"So, I hear they're looking for former Joes to head up this new mission force," Marvin "Roadblock" was saying to her. "Have you been contacted?"
She nodded her head. "Yeah. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I have to admit, I miss it," she smiled. "Mostly, I miss the team, and working with everyone, but yeah, I've thought about it. What are you going to do?"
He shook his head. "I don't know. I feel like I'm getting too old for this…wondered if they wanted us for training the younger crowd, or they actually want us to run around," he chuckled.
She smiled. "You're not that old, Marvin! It's only been five years since GI Joe was disbanded."
He nodded. "You're right. So, I hear you've been doing some acting…something about a Tony?"
She shrugged. "Something like that. Competition wasn't big that year. Enough about me. How's the restaurant doing? Last time I was in, you had to wait, what, an hour to get a table?" she teased him.
He chuckled, remembering. "Yeah, I like how you put on the high horse and demanded to see the chef. That was pretty good! You had the wait staff shaking in their shoes. They thought you were a food critic about to blow me sky high! I had to keep reassuring them you were a friend!"
He sobered up, glancing over her shoulder. "Have you talked to him?" he asked, knowing he didn't have to elaborate.
Her smile faded. "No. Not sure I'm going to. It doesn't really matter, does it? I heard he's moved on."
Marvin nodded his head slowly. "I heard that, too. We were keeping in touch, but things got so busy once the restaurant took off….I got an invite to the wedding, but I couldn't go. I hear she's nice," he said, feeling guilty.
She patted his arm. "Don't worry about it. It's past history, right?"
"Well, prepare to face your past, then, girl. He's coming this way."
She cursed, making Marvin laugh. "I like that you do that. Never knew anyone who could curse in so many languages. Always sounded so classy."
Realization dawned on her. "He hasn't been asked…I mean…for the new team?"
Marvin shrugged. "I don't know, but in about 30 seconds, you can ask him yourself."
She knew he was standing behind her even before Marvin said anything. She could still feel his presence, as if time had never separated them. Why did she still have to feel this way? she thought sadly.
"Allie," he said, his voice low.
She turned, pasting a polite smile on her face.
"Nice to see you, Dash," she lied, wondering how long she'd have to make small talk before escaping. It was painful enough facing him, knowing he was able to get over her, when she couldn't get over him.
Was everyone watching them? She knew they probably weren't, but she still felt self-conscious. Why did he have to make the first move? Why couldn't he have stayed on his side of the room?
After a moment of silence, she said the first thing that came to her mind. "So, how's your wife? Family?"
He look startled for a moment, surprised she knew, but then realized people must have brought her up to date tonight with his life.
"Fine," he answered. "Working in urban development now," he said lamely, looking for something to talk to her about.
She nodded politely. "I can see that," she said, giving another polite smile. "You always have to be planning something."
He smiled back at her. "Well, it's not as interesting as military strategy, but sometimes just as dangerous," he joked. "The guys at City Hall can be pretty fierce."
She wanted to lean into him and have him wrap his arms around her, to push him against the wall and…she realized the direction of her thoughts and squelched them. That was past history and she obviously was the only one feeling the attraction. Plus, he was married, so he obviously had moved on, both physically and emotionally.
She reverted back to an excuse she used in social situations when she wanted to escape. She was sure he saw right through it, but it allowed her out of an awkward situation.
Stepping outside, she took a deep breath and leaned against the back wall of the hotel where the reunion was being held. She wished she smoked because even though she never had, she figured now was a good a time as any for a cigarette. She needed something to steady her nerves.
She looked up at the sky and wished for the pure, unpolluted sky of her home in Scotland. She had spent most of her time there with her family, making occasional trips to New York and London when she couldn't get out of an engagement. In essence, she was hiding, she knew, but at least it was among family and friends.
"I didn't mean to upset you," his voice echoed in the dark alley. She turned and saw his shadow emerge from the same doorway she had escaped through earlier.
"You didn't, not really," she lied. "It was just getting too hot in there." She realized what she said, and blushed. Fortunately in the darkness, she didn't think he noticed.
He watched her blush and remembered her doing that a lot early on in their relationship. He had always loved to make her do that, loving the way it made her seem vulnerable. She had such a tough exterior that it was nice to see that side to her.
He wondered why she was blushing now. Surely he had killed any attraction or love she had for him in the past when he had walked away. He wanted to go to her now, tangle his fingers in her hair, which he noticed she had let grow out, and just hold her. Of all the things they had done, he would never had thought he would miss the simple act of just holding her the most.
She wrapped her arms around herself in a defensive move. She wanted him to come to her, like he used to, and kiss her. Stupid, she berated herself, he's married now. You really want to be the one to break up a marriage? Who says he's interested anyway!
"Listen, I…" they both began at the same time, and stopped. Both laughed nervously.
"You first," he told her, but she shook her head.
"Go ahead."
He shook his head, giving a small smile. "It wasn't that important. I'd rather listen to you talk." He realized how stupid that sounded as soon as he said it.
She looked at him, her brow wrinkled, like she did when something confused her.
He swore, then grabbed at her. Pushing her up against the wall, he pressed into her, taking her mouth roughly, years of frustration melting into the kiss.
She was shocked at first, but her response was overwhelming and she realized she was kissing him back, grabbing at him so he would hold her closer. For five years, she had been denied this! She would take as much as she could tonight.
The thought filtered in her head that he was married, and she forced herself to turn her head, breaking the kiss.
"We can't," she whispered, a tear trickling down her cheek.
He caught it on his finger, upset he had made her cry.
She looked up at him. "You're married. You've moved on, and you love someone else. There's no room for me in your life anymore," she told him sadly, unable to stop the tears from flowing.
He cursed, slamming his fist against the concrete wall. "I know," he growled. "If I could turn back the clock five years, believe me, I would!"
"Do you love her?" she whispered.
"Yeah, I do," he told her, lifting her chin with his finger, "but not as much as I still love you."
"You chose her," she reminded him, her tone full of the hurt she felt inside.
He gave a bitter laugh. "I figured you were happy and settled by now. There was no place for me in your world! You and I both know that."
She looked at him, her eyes filled with hurt and anger. "But you never asked, did you?" she accused him. "You automatically assumed what I wanted, the life I wanted to live, and since you didn't want that, you left. You didn't even have the guts to say goodbye to me in person. Everything we had, everything we went through, and you said goodbye in a note!"
"What I wanted," she continued, tears streaming down her face again, "was to be with you, but you couldn't handle that. You kept trying to put me in this box you created for me, never asking me what I wanted to do, what I wanted for us to do!"
She pushed away from him and began walking down the alley, but then stopped to turn and look at him.
"You can't go back in time and change things. You've made your choices and now you have your own responsibilities that don't involve me. Don't make me a party to something you'll regret doing! As much as I still love you, I refuse to be the reason a marriage is dissolved. If you're not happy, then let her know. Don't come looking to me for something you're not sure you want."
She turned and kept walking, even though her heart kept screaming at her to run back to him, to jump into his arms and spend at least one more night together. No, it was better to leave it like this. He needed to go back to his wife, his job, and his life in the suburbs. He had no place for her in his ordered, conservative little life.
He watched her walk away and felt his heart twist. He had no one to blame but himself. She was right. He had assumed she would want the life she had once had, before GI Joe. He had fit her in that little box and found it had no room for him. He had never asked her what she wanted. Instead, he had taken the coward's way out, walking away before she threw him over for someone more her equal.
He cursed, and realized he needed a stiff drink. Maybe several. Turning, he headed back into the hotel to say goodbye to his friends, and head for the nearest bar.