Bug Princess and the Seven Months
A Beetlejuice fan fiction by Lady Norbert
Author's Notes: This volume, as a warning, is going to take a while. I know what's going to happen, I know who's responsible, I'm just... not completely sure how I'm going to get there. It's also going to be slow updating, just to warn you, because things are a bit busy right now.
Thanks to Bookworm Gal and my buddy Rach for helping me name Vince's relatives.
Chapter Two: We Know Who We Are
Everybody who was anybody was on the guest list for Prince Vince's anniversary ball. Even people who were nobody at all (like the Invisible Man) or only a body (like the Headless Horseman) were included in the festivities. It was widely understood that his crooked black castle was bigger on the inside than it appeared from the outside; even so, there simply wasn't enough room for the entire assemblage. Of necessity, the goings-on spilled out into the palace exterior, and only the truly A-list individuals went inside.
There was no complaining about this, however. The majority of the prince's subjects enjoyed the celebrations outside, where the most revolting of refreshments flowed freely for all to partake. Such amusements as could be procured in the way of musicians and jesters roamed the grounds, delighting the masses. Their sovereign was genuinely well-loved on a regular day, but on a day like this - a day devoted to the happiness of his people - they could hardly have loved him more.
For some, the most entertaining part of the outdoor festivities was watching the arrival of those who were privy to the formal indoor portion of the ball. The Fairy Godfather's carriage never failed to attract notice, and he was quite at his ease as he alighted from it in full view of the celebrants. his walk up the long red carpet was slow; with Sonny and Fredo a respectful two paces behind him, he strolled toward the castle entrance, pausing to bestow his brief attention on one citizen or another.
At a distance, he caught sight of Mr. Monitor, who was grumbling to one of his assistants - probably about the fact that, with virtually the entire Neitherworld in attendance on the prince, there was no one remaining at home to watch the proceedings on television. The Godfather was no admirer of the network executive, and made a point of avoiding him as much as possible as he continued his leisurely walk.
He derived an odd sort of personal satisfaction from hearing the herald, as he stepped across the threshold, announce him as "Benefactor of the Neitherworld, His Eminence, the Fairy Godfather!" To be recognized as the general benefactor of all was pleasing. He and his devotees approached the dais, where Prince Vince was receiving the more formal guests, and made their obeisance.
"I'm so pleased to welcome you, Godfather," said the prince. He was clearly in good spirits. "Though I'm sorry that you were unable to bring Lady Delphine; I was so hoping to finally meet her."
"My old friend sends her regrets, Your Highness," he replied. "She had every intention of being here, and we had worked out the details of the situation - but Hugo seems to have come down with something severe enough that she didn't like to leave him unattended. Between ourselves, I think she may also still be sulking over once again losing at Monopoly."
"One of these days you're going to have to explain how all that came about between you," Prince Vince remarked with a smile. "In the meantime, please make yourself at home."
Much as he enjoyed the buffet spread and the mellow music pervading the castle, the Fairy Godfather was taking his own greatest entertainment in the same way that those outside were doing - watching the arrival of the Neitherworld upper crust. Some of these were to be expected, but others received honors that had members of the court whispering in confusion.
It had been several decades since he'd seen any of the prince's cousins. The royal family still within contact range was extremely small, consisting just of Prince Vince himself and three cousins, all of whom made a point of attending this soirée of his. The two younger arrived first, apparently having traveled together, and were announced accordingly. "Their Dismal Graces, Lord Milo and Lady Anahita of the Royal House of the Neitherworld, the children of the late lamented Duke Luke of the Disoriented Desert."
They had barely been ushered to their places at the formal dining table when the Juice family arrived - well, most of them. Donny was all beaming smiles and nervous tugs at his collar; his parents, who the Godfather suspected had never been at anything quite so decorous in their whole afterlives, kept staring around as though they weren't quite sure what they were doing there. The Juice family was quite old and respected, as proven when Beetlejuice himself had recovered the family coat of arms to prove their claims to such, but Bee and Gnat were such hardworking, down-to-earth (so to speak) sorts that they didn't think too much about it.
He wandered over to greet Donny. "Oh, Godfather!" exclaimed the younger ghoul. "I'm so glad to see you! Mother and Dad, this is the Fairy Godfather himself."
"I've heard so much about you," said Bee Juice, gushing a little. He was amused as she inspected him closely, peering at the folds of his suit and the arrangement of his pocket handkerchief. "Just look at you! Not a hair out of place. So well dressed and tidy! Mr. Godfather, I really can't thank you for everything you've done for my sons and daughter-in-law. I don't know what this family would have done without you."
"Bee, don't embarrass the gentleman," her husband admonished in a soft, gravelly voice. He fingered one of the bolts in his neck absently. "She's right, though. We're very grateful that you've been so good to our boys, especially Junior."
"He means Beetlejuice," Donny mumbled quietly.
"Speaking of whom, where are the expectant parents?"
"They should be here any time. Probably had to wait until Junior finished up his day's work," Gnat added. The father was clearly very pleased that his elder son had a job - for which, to be fair, it was hard to blame him considering "Junior's" lazy tendencies.
"Announcing -"
"What? That's entirely too contrived that they would enter while we're talking about them," the Godfather protested mildly. But it wasn't them.
"Her Benighted Highness, Lilura of the Royal House of the Neitherworld, Countess of the Eastern Wastes, arch-mage of the Seventh-and-a-Half Circle, daughter of the late lamented Marquis Gustaf, Keeper of the Keys of Falmarch." On these words, a tall and graceful ghoul who bore strong resemblance to Prince Vince glided through the room and toward the dais.
"What did any of that mean?" Donny wondered.
"Countess Lilura is Prince Vince's heiress apparent," explained the Godfather. "His father was also named Prince Vince before him, and he had two siblings - Duke Luke and Marquise Louise. Louise was Lilura's mother. Somebody in that family really had a fondness for rhyme... perhaps that's where the prince acquired his own affection for poetry."
"Right, but - arch-mage of the Seventh-and-a-Half Circle? Keeper of the Keys?"
"Falmarch is an old royal residence parked on some little plot of land in the southeastern part of the kingdom, where all the doors are locked and she has the only known set of keys. As for that circle business, that's really just puffery. She's got plenty of magic, certainly, but she only gets to be arch-mage by dint of being the only member of that particular circle."
"Not a democratically elected position, then, I gather."
Lilura was prettier than Vince, naturally, though her face was green and pointed much like his. Her black hair was coiled down her back in a long pair of braids, and she wore a gold coronet which neatly matched his own. He seemed to be welcoming her most effusively. "So if the prince ever decided to step down, or move on, or what have you - this Lilura would become the Princess of the Neitherworld?" inquired Bee.
"Indeed. I know little of her, so I cannot guess whether that would be a good thing or not," the Godfather admitted.
"I thought you knew everything about everybody!" said Donny.
"Nearly. I'm working on it," he said with a faint smile. "The farther away from my residence a ghoul is found, the more difficult a matter it is for me to learn about them - and I do have my fingers in more than the average share of pies such as it is. So I've not yet had the pleasure of making an extensive study of Her Benighted Highness's situation and disposition."
"You know, if Brother were here, I bet he'd call that a plot point."
It wasn't hard to guess when Beetlejuice and Lydia arrived, and that was only partly due to the fact that one of them was quite loud. Hearing the exterior party grow somewhat more noisome, the Fairy Godfather looked out curiously and saw the black-suited apparition playing around on the red carpet, posturing and blowing kisses. "My fans," he said in a joyful tone. "They can't get enough of me!"
Beyond him, Lydia's white velvet figure had alighted from their carriage, and was waiting with clear annoyance. Finally she cleared her throat, or so the Godfather guessed. "Beetlejuice."
"Oh, uh... right, Lyds." He went back to let her take his arm, but she continued to give him a rebuking look. "Whaaat?"
"Oh, never mind." In spite of herself, she chuckled.
The Godfather made his way back to the rest of the Juice family, alerting them to the new arrivals just seconds before the court herald could beat him to it. "Her Ladyship, Lydia, Princess of Beetles of the Royal House of the Neitherworld, Cutest Mortal to Visit the Afterlife, She Who Holds the Leash, Avatar of Life. Accompanied by her husband... Beetlejuice, self-proclaimed Ghost With the Most, Most Hated Person in the Neitherworld, the Tethered, Avatar of Death."
"That... is a mouthful," Donny observed tactfully, watching them cross the room to greet Prince Vince.
"Indeed." Something was niggling at the back of the Godfather's mind, and he strode purposefully toward the dais. The prince was plainly delighted by the new arrivals, and immediately turned to show off his 'sister' to his royal cousins, seated nearby. The Godfather sidled up behind them just as the introductions were being made.
"I trust there's an explanation for this," said Lord Milo, looking mildly amused. "You didn't have a sister the last time we were in town."
"It's a bit of a long story," the prince admitted, "and I'll be more than happy to regale you with the details. Unless you've started using Tumblr, in which case you can read about it at your leisure."
"Forgive the interruption, lords and ladies," the Godfather interjected, "but I had to come and welcome the newcomers. Princess, you're looking very well indeed." She appeared more deathly pale than she usually did upon entering the Neitherworld; her glamour, or rather the one Beetlejuice conjured for her, was in full force, and her sunken eyes sparkled.
"Godfather, thank you so much for the beautiful gown, and Beetlejuice's suit too. You're really too good to us."
"Not at all, my dear, not at all. Would you all excuse us? Beetlejuice's family has been eager to see these two." With a brief bow, the Godfather ushered the pair gently away from the dais and toward Gnat and Bee. "Pardon the interference," he said in lower tones.
He suspected Lydia wanted to ask him about the abrupt maneuver, and likely would have done so if she hadn't been diverted by her in-laws. Bee was eager to hear how the pregnancy was progressing - was she eating well, getting enough rest, and other matters that were only of real importance due to the mother's mortality. To his surprise, however, it was Beetlejuice who pulled him aside.
"I saw what you did there, F. G.," he said quietly. "This more prophecy stuff? I need to be worried about something?"
"Ask me no questions just now... it may come to nothing in the end."
"Right, that's always so reassuring."