▨_▨)
LANCE: he collects honey when we visit planets with bee-like creatures.
HUNK: Thanks, snitch
LANCE: 3
ALLURA: Is honey good for your skin?
LANCE: yup! it's a natural antibacterial, so it helps with acne treatment!
ALLURA: What is acne?
PIDGE: lol quote of the CENTURY
LANCE: shit i keep forgetting allura is literally flawless
HUNK: Queen
ALLURA: No, I am a princess!（＾ｖ＾）
LANCE: /whisper [PIDGE]
LANCE: i can feel you blushing.
PIDGE: shut your dirt
HUNK: Acne is something earthlings get, little gross bumps and blemishes on their face
ALLURA: Oh, I see. Is that why Lance takes special care of his face?
LANCE: yeah, i'm big on face treatments. it's my Thing.
[SHIRO] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
SHIRO: Are you done talking about nudity?
KEITH: Yes.
PIDGE: for now
SHIRO: Pidge.
PIDGE: bite me
ALLURA: Do the rest of you participate in facial treatment? Washing your face?
HUNK: Yup! I always wash my face, but I don't do a lot of Lance's fancy stuff
SHIRO: I wash my face every night and morning. It's relaxing to have a routine.
PIDGE: yeah i wash my face
PIDGE: it's a chore, but i do it
KEITH: I don't.
LANCE: what.
HUNK: What
SHIRO: Huh?
PIDGE: i got burn medication on standby
KEITH: What?
LANCE: do you seriously not wash your face?
KEITH: I mean,
KEITH: Sometimes I splash water on my face? Does that count?
LANCE: inhales
LANCE: BOY
SHIRO: Do you at least shower?
KEITH: Of course I shower!
PIDGE: but you don't wash your face
HUNK: His skin is so nice tho
ALLURA: That is true, Keith's skin is very clear.
SHIRO: He also doesn't shave.
KEITH: Shiro.
LANCE: lol
HUNK: Lance, you also don't shave
LANCE: I COULD IF I WANTED TO
PIDGE: what would you shave though
LANCE: LOTS OF THINGS
HUNK: He's a bit of a late bloomer
PIDGE: lol
LANCE: you know what let's get back to roasting keith.
KEITH: Let's not.
LANCE: you've got to be doing something to your face!
LANCE: like, your skin is so clear and smooth and soft
PIDGE: /whisper [LANCE]
PIDGE: Clear and Smooth and Soft
LANCE: pidge, feel free to fuck off.
PIDGE: ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ
LANCE: come on keith, you gotta be doing something.
KEITH: I'm really not.
LANCE: tell me your secrets.
KEITH: I don't have any!
PIDGE: debatable
KEITH: I just don't know, alright? My skin has always been like this!
LANCE: щ(゜ロ゜щ)
LANCE: y u no tell me ur skincare routine
HUNK: Lance
LANCE: sorry.
KEITH: Look, it's not that I don't care about my skin, it's just that I've never needed to. I've never had acne or anything, okay?
PIDGE: wow
PIDGE: that's…suspicious
LANCE: ok, skincare is not just about acne.
LANCE: it's about feeling good! relaxing! putting your best foot forward and COVERING YOUR FACE WITH GOOP THAT SMEELS GOOD.
SHIRO: Is he alright?
HUNK: Yeah, just let him finish
LANCE: no more will we suffer the feeling of waking up with a bad taste in our mouths and grease on our faces.
LANCE: no more will we have to buy overpriced products that do little for our skin, when we can make our own products with healthy ingredients.
LANCE: NO MORE will we sacrifice beauty and self indulgence for sleep, when we can have ALL THREE!
SHIRO: Is it weird that I'm sort of getting into this?
ALLURA: Me as well! I'm enjoying this.
HUNK: Don't fight it, it's a beautiful thing
LANCE: skincare treatment is not only a relaxing hobby, but it's something that everyone can participate in, no matter who or what they are.
LANCE: it's beautiful. i think that
LANCE: i just
LANCE: it means so much
LANCE: hoo boy
KEITH: Is he alright?
HUNK: Um
HUNK: He's a bit teary eyed at the moment
LANCE: i got a bit emotional there
LANCE: sorry
ALLURA: No! This deserves our consideration.
SHIRO: That was a very nice speech.
PIDGE: ^^ yeah
[CORAN] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
CORAN: Princess, were we not about to have a meeting in the kitchen?
LANCE: oh yeah that was a thing.
HUNK: Oops
CORAN: I have the details of the new bonding exercise all written up and ready for the briefing!
ALLURA: Actually Coran, I believe Lance has presented us with a new bonding exercise.
LANCE: wait.
LANCE: seriously?
ALLURA: I am serious. (✿◠‿◠)
LANCE: WHOOOOOO
LANCE: SPA DAY!
CORAN: Oh.
CORAN: I suppose I'll just…store all these papers and charts. For another time. Yes.
LANCE: SPA DAY SPA DAY SPA DAY SPA DAY
KEITH: Spa day?
LANCE: uh i mean
LANCE: if you guys are up for it?
LANCE: cuz like
LANCE: it's cool if you're not.
HUNK: Dude
HUNK: I'm so down
PIDGE: count me in!
ALLURA: I am looking forward to this!
SHIRO: Sounds like fun.
CORAN: I suppose I'll give it the ol' Altean try! ٩(^෴^)۶
PIDGE: he found the mustache emoticons
HUNK: Blessed image
LANCE: keith, you cool with this?
LANCE: don't want to force you to do something with me that you wouldn't want to do haha
LANCE: ha
KEITH: Um.
KEITH: Yeah, sure, why not?
KEITH: It makes your skin look good, might as well give it a shot.
HUNK: Yeah, Keith likes Lance's skin
PIDGE: nice
LANCE: wait, for real?
KEITH: …
KEITH: Yes.
KEITH: I mean.
KEITH: I can see how the face masks can make a person's skin look really nice, and you use the face masks, so from a purely objective perspective, your skin looks,
KEITH: Really nice.
KEITH: Yes.
LANCE: oh.
LANCE: cool.
LANCE: thanks bro.
KEITH: No problem.
KEITH: Bro.
PIDGE: when future historians ask about the cause of my death
PIDGE: please direct them to the above conversation
HUNK: omg Same
SHIRO: Alright guys, lets head to the kitchen and get this bonding started.
ALLURA: Ooh, Shiro, can I make your mask? I believe I know which ingredients would suit your skin the best!
SHIRO: Oh.
SHIRO: Yes!
SHIRO: That would be nice!
SHIRO: OF YOU.
SHIRO: THAT WOULD BE NICE OF YOU.
SHIRO: Is what I meant to say.
LANCE: what.
ALLURA: Hmm, alright then!
HUNK: LET'S GET THIS SPA DAY STARTED!
ALLURA: Yes!
:
:
:
:
PIDGE: /whisper [SHIRO]
PIDGE: if you think
PIDGE: for one moment
PIDGE: that i am not making allura a mud mask
PIDGE: you would be horribly mistaken
SHIRO: I see.
PIDGE: because i am going to make her one
SHIRO: I have no problem with that.
SHIRO: Wait, why would I have a problem with that?
PIDGE: you won't
PIDGE: because i am going to do it
PIDGE: whether you like it or not
SHIRO: …
SHIRO: Okay?
PIDGE: yes
KEITH: Why are you two texting? We are all literally standing in the kitchen together.
PIDGE: oh i'm just reminding shiro of something (◡‿◡✿)
KEITH: Ok.
KEITH: Any reason why you're playing with that knife?
PIDGE: yes (ʘ‿ʘ✿)
SHIRO: Pidge, your message has been read loud and clear.
PIDGE: oh ok cool
PIDGE: shiro do you want some of these avocado chunks?
SHIRO: Yeah, thanks.
PIDGE: no problem 3
KEITH: …
KEITH: Why do I feel like I've missed something.
LANCE: dude stop texting and start detoxing, these cucumbers aren't gonna chop themselves.
:
:
:
[HUNK] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
[PIDGE] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
HUNK: Hey Keith
HUNK: What are you wearing
HUNK: Asking for a friend
PIDGE: i'm the friend
[KEITH] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
KEITH: What?!
KEITH: It's 3:30 in the morning!
HUNK: Yeah, so what are you wearing?
KEITH: Why do you want to know?
PIDGE: oh, i don't know
PIDGE: the castle just feels pretty warm tonight
PIDGE: makes one think
KEITH: Holy fucking shit.
[LANCE] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
LANCE: keith, they want to know whether or not you're naked, please answer so i can get some fucking sleep.
HUNK: Wow, you managed to type the words "keith" and "naked" without self combusting
LANCE: it's 3:30 in the morning do you really think i give a shit
HUNK: Ok gotcha
PIDGE: keith, fess up
KEITH: If you MUST know,
KEITH: I'm wearing a t-shirt and boxer shorts.
KEITH: Happy?
LANCE: no. i'm fucking tired.
HUNK: Aww, bit anti-climactic
PIDGE: i'll believe it when i see it
KEITH: What do you meanawlejflhgwfhjWEHJKHFDSKPIDGEWHATTHEFUCKLSHLWHF,HSFLH
HUNK: Um
[SHIRO] opened [THE ROASTING OF KEITH KOGANE]
SHIRO: I just heard someone scream, what's wrong?
LANCE: oh for fuck's sake.
HUNK: I don't know?
PIDGE: nothing's wrong
PIDGE: keith's just a sellout
KEITH: OH MY GOD.
KEITH: PIDGE JUST ATTACKED ME IN MY ROOM
PIDGE: relax, all i did was pull back the covers and take a picture
KEITH: AND NEARLY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK IN THE PROCESS
PIDGE: yeah but did you die
HUNK: Wait you got a pic?
PIDGE: yup, nothing special though
SHIRO: What?
HUNK: Seeeeend iiiiitttt
PIDGE: [attached img: ]
KEITH: I can't believe this is my life. THIS IS MY LIFE.
HUNK: Huh, he was telling the truth
KEITH: Why would I lie?
PIDGE: to protect your modesty
SHIRO: I'm going back to sleep.
[SHIRO] wend idle
PIDGE: poor shiro
KEITH: Poor Shiro?
HUNK: Look, Keith's wearing Lance's special face mask
HUNK: How sweet
HUNK: Lance, do you see this?
LANCE: i'm going back to sleep before i kill all of you
[LANCE] went idle
PIDGE: yikes
╭(°ㅂ°)╮╰(°ㅂ°)╯╭(°ㅂ°)╮╰(°ㅂ°)╯