Curtis turns his head to see my brother coming at him across the table and his eyes widen at the terrifying sight and I am sure two things are running through his head right now. Number one being that the look on Jonathan's face is the stuff of his nightmares and number two being that he is probably going to die.
Jonathan's foot connects with Curtis' face and he goes flying backwards in the chair. Jonathan hops down off of the table before Curtis can even sit up. He reaches down as our father and Amanda Blackwell start to scream at him and he picks up Curtis by his neck. His large muscular hands clamp down around his throat causing him to make a funny choking sound. Curtis starts to reach down to where I am sure he has a weapon but Jonathan produces his steak knife from the table and stabs his right hand into the wall he has backed him up to in the dining room. He lets out a pain filled yell as Blackwell pulls out a dagger and starts to charge over to Jonathan.
I step in his path and put my steak knife to his throat and he stops his advance. Behind me, I can hear Jonathan spitting out words through his gritted teeth. "If you ever speak to my sister like that or touch her again, I will cut both of your hands off and then shove them down your throat." His voice is low and very threatening and I am sure it sends fear racing through the veins of it recipient.
My father strides over then and places his hand on Blackwell's shoulder. He turns and looks at Valentine and they seem to have some silent communication. Blackwell relaxes his tense stance and then backs away from the knife I am holding to his throat. I lower my arm quickly and turn my body to where I am standing beside Jonathan with my back to the wall. He still has Curtis held by the throat against the wall and from my peripheral vision, I can see blood running down the wall from his hand. If father wasn't here, I am sure that Jonathan would have wasted no time in killing him.
"What is going on here?" Father asks me sternly as he comes to stand in front of me. He is the picture of authority and seems oddly at ease.
I look to Jonathan who is still seething with rage and come to the conclusion that he will not be able to talk and explain himself to our father. "Curtis here said some incredibly inappropriate things to me and then tried to grope me under the table. Jonathan saw and heard it and well..." I gesture to him next to me, "he didn't like that."
Father narrows his eyes at Curtis and looks him in the eyes. I turn my head to see Curtis looking slightly panicked and looking to my father for help hoping that he will tell Jonathan to release him. "Is that true, Curtis?" he asks him sternly.
"Of course not, sir." he chokes out in a rush. I roll my eyes and look back to father. He nods his head to me and I reach under the hem of my dress and pull out my stele. I turn to Curtis' impaled hand and draw one of my own runes on his arm that is pinned to the wall. It is a truth rune that I made when I was twelve that is one of father's favorites. The rune sinks in to his skin as Curtis looks at it completely confused. He clearly has never seen it before. Jonathan begins to smirk evilly at him and I smile at his expression.
"Let me ask you again, Curtis." Father says slightly annoyed. "Is what my daughter said true?"
Curtis opens his mouth to lie again and eyes widen in surprise when the truth spills out. "Yes. I did try to grab her under the table." I can hear Blackwell's exhale of breath to my side and I relish in the fact that his son has just made a fool of himself and dishonored his family name with his actions. He knows that my father will never forgive him for his son's blatant disrespect towards me and him lying to Father. I am suddenly loving this dinner.
Valentine looks over to Blackwell with obvious disappointment and Blackwell dips his head ever so slightly in submission as Curtis tries to salvage himself by trying to lie some more. What happens instead, is absolutely hilarious because he doesn't know that he has a truth rune on his arm. "I just saw how sexy she was and I couldn't keep my hands to myself!" he shouts out. The look of utter shock on his face is almost too much for me and I almost begin to laugh. "I mean..." he continues, "I just kept thinking about all of the dirty things I want to do to her in bed."
Jonathan growls at him and bares his teeth at him as he tightens his grip on his neck. To Curtis' advantage, his speech becomes choked off and his face begins to turn red. I can hear Amanda somewhere else in the room say, "Samuel!" in a hushed yet worried tone. She is obviously worried about her son's safety. "Shut up, Amanda." he snaps back at her and I smile a little at the exchange. I am enjoying watching Blackwell's status with my father fall dramatically.
Father turns his head back to Curtis and he looks completely disappointed and slightly angry at him. "I see that my judgement about you was wrong." he says solemnly to him. "Let him go, Jonathan."
Jonathan grimaces and then looks to me. I place my hand on his shoulder and give him a soft nod and he grunts before pushing off of him. Curtis sucks in a deep breath of air as Jonathan steps back and slides over to me. He brings his hand up to my face and looks into my eyes as he asks, "Are you okay?"
I smile softly at him and nod my head. "I am perfectly fine." I say to him. He drops his hand and then pulls me away from the wall. Jonathan turns me and pulls my back flush to his front and brings his hands to rest on the tops of my arms and slides them up and down as we watch with amusement as Curtis tries to pull the knife that is impaling his hand out of the wall. Jonathan must have used a lot of force because the knife isn't budging. "For heaven's sake." Blackwell says and he steps forward, clearly annoyed with his son, and jerks the knife out of the wall and his son's hand. He lets out a quick scream of pain and I feel Jonathan's chest bounce up and down in silent laughter.
Father then comes and stands beside Jonathan and I and the Blackwells turn to face us as Curtis holds his injured hand. "I think that this dinner is over." Father says and gestures for them to leave. Blackwell pushes his lips into a hard line and then drops his head and nods. He then shoves his son forward and he stumbles a bit as Amanda grabs her clutch off of the table and follows quickly behind her husband. I can tell she wants to apologize but the look on my father's face stops her before she utters a word.
The moment the doors to the dinning room shut behind them, Jonathan bends down and places a kiss on the top of my head and then releases me. He steps away and sits down in the chair next to mine and begins to eat the tomatoes out of my salad. He knows I hate tomatoes and I smile at the gesture. I move to my seat and sit next to him and start to eat my now tomato free salad.
Father walks over to his seat at the head of the table and takes his seat. He looks up to me and I feel his eyes on me so I look over to meet his gaze. "I am sorry about that, Clarissa. I will take more care to find someone worthy of you." That was almost a very sweet thing that he said to me. He had to go and screw it up with him saying that he still planned on picking my spouse.
"Why can't I just find someone myself?" I ask father.
He lets out a long breath before he answers. "You, Clarissa, are someone who people will want to take advantage of because not only are you my daughter, you have a great power." He leans forward and looks further into my eyes. "I don't want you to be blinded by good looks and how smooth a boy can be. Most will try and use you to get to me and to control you and will do anything necessary to do that. I only want what is best for you and the future of the Clave. I will be the ruler of it soon enough and once I am gone, you and your brother will rule. I cannot take the chance of you marrying someone who does not see perfectly eye to eye with our beliefs."
"But father, I don't want to marry someone I don't love." I say to him. I wish he could see if from my perspective. "I am not something you can just give away to whoever you deem worthy of me. He could turn out to be a total sleeze like Blackwell's son!"
He seems to think about this for a second and then leans back in his chair. "Alright, Clarissa." he says with a compromising tone. I almost let my hope build up but I know my father too well for that. There is always a catch. "I will choose two suitors for you and then you will be able to pick who you want to marry."
"But father..." is all I manage to get out before he interrupts me. "Clarissa. That is the best scenario I can offer you. There will be no more discussion on the matter." His tone is firm and unwavering and I end up nodding my head in agreement. He picks up his fork and begins to eat his salad and I turn back to mine.
That is when I feel Jonathan grab my hand under the table and I turn to look at him. His face is determined looking and he leans close to me as he intertwines our fingers. "You are mine." he whispers in my ear and then leans back to his upright position. He looks back to his salad but doesn't let go of my hand under the table. I am looking at him completely dumbfounded trying to figure out what he meant by that. That is the second time that he has said that to me tonight.
His thumb then begins to move in circles on the back of my hand that he is holding and I suddenly realize that that is not exactly the most brotherly thing to do. I quickly think about pulling my hand from his but don't. I actually like that he is holding my hand. It is comforting and warm and I like the contact with his skin. We have always been close since we were kids, but this feels somewhat different.
I used to climb into his bed at night when I first got here because I missed my mom. At first he was annoyed with me and would kick me out of his room. That is until the night that I told him that I needed him to hug me. His eyes widened in surprise and then he threw his covers back on his bed and I climbed in. I scooted close to his back and threw my arm around him and snuggled to his back and fell asleep comfortably there. When I woke up, Jonathan's face was just a few inches from mine and he looked like he was really deep in thought. His brows were furrowed tightly together so I reached up and touched his face. I smoothed out the lines on his face caused by his expression and he seemed to relax a little at that. When I was done with that, I leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. His expression was one of such pure shock that I began to giggle wildly. He saw this and then he smiled so big that I thought his eyes would crinkle shut. Father walked in the room then because he heard my loud giggling and when he looked at both of us smiling and laughing, his smile was so big that his eyes did crinkle shut.
That is one of my most fond memories. That was the first time that I actually felt like we were a family.
I look over to Jonathan again and he is acting completely normal despite the way he is intimately holding my hand. I look back to my food and continue to eat the salad, weirdly enjoying having my hand in his and eat in silence.
Throughout the dinner, Jonathan continues to hold my hand, only letting go when necessary and then quickly returning to hold my hand. The whole time, my mind is racing. Should I pull my hand away? I don't want to but I should. I never do though. Father is too caught up on reading letters from his circle members to notice us during dinner. Something I am sure he was planning to do after dinner but plans changed.
When it gets closer to dessert, father stands up and leaves the table muttering something about finding a replacement for Blackwell during his next 'mission' and leaves the two of us alone. When he leaves the room, Jonathan looks over to me and smiles his sexy smile and then thanks the servants when they set down his dessert in front of him. The servant, whose name is Joel, looks completely surprised at him saying 'thank you' because he has never said it before. Jonathan must be in an uncharacteristically good mood tonight for him to say that.
As I start to eat the blueberry cake, I can feel the atmoshere in between us begin to change. Jonathan's hand that is holding mine slides up my lap and comes to rest right next to the apex of my legs. His hand then slowly starts to slide to the inside of my thigh and my heart begins to beat harder. I know that Jonathan can hear this because his senses are extremely heightened due to his blood and I see him smirk a little.
Our hands come to rest there and I begin to have the most conflicted internal dialogue of my life! I keep telling myself that he is my brother and that this is wrong. Angel knows that Father made us read the bible enough times growing up that I know that incestuous relationships are frowned upon. But does that really count towards Jonathan and myself? Father tampered with our blood so much that I am sure that our DNA is wildly different from one another. Lilith's blood practically cancelled out our mother's blood and my angel blood altered my being to allow me to create runes from heaven which only angels are supposed to be able to do. But at the same time, he is my brother. He has our mother's hands for goodness sake. We were raised together to have a sibling bond. If that is true, then why am I allowing him to have his hand so near my most intimate part? I ask myself this over and over but I already know the answer. I am allowing him to have it there because I like it. I like the way his skin gives off waves of heat that soak through my dress and warms my inner thigh. I feel giddy like a girl who has a crush and that crush is holding her hand.
The air between us starts to feel like a mud bog that I am trying to pull out of with no success. Like I stepped into it and now I am stuck. I try to push away the atmosphere, which can only be described as sexual tension, and I end up even deeper in it. At this point, my breathing has become embarrassingly loud and I can feel the heat on my face from my blushing and he still looks as cool as a cucumber. I should really get a grip on myself. I am probably freaking out over nothing. He is surely not thinking the same things that I am. How could he? He has his girlfriend, Chloe, to screw. Jonathan never calls her his girlfriend but she does. I think he is just with her for the sex but she obviously wants more with the way she looks at him.
"Is Chloe coming over tonight?" I say before I can stop myself. Even though when I speak, my voice is soft, it sounds like a canon shot in the quietness of the room.
Jonathan turns his head to me in surprise and swallows his bite of cake. "No. I grew tired of her a few days ago. I only kept her around for practice anyway."
I furrow my brows in confusion and say, "Practice? What do you mean?"
Half of his mouth turns up in a knowing smirk before he looks back to the table and grabs his drink and takes a sip before setting it down and looking back to me. "You will see soon enough." he says with that half smirk on his face.
"And what is that supposed to mean?" I say back to him as I begin to become annoyed at his cryptic words.
His face loses some of it's smirk when he hears my tone and he runs his other hand through his hair. "Clary." he says as he looks into my eyes. I can see that he wants to say something to me but he is hesitant to say it. "I don't think the time is right at this moment to tell you."
"Tell me what?" I say loudly to him. "What do your sex-capades with Chloe have anything to do with what you will show me 'soon enough'?" My voice drops low when I say 'soon enough' to mimic his tone and he furrows his brows at me. I look to him waiting for him to explain and he just sits there looking like he is deep in thought. I get tired of waiting after about thirty seconds and then yank my hand from his. I push away from the table to his surprise and storm off.
He doesn't follow me and I make it to my room before my frustration gets the better of me. I pick up a tiny intricately carved wooden music box that Jonathan gave me for my eighth birthday and throw it across the room. He remembered me pointing it out on one of the rare occasions that Father took us out with him and he practically begged father to take him back and let him get it for me. It is one of my most prized possessions. The moment it breaks apart into three pieces when it hits the wall across the room, I instantly regret throwing it. I walk over to the pieces and pick them up. It doesn't look too badly broken and I can probably fix it with a screwdriver and some wood glue.
I gather it up in my arms and move to set it back on top of my dresser where it was and touch the little ballerina in the middle of it. I smile at it's red hair that Jonathan colored on her head with a orange permanent marker. It originally had blonde hair but he wanted it to look like me so he made it happen in his own way with a marker.
I know that father says that Jonathan can never love because of his blood, but I see that softer side of him. I see that really, really deep down, he does have the ability to love in his own way. It may not be like the way I or father love, but the feeling is just as real and strong to him as love is to us. I see it when he looks at me and on incredibly rare occasions with father. I know he has a hard time with deciphering emotions and why I sometimes react the way I do but sometimes, it is just too much. Jonathan knows me better than anyone, yet he still has trouble knowing when he is doing something that I don't like. And I don't like when he is cryptic and keeps things from me like he was just doing.
I walk over to my bed on the left wall of my room and fall back onto the top of it. I kick my shoes off and slide the dress off of my shoulders and lift up and slide it down and over my hips and kick it to the floor with a flick of my foot. I am only in a bra cutlet and a thong and I just roll over and grab my covers and pull them over me. I pull the bra off and curl up in my sheets, not bothering to put pajamas on, and close my eyes.
To my utter frustration, when I close my eyes, I see Jonathan. I have seen him shirtless in training so many times that I know every curve of his body. I think about one of the dreams I have been having about him and I sigh as I begin to move my finger down and onto my bundle of nerves under my folds. In my dream, we were swimming in the pool out back and he swam up to me as I was standing on the slope to the deep end of the pool where just my head is sticking out of the water. He swims up to me and reaches around and pulls the tie on my bathing suit and it comes lose and he pulls it away. He brings his hands slowly up my body and they find purchase on my breasts.
My fingers pick up their pace as I feel myself beginning to build towards the peak and I think about how Jonathan cupped them perfectly in his hands and teased my nipples in my dream. He then slides one hand down my abdomen and into my bathing suit bottoms and starts to touch me there as his mouth begins to leave kisses along my neck. My breathing becomes ragged as I move my fingers like he did in my dream and I picture him looking lustfully into my eyes the way I saw him look at Chloe one time when I caught them having sex in the training room. "Jonathan." I say quietly as I come undone by my own hand while in my mind, it was Jonathan's doing. After a long time, I finally start to come down from my high and take some deep breaths to try and regain my composure.
And that is when it hits me. I just masturbated to the thought of my brother. I am a disgusting human being and I should be ashamed of myself. I roll over and press my face into my bed and let out a muffled scream of confusion and frustration. I have no idea when I became attracted to Jonathan but it is really messing with my mind.
-Jonathan
I want to tell her so bad that I have just been honing my skills with Chloe so that I can make her body sing to me when we are finally together. I have never been so sure that it will happen than I have been after her letting me hold her hand all throughout dinner. She is staring at me waiting for me to say something to her but I know that it is too soon to tell her that I want her. I have to take things slow with her and let her realize what I have known for years. That we were meant to be together. That she belongs to me and I belong to her. That her body was designed perfectly for me. Everything about her is attractive to me. Her body calls to mine like mine calls to her but I can't tell her any of these things. Not yet.
I see her face scrunch up into an angry glare as she yanks her hand out of mine and storms off. I think about following her but I know that it would just make her angrier if I followed her an didn't tell her what I meant by what I said. I curse at myself for being so stupid for saying that I was just 'practicing' with Chloe. Of course she would want to know what I meant by that. She hates not being told things and she especially hates being lied to.
I push away from the table and stand up and walk over to the doors. I push through them and make my way up the stairs and to my room. When I get to the top of the stairs, my sensitive hearing picks up light panting coming from Clary's room. I turn left and tip toe over to her door. 'Please, let her be doing what I think she is doing' I say to myself.
I press my ear to the door and hear her ragged breathing and slight whimpers and I instantly become hard. Only Clary can do that to me. One moment there will be nothing and the next, the Washington monument is in my pants. I make the split second decision to crack her door open to peek at her. I turn the doorknob slowly and the light from her room slips through the tiny crack and hits my face. I press my eye up to the door and see that she is wrapped up in her covers on top of her bed. I can see her eyes are closed and her face and it is scrunched up in concentration and pleasure as I see the covers moving up and down where the apex of her legs are.
Holy shit, she is doing what I thought she was doing. She is pleasuring herself.
My dick begins to press uncomfortably against my pants and I reach down and unzip them to set it free. I know that father is downstairs in his study fumbling through paper work because I can hear it. I take myself into my hand and begin to slide it up and down as I watch her. I have imagined her face when she orgasms a million times, so being able to see it now is like the best present I could ever get. I can't wait to see it.
I can tell she is close by the sounds she is making and by the way her breath is catching in unexpected places. That thought nearly sends me over the edge and I have never been so turned on in my life. I pump faster and harder, making sure that I stay completely silent. I don't want her to catch me and I miss out on her 'O' face. Her mouth pops open and then she says "Jonathan" in pleasure and my eyes fly open in surprise. She is actually thinking about me while she masturbates! And that is all it takes. She orgasms shortly after she says my name and I come right along with her as I watch her face pull together in pleasure.
I can't believe she was thinking about me! She was imagining me while she pleasured herself. I am sure that my smile is as Clary would say, 'radiant' right now as I watch her pant from the exertion of her orgasm. I quickly shut the door quietly so she doesn't catch me. I have to go clean myself up anyway. This is such amazing news! I thought it would take me a long time to convince her of 'us'. Now that I know that she finds me attractive and thinks of me 'that way', enough to pleasure herself to, I won't have to wait so long to have her. Not to mention I now know what face she makes when she comes. That was, hands down, the best sight I have ever seen. If only her covers had slid down to expose her chest to me. I dream about the day that I get to grasp her perfectly sized breasts in my hands...and now I am hard again.
-Clary
I wake up to my alarm blaring and reach out to my right to hit the snooze button. Me and my snooze button are best friends. We high five each other at least four times every morning while I sadly try to get more sleep.
Instead of hitting the hard wood of my night stand, my hand hits more of my bed. I force my eyes open and see that I am laying sideways on my bed. I sit up and crawl over to my night stand and turn my alarm off. I briefly wonder how I ended up laying sideways and then I remember. I fell asleep after that epic orgasm I had while thinking about Jonathan. "Fuck." I mumble to myself. I am one seriously messed up person. On the other hand, I feel completely refreshed and not tired like I usually do when I wake up. It was probably because my body needed to rest after I...quit thinking about it, Clary!
I look down at myself and see that I am still topless and wearing only my underwear and climb out of bed. I schlep over to my attached bathroom and turn on the water. After I am done taking my shower, I quickly dry my hair and put on my training clothes. Today is Wednesday and Father likes for Jonathan and I to train most of the day on Wednesdays. When we were younger, he would call them 'Warrior Wednesdays' and say that demons would come at us relentlessly and that we had to have the stamina to keep fighting even when we felt like we would die of exhaustion.
I make it into the kitchen just as Father does and I tell him good morning and kiss him on the cheek like I have been doing since I was 5. I stopped doing it for a while when I turned 13 but he seems to be nicer and less hostile towards me when I kiss him in the morning. I think it has to do with keeping his ego inflated and maybe also a little bit of revenge to my mother. Knowing that I love him and give him kisses is like the ultimate vindication for him to have on mom. Too bad for him that most days for the past few years, I actually want to punch him instead. I love my father but he has changed, and it isn't for the better.
"Good morning!" Jonathan says uncharacteristically bright and loud for him and Father and I both turn and look at him in surprise. He is smiling widely as he comes over and places a kiss on the top of my head and gives father a manly clap on his back the way guys show affection for one another. When Jonathan's back is turned to us and he is getting his breakfast from the stove, Father and I look at each other with the same dumbfounded expression on our faces. "You seem to be in a good mood this morning." I say skeptically to him as father and I take our seats at the table.
He turns his head and looks at me and smiles. "I am, little sister. The best mood I have been in in years." Hell, even his tone of voice is chipper.
"Can I ask why?" I ask with a lilt to my voice.
His smile impossibly gets even wider at my question and Father turns to look at me with a slightly worried expression on his face. "I figured out something last night and whenever I think about it, it will have me in a good mood for the rest of my life."
Father sets down the paper he was reading and completely turns to face him. "And what exactly did you figure out?" he asks him.
Jonathan smiles wickedly at him and then his eyes dart to me for a second and then he turns back around to finish fixing his plate. "I figured out that I really can have everything I ever wanted. I just have to be patient."
Father narrows his eyes at him like he is trying to find the hidden meaning behind his words as he watches him. Hell, even I am looking at him and trying to figure out what is going on with him. Neither one of us have ever seen him in this good of a mood. It is almost disturbing because of his usual demeanor.
When he finishes piling his plate with food, he walks over to the table with a beautiful genuine smile on his face and I can't help but smile back. He looks so light when he smiles like that. Like he has just had the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders. He looks up to me, probably feeling my gaze, and notices my smile and he smiles even wider. "What has gotten into you?" I whisper mostly to myself in disbelief. He suddenly finds something about what I said so funny that he bursts out laughing which is also something that is really rare for him.
I look back to Father, who now looks deeply concerned, and I turn my face back to Jonathan and let out a few little chuckles of my own at his jovial attitude. He slows his laughing and then looks over to me. He reaches across the table and tucks some of my hair behind my ear and says, "Did you know that you are the only person I have never wanted to kill?"
I raise my eyebrows in surprise at this and I can see Father's mouth in my peripheral vision a push into a hard line. Jonathan's confession means that he has wanted to kill him, which I am sure he already knew, but hearing it directly from him must have bothered him to some extent. Him saying that he has never wanted to kill me is actually a very big deal for him. Jonathan I am sure, at some point, wants to kill everyone that even looks at him the wrong way. I have pissed him off so many times over the years that I thought he wanted to kill me more times than I could count. I am absolutely flabbergasted that he never thought about doing it. I was sure he wanted me dead a few times in just the first week I was here.
"Really?" I say to him in surprise. He just nods his head in affirmation and then takes a bite of his pancakes. I look back to Father and I am sure that I look like a deer caught in headlights because I have no idea what to do with a happy Jonathan and from the looks of it, neither does he. That is when I realize that Father will surely observe us today and I suddenly want to kick Jonathan.
Father finally stopped demanding to be there to train us and watch us fight only six months ago. Since then, he would only come to one, maybe two every other week since he was satisfied that we could better each other by fighting one another. Jonathan would stop and give me constructive criticism and would tell me when I would expose a vulnerable part of my body to him. I would help him focus more on trying to get smaller and faster targets while showing him where his weak spots were (when I would find one every once in a blue moon). But after seeing how Jonathan is acting this morning, he will surely want to see what kind of effect him being in a good mood will have on his fighting and sure enough, he calls for his butler. He tells him to cancel all of his plans today saying that he will be observing us training instead.
I look to Jonathan expecting his mood to dull after hearing this news (he hates when Father hovers over him in training), but it doesn't even seem to phase him.
We finish our breakfast and then move to the training room and stretch for thirty minutes. I do yoga to stretch while Jonathan does the traditional kind of stretching. Father just sits in the corner in his chair that Jonathan and I have long called his observation chair and writes furiously in one of his stupid journals. I know that he writes about us, his experiments, in them and how we act and respond to certain things. He sort of fancies himself a scientist of the Nephilim world.
We train for the next three hours with non-stop sparring between me and Jonathan. He is doing exceptionally well today and I am having a hard time getting the upper hand on him. Not to mention, I swear he is looking at me differently from how he did yesterday. He seems to be smirking more at me and there is something behind his eyes that I can't put my finger on. It is driving me crazy because I pride myself on knowing him better than anyone. Most of the time we can have full conversations with just our eyes and I love that. Looking into his eyes now, I have no idea what he is thinking. I have to get him to tell me what is going on. It is going to drive me insane until he tells me. I have to know why he is so happy today.
Father finally yells at us that we can stop for a snack and some water and I am completely covered in sweat as is Jonathan. I turn to look at him as I take a long sip of water and see that he is taking his shirt off. I watch the skin stretch over his washboard abs and I bite the inside of my cheek in desire. What I wouldn't give for him to not be my brother. I would just love to bite those abs of his and lick all the way down to his... Holy shit. What am I thinking?
I quickly turn away from him and squeeze my eyes shut trying to rid myself of my perverted and twisted thoughts about him. All I succeed in doing is plastering his shirtless body on the backs of my eyelids and I end up just walking out of the room saying I need to go to the bathroom.I splash cold water on my face and the coldness of the water refreshes my senses and I think I can see reason again. As I dry my face off, Jonathan's words from breakfast replay in my head. I am the only person he has never wanted to kill. That is almost too big for me to wrap my head around. That means that he 'loves' me and only me. That I am the one thing that he would be bothered by if he lost.
I brace my hands on the sink in the bathroom and lean heavily on it; my shoulders pushed up almost to my ears as I look up and into the mirror. My face is no longer flushed and a have a few hairs sticking out in random places that have escaped my french braid. I don't know what makes me different from everyone else. Why he has wanted to kill everyone else and not the person who clearly bothers him the most? Me.
I am pushy and stubborn and I tend to not think about my actions before I rush into them headlong without a second thought. That has gotten both of us into trouble more times than I care to admit. It almost got both of us killed when we went hunting one night in Berlin. I followed this shax demon into a dark alley where he was clearly setting me up to be ambushed. Jonathan was yelling at me to stop but I didn't listen. Like I said, I am stubborn and I rush into things. The moment I entered the alley, there were about fifteen demons closing in on me while about ten more looked down from above on top of the buildings. Jonathan came to my rescue, but at a cost. A ravenor demon jumped on him from behind while he was fending some of them off of my back and it got a good chunk out of him after it stung him. The rage in his eyes was unreal when that happened. There was never a question in my mind whether he considered killing me right then and there.
But now, he says that he has never thought about killing me. I wouldn't believe him if it weren't for the fact that he has never lied to me to my knowledge. Sure there are things that he omits for me when he tells me things because he knows I don't like hearing about his constant internal war to fight the demon side of himself. He already has a hard enough time fighting those urges without him relieving them by telling me. Father already did that to him for years so he could 'study' him. But when it comes to the important stuff, he has never lied to me. Not once. That is why him saying that he never thought about killing me is such a big deal. That is the ultimate compliment from him. Knowing that even when he was his angriest at me that he never considered killing me tells me everything I need to know about him. It tells me that he loves me. Only me.
I can't help but smile a little at that thought as I open the door and leave the bathroom. I walk the few doors down to the training room and find Jonathan patiently waiting for me, still shirtless, in the middle of the sparring mat. "It's about time." Jonathan says teasingly. "I thought your tiny self fell in the toilet and you got flushed away."
I raise my hand up and flip him off and he smiles wickedly at our own private joke. When I first got here, Jonathan convinced me that he had a twin that got flushed down the toilet because he was smaller than him. He told me that the toilets eat tiny kids in the manor so I went days without using any of the bathrooms in the house. I would sneak outside to do my business. When Father finally caught me peeing outside, I told him what Jonathan had told me about our other brother who got eaten by the toilets. Even after he explained to me that it was just a mean joke, I still had trouble using the toilets for almost a year after that.
I get to the center of the mat and wait for Father's go ahead. I turn my body to the side and brace my feet and ready myself for his attack. I look into his eyes because Father taught us to watch the eyes because our opponents always give away their next movement before they do it. I can see amusement and anticipation in his eyes and then Father says, "Go."
Jonathan instantly lunges for me, catching me off guard because he is usually more calculating with his movements, and I spin to the left in an effort to dodge him. I almost make it but he grabs onto my shirt and pulls me back and throws me onto the ground and pins me. I curse loudly as he smiles down at me. He gets off of me and helps pull me up to my feet. Once I am standing, I reach down to the hem of my shirt and pull it over my head, revealing just my sports bra, and then take off my yoga pants to reveal some skin tight spandex shorts underneath. I won't give him the chance to pull me down by my clothing again.
When I look back up to him, I catch him looking at my chest and then his eyes travel to my stomach and then my legs. Father is to Jonathan's back so he doesn't see the way he is looking at me. Like I am anything but his sister. He really needs to stop that because it is really confusing. He. Is. My. Brother. I chant over and over again in my head as my eyes involuntarily dart down to his pecks. I quickly look away and clear my throat. "I love you too." I say to him catching him completely by surprise.
"What?" he says confused. I roll my eyes and walk closer to him so our father won't hear. "I said I love you too." I say with a smile on my lips. "When you told me that you have never thought about killing me...well, I love you too." I say to him. I know that is what he means when he says that and I just wanted him to know that I knew what he meant.
Realization flits across his face and his mouth begins to turn up into a smile. I step back away from him as our eyes lock together and I see the love he has for me swimming in his dark eyes. I get into my fighting stance and he does the same as we wait for the signal. "Go." Father yells and I charge at him from the start. He easily dodges me but that is what I was expecting him to do. I instantly turn around and place my foot on his calf just under his knee and use it like a step to climb up his body. Next is his hip and then I am literally perched on his shoulders with an imaginary blade pressed to his throat.
Jonathan lets out chuckle of approval as I kick off of him and do a back flip off of his shoulders, landing soundlessly on the floor behind him. He turns around to face me and smiles as he says, "You are the only one who can get the best of me from time to time. Only you are worthy to run the Clave by my side one day."
"Well that is the plan, isn't it?" I say back to him like it is the most obvious statement he could ever make. "Isn't that right, Father?" I say as I turn around to look at him.
"Yes it is Clarissa." he says without much inflection. I mean, would it kill him to say 'good job, Clary' or 'nice move, Jonathan'. Instead, he is just furiously writing in his journal. I purse my lips at him and turn back to Jonathan. He is walking over to me with a blindfold in his hand and I immediately begin to shake my head. "Not today." I say in my most whiny voice. I hate when he makes me train without my sight. I know it has good training purposes, but I still hate it. It teaches you to use your other senses and not be so reliant on you sight.
"Put the blindfold on." I hear Father say from the corner. I glare furiously at Jonathan who just smiles evilly at me. He walks up and ties it to my head and then I hear his soft footsteps backing away. I wipe my mind clear of any distractions and become completely focused on pushing my other senses to their furthest reaching points. I slow down my breathing and listen for the displacement of air that I know accompanies Jonathan's powerful movements. To keep the element of surprise, Father doesn't say 'go' out loud and usually just nods his head for the attacker to begin.
I plant my feet shoulder width apart and bring my hands up, ready to block an attack. Just when I think I hear something come from one direction, I hear an even bigger whoosh of air coming at me from the other side of me and bring my forearm up and block the hit that was aimed for my neck. The moment I block it, I bring my other fist up and step forward to punch Jonathan and he spins away. I don't hear his footfalls but I do feel the mat underneath us being pressed down to my right and I throw my fist out and connect with what I think to be Jonathan's abdomen. When I hear the rush of air come from his lips, I know I am right.
I concentrate my attack there and focus all of my senses on hearing and feeling what his next movements will be. He lands a few punches, but I block more of them than the ones that get through. Just when I think I am about to get the upper hand, I suddenly feel all of my weight being lifted off of my feet and I know that Jonathan is picking me up to body slam me. I smile widely at this because I know what he wants me to do. Last week, he showed me how to turn the tables when being picked up. This is where my small size and swiftness come in handy.
I grab onto one of his arms and apply pressure on a pressure point causing him to bend his arm slightly. That is all I need. I bring my elbow down like lightening on the crease of his arm and his arm bends almost completely causing him to lose the sure grip on me that he has. My hands travel up his arms and then I am climbing him again super fast and wrap my arms around his neck and jerk his weight with all of my might backwards. I swing my legs down and kick both of his knees from behind causing them to buckle. He falls backward, with me on his back, and lands on me while I tighten my grip on his neck. He lets out a chocking sound and taps my arms letting me know he concedes.
I let go and pull the blindfold off and jump up in excitement. "It worked!" I say loudly to Jonathan who is standing up.
"Of course it worked." Jonathan says like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I showed it to you." He smiled at me as I give one little excited jump and then turn to Father who still looks impassive. "Next time," Father starts to say as he stands up, "don't let your excitement distract you."
I furrow my brows in confusion until I feel Jonathan's legs sweep my legs from under me. I fall to the ground and then Jonathan is on top of me, pinning my wrists to the floor on either side of my head. He is smiling wickedly down at me as he lets out a low laugh and I can't help but laugh back. "You got me." I say to him with a smile on my face.
Jonathan leans forward then, pressing his shirtless body on my barely clothed one and puts his mouth by my ear. I am suddenly very aware of every inch of him that is pressed against me. He breath blows on my ear sending goose bumps over my skin. "That is all I have ever wanted." he says in a sexy tone. He raises his face back up to mine and his eyes are on fire with what I think is desire. They are similar to the same eyes I saw him looking at Chloe with when I walked in on them having sex except the way his eyes are smoldering now, are more intense than when he was looking at her.
I hear a door click and turn my head to see that Father has left the room and my heart begins to fly. When I turn my face back to Jonathan's, his nose brushes mine. He looks down at me and I look up at him and the atmosphere suddenly changes. Where the air was filled with playfulness and fighting, it is now turning into something that I have felt very few times in my very secluded life. If I am not mistaken, it is sexual tension like last night.
My breathing picks up and becomes shallower as he hovers over me, looking into my eyes, and I find myself wondering what his lips would feel like against mine. Would they be soft and forgiving or soft yet commanding? Would he bite my bottom lip like I so desperately want to bite his? My eyes break with his and I look down at his mouth. It is opened by just a fraction and twitches slightly like he wants to smile. I lick my lips at the thought of his mouth on mine and then I push him away.
I roll my body so he flips over on his back and then I push myself off of the floor. I have to get out of here before I do something insane and wrong and twisted. I definitely shouldn't be thinking about him that way. "Where are you going?" Jonathan asks from behind me.
"I uh...am going to eat lunch." I tell him quickly. I really just have to get out of here. I push through the training room doors and then run upstairs to my room. I slam my door shut and then begin to steadily pace back and forth. I am so confused and I have no idea what I am going to do. I know what I should do, but that doesn't line up with what I want to do. I honestly don't know which side of me is eventually going to win the battle.
"This has to be just a phase." I tell myself. All siblings go through this at some point. Right? I wouldn't know for sure because Jonathan and I only known one other pair of siblings and they are both girls with serious boy craziness problems. They are the daughters of Malachai Diuedenne who is the Consul of the Clave and one of Father's most trusted circle members. That is why he will sometimes allow us to visit the sisters. Maybe I should go see them. Ask them, non discreetly, if siblings ever feel attracted to one another. The only problem is that Father will never let me go alone. He will insist I bring Jonathan with me. I will have to find some way to ask them without him hearing or disguise it somehow as a hypothetical question.
I reach up and nervously tuck some lose strands of hair behind my ear as I nod my head in agreement with myself. "Yes. That is what I will do." I say talking to myself, sounding like a crazy woman. I will go ask Father right now.