Okay, so it's about two-ish weeks later. Ivy and Peter have been at the hospital with Jason whenever they can be. And yes, Peter finally got some sleep.
Peter flipped through The Last of the Mohicans , not wanting to read another ten pages describing a rock, but suffering through it because he didn't have his lap top with him, and therefore couldn't just look up a summary. He had already grown accustomed to holding Jason's hand no matter what he was working on, and was sitting in his normal chair at Jason's side, holding his hand and attempting to read. This has to be the most boring book ever written. It's like torture.
The first thing Jason thought was that his throat felt really dry. His arms and legs felt like they were made out of lead. His eyelids too, for that matter. And his head felt like a baseball bat had been smacked into it. He basically felt like hell.
He opened his eyes slowly, blinking rapidly once he did. It was so bright. He had no clue where he was...how long had he been asleep for? He remembered being with Peter, in their room...and shit, Ivy walking in, Ivy pregnant, Peter pissed off… taking the drugs...but he had no clue what happened next. Shit, his head really hurt, how much had he taken?
He looked around, the room finally coming into focus. Hospital room. Well, holy fuck. What did he do? He looked beside him, noticing Peter. Thank God he's here. Just...thank God. I need him here.
"Peter," he said, voice cracking at first. He squeezed Peter's hand weakly. "Peter. I...hi," he said, trying to gauge Peter's mood. He didn't know how long it had been how mad Peter was...he didn't know anything. But Peter was here. That had be some sort of sign, right?
Peter squeezed Jason's hand back instinctively, but it took another few moments for it to register that that meant Jason was awake. He dropped his book when Jason said his name, his eyes widening when he looked at Jason, not letting go of his hand. "Jason!" Ohh my god! He's awake! All of Peter's preying had paid off apparently, and it had been a lot.
Jason smiled at Peter the best he could. He wasn't yelling at him. He'd been worried. That had to mean that maybe Peter didn't think he was the shittiest piece of scum on the planet. Okay. This was good.
"You're… do you need anything?" Peter had water still sitting on the night stand, having been there since six in the morning the previous Saturday. This would be the second Sunday in a row he would be skipping church to be with Jason. Not that that bothered him at all. He didn't want to face the Church at the moment.
He brought his hand up to Jason's cheek, smiling with relief. They had been told if he didn't wake up in the first few days, there was a good chance it may take months, if he woke up at all. He ran her finger tips over Jason's cheek, smiling softly. "You're awake."
"I'm...I'm okay. Actually, my head fucking hurts, but I'll be fine. Water would be okay, though." What Jason needed was Peter, but he didn't say that. Just brought up his hand to catch Peter's hand as it traced along his face, holding it in his and running his thumb over Peter's knuckles.
Peter laughed softly, letting go of Jason's hand long enough to grab his water and help Jason take a sip. "I have aspirin in my bag, but I don't think the hospital would be very happy with me giving you drugs, no matter how medicinal." Peter had needed aspirin nearly every day for the past two weeks, just to keep his head from falling off. He put the water back on the night stand, taking Jason's hand again. It almost caught him off guard when Jason caught his other hand, after not feeling Jason touch him for two weeks. God he missed Jason, having someone to touch, someone to talk to. He had been talking with Ivy more and more, but god knows that's not even close to the same.
"Thanks", he said, taking the water from Peter gratefully. His head was down to a soft throbbing now, and now that he'd had the water, it didn't really hurt to talk anymore. He relaxed more when Peter took his hand again, felling like as long as Peter was still touching him, things would work out. "What...what happened? How long was I out for? What did I...I remember taking the drugs. Have no clue, after that." He paused. He didn't want to spoil whatever moment they may or may not be having, but he had to ask. "Why aren't you yelling at me? I'm an idiot, remember? Whatever happened to me, it's my fault. Why are you here?" Don't leave. I don't really care why you're here, just don't leave.
"You've been out for two weeks and two days as of this morning." Peter probably could have listed it to the hour. He smiled very sadly, squeezing Jason's hand again softly, but having to look away when he spoke to him. "Well, as far as I can figure, after… everything, when Ivy and I were off taking our history finale, you were doing this."
"Two weeks and...oh. I...oh." How was that possible? He'd been lying here for two weeks and had just been...completely oblivious, to everything. He could only imagined how freaked out Peter must have been, if the situation had been reversed...he didn't want to think about it. "I... I'm sorry. God, I just keep getting more idiotic, don't I? I don't what I...I don't know what I was thinking. I wasn't thinking. I just...saw it, and I took it. It just seemed better than what was going on and then...I didn't really care what happened to me." He closed his eyes. Thinking about this again was making him sick.
Peter wiped the back of his free hand across his eyes, sniffling softly, taking another minute of looking at the back wall before looking back to Jason. "Ya, I remember that you're an idiot." He smiled softly, but more genuinely than before. It took him a long time to answer, trying to figure out the best way to say things. "I'm still here because you said you loved me, and no matter how much fucking shit you've put me through, I know you meant it." He laces his fingers with Jason's, kissing each finger tip softly. "Have any dreams? I always wondered if people in a coma got to at least dream to pass the time."
Jason opened his eyes again when Peter began kissing his fingers, letting out a shaky breath and allowing the touch of Peter's lips to calm him like it always had. "I did mean. I do. Peter. I fucked up. You're so much better than all the shit I put you through, and I knew that, but I was just...I was scared, and I'm an idiot, and I am so sorry, you have every right to just walk away, but...I don't want you to. I love you, I mean it. That's...that's really all I can give you, you know?" You deserve more. You deserve everything. And I am so sorry that I'm not enough.
Peter doubted he was actually so much better than deserving everything he had been through, especially since Jason had practically blamed him before for pushing him too hard. Maybe Jason's parents had been right. Maybe this could all be traced back to him in some way. He sighed softly. "If I was going to walk away, I would have done it when you were in a coma. I'm not going anywhere." Somewhere in the back of his mind, something was continuing that with 'no matter how much easier it would be for both of us.' But was common sense worth the broken heart? He looked over Jason for a long moment, smiling back up at him. No, it's not worth it. "I love you too."
He knew he should be calling the nurse, or Nadia, or hell, even Jason's parents, but he wanted this time alone with Jason. Most importantly, he should be calling Ivy. They had been stuck alone with Jason a lot in the past few weeks, and they had formed, what Peter was hesitant to call, a friendship. She had finally forced her out of the hospital to go home and get rest, saying this stress wasn't good for her, but he had promised to call her if Jason so much as twitched. He would call her in a little bit, once he and Jason were done talking this out. Once other people knew he was up now, they would all be fussing over him and they wouldn't have this time any more. "And just so you know, your parents know about Ivy. They really don't like me or her. We didn't tell them about this though." He squeezed Jason's hand to accent 'this'. "We weren't sure if you would be upset with that, so we just shut up. They're your parents; it should be your choice."
Jason blinked at the mention of his parents. "They...they were here? Like...they showed up? Here? Shit. Oh, fuck. How pissed off at me are they?" Crap. He'd spent his whole life being expected to just be perfect and now he had to go and pull this...damn it. His dad was going to kill him. He tried to sit up, which proved difficult, as he hadn't really moved in two weeks and he didn't want to let go of Peter's hands. "They...they know about Ivy? So she's really...she's definitely pregnant? God, what did they say? I'm dead. Shit. What did they say to her? God, what did they say to you? Where are...are they still here? And Ivy, where...is she okay? She's still got to tell her parents and...shit." He knew he was talking faster than he could think, but he couldn't help it, his mind was practically spinning it was going so fast.
"Ya, they came the first day to get answers about their precious son, and left in a huff. They haven't been back since." Takes a deep breath, getting ready to answer all his questions. "They're pissed, but not at you. They don't think this was your fault at all, or that it couldn't be. They want to kill me and Ivy, not you, so don't worry about it. " He put his free hand behind Jason's back when he moved to sit up. "You must be pretty stiff now huh?" He pushed one of Jason's five pillows down to help him sit up.
"Thanks. I think I'm way past stiff...more like my muscles are rebelling against me. I don't recommend not moving for two weeks, by the way."
Peter laughed. "Ya, I'll keep that in mind next time I'm getting ready to nap. I'll be sure to keep it under two weeks. One and a half weeks tops!" He ran his free hand up and down Jason's arm, trying to help the stiffness in his go away.
Jason relaxed a bit as Peter put his hand behind his back, letting Peter help him, just glad he was still here to help him. He sighed as Peter filled him in about his parents. "Of course they aren't blaming me. That makes sense. Because I'm their fucking perfect son. Jesus. You know, Nadia complains all the time about them being hard on her, but I'd trade places with her. They've got me up so high, you know? What they expect from me is impossible. They don't want to hear I screwed up. And if I did, I better cover it up damn well. Probably didn't care that I put myself in a coma, they just don't want it to get out that I overdosed."
"And ya, Ivy's pregnant. For sure. You're parents think she did it on purpose to drag you down or something. Like she would actually put herself through that for something like that. And Ivy… well, she slapped your mom after she called her a whore. Sorry, but your mom had it coming."
Jason stared at Peter, a bit in shock. "She called Ivy a whore? She...that fucking bitch. She doesn't even know her! God, it's not like she asked for any of this to happen. Fuck. I hate my parents." Right now, he did, anyway. He did this too. He was probably more responsible than Ivy, he'd practically taken advantage of her to...straighten himself out or whatever the hell he'd been thinking. Not that he was going to bring that point up with Peter right now. Probably not a good idea.
Peter's laughter died, but he continued to rub Jason's arm. "Ya, a lot of stuff was said Jason. It's too late to change that now." He smiled softly. "Ivy handled herself very well. It looked like a very forceful slap if that makes you feel any better." Peter tried to make light of the situation, smiling again. "I sent Ivy home to rest. It's not healthy for her to be stressed like this. But I've got to call her the moment you wake up." He ran his thumb over Jason's fingers, stalling. "I will, in just a bit. I've got to call your parents too, not that I want to, but the hospital wouldn't let me stay with you over night unless I agreed to some stuff, one being that I'd let everyone know when you work up. Keeps them from having to check on you every half hour."
"Yeah, that's probably a good idea. Because of the...the baby." There was so much stuff he needed to talk through with her. He had no clue what they were going to do, what Ivy wanted, how they were supposed to deal with this. He was 18. They were not ready for this, at all. "Yeah, can you just...not call her yet? Or anyone? I'm...I don't really want to talk to anyone just yet. Can you just...stay with me?" Can we please just have this for a little while longer. I need this. I can handle this, I can handle Peter. I don't want anyone else, other people ruin everything.
Peter nodded slowly, a more genuine smile on his face. "Ya, I won't call anyone until you're ready." This was just a better excuse for the fact that Peter wanted time alone with him. He was willing to give that as much time as he could.
"But just so you know, I think they think I'm some kind of pervert roommate with a crush on their perfect son, since I wouldn't let go of your hand." Peter laughed softly, hoping Jason wouldn't be upset with that. He just wanted everything to be okay again. In all the time he had been sitting here, he had yet to decide what to think of the whole situation that had lead to it. It was even harder now that he had sympathy for Ivy. He still didn't think he could ever forgive or forget the cheating, but maybe he could learn to live with it. Anything was better than being without Jason. -Nothing- was worth being without Jason. But he still didn't know where Jason stood on the whole issue. He obviously knew he was scum for it, which Peter was happy he realized all on his own, but Peter's heart was pulling him in and entirely different direction than his logic. But he didn't want to think of it right now. Now Jason was awake, and Jason's finger tips were still resting against Peter's lips, and everything would be okay for a little while.
Jason laughed hollowly at Peter's comment about his parents seeing Peter hold his hand. He could actually see Peter doing that...the thought kind of broke his heart a little. He'd already put Peter through enough, and then he had to go and be in coma for over two weeks. "I...thanks. For not telling them. I'm going to have to though, aren't I? They're going to be asking things, and now Ivy's pregnant, and...yeah. I'm going to have to..." He was close to a nervous breakdown again, which probably wasn't good. He shut his eyes, tightening his grip on Peter's hands.
Peter was feeling worse and worse for Jason. Peter's parents didn't want to know what he was going through, but at least they weren't pushing him to something he didn't want. They let him be himself, even if they didn't totally support. Even his dad wasn't that bad, and he at times had some pretty harsh things to say about Peters masculinity… or lack there of. "I'm sorry you two have to go through that with them. Parents should support their children. And I'm sure they care about you." Okay, he wasn't sure of that, but it sounded good at the time. "Just… just say 'fuck them' and forget about them. At least for a little while."
"I can't do this Peter. You've met them. You've seen what they think of me, right? I...I can't. I don't how...it's going to kill them, Peter."
Peter nodded as Jason spoke, trying more to take everything in than to judge. He had been trying for two weeks to not judge Jason, no matter what his opinion of the situation was. He wanted it to be okay. He wanted answers, but he didn't have any questions formed. Jason had told him, and he didn't want to upset him now by asking him anything too… harsh at the moment. Just hold his hand, everything will be okay
He felt a headache coming on at Jason's final comment, almost wanting to pull his hand back, but Jason had already tightened his grip on it. Was he that stupid to have thought that maybe this would put certain things into perspective about his life? Their life… "Ya Jase, you'll have to tell them eventually. Unless you don't ever want…" No, I don't want to go there right now. Chances are Jason already knows what I'm thinking, I don't need to ruin this by saying it. "Look Jason, I'm sorry your parents are like this, I really am, but… You can't let your choices be up to them. It's not fair to you." To us . "I'm not gonna let them hurt you Jason." Sure, Peter was the farthest thing from intimidating, but if it came down to it, there was nothing he wasn't willing to do for Jason.
Jason smiled a bit at the thought of Peter standing up to his parents...Peter would stand up for him, though. Peter would be there. Peter loved him, and that should really be enough. But it was still fucking scary. "I know you won't. Thank you."
He sighed, looking at Peter. "I know it's not fair. I know I have to tell them. It's just really hard, Peter. I know they're assholes. But they're my parents, shit, I don't know. I know it's dumb, right? I shouldn't care what they think because I know they don't really care about me, but I still...I don't want to disappoint them. It's stupid. I've just spent my entire life trying not to disappoint them. Fuck, I can't handle this...I think I'm starting to remember why the drugs looked good," well. That was inappropriate. He took a deep breath. "Sorry. I didn't mean that, I know it wasn't funny. I'm just...freaked out. I'll tell them. Soon. Just...keep holding my hand, okay?" He locked eyes with Peter, realizing he was pleading with him.
"Ya, for however long it takes." Peter laughed again, kissing Jason's hand again when he told him to keep holding it. "I know that Jason. I'm not trying to push you. I won't. We've seen where that leads." Peter took a deep breath, looking away from Jason. "And I'm sorry Jason. I'm so sorry I did anything to push you to this. I.. I never wanted anything like this to… I was trying to help you. I never would have… I didn't mean to." Peter felt a few tears fall down his cheeks as his voice shook, looking back up to Jason with a weak smile. "I'm so sorry." The tears continued to fall silently when Jason mentioned the drugs looking like a good idea. He could literally feel his entire face go pale before Jason corrected himself.
Jason felt something inside him break just a little more. Peter blamed himself for this? Okay, Peter had pushed him. He vaguely remembered saying something about Peter pushing him to come out, and him not being ready...but Peter couldn't seriously think this was his fault? Even though Peter had turned away, he could still see tears falling, which kind of made him feel like shit. Yes, he was freaked out, but God, couldn't he stop hurting Peter for five minutes?
He reached a hand up to run his thumb across Peter's cheek, trying to wipe the tears away, get him to calm down. "No, Peter. No, it's not your fault, I know you didn't mean to push. You don't have anything to be sorry for, okay, Peter, listen to me." His voice shook, this whole situation was too much. "Don't think that you did this. This wasn't you. This was all me, okay? Shit happened, and this is how I dealt with, and it was crappy, but it was me, okay?"
Peter smiled when Jason wiped his tears away. It wasn't as uncomfortable as he thought it would be to have Jason touch him. It just made him realize all the more that he had missed Jason and needed to be with him. It wasn't worth it to not be with him. But he didn't believe Jason when he said it wasn't at least partly Peter's fault. Someone's much more likely to tell you what they really think of you when they're yelling at you than when they're trying to comfort you. "If it was just you Jason, this wouldn't have happened. I'm sorry, let's just leave it at that, okay? Please, just try Jason?" Peter didn't know what he was asking him to try. Move on? Move back? What ever it was, it was clearly important to Peter, even if he couldn't verbalize it.
Jason swallowed hard as Peter pleaded with him. He hadn't meant to scare him. He was just on emotional overload or something. "I'll try, I promise." He wasn't really sure what he was promising, but he had a feeling Peter didn't know what he was asking, either. He would just try to deal with everything the best he could and try not to hurt anyone else.
He wanted to kiss Jason, but he wasn't sure he could handle it. He had spent far too much time talking to Ivy lately to just go kissing Jason right now. He did want to be closer to him though. Peter leaned forward, wrapping an arm around Jason's waist and resting his head on Jason's shoulder, his tears soaking into the stupid blue gown all the patients had to wear.
He was taken by surprise a bit when Peter moved close to him and began crying on his shoulder, but he quickly brought his arm up, running his hand up and down Peter's back, holding him close. He felt like he's been punched in the stomach, he couldn't breathe, this was all so much. Peter was being so strong, but Jason had hurt him so obviously. Jason was practically shaking from the sheer emotion washing over him.
"Okay. Okay, I'll be strong. I'll...I'll do whatever I have to, alright?" His voice cracked as he whispered against Peter's ear and he had to fight back his own tears. He pressed a kiss to the top of Peter's head, not knowing if it was okay, but needing to do something, give some kind of comfort.
"Please be strong about this Jason? I can't loose you again… I missed you so much."
"You won't lose me. I'm here, I'm here, I'm not going anywhere, shh. I'm okay now. I will be. We will be. Don't cry, baby, please. It'll be okay, you've got me now, I'm not going anywhere. I promise, okay? We'll work through it, I'll...I can deal with it. We can."
Relief washed over him when Jason wrapped his arms around him. He wasn't sure what the relief was from, the ease at holding him, his promise to try to be strong, or if it was still simply that he was awake now. Maybe a mix of the three? "Good. You better." Peter's voice was very matter-of-fact, but his smile showed that he was just joking with Jason. He wanted him to be strong, for both of their sakes, but he knew better now than to let their happiness ride on Jason's shoulders. Never again would Peter do anything to push Jason. He had learned, the hard way.
Jason had no right to promise anything to Peter, and he had no clue if he was lying when he said it would all be okay. But right now, he was holding Peter and that was enough to make him believe that something had to work out, no matter how hard. Peter would be worth it. He would be. Dealing with his parents would be hell, but he had Peter. He had no clue what would happen to them now, but they would figure it out. He sat there, rubbing Peter's back, trying to calm him down, taking deep breaths.
"Have you told your mom yet?" He asked quietly, realizing just how much he had avoided this subject.
Peter laughed softly. "I've tried talking to my mom, and she said to call her if I need anything. I called her after all this happened." He sniffled a bit. "She knows about us, she just won't admit it to herself or anyone else." Sure he was feeling bitter, but after everything with Jason's parents, he admired him mother's ability to, if nothing else, as least avoid the topic while still being able to have a good relationship with her son. "I can't really complain about my mom, not after meeting your parents." He had the better end of the deal, he would happily admit and accept, but it made him all the more sorry for Jason. He held him a bit tighter for a moment before letting his arms fall back to his sides, taking both of Jason's hands.
Jason ran a hand through Peter's hair, blinking at him, confused. "So she just...ignored you? You told her and she just...pretended you never said anything?" Jason couldn't imagine that, not with his parents. Nobody would be ignoring it. Trying to cover it up, sure, but not ignoring. Peter's mom, though...the couple of times he had met her, she seemed completely different from his parents, if still somewhat oblivious to the most obvious things.
"Well, not exactly. It was more like 'Mom, I've got to tell you something. Me and Jason…'" His voice changed to mimic his mom. "What nice weather we've been having, isn't it?" His voice switched back and forth. "No, Mom, I need to…' 'I wonder if I should go for a walk.' 'Please mom, just listen…' 'We're not gonna have much more nice weather before winter settles in." He smiled sarcastically at Jason, his voice returning to normal. "But I know she knows other wise she wouldn't know to avoid the topic."
"My parents...well, telling them will be considerably...louder. Things might get thrown. My mom's going to cry. She really likes crying, you know...it makes people feel bad for her, so they don't pick up on how much of a bitch she is," Jason said it almost nonchalantly, like he didn't care. He'd been dealing with it his entire life, and it hurt still, but he was used to it.
"If things get throw, catch them." Peter nodded, a comforting smile on his face. "Ya, I noticed that about your mom. Your dad actually yelled at her about it, but it seemed to make it worse. He's not the most sensitive guy in the world."
Jason smiled at Peter, weakly. He really wasn't trying to be bitter or trying to make Peter feel sorry for him, or whatever. It was just how his parents were. He might not have been awake when Peter had met them, but he had a feeling they weren't exactly at their most dignified. "Don't worry about it. They've always been like this, at least I know what to expect." He squeezed Peter's hands, not sure who he was trying to reassure more.
"I...I'm sorry. I know how much you want her to know. She'll probably come around, though. She loves you...you're really lucky, you know that? She'll get over it for you if you give her enough time." He just looked at Peter, hoping he realized that. He wasn't jealous of Peter, exactly...he just thought that if Peter was that lucky, he should be able to recognize it.
Peter nodded as Jason spoke. "Ohh believe me, I know. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I haven't talked to my dad in a few months, but I'm sure he'd be okay with it, as long as I never talked to him about it. More like I just don't have a person life with my dad. Stick to politics and sports. It's a calmer state of denial, but denial none the less." He smiled sarcastically.
"I know I don't have to please them. I know I should just tell them to go to hell. It's harder than that, I've been busting my ass to not disappoint them for 18 years." He sighed. "I can't do it anymore. I can't be that guy anymore. That's not me."
"Well, on the bright side, all the 'busting of your ass' you've been doing has kept you very in shape." Peter smiled playfully at Jason, tightening his grip on him as he stood. Playful banter. This is how it was supposed to be. It seemed like months, rather than two weeks, since they had done this. It felt right and normal.
Jason smirked at Peter. "Well, as long as someone appreciates my ass, I guess it was at least somewhat worth it, huh?" This was okay. If we can joke about my ass now, we're okay. Jason laughed softly.
Peter laughed again along with Jason. "It's appreciated." He left it at that, smiling softly at Jason, remember what they were actually talking about. "Give them time Jason."
"Give them time. Right," Jason sighed. "That's a lot of time, Peter. They'll have to stop screaming eventually, but they're never going to be okay with it. They aren't going to be okay with me. It's alright. I've always known that. I still have to tell them, but they won't be okay. Just...give me time and I'll get over them."
Peter frowned, almost in pity for Jason. "I'm sorry… That it has to be like this for you Jason. I'm sorry you didn't get a better family. You deserve it, you know? You're not the monster you make yourself out to be sometimes. It's their fault they're like they are. It's not your job to please them all the time. You're just 18. You've got time to get over them." He squeezed Jason's hands. "And I'll be here to help you. As long as you need me. Take your time. I'm willing to wait for you." It was too true. If all Jason needed was time that was something Peter could actually give him. "But you know, maybe you telling your parents I was your friends and not some perverted roommate with gay fantasies of their son would be nice." He laughed, trying to lighten the mood of the conversation.
Jason nodded. "Thanks. Once I see them, I'll probably just do it...I don't know if I can pretend anymore. Plus," he held up his and Peter's entwined hands, "I don't know if I'm going to be able to let go anytime soon, they might catch on. Then...they'll think we're both perverted and they'll hate us both, so we can at least deal with it together," he laughed. He could joke now, he was probably in some kind of shock from emotional overload or something. But he'd be a wreck by time his parents actually showed up.
Peter smiled at their entwined fingers as Jason held their hands up. "Ya, that might give it away if you're not in a coma anymore. I could have talked my way out of that one." Not that he would have wanted to, or would have bothered trying, but if it's what Jason wanted, it wouldn't have been that hard. "We can still deal with it together if that's what they want to think. I don't think there's anything wrong with these feelings." He smiled. "You know who told me that?" He squeezed Jason's hand again to give him the answer. Peter had been truly afraid of his feelings before being with Jason, truly being with him, not just room mates. Everything he felt scared him, and then there was Jason, telling him nothing that felt so right could be wrong. Jason saved Peter's life in that way.
Jason smiled at Peter. He was right, of course. It shouldn't matter what the rest of the world thought. Peter loved him, and the way that made him feel couldn't possibly be wrong. He remembered back when they first shared the secret, Peter was so scared. Like he'd thought touching Jason would automatically earn him a place in hell. It had taken a lot of coaxing on Jason's part to convince him that these feelings were so real, so good...he'd been convincing himself more than Peter. "I know. There's nothing wrong with us. We're fine. You're perfect," he smiled half heartedly. "It always feels perfect when it's just us. I don't think this is wrong. It doesn't feel wrong. But they, everybody, they do. My parents do. I just don't want them to look at me like...like I'm disgusting. I'm not, we're not!" He closed his eyes, breathing slowly in to calm himself. "I hate that they say this is wrong." He held on tight to Peter. "It's not."
Peter's smile grew with ever confirmation Jason had that they were okay. Even if he knew Jason was only trying to convince himself, but still, it was a step in the right direction. "It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. We're fine." He nodded a few times. "You know, we're not the only gay people in the country, and the world gets on just fine with all of them. Our families and… this school. It's really so small. And we're leaving in a few months any ways!" He bit his lower lip.
"I know. Just a few more months, and then we can get out of here. You and me." It really wasn't going to be that simple now, he knew that. It probably would have been a couple of months ago, if he hadn't ever broken up with Peter, if he hadn't slept with Ivy. But he did, and now they all had to deal with it. He attempted to smile. "Okay. So maybe not. It's...it's not going to be easy Peter, that's my fault. I'm sorry. But we'll...we'll get through it," he said, attempting to sound reassuring. "But we'll be graduating. We'll be adults then, huh? Then my parents can fuck off," he smirked, trying to lighten the mood.
His laughed died down, but his supportive smile stayed on his face. "I know it's gonna be hard Jason. For both of us. I know, more so for you, but we're both going to be changing our lives completely. That's why we have each other. We're twice as strong that way." He nodded, smiling softly. As long as Peter had Jason, he could be strong, and he had a feeling he had a similar influence on Jason. "Remember? Forever you and I."
"Although, you did miss the history final." Peter smiled again, playfully nudging Jason's arm.
"Holy shit, history final? That's what I missed? Damn, couldn't I have at least managed to have my nervous breakdown afterwards so I wouldn't fail? Think they'll let me retake it if I just say I was unconscious?"
His laughter returned as Jason flipped out over the history final. "Sure, just tell the teacher that and I'm sure it'll be fine." He lowered his voice, looking very serious. "And if you promise not to tell on me, I'll even tell you what the essays are about." He smiled widely, happy a lighter air was coming back to the room.
Peter sat back up, looking hard into Jason's face, as if he was trying to find something in his eyes. He didn't know what he was looking for, but as far as he could figure, he needed some kind of confirmation. To see the sincerity in Jason's eyes. "I just need to try something okay?" He nodded once before leaning forward and kissing Jason. He needed to know if it was going to be uncomfortable for him, or if Jason was even going to kiss him back.
He stared back at Peter, realizing he was searching for something, willing him to find whatever he wanted. I love you, I want this to be fixed, I want you with me, I fucking love you. He just froze and let Peter kiss him at first, surprised. Slowly, gently, hesitantly, he returned it. Is this okay? he asked, silently. Please let us be okay. Or as okay as possible.
It scared Peter as first that Jason just froze, instantly wondering if he had moved to quickly for Jason. Shit. Shitshitshit. But as Jason started to kiss him back, he smiled into the kiss with relief, kissing him a moment longer before resting his forehead against Jason, smiling, his voice just above a whisper. "We're okay right? I still want this."
Jason brought his hand up to rest against the side of Peter's face, smiling softly and nodding. "Yeah, we're okay. I want it too...I love you, Peter," he whispered.
Peter smiled, leaning his hand into Jason's hand, smiling and looking contently at Jason. This was how things were supposed to work. "I love you too." He whispered back, as if saying it too loud would alert the entire world to their person bubble. This was another of those times He liked having it private, only because Jason was all his.
He squeezed Jason's hands, sitting back up. "We should try to get you moving just a little bit, so you can actually move when people start coming in with charts and pens and stethoscopes." He stood up, still holding Jason's hands. "Ready to take the first step?" Metaphor, yes. So many meanings.
Jason took a deep breath. "Yeah, I think so." Underlying meaning, much? He pushed himself up, moving to the edge of the bed, which took far more effort than it should have. He pushed back on Peter's hands, leaning against him for support. "Can you...help me? My legs aren't...I don't think I can get up on my own." He smirked slightly; Peter wasn't the only one who could do metaphors.
He locked his arms so he could help support Jason, something he was all too willing to do. "Ya, I've got you." He started pulling his arms back to help Jason stand up, wrapping one arm around Jason's waist and resting on his back to pull him up, the other still holding his hand tightly. He smiled widely, before throwing Jason a sarcastic smirk, shaking his head. "Look who's back! That may be the first sexual joke you've made since wakening up. I'm proud." He was all too used to the jokes from Jason, they were all to common to make him blush any more, as they did when they first started going out. Now he normally just threw them back at him.
As he stood, he kept on leaning into Peter. His legs were still shaky and stiff. He gripped onto Peter's shoulder with the hand that wasn't holding Peter's. He laughed. "It's got to be some kind of record, don't you think? It's been, what, half an hour out the coma, and I've already made a sexual reference. I'm probably like some sort of prodigy. Maybe I could get in the book of world records for filthiest mind or something." He smiled at Peter, widely. This felt okay. This almost felt normal. It wasn't, though, because they were in a hospital room, he could barely stand up on his own, Ivy was pregnant, he had to come out to his parents...but it would be okay. It might not ever be like it was, but they were work it out, and that made him feel a little better about the whole mess. He hadn't lost Peter.
Peter simply tightened his hold on Jason as he leaned against him, using him for support, laughing. "Ya, I'll find you the number to enter for the book thing. Do you think there's even a category for that? I know there are some pretty weird ones." He took a step back, still holding Jason, but trying to help him exercise his legs a bit. "If not, maybe they could make one. Then you'd be the first person to ever get it! Well deserved."
"Is it okay to...can I kiss you right now?" he asked, whispering hesitantly. Yes, Peter had kissed him earlier, and he seemed fine with him right now, he was acting like everything would be okay. But so much had happened, it didn't seem right to just jump into things like nothing had happened. He didn't want to do anything Peter didn't want him to do. I can't lose him. I can't do any of this without him. Please let him want me to kiss him. Please let this be okay. He pleaded silently to whomever might be listening.
Peter smile dropped just a bit when Jason asked if he could kiss him. God, all he wanted was for Jason to be kissing him right now, but with Jason asking, it brought back everything that had happened, and reminded Peter why he had been hesitant in the first place. But he didn't want that. He wanted the future, and all he saw there was Jason.
Jason watched the smile fall from Peter's face, feeling his heart drop a bit and mentally kicking himself. I'm such an idiot. I shouldn't have asked that. I should just...let him decided. I'm the one that screwed up, I shouldn't get to kiss him, damnit, I'm so stupid.
He lifted the hand that was holding Jason's to rest softly on Jason's cheek, while keeping the other on his back for support. It was suddenly Peter who felt he needed the help to stand. He nodded to answer Jason's question. "But… Can we go slow? I can't…" He didn't know what to say. I can't rush into things. I can't totally trust our hearts right now. I can't breathe when we're not together. "I do love you Jason, I just can't rush into everything again. Not so soon."
He relaxed a bit when Peter nodded and rested his hand on his cheek. He nodded quickly. "Sure, we can go slow. We'll go as slow as you want, whatever you want. That's fine. I just...I want us to be okay again. However long that takes...fine." He smiled nervously at Peter, stepping closer, bringing his arms up around Peter's shoulders, resting his hands against the back of Peter's neck and leaning forward to rest his forehead against Peter's.
Peter wanted to kiss Jason again, even if simply for understanding. Was it possible to want to go very slow, and jump back into everything quickly at the same time? Peter didn't know what his heart was telling him, but going slow seemed safer, so that would have to be the answer. He smiled softly. "You can kiss me though. I… I'd really like you to be kissing me." He knew he sounded like an idiot, but he couldn't find the right ways to say everything he was feeling. This would have to do.
"Well, that's funny. I'd really like to be kissing you," Jason said softly, smirking. He leaned in, slowly, gently pressing his lips against Peter's. He broke away quickly, but didn't move, speaking against Peter's lips. "Just tell me if it's not okay. Just let me know. We'll do whatever you want." He kissed Peter again, longer this time, not willing to break away. It kind of felt like coming up for fresh air.
Peter rested his head against Jason's, closing his eyes and smiling softly into the kiss. "No. It's really good. God I missed this." He leaned into the kiss for as long as Jason was willing to be there with him. His arms slid around Jason's waist, hugging him in closer. and it's perfect again.