Hey all! I hope you enjoy the revised second chapter of Life Goes On; Life is Fear. Thank you all so much, and please leave a review if you have the time. It's the only way I can improve as an author!
That night had been one of Tony's longest and most painful nights spent awake in a long time. This was particularly evident the next morning, when he struggled into the bullpen, eyes bloodshot, and laid his head on the desk, which was piled with untouched paperwork from the last case.
"You look like hell DiNozzo." Gibbs' gruff voice pounded through Tony's throbbing head.
"Mbfffuuhhh..." Tony mumbled to a face full of paper.
A delicate voice broke through the usual silence of NCIS at 7 in the morning. "Tony?"
"Yes Ziva. I'm fine, I'm great. Just look at me; I'm the happiest person in the world!" His sarcasm did not go unnoticed.
She looked startled by his harsh tone. "Sorry." She glanced away.
Tony felt horrible; he shouldn't have said that to her, really, she had just wanted to help. But what Ziva couldn't understand, and never would, was that it was not his break up with EJ that was causing him this innate amount of pain, but Ziva herself. He had spent the entire night attempting to work out how to tell her how he felt, stooping to the all time low that DiNozzos should never stoop to: talking to himself in the mirror. But nothing worked. He had to face the plain truth that was staring him in the face.
She. Was. Not. Interested.
Ziva watched this internal struggle with only minimal interest. Her heart went out to Tony, obviously something was wrong, but she just could not bring herself to sympathise completely. She feared, if she did, she would end up letting herself love him completely and irrevocably, in a way she had never loved before. This terrified her utterly because of two reasons.
One. Every time she tries to love someone, connect, someone, somewhere in the universe says, "Opps, Ziva's happy, better crush it!" and she ends up right where she began. But the other reason scared her even more.
Tony DiNozzo. Love her? There was no way. What did she have to offer him? She is broken, "damaged goods". Way too damaged for Tony DiNozzo. The man for which the word "commitment" struck cold fear in his soul.
While all this was going on, the bullpen had grown into a hub of activity, co workers arriving in all directions. Gibbs' phone cut through the chatter, inevitably signalling more work.
"Gibbs... Yeah, okay... Be there in fifteen." His phone snapped shut. "Gear up, David, DiNozzo." He flicked Ziva the keys to the Sudan. "Question the sister again. She called the victim on the night of the murder from a burn phone. Abby just traced it to Cartwright."
"Boss, really, shouldn't I drive? I really would like to live!" Tony exclaimed, despite his inability to keep his mind focussed.
"In your condition, Tony, I think you'd have a better chance with my driving." Ziva's mock vindicative streak came out.
"Well, you'd feel the same way I do if you'd spent the night-" He broke off, remembering that the gorgeous woman in front of his was the source of his pain.
"I you'd spent the night what?" She asked as she jabbed the button on t he panel next to the elevator.
The elevator dinged, and opened for their entrance. "Just get in." He said tiredly.
"Melissa Cartwright?"
"Agent David, DiNozzo, come in!" Melissa smiled. "I've just been reading my new crime novel." She held up a shiny new thick book. Tommy and Lisa: Opposing Perspectives. "It's by Thom E Gemcity, have you heard of him? It's amazing! But in this one, Tommy and Lisa just can't seem to see that they are in love!"
"McDead wrote a new book?" Tony muttered at the same time as Ziva spat "Why does she have to read crime?", all the while refusing to look at each other.
"Uh, Ms Cartwright, if you could just answer a few questions for us, we can let you get back to your book ASAP." Tony attempted to remain professional, while keeping his eyes firmly on the suspect directly in front of him.
"Of course." She motioned for them to sit on her leather lounge chair. As Ziva passed her, Melissa grabbed her arm. "But you know, that Lisa, she's just such a sweetie, and has been through so much, I just wish Tommy would take his head out of his butt and do SOMETHING! He is so obviously in love with her!"
Ziva stood in shock; not sure how to reply. Eventually, she managed, "It's just a novel, complete fiction."
"Oh, but I feel as if the writer knew two people like this, it's so realistic!"
Ziva blushed. "Uh, Ms Cartwright, could you verify your whereabouts on Friday the seventeenth of March?"
As Ziva conducted the interview, Tony's mind wandered. Could a suspect be right about his love life? Could Ziva be interested?
No, as Ziva had stressed, it is just a piece of McTrash fiction. No way.
"Thank you for your time." Ziva stood up, and they exited the large Victorian style house.
She stared at Tony as the pair threw their equipment into the car and sat inside.
"What?" His temper was still short.
Ziva ran her hands along the steering wheel as she answered thoughtfully. "You seem, uh, angry. Have I done something?"
"No, no, Ziva. I just need some sleep."
"Alright." She conceded suspiciously. She still didn't believe that, but he had made it clear that she wouldn't get anymore out of him.
They drove along in silence, until Tony threw a curveball. "Ziva?"
"Yes tony?"
"Don you believe in soul mates?" He said this extremely quietly, knowing what he was asking.
She was still frustrated with him from their previous conversation. "Sing a few bars, I'll get it."
"Oh come on. Don't bring up the undercover assignment..."
"Was that what you thought I was talking about?"
"Wasn't it? Look, I wanted a serious answer, I'm sorry, I take it back." He instantly regretted opening that particular can of worms. A cold silence occurred.
After several minutes of this, Ziva whispered, "Yes."
Tony stiffened, he wasn't sure if she had intended to tell him that.
"Tony?"
"Yeah?"
"You think Melissa Cartwright was involved?"
He decided she hadn't meant for him to hear.
"Dunno, but she's a smart woman. She could have been." He answered absently, still considering whether Ziva believe her boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, or whatever Ray was, to be her soul mate.
His racing mind didn't stop to consider that Ziva thought her soul mate to be Tony. But that was the truth. Ziva just didn't think that Tony wanted her. That's the problem with soul mates; they think the same way, move the same way, act the same way. Both shied from not only the prospect of being together, but also the rejection of unrequited love.
C'est la vie.