Thank you to those of you who reviewed, let's spread the Fuck love. Well, it'll be a while before the Fuck love happens but whatever.

Hope ya'll continue to enjoy the fic

Chapter 2

School had never really been something Puck enjoyed. It had always been something he endured. Lately, everything in his life seemed to be that way. There was no enjoyment anymore, no laughter, and no fun. Instead there was emptiness, misery and guilt.

Throughout his school career, Puck had always prided himself on his popularity and his 'way with the ladies'. Now that his popularity was non-existent and girls avoided him as if he was some kind of pariah, Puck realised that the best thing about school, about anything, had always been Finn. Of course, he no longer had the boy's friendship.

Sitting at the back of his Spanish class, he kept flicking his gaze to the back of Finn's head. He was sat near the front, and Puck could just imagine the look of confusion upon his face as he struggled to understand the foreign language Mr. Schue was fluently speaking.

There was a time when Puck used to sit beside Finn, always helping Finn with anything he didn't understand, which was usually everything any teacher said. It was a little known fact that Puck was actually quite smart. He just couldn't be bothered to put in the effort. Most of the time he'd skip lessons and he rarely did homework, but he always showed up for exams and quizzes and did any required reading at home.

Class ended and the students grabbed their things and filed out. Mr. Schue called for Finn to stay behind and Puck found himself taking his time gathering his things and putting them away as he listened to the conversation between teacher and pupil.

"Are you ok, Finn?" Mr. Schue asked concernedly placing his hand on Finn's shoulder. Was it weird that Puck wanted to shove the teacher's hand away and replace it with his own? "It didn't seem like you were following too well."

"I'm just really tired, Mr. Schue." Finn replied with a shrug. "I've got a lot going on. Football, Glee, dating Rachel."

Puck couldn't help the snort of disgust that escaped his lips at the mention of the Jewish girl. Not that he didn't like Rachel. If he ignored her bossiness and didn't listen to most of what she said then she was tolerable. He just thought Finn deserved… not better, because Rachel was a good person underneath the horrible personality… no, Finn just deserved… more.

Upon receiving a glare from Finn, Puck lowered his gaze and quickly shoved the rest of his stuff into his bag before preparing to make his way out.

"You know Finn, maybe you would benefit from some extra tuition." Mr. Schue advised.

Pausing, Puck turned back and stepped towards the teacher's desk.

"Can I help you, Puck?" Mr. Schue asked looking at him enquiringly.

"I could…" Puck began, planning to offer to tutor Finn but he stopped himself. "Nothing. Later, Mr. Schue." He turned round and strolled out shaking his head for thinking of such a daft idea.

He stopped to drop his things in his locker before heading towards the cafeteria. Before he could turn the corner that led to the lunch hall he felt a strong grasp on his upper arm before he was shoved against a wall. His first instinct was to punch his assailant in the face, but when his eyes landed on an annoyed looking Finn the thought abandoned him.

"Hudson." Puck stated dryly, mentally kicking himself. Why couldn't he be a man and at least try to make peace with the best friend he had ever had?

"Watch what you say about my girlfriend." Finn warned him trying to be menacing but it didn't work too well. He never had been good at the intimidation thing, he was just too nice.

"I didn't say a word about your precious Barbara Streisand." Puck retorted, again cursing himself for continuing to be a dick.

"I heard you sniggering back in Mr. Schue's classroom." Finn pointed out. "Just leave me and Rachel alone. Don't take the fact you're all alone out on us. It's not my fault everybody hates you, dude. You messed everything up for yourself."

"Well technically Quinn helped." Puck quipped earning himself a punch to the jaw.

He didn't hit back, he just held his face where he'd been punched and laughed to himself. Finn cast him a disgusted look before stalking away. Still chuckling slightly, Puck ditched his plans to head to lunch and left the school building instead. Weirdly, Finn punching him had felt good. Maybe it was better to have Finn mad at him and throwing punches than just ignoring his existence.

Out in the parking lot, Puck took comfort in the chilly air. Gusts of wind blew in his face and he found it oddly soothing. Feeling more relaxed, he took a casual walk through the mass of vehicles, not even stopping to vandalise any. It didn't seem necessary today.

Finally, he came to a pause beside Quinn's car. He sneered at the automobile as if it had been the cause of his downfall before walking on by. Lingering around Quinn's car would only sour his mood; he needed to think of happier things.

Coming across Hummel's car, he stopped again to admire the vehicle unable to deny that the kid had a sweet ride. He didn't really like Kurt Hummel, not because he was gay, he just didn't like the way he strutted around as if he was better than everyone. No matter how many times Puck threw that kid in the dumpster, he always kept up that air of superiority and turned his nose up at Puck as if he was inferior. Then there was the way he openly lusted after Finn, it was sickening. Although, Puck had to admit that the fairy boy had backed off so maybe he finally realised he'd never have Finn, or perhaps he just wasn't interested anymore.

Moving on, he headed to his own truck and climbed into the driver's seat. He turned the ignition on so he could flick on the radio and made himself as comfortable as he could. As the music played, he looked down at his hand and inspected the small cut he had made. It had been a stupid thing to do, he knew that, but it had felt so good.

He traced the incision with his finger finding that it tickled slightly. He flexed his hand out and the beginnings of the scab split open and a few droplets of blood oozed from the wound. Swearing, he clenched his hand together before searching his car for something to dry the blood with. Unable to locate anything suitable, he simply wiped his hand on his jeans. The stain it left was very subtle and Puck was confident nobody would spot it unless they knew to look for it.

Growing bored with the song that was playing, he switched the radio off. Settling back in his seat, he let his eyes fall closed and rested for a while. By the time he opened them again, lunch was over and he'd missed most of his next class. He considered just ditching for the rest of the day but remembering that he shared his next class with Finn, he opted to stay.

Heading back up to the school, he collected what he needed from his locker then made his way to his classroom. Being the first to enter a lesson was something Puck had never experienced before. Even his teacher widened his eyes in shock but a glare from Puck prevented him from commenting.

Sitting at his desk, Puck took his things out then tapped his fingers on the tabletop as he kept his eyes towards the door waiting for Finn to show. Finn was one of the last through the door and he appeared to have been slushied. As he was a little late, there weren't many seating options left. There was an empty seat beside Puck and a free desk next to him and in front of him.

After what looked to be a great deal of consideration on Finn's part, he finally chose the desk next to Puck, taking the seat furthest away from him.

Swivelling on his chair, Puck rested his feet on the empty seat beside him so that his body was twisted to the side and he was looking at Finn. Tearing a scrap of paper from his notebook, Puck scrawled a simple 'what's up bro?' before screwing it up. He intended to pass it to Finn but he never did. He was sure the other wouldn't even bother to read it, and if he did he certainly wouldn't reply. So the note was shoved into the pocket of Puck's jeans.

The lesson progressed with little incident and soon enough it was over and Finn was walking away. Puck stared after him, wanting to follow but unable to convince his legs to co-operate with his mind's desires. He wanted to walk alongside Finn like the used to and talk and joke about anything and everything. At this point, Puck would even be happy to receive another punch or two from Finn; he just wanted some form of contact.

"Puckerman." His teacher called out waving his hand in front of his face. "The lessons over, not that you paid any attention."

"Whatever." Puck replied before trudging out of the room.

His next lesson was Math but he sure as hell wasn't going, facing Simon at home was bad enough. Instead he trailed the familiar path to the Nurse's office giving the usual excuse of having a migraine and needing to lie down. He was sure she didn't believe him but she let him get away with it anyway and she never asked questions, for that, Puck was grateful.

After his little nap, the tiny old Nurse whose name Puck had never bothered to learn despite how often he visited her office, poked him awake and ushered him out.

He made his way to the choir room for Glee club. As usual, his entrance was ignored by his teammates and he ended up sitting alone, observing the rest of the group but not interacting with them. In truth, it was quite painful, sitting and watching but not being included. Even though they were considered to be a bunch of misfit losers, Puck had always enjoyed Glee club. For him, it was an escape from his appalling home life, and the choir room had always felt like a real home to him. It was safe and there had always been a feeling of inclusion because the group, though vastly different, were able to get along out of respect for one another's talent. At least, that was how it had been before the truth came out. Once everybody, Finn included, had learned that Puck was the father, Puck had been shunned by the rest of them. Rather than feeling like part of the family, he felt as if he were an intruder.

Sometimes, he didn't even know why he stayed in the club. He was nobody would miss him if he left. But he stayed anyway. He had to, whether they liked him or not they needed him or they wouldn't have enough members to compete. Besides, Glee club was an excuse for Puck to be around Finn. Not that he ever took advantage of their time together. There had been so many opportunities for Puck to talk to the other teen, to try and make things right between them, but he never did.

If he only asked, Mr. Schue would easily agree for Puck to perform. He could sing a song to Finn. Singing always seemed to work on girls; maybe it would work on Finn too. But Puck didn't sing deciding that the idea was too gay and not at all badass.

Once again, Finn and Rachel were singing a duet, the two of them chasing each other around the piano as they sang. The difference in their height was comical and Rachel's expressions became steadily more psycho.

He didn't like watching the two perform corny love-songs together. Not that they weren't talented, Puck wouldn't deny that, he just couldn't enjoy it. Maybe he just found it boring and repetitive because the two performed together almost every week. Or maybe it was something else that Puck wasn't willing to acknowledge. All he knew for sure was that watching the two together bothered him.

The two received scattered applause as their song ended and they returned to their seats, beaming from ear to ear.

Mr. Schue then stood before them talking about the importance of apology and forgiveness and such. He scribbled some notes down on the whiteboard as he prattled on before informing them of their homework assignment. They all had to prepare a number that either demonstrated their remorse for something they had done or someone they had hurt, or a song expressing how they forgave someone for hurtful actions against them.

Discreetly, Puck snuck a look at Finn. He should sing a song of apology to him; Mr. Schue had given him the perfect excuse to do so without looking like a pansy. Then he felt a pair of eyes upon him and turned to see Quinn giving him a look that clearly said she expected him to sing a song to her. He turned away from her and focused his attention on Mike and Tina who were readying themselves to perform a dance number.

He did feel bad about everything that had happened with Quinn and he truly was sorry, but his guilt and remorse was for Finn and Finn alone. Finn was a good guy, he hadn't deserved to be betrayed in such a brutal way and he certainly didn't deserve to have Quinn treat him so poorly, though in fairness to the girl, that could have been the baby hormones making her moody. Even though he knew Quinn had suffered a lot, he couldn't bring himself to feel fully apologetic. She had been the one to agree to go back to his place and she was the one who had cheated on Finn. True, Puck's behaviour was just as bad, but Quinn could have said no. It had also been her decision to lie about who was the father of her baby. She could act as innocent as she wanted but she was still as guilty as Puck and he didn't owe her an apology.

So if Quinn expected him to sing to her then she would be disappointed. Puck would sing for Finn, unless he chickened out of course which was a high probability.

Mike and Tina finished their dance routine and Puck applauded along with the others. Mr. Schue talked some more about their apology or forgiveness assignment before dismissing them all.

Out in the parking lot, Puck caught sight of Finn talking easily with Quinn. They even shared a quick one-armed hug before parting ways. Seeing the exchange hurt Puck terribly. If he could forgive Quinn for everything then why couldn't Finn forgive him?

As he drove out of the parking lot, he passed by Finn again. This time he was with Rachel, the two of them kissing. The sight made his stomach churn unpleasantly.

Upon arriving home, his confused and miserable thoughts were drowned out by the shouting match between his mum and Simon. Entering the living-room he glared at the teacher.

"Don't you look at me like that, young man." Simon snapped.

"Go to hell." Puck retorted and the vein in the man's temple began to throb.

"You'd better learn some respect, boy." Simon warned pointing a finger at him.

Puck continued to glare at him in disgust, hating every inch of the man from his highly polished shoes to his mop of oily black hair that was gelled back. The man's moustache quivered as he returned Puck's angry gaze and his hands balled into fists at his sides.

"Go upstairs, Noah." His mum, Sally said.

"Why don't you kick this worthless piece of shit out?" Puck asked.

He knew even before he finished the sentence that he'd feel Simon's fist connect with some part of his body, but he didn't care. The punch came hard and fast, right into his stomach knocking the air out of his lungs. He doubled over in pain before forcing himself upright and throwing a punch of his own. It felt incredibly satisfying to smack Simon in the mouth and watch his lip split open, but it was a short-lived victory. Soon enough, he was gasping for breath as Simon pinned him to the wall, his sausage-like fingers coiled around his throat and squeezing tightly, a sneer on his cut lips and a demented glint in his eye.

It was his mum who managed to pull Simon off by digging her nails into his fists. Letting Puck go, he turned on Sally and gripped her upper-arms with enough force to bruise.

"You stay out of this, woman." Simon snarled at her shaking her slightly before forcing her away from him. "Get to the kitchen and fix my dinner."

"Yes, love." Sally replied meekly as she placed a hand on Puck's shoulder leading him away from her boyfriend. "Upstairs Noah, please."

Sending another dirty look to Simon over his shoulder, Puck did as his mum asked and headed upstairs before shutting himself in his room. Sitting on the edge of his bed, he massaged his aching throat.

Later on, when his mum called to him and his sister that dinner was ready, he ignored the call. His stomach was growling with hunger but he didn't want to sit at the table and eat, not when Simon was there acting like he was the boss of them. Rummaging under his bed, Puck pulled out a pizza box and flipped it open. There were three slices left. They were four days old, stone cold and a little stale but Puck chewed it down anyway.

Much later, he stripped down to his boxers and sat in his bed with the quilt pulled round him. Through the darkness, he stared at the outline of the chest of drawers beside his bed. In the top drawer, along with all of his socks, was the pocketknife.

From inside the drawer, that blade whispered to him, whispers that soon turned to screams. He opened the drawer and wrapped his fingers around the pocketknife. Holding it in his hand, the screams that only he could hear increased in volume. Letting out a low growl of frustration, he tossed the pocketknife back into the sock drawer and slammed it shut. Knees pulled to his chest, he rocked himself and concentrated on breathing steadily as he tried to block out the shrill voices in his head that urged him to cut. Unable to ignore it any longer, Puck reached for the weapon and put the knife to use.

I'm sitting in the dark,

The easiest place to hide,

But perhaps it's not the safest,

When you cannot see the light.

I'm rocking back and forth,

My knees pulled to my chest,

And my skin itches to feel,

That blade upon my flesh.

I'm opening the drawer,

Taking out the blade,

I throw it back inside,

Frustrated and afraid.

I'm beginning to cry now,

Desperate for that pain,

I quickly slam the drawer shut,

Starting to feel that shame.

I'm looking at the drawer again,

Feeling angry with myself,

It will not solve my problems,

That metal will not help.

Eventually I admit defeat,

Need it so badly I give in,

One more time won't hurt,

So I carve into my skin.

To Be Continued

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Love and Hugs, IceQueenRia xxx