Sort of an alternative ending for the manga.
Summary: Kagome is leaving the Feudal Era for the last time.
Word count: 1,518
Loss
"So this is goodbye, then," Kagome said with a smile.
Her group of friends was standing in front of the well, all looking at her sadly, and all too aware of how fake her attitude was. But it was just like Kagome to stay strong until the end.
Shippo, on the other end, was sobbing hopelessly, and the school-girl bent down to pick him up and hugged him close.
"Now now," she whispered, "it's going to be okay."
"But Kagome," the kitsune cried, hugging her as tightly as he could, "why do you have to leave? You c-c-could stay here! Or you c-c-could come back, couldn't you?"
It honestly broke her heart to see him in this state, but a glance at Inuyasha was enough to make her decision. She had to bite her lower lip harshly to keep it from trembling. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry in front of them.
Of course she had thought of staying, if it had meant she could be with Inuyasha, but… But the conversation she had had a few nights before with the silver-haired boy had made her understand a few things. Things that she couldn't afford to dwell on right now, if she didn't want to break down.
She couldn't. She couldn't break down.
"I have to go back to my world, Shippo," she told him gently, petting his head. "And I could come back but… But over there it's my world, you know?"
Tears sprung to her eyes. She somehow felt like Wendy in Peter Pan, when she discovers that she has to grow up. Boy, would she have loved to grow up here, if Inuyasha had wanted her to!
She froze at the thought. Not now Kagome. When you'll be on the other side.
She almost shoved Shippo in Sango's arms, before proceeding to hug her, nearly crushing the small fox-demon between them. He was crying too much to complain about it, though, and even Miroku couldn't bring himself to make a perverted joke right now.
Kagome noticed the tears on Sango's cheeks, and Sango let a small laugh escape her lips as an apology.
"I'm going to miss you, Kagome," she said.
"I'll miss you too, Sango," she answered, feeling her smile getting harder and harder to maintain.
Saying goodbye to your best friend was never fun, every child knows that. Saying goodbye for forever was…
Forever.
She was never coming back. She would never see Shippo again. She would never hold him against her as she tried to fall asleep. She would never gossip with Sango. She wouldn't get to see her marry Miroku. She wouldn't meet their children.
Focus, Kagome, focus!
She turned to Miroku and threw her arms around him, attempting to hide her face in the movement. The monk chuckled slowly as he wrapped his arms around her. He was probably the one who understood her definitive departure the best. As much as Kagome and Sango talked, he was possibly the most intuitive one in the group, particularly when it came to love.
Oh, Kagome…
The girl was the bravest person he knew, and that meant a lot, considering the woman he was going to marry or the half-demon with whom he had fought alongside. These ones were incredible on the battlefield and completely trustworthy, but when it came down to the heart, no one equalled Kagome. No one ever had. He had thought that when she had decided to stay with them despite Inuyasha's choice, a long, long time ago.
And now… Now he admired her even more, if that was possible.
"Take care of yourself, Kagome," he said with his usual composed voice.
"I will, Miroku," she chirped lightly, appreciating his calmness. She really didn't this to be made harder on herself.
Especially with what had yet to be done.
She took a deep breath. She would have loved for that moment to be delayed, she would have gladly taken any thing as long as it meant she had more time. A demon attacking them? Please, make it quick. Naraku coming back from the dead with an army? Gosh, yes!
But there was nothing, except for her standing in front of Inuyasha.
"Well," she said.
"Aren't you going to hurry, wench?" Inuyasha asked with his usual scowl, but even with him, she could feel the sadness underneath his harsh tone.
Just because he didn't love her didn't mean he didn't care for her.
God.
He didn't.
He really didn't.
He didn't love her.
He didn't love her.
He didn't love her.
She wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. She wished she never would have to let go. She inhaled deeply. She didn't have a nose as good as he did, but she wanted to remember this aroma for the rest of her life. She wanted this moment to be engraved in her mind forever, even when she would doubt all of this had ever happened.
Inuyasha hugged her in return, with slightly more strength than was needed. Kagome was his best friend, like a sister to him, and he would miss her. He would miss her enormously.
Just… Just not in the way she would miss him.
Just like he didn't love her in the way she loved him.
Kagome ripped herself away from him, and he let her go, smelling the salt of her tears. He felt a lock of her hair escaping his fingers.
She jumped into the well without looking back, even as Shippo called out her name one last time.
And just like that, she was gone.
"It's all your fault, Inuyasha," Shippo sobbed, desperately trying to blame that on someone.
"Nah, not this time," Inuyasha answered, surprisingly seriously, instead of getting angry like he usually did. "Kagome said she needed to let go of this world."
Yes, and she had made damn sure that he would believe it.
Kagome somehow managed to climb out of the well and immediately collapsed against the wood. She was crying. She wished that no one would come in right now to see her like that. Behind her, she could tell, she could feel the well closing for what she assumed would be forever. She had known, somehow, before jumping in, but even if that hadn't been the case, this would have been her final goodbyes.
It was true, that she needed to let go of that time, otherwise she would never be able to move on with her life, but truth be told, she would have gladly abandoned her life.
What she really needed to let go of was Inuyasha.
Inuyasha.
Inuyasha!
A loud whimper escaped her, and as comforting as she knew her mother would have been, she didn't wish for her to be there. She needed some time alone right now. She hadn't had any, since the conversation with Inuyasha.
The boy probably didn't realize what it meant to her, when he had told her that Kikyô would always be his one and only, when he had told her he thought he would never love again.
She hoped he was wrong. For his own happiness, she hoped he would love again. But she understood it meant it wouldn't be her.
She distinctively felt her heart shattering in her chest as she listened to the half-demon's confession. She couldn't show it, she realized. If she did, Inuyasha might suspect something, and she didn't want him to feel guilty. So she had spent days after Naraku's defeat concealing her feelings. Letting them out now felt devastating.
Her chest ached so much. She pressed her hands tight against it, not really understanding how she could be in so much physical pain right now, but not really caring either, at that point. She wanted it to stop, she just wanted to stop hurting!
But that's not how pain nor love work, and she knew it. "Time heals all wounds," they said, but Kagome didn't think that one would ever close completely. She hadn't just left the man she loved behind, she had left a life. A world. One she would never get back.
It had been her parting gift to Inuyasha, not to let him know. To pretend that she was fine and that really, this was her decision. Well, it was, somehow.
At some point, an annoying voice in her mind had told her that Inuyasha wouldn't care, even if he knew. He didn't love her, after all. Why would he feel guilty?
That wasn't true, though. Inuyasha had protected her with his life. He cared for her. He did, and she refused to insult him by thinking otherwise. He just didn't love her back. It happened.
As she cried on the ground, her back against the now closed door to another world, the girl who overcame time was well aware of the fact that she would fall in love again, and eventually move on from this missed love story, but knowing that doesn't change anything, does it?
Big girls cried when their heart was breaking.
This is not at all my view of Inuyasha's feelings. I'll probably write about those at some point. This is more of a 'What if'. Because sometimes, love just doesn't work out like you'd want it to.