"So why has it never worked out between us, Jane?" Maura repeated her question, being able to compose herself, after Jane had disclosed at least a little bit of what she wanted.

"I do not know, Maura! Jane exclaimed. She raised her tensed hands only to let them drop. Her shoulders sank. "I need some fresh air." With that Jane left into Maura's yard.

I.

Maura had become so accustomed to Jane running away from her, when it came to talking about emotions that she wasn't even trying to stop her. She stood at the counter for a while then decided to go outside. She guessed, just hypothetically guessed, Jane wasn't gone, but was just outside.

When Maura stepped outside, no one was there. Her heart sank for a moment and she felt heavy and drained. Then she realized her garage was open.

Jane was sitting in Maura's side car in the garage. When she saw her friend approaching she looked up briefly and then down on her hands.

Maura had bought the motorbike and the sidecar, when Jane was pregnant. She had envisioned driving Jane to the hospital, when she was in labor, bypassing Boston's traffic jam during rush hour. Later Maura had to admit to herself it was not only a little buying binge of hers to celebrate her friend's pregnancy and to show her support. It was her hope of having her own small family, with Jane Rizzoli. It had never occurred to Maura before, but she wanted to have her own family. She wanted to be a mother, who was actually there for her child. And she wanted to be a partner, who was close and loyal, not absent and unfaithful, like her adoptive father was to her adoptive mother. At that time Maura realized she had already accomplished the latter. She had accomplished that with Jane Rizzoli, although they weren't even a couple. Jane seemed to be there for her, was supporting her. That was actually more than her adoptive parents had achieved for each other or for Maura. Maura was happier thanshe had ever been in her life when Jane finally asked her to help raising the baby, but before Maura could express her feelings about this, Jane lost the baby. So Maura Isles did, what she always did and kept quiet about her own feelings and tried to be as supportive as she possibly could. She thought she had no emotional rights over the lost baby. After all it wasn't her baby, it was Jane's baby. Still, she too struggled to cope with the loss.

Now that she looked at Jane sitting in that sidecar, her knees sticking out, Maura smiled slightly. Even without a baby, the stylish but old-fashioned sidecar was just too small for the slim but tall Detective.

"I'm not very good at this, Maura."

"I know," Maura stated, still smiling slightly. "How could I have not fallen for you, Jane? I come from a world where etiquette dictates to always contain your emotions, where you think more about how you appear than how you feel. I think that was one of the reasons, why I never let anyone know how lonely I felt as a child and why I had social anxieties. I had a hard time reading other people's feelings and I also had a hard time understanding my own feelings, so I avoided human beings, at least live ones. And then there was you. Although you brush off emotions most of the time, I could read you so easily. I could see and feel how you felt. That gave me so much security and I was in awe about how freely you seemed to express yourself, even when it came to me. No one ever had done that before. You openly defended me, when they called me Queen of the Dead, until no one dared to do so. "

Jane smirked. "I got a lot of heat from the boys for that."

Maura paused. "Really? I didn't know that."

Jane shrugged and looked up at Maura, who was standing beside the sidecar.

"What I wanted to say is," Maura continued, "you seemed to be so free and you seemed to be drawn towards me."

"So, just narcissism?"

"Jane…!"

"Okay, sorry, shouldn't have said that. I take it back."

"The way you looked at me, the way you spoke to me, the way you spoke about me. You were so caring and you still are. You were proud of me and enjoyed my company and you showed so much sympathy for the way I am and the way I do my work. No one did that for me. I was delighted and I know I wouldn't have overcome my social anxieties and my awkwardness without you. You would get mad at me and sometimes even jealous. I loved that! Where I come from, you don't confront people directly. Showing others how you feel about them means you make yourself vulnerable, but in you it seems to be a strength. Where I come from no one would allow oneself to be outright and openly jealous, especially when…. you're not even engaged, when the other one has the same sex as you have."

"I get it, Maura." Jane raised her left hand and rubbed her forehead. "But why now, Maur?"

Maura breathed in deeply and exhaled long and slowly. "As I said, I think there are some things unsaid and I want to come clean, before you leave for Quantico," Maura answered.

"My God, Maura!" Jane protested. "I'm not leaving the planet, I'm just moving to another city and by the way, I thought you wanted me to take that FBI job!"

"I do," Maura said. "What kind of friend would I be if I would tell you not to go, just because I'm afraid to lose you? That would be selfish. Maybe I just want you to not forget me, when you're there, in another city and meeting new people."

"Maura!" Jane's voice trembled again, her brows knitted as she looked at her friend. "I would never forget you! How can you say that?" She looked down again, angry and at the same time her eyes began to swim. "In fact I will call you three times a day at least," she added defiantly.

Maura smiled briefly. "I don't know, Jane. I think we already have drifted apart. Maybe all this was too much. It not only took a toll on us, but also on our relationship. You had your problems to deal with after the Alice Sands ordeal and I had my problems as well. I didn't want to bother you because you had your own problems. You probably didn't want to bother me with your problems…." Maura exhaled audible. She purposely decided to not mention Jane's pregnancy and also not the bridge jump, which had a lasting impact on her. Jane's bridge jump had been worse for Maura then Jane shooting her biological father and Jane shooting through herself together.

"I was terrified, Maura," Jane finally said. "I thought I might lose you. The abduction, your injury… do you know how it is to constantly worry about someone you care for so much?" Jane looked up to Maura, who was still standing.

"I do, Jane," Maura replied simply.

"24 hours a day, weeks on end?"

Maura looked at Jane. "I'm not accusing you, Jane." She walked around the sidecar and sat herself on the motorbike. Jane watched her closely, turning her head.

Then Jane smiled conspiratorial. Her glance searched for Maura's glance. Her eyes were sparkling and dancing around Maura's eyes. "You know what? Let's have a ride. We never had one in this." Jane gestured over the bike and the sidecar, extending her long arm.

Maura smiled. Her first impulse was to protest and say it is nearly 10 pm and they haven't packed anything, but then she reminded herself how much fun she had together with Jane on road trips and that this was maybe her last opportunity for a little road trip with Jane Rizzoli.

"Okay, but I drive."

Rizzoli threw her head back and groaned throatily. "Pleeeaase, if you must…"

"Oh!" Maura jumped down from the bike cheerfully. "I need to get the helmets and the leather jackets."

II.

It didn't take Maura long to come back with two helmets and jackets, one of each she handed to Jane.

"What do you think about Hampton Beach?" Maura looked at Jane in joyful anticipation.

"I haven't expected anything else, really," Jane smirked and slid her arms into the sleeves, letting the jacket rest on her shoulders. "Oh, this jacket looks fabulous. I could become accustomed to it. When did you buy it?" She put on the helmet and closed the chin strap.

Maura sat herself on the bike. "I don't remember. They were on sale and I bought one for each of us," Maura said evasively. "I thought this sportier cut jacket would suit you well."

Jane briefly admired herself in the leather jacket then looked apprehensive. "You know how to drive that?"

"What do you think?" Maura scoffed.

"I shouldn't have asked, of course you do," Jane murmured.

III.

"You want to know why I addressed the topic now?" Maura asked while closing the chin strap.

"You want to come clean, before I go. Yeah, I understand that. Got it."

"Yes that." Maura licked her lips. "Also, I don't know if it was because I nearly got killed and you rescued me and… " Her voice trailed off and she needed to clear her throat. "When we were talking the other day about Edward and why I had married him and annulled the marriage the next day, well at least I thought I had done that, there was again something, Jane. It was something between us that I thought we had lost or left behind us. You looked at me that way over your wine glass like the first time we drank wine together in the morgue. Remember? "

Jane stared at Maura while she spoke and then smiled compassionately. "Yah, I remember that. My mother had set me up with Lieutenant Grant, which was wrong on so many levels. I think he realized that too. It was just awkward." Jane laughed and then shuddered, as if she could shake the memory off with that.

Maura nodded. "And then you came to me, with these flowers and the bottle of red wine both of which were actually meant for you. You looked so gorgeous in that dress. I had never before seen you like that. Always just this detectivy pantsuit, but this dress…" Maura exhaled. "You looked at me over the wine glass in a way that intrigued me, that flattered meand I asked myself back then why you had come to me with the wine, the flowers, the dress…."